The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 278

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

This is the first porny update where I tried to exercise some restraint.

You probably won’t appreciate it.


Surprise! No family title cards, I lost my files.

Lance: Nobody wants to hear your boring technical details!

Lance: So yeah, hi there! I will literally pay you to come.

Lance: With my dick! And “come” was meant as a joke too.

Sunny: Resistable? I think not!

You might want to resist for just a few seconds longer…

You should turn those in to the police.

Lance: How do you turn a box of axes into police? Are you a wizard or something?

No, I mean-

Lance: Ah-bup-bup-bup!

Lance: Sunny! Hopefully!
Sunny: With a chance of clouds.

Look! There’s one!

Kyle: You guys have a nice… visit…?
Lance: I’m gonna eat her out.
Kyle: That sounds nice! What does it mean?

Kyle: Taking her to a nice restaurant or something?

Kyle: I hurt my wrist trying to wave hello. I think I need to go to the hospital.
Lance: On your bike, poindexter!

Lance: Come assume that pose on my bed.

Sunny: Love the decor!
Lance: Fuck you, we were robbed.

Sunny: Was it one of those times where the cop loses a fight to the burglar?
Lance: No, it was one of those times where con artists steal all your stuff.
Sunny: I have a hard time keeping track of all these new expansion NPCs.

Sunny: Speaking of which, I don’t really know you.

Lance: I know how we can get acquainted!
Sunny: Is it sex?
Lance: Wow! Beautiful and brilliant!

Lance: The power of rose compels you.
Sunny: Dammit, it does!

Lance: These things really should be controlled substances.

Sunny: I will allow you to control my substance now.

That trunk ain’t junk.

Lance: God of romance he is not.

Never claimed to be.

Sunny: You’re pretty charismatic for such a short dude, Lance!
Lance:thanks?

Sunny: Oh, you’re welcome.

Lance: Underwear party!
Sunny: Briefly!
Lance and Sunny: AHAHAHAHAHA “BRIEFLY”

It’s rare to find a girl who ahahas exactly as much as you do.

Lance: Come down to my level, you tall drink of water you!

Lance: But stop making fun of my height.

I’m sure it’s a coincidence that cop NPCs always hover around my least-reputable houses.

Hey, at least in the world of The Sims, they police white people too.

Please stop shooting black people for no reason…

Lance: I’m gonna shoot this black person up with my cu-

CUT PRINT WRAP

Chelsea: My sexdar drew me here.

Sunny: Hahaha your jokes are funny.

What did he say?

Sunny: I could tell you, but then you’d have to write a real joke instead of these lame half-references you usually do.

Yeah, pass.

THAT’s more than a pass.

Lance: Go long!

I see Sunny’s making her traditional poker face.

Lance: ‘cuz I’m poking ‘er!

Ugh.

Well! That’s quite the plunge!

Sunny: He’s got quite the plunger!

Lance: Ready to go again?
Sunny: My vagina’s in shock.

Sunny: Maybe a bit of hydrotherapy’s in order.

Lance: This was a good idea.

Sunny: It really was.

Lance: Wow, look at all the positions we can do!

Yeah! Look at all the positions you can do when I don’t need to make things match up precisely under the water!

Sunny: We matched up pretty good.

Sunny: I’m tired of living with the smelly scientist.

Sunny: So! Pop quiz, asshole! Question One: Yes or No?

Lance: Yes?
Sunny: Is that your final answer?

Lance: Maybe?

Sunny: NEGATIVE THIRTY-FIVE HUNDRED?!
Lance: Who you gonna believe, me or the floating number god?

Hey, not bad! Bet I don’t keep it.

Sunny: Dreadlocks? Seriously?

I had to! I don’t have many other black characters!

Sunny: And whose fault is that?

Society’s?

Sunny: What an ass! I think?

Good guess.

Sunny: That’s a hell of a prong you’ve got there.
Lance: It’s not a prong, it’s a dongle.

Lance: You changed your dress!
Sunny: Nope! Just my hair!
Lance: Pretty sure you’re wrong.

Sunny: Let me show you how right I can be.

Lance: I’m an easy sell!

Lance: Round Four?
Sunny: Let me flush my ovaries first!

Lance: I killed my brother for angering me.

Sunny: That adds a certain tension to the proceedings…

Sunny: But a little fratricide is a small price to pay for eight inches of solid dickage.
Lance: I knew you’d see the light!
Sunny: They don’t call me Sunny for nothin’!

This would be a great time for the Garden Club to show up.

Lance: You reap what you sow!
Sunny: You’d better not be sowing anything in there!

Lance: Uh-huh-huhhhh. I’m running out of precious bodily fluids here.
Sunny: Get a hose and I’ll feed them back to you.

Lance: Ugh our sex talk is gross
Sunny: Ugh it really is

Lance: I think I might have a medical condition.
Sunny: Well it’s a real crowd-pleaser, let me tell you!

Sunny: To the extent that I am a crowd.

Looks like you’re at least company!

Lance: Why so tender suddenly?
Sunny: I’m buttering you up for bad news.

Lance: Butter away!

Lance: Bitch, it’s eight inches long. Put some in your mouth?
Sunny: I’m allergic to butter.

Is there actually somebody out there?

Sunny: Oh god, my stomach.
Lance: Yeah, I penetrate pret-ty far.

Sunny: Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lance: I thought you didn’t smile during sex.
Sunny: Turns out I’m an eight-inch girl, not a nine- inch girl.
Lance: Weird.

Sunny: Girl’s got a right to be picky!

Lance: Mmm. The perfect end to the perfect what’s that clacking sound.

Lance: I think it’s coming from the hard drive?

I think you’re right!

Next time: this time.

Again.

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