Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
And now for a short one.
IS WHAT SHE SAID!
She might, actually.
Her standards are pretty high.
Featuring at least some of these people!
…you are not one of those people.
Dagmar: My bad.
I’m thinking this art isn’t doing much for Ember.
But hey, if it is, power to her!
Ember: One of those pictures is of one of my daughters.
Not gonna judge you, but that’s pretty fucked-up.
Ember: I’d be willing to bet she gets pretty fucked-up every night!
Like mother, like daughter.
Ember: Want to come over and be a character?
Ember: For one chapter at most, mind you.
Ember: APPARENTLY vampires don’t come OUT in the DAYTIME.
For SOME reason.
Ember: Ooh, my back!
Dagmar: From all that sex you’ve been having?
Ember: No! From all the sex I haven’t been having, dammit!
Ember: How much does it cost to drop a piano on someone?
This is Stephen’s fault, too.
Ember: Well I don’t know, it’s kinda cloudy at least! Twilight vampires could go outside!
Ember: No, you’re right, I wouldn’t want a Twilight vampire.
Ember: I WANNA GET LAID BEFORE MY LADYBITS FALL OFF
Ember: Plan B.
Kiera: Sorry, I don’t carry Plan B. You need to go to the pharmacy.
Kiera: Seriously? A love potion? You’re like the hottest chick on the street!
Ember: Maybe I don’t want to be on the street!
Ember: Oh, wait, I get it now.
Ember: But anyway. Manflesh! Pronto!
Ember: Someone athletic!
Kiera: Sports fan, got it.
Ember: Wait, no. Sports fans aren’t athletic.
Kiera: Too bad! Got yer money!
Amar: I think a course correction is in order.
Amar: This *might* not be awesome.
Kiera: This is Amar!
Ember: “Was,” you mean?
Ember: First gategate, and now this.
Amar: ALL OF MY ORGANS ARE TWO ORGANS NOW
Ember: When you think of it, it’s kind of a miracle he was able to hit such a narrow target.
Kiera: Is this gonna affect my Yelp! rating?
The Grim Reaper: YELP! JOKES ARE SO LAST YEAR.
Kiera: I’m gonna call this a successful speed-date.
Wren makes the most of her brief appearance in this chapter.
I can’t wait until she has to tell her teacher why there’s stiletto holes in her homework.
Wren: What did you get for #2?
Xavier: The same thing as yesterday. The dang things never change.
No, you fucking stupid website, I did NOT mean “hashtag 2.” Jesus fuck.
Ember: Okay Mr. Won’t-Come-Over-Unless-He-Won’t-Burn-to-Death, it’s showtime!
Count Alon: Is there anything a woman won’t call “picky”?
Count Alon: Hahaha yeah that guy sucks.
Ember: I’m Ember.
Count Alon: Hot.
Ember: Marry me.
Ember: No, but, seriously.
See? Negging is entirely the wrong way to go.
…that’s not even a joke.
I’m really embarassed to be a man these days.
Please make them stop.
Don’t you have MAYORAL things to be doing?
Dagmar: What could be more mayoral than spying on your lover’s wife?
I’ve got a new approach to these sex scenes!
I call it not wasting fifty pics on each sex scene.
Count Alon: I’d like to lodge a complaint about your new approach.
Wow! That’s a lot better than what usually comes out!
I refuse to be embarassed by how many home decorator pics I take.
These pics, though…
Ember: DON’T KNOCK IT ‘TIL YOU TRY IT!
Count Alon: I defy you to imagine a better cameo.
Count Alon: I could never be a major part of any storyline ever again, and still be happy because of this!
Count Alon: …”Good”?
Ember: Aww! Poor doomed vampire.
Ember: Maybe we should have sex on, like, a bed next time.
Count Alon: I think my everything is stuck like this.
Yeah, you’re not hiding much there buddy.
If you’re using soap, I hope it’s not Sunlight.
Count Alon: Sunlight is for dishes.
They can’t all be knee-slappers.
Count Alon: I don’t think the gypsy can leave.
Gypsy is a racist term, so I’ll forget what you just said.
Alon: Yeah, ‘cuz you really helped me out, bitch.
Kiera: Dead guy says what?
Kiera: This has not been my greatest professional triumph.
It’s nobody’s finest hour.
Kiera: If anyone cares, there’s a vampire burning to death outside.
Kiera: Ooh, you’ve got Pay-Per-View!
Next time: the best toddler ever.
If that’s somehow a draw for you.