Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
And now for something largely embarrassing.
What’s the price of Murphy Families these days, anyway?
Penny: Don’t wake up, the narrator’s being terrible.
Andrew: By that criteria we’d never get up.
Andrew: Oh. I teleported too?
I DON’T NEED TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE STEP OF YOUR ENTIRE DAY!
Andrew: Oh! Okay. But… you do, usually.
I’M GETTING BETTER!
Andrew: Well, speaking of getting better, that ought to just about-
Andrew: -do it? No? No what?
Sorry, that’s just my involuntary reaction to the thought of FRIDAY being back in the story again.
Andrew: Hi FRIDAY! The Maker doesn’t like you.
FRIDAY: I hope you didn’t wake me up just for that news.
FRIDAY: Hey! I’m not spitting out sparks and electrocuting people anymore! So that’s good! For people!
Andrew: Yeah, on that topic, let’s talk about how you’re never going to fucking do that again.
Nathaniel: Careful! I have it on good authority that I have both “boy cooties” AND “nerd cooties”!
Uma: …and “teleportation cooties”?!
Emerson: I call this piece “Fuck You, Babies, Wake Up!”
Nathaniel: What are you looking at oh.
Nathaniel: Well alright then.
I really don’t want to know.
Angelica: I HAVE A TERRIBLE IDEA!
Oliver: Love the garden gnome.
Oliver: Well if it isn’t my sexiest cousin! That came out wrong.
Angelica: Did it, though?
Oliver: Yeah, definitely.
I’m with FRIDAY on this one.
Angelica: We’re not even cousins, though. I’m your niece.
Oliver: And a nicer niece has never nexisted. Existed.
Angelica: You haven’t got the “family” tag on your portrait in my relationship panel.
Oliver: Such sweet music she sings!
Oliver: In other news, which is actually the same news, I’m definitely not related to you anymore.
Angelica: Well that’s a relief. I think?
Angelica: Do you realize what this means?
Oliver: This chapter is gonna attract a very niche audience?
Angelica: If we’re not related anymore, we can go on a date!
Oliver: What would your dad say about that?
Angelica: We could ask him, if you’ve also become immortal.
Oliver: Hahaha yeah nobody can ever know about this.
Oliver: Shake that booty! Christ this feels weird.
Angelica: Yeah, it really does.
Oliver: SO LET’S ESCALATE
Way to keep a low profile, guys.
Angelica: Man, dad would kill us if he caught us here!
Kennedy: My blackmail sense is tingling, warning me of blackmail material!
Angelica: He’s already mad at grandpa for fucking all those women.
Oliver: Which ones?
Angelica: ALL the ones.
Oliver: Wait, isn’t your grandpa my dad?!
Kennedy: There goes that tingle again!
I sincerely hope nobody else is getting tingles out of this.
Angelica: Way to pay attention, Romeo.
Oliver: Where do you suppose those back doors go?
Angelica: It says here all the stores have little enclosed alleys between them!
Angelica: No, but, y’know, exposition.
Oliver: This feels so wrong!
Angelica: Because it IS. Let’s be clear here.
Oliver: We’re just little packets of data.
GIANT packets of data.
Oliver: Okay, fine, but yeah. We’re not real people.
Angelica: What a sexy conversation topic.
Oliver: What I mean is, nothing other than our faces directly ties us to each other!
Angelica: So if our family relationships get corrupted, we’re not even doing anything bad!
Welp, there goes that new reader demographic.
I won’t miss them.
Oliver: I’m still not telling Andrew about this.
I debated not telling anyone about this.
But they have THREE FUCKING BOLTS.
Oliver: The world didn’t end.
Angelica: Or if it did, it was a whisper instead of a bang.
Oliver: The bang will come later.
Angelica: I will come later!
Oliver: Statistically unlikely.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Man, Kennedy was right! It’s dirt city around here!
Angelica: I’m glad you’re not part of my family.
Yeah, still not really okay with this.
Oliver: THANKS FOR HELPING ME CHECK MY GUMS, DENTIST FRIEND!
Angelica: Ooh, smoothe save!
Uma: I won’t tell your dad you’re a sicko if you don’t tell your dad I blew your brother.
Angelica: Now THAT, is DISGUSTING.
No. THIS is disgusting.
Bethany: .oO(And the BEST!)
Angelica: You should probably go before it gets light out.
Oliver: Yeah, I bet the sun burns you right to a crisp.
Angelica: Out, spot! Out!
Angelica: “I let the kids starve because I was making out with your brother” is a really lousy thing to tell your dad.
Wendell is developing a scientific theory about why his dad’s a jerk.
I don’t want to know what she’s dreaming.
But I don’t want to watch this, either.
Nah, this isn’t any better.
Penny: IT’S MUST-WATCH TV!
Penny: OHHHHHH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE
Angelica: Sure, great, add to the teleportation dust layer.
Penny: I FEEL LIKE I JUST ATE A TURTLE
Andrew: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE
Dirk Spring-Murphy: .oO(DON’T EAT ME!)
Penny: Aww, he looks just like-
Andrew: -the baby template, yes he does. Genetics don’t manifest until Toddlerhood, Penny.
Andrew: Yeah, he’s alright I guess.
Dirk: .oO(Tastes like shampoo!)
Dirk: .oO(Is this the conditioner?)
I guess nothing seems too risqué after macking on your uncle.
Andrew: …sorry, WHAT was that?
FRIDAY: Are you looking forward to this year’s court cases?
Penny: Aren’t you dead?
FRIDAY: I WISH I WAS
Penny: I love me a good robot breakdown!
Penny: I’ve got hair in my tits.
Next time: poor choices.
Alternate journal title!
…man. AWESOME alternate journal title!