Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
This is the first porny update where I tried to exercise some restraint.
You probably won’t appreciate it.
Surprise! No family title cards, I lost my files.
Lance: Nobody wants to hear your boring technical details!
Lance: So yeah, hi there! I will literally pay you to come.
Lance: With my dick! And “come” was meant as a joke too.
Sunny: Resistable? I think not!
You might want to resist for just a few seconds longer…
You should turn those in to the police.
Lance: How do you turn a box of axes into police? Are you a wizard or something?
No, I mean-
Lance: Sunny! Hopefully!
Sunny: With a chance of clouds.
Look! There’s one!
Kyle: You guys have a nice… visit…?
Lance: I’m gonna eat her out.
Kyle: That sounds nice! What does it mean?
Kyle: Taking her to a nice restaurant or something?
Kyle: I hurt my wrist trying to wave hello. I think I need to go to the hospital.
Lance: On your bike, poindexter!
Lance: Come assume that pose on my bed.
Sunny: Love the decor!
Lance: Fuck you, we were robbed.
Sunny: Was it one of those times where the cop loses a fight to the burglar?
Lance: No, it was one of those times where con artists steal all your stuff.
Sunny: I have a hard time keeping track of all these new expansion NPCs.
Sunny: Speaking of which, I don’t really know you.
Lance: I know how we can get acquainted!
Sunny: Is it sex?
Lance: Wow! Beautiful and brilliant!
Lance: The power of rose compels you.
Sunny: Dammit, it does!
Lance: These things really should be controlled substances.
Sunny: I will allow you to control my substance now.
That trunk ain’t junk.
Lance: God of romance he is not.
Never claimed to be.
Sunny: You’re pretty charismatic for such a short dude, Lance!
Sunny: Oh, you’re welcome.
Lance: Underwear party!
Lance and Sunny: AHAHAHAHAHA “BRIEFLY”
It’s rare to find a girl who ahahas exactly as much as you do.
Lance: Come down to my level, you tall drink of water you!
Lance: But stop making fun of my height.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence that cop NPCs always hover around my least-reputable houses.
Hey, at least in the world of The Sims, they police white people too.
Please stop shooting black people for no reason…
Lance: I’m gonna shoot this black person up with my cu-
CUT PRINT WRAP
Chelsea: My sexdar drew me here.
Sunny: Hahaha your jokes are funny.
What did he say?
Sunny: I could tell you, but then you’d have to write a real joke instead of these lame half-references you usually do.
THAT’s more than a pass.
Lance: Go long!
I see Sunny’s making her traditional poker face.
Lance: ‘cuz I’m poking ‘er!
Well! That’s quite the plunge!
Sunny: He’s got quite the plunger!
Lance: Ready to go again?
Sunny: My vagina’s in shock.
Sunny: Maybe a bit of hydrotherapy’s in order.
Lance: This was a good idea.
Sunny: It really was.
Lance: Wow, look at all the positions we can do!
Yeah! Look at all the positions you can do when I don’t need to make things match up precisely under the water!
Sunny: We matched up pretty good.
Sunny: I’m tired of living with the smelly scientist.
Sunny: So! Pop quiz, asshole! Question One: Yes or No?
Sunny: Is that your final answer?
Sunny: NEGATIVE THIRTY-FIVE HUNDRED?!
Lance: Who you gonna believe, me or the floating number god?
Hey, not bad! Bet I don’t keep it.
Sunny: Dreadlocks? Seriously?
I had to! I don’t have many other black characters!
Sunny: And whose fault is that?
Sunny: What an ass! I think?
Sunny: That’s a hell of a prong you’ve got there.
Lance: It’s not a prong, it’s a dongle.
Lance: You changed your dress!
Sunny: Nope! Just my hair!
Lance: Pretty sure you’re wrong.
Sunny: Let me show you how right I can be.
Lance: I’m an easy sell!
Lance: Round Four?
Sunny: Let me flush my ovaries first!
Lance: I killed my brother for angering me.
Sunny: That adds a certain tension to the proceedings…
Sunny: But a little fratricide is a small price to pay for eight inches of solid dickage.
Lance: I knew you’d see the light!
Sunny: They don’t call me Sunny for nothin’!
This would be a great time for the Garden Club to show up.
Lance: You reap what you sow!
Sunny: You’d better not be sowing anything in there!
Lance: Uh-huh-huhhhh. I’m running out of precious bodily fluids here.
Sunny: Get a hose and I’ll feed them back to you.
Lance: Ugh our sex talk is gross
Sunny: Ugh it really is
Lance: I think I might have a medical condition.
Sunny: Well it’s a real crowd-pleaser, let me tell you!
Sunny: To the extent that I am a crowd.
Looks like you’re at least company!
Lance: Why so tender suddenly?
Sunny: I’m buttering you up for bad news.
Lance: Butter away!
Lance: Bitch, it’s eight inches long. Put some in your mouth?
Sunny: I’m allergic to butter.
Is there actually somebody out there?
Sunny: Oh god, my stomach.
Lance: Yeah, I penetrate pret-ty far.
Sunny: Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Lance: I thought you didn’t smile during sex.
Sunny: Turns out I’m an eight-inch girl, not a nine- inch girl.
Sunny: Girl’s got a right to be picky!
Lance: Mmm. The perfect end to the perfect what’s that clacking sound.
Lance: I think it’s coming from the hard drive?
I think you’re right!
Next time: this time.