The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 273

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

And now for something largely embarrassing.


What’s the price of Murphy Families these days, anyway?

Penny: Don’t wake up, the narrator’s being terrible.

Andrew: By that criteria we’d never get up.
Penny: Exactly.

Andrew: Oh. I teleported too?

I DON’T NEED TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE STEP OF YOUR ENTIRE DAY!

Andrew: Oh! Okay. But… you do, usually.

I’M GETTING BETTER!

Andrew: Well, speaking of getting better, that ought to just about-

NO

Andrew: -do it? No? No what?

Sorry, that’s just my involuntary reaction to the thought of FRIDAY being back in the story again.

Andrew: Hi FRIDAY! The Maker doesn’t like you.

FRIDAY: I hope you didn’t wake me up just for that news.

FRIDAY: Hey! I’m not spitting out sparks and electrocuting people anymore! So that’s good! For people!

Andrew: Yeah, on that topic, let’s talk about how you’re never going to fucking do that again.

Nathaniel: Careful! I have it on good authority that I have both “boy cooties” AND “nerd cooties”!

Uma: …and “teleportation cooties”?!

Emerson: I call this piece “Fuck You, Babies, Wake Up!”

Nathaniel: What are you looking at oh.

Nathaniel: Well alright then.

I really don’t want to know.

Angelica: I HAVE A TERRIBLE IDEA!

Peter: RACKINFRACKIN

Oliver: Love the garden gnome.

Oliver: Well if it isn’t my sexiest cousin! That came out wrong.

Angelica: Did it, though?
Oliver: Yeah, definitely.

Peter: HOOGABOOGA
Nathaniel: WHY

I’m with FRIDAY on this one.

Angelica: We’re not even cousins, though. I’m your niece.
Oliver: And a nicer niece has never nexisted. Existed.

Angelica: You haven’t got the “family” tag on your portrait in my relationship panel.
Oliver: Such sweet music she sings!

Oliver: In other news, which is actually the same news, I’m definitely not related to you anymore.
Angelica: Well that’s a relief. I think?

Angelica: Do you realize what this means?
Oliver: This chapter is gonna attract a very niche audience?

Angelica: If we’re not related anymore, we can go on a date!
Oliver: What would your dad say about that?
Angelica: We could ask him, if you’ve also become immortal.

Oliver: Hahaha yeah nobody can ever know about this.

Oliver: Shake that booty! Christ this feels weird.

Angelica: Yeah, it really does.

Oliver: SO LET’S ESCALATE

Way to keep a low profile, guys.

Angelica: Man, dad would kill us if he caught us here!
Kennedy: My blackmail sense is tingling, warning me of blackmail material!

Angelica: He’s already mad at grandpa for fucking all those women.
Oliver: Which ones?
Angelica: ALL the ones.

Oliver: Wait, isn’t your grandpa my dad?!
Kennedy: There goes that tingle again!

I sincerely hope nobody else is getting tingles out of this.

Angelica: Way to pay attention, Romeo.

Oliver: Where do you suppose those back doors go?

Angelica: It says here all the stores have little enclosed alleys between them!

It does?

Angelica: No, but, y’know, exposition.

Oliver: This feels so wrong!
Angelica: Because it IS. Let’s be clear here.

Oliver: We’re just little packets of data.

GIANT packets of data.

Oliver: Okay, fine, but yeah. We’re not real people.
Angelica: What a sexy conversation topic.

Oliver: What I mean is, nothing other than our faces directly ties us to each other!
Angelica: So if our family relationships get corrupted, we’re not even doing anything bad!

Welp, there goes that new reader demographic.

I won’t miss them.

Oliver: I’m still not telling Andrew about this.

I debated not telling anyone about this.

But they have THREE FUCKING BOLTS.

Oliver: The world didn’t end.
Angelica: Or if it did, it was a whisper instead of a bang.

Oliver: The bang will come later.
Angelica: I will come later!
Oliver: Statistically unlikely.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Man, Kennedy was right! It’s dirt city around here!

Angelica: I’m glad you’re not part of my family.
Oliver: …thanks?

Yeah, still not really okay with this.

Oliver: THANKS FOR HELPING ME CHECK MY GUMS, DENTIST FRIEND!
Angelica: Ooh, smoothe save!

Uma: I won’t tell your dad you’re a sicko if you don’t tell your dad I blew your brother.
Angelica: Now THAT, is DISGUSTING.

No. THIS is disgusting.

Bethany: .oO(And the BEST!)

Angelica: You should probably go before it gets light out.
Oliver: Yeah, I bet the sun burns you right to a crisp.

Angelica: Out, spot! Out!

Angelica: “I let the kids starve because I was making out with your brother” is a really lousy thing to tell your dad.

Wendell is developing a scientific theory about why his dad’s a jerk.

I don’t want to know what she’s dreaming.

But I don’t want to watch this, either.

Nah, this isn’t any better.

Penny: IT’S MUST-WATCH TV!

Penny: OHHHHHH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE

Angelica: Sure, great, add to the teleportation dust layer.

Penny: I FEEL LIKE I JUST ATE A TURTLE

Andrew: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE

GLOMP

Nooooooo!

Dirk Spring-Murphy: .oO(DON’T EAT ME!)

Penny: Aww, he looks just like-
Andrew: -the baby template, yes he does. Genetics don’t manifest until Toddlerhood, Penny.

Penny: Neat.

Andrew: Yeah, he’s alright I guess.

Dirk: .oO(Tastes like shampoo!)

Dirk: .oO(Is this the conditioner?)

I guess nothing seems too risqué after macking on your uncle.

Andrew: …sorry, WHAT was that?

FRIDAY: Are you looking forward to this year’s court cases?
Penny: Aren’t you dead?

FRIDAY: I WISH I WAS

Penny: I love me a good robot breakdown!

Penny: I’ve got hair in my tits.

Excellent ending!

Next time: poor choices.

Alternate journal title!

…man. AWESOME alternate journal title!

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