Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Sims…
Margaret: Please don’t be a weirdo.
Margaret: CHEERLEADERS ARE WEIRDOS
Chelsea: I think you have that backwards?
Chelsea: A picture of me on this couch I’m about to sit on?
Margaret: And some of them shit themselves.
Stephen: There’s a fine line between artists and babies.
Chelsea: Why is this day going so fast?
Stephen: Because I was at work!
Because I’m cutting half the pics!
Stephen: I’d let her cut my pics!
Chelsea: Try it and I cut her.
Margaret: I thought I saw you kissing Chelsea outside.
Stephen: I like a girl with imagination.
Accordingly, I left the sex scene up to your imagination.
I left the sleep scene in unaltered.
Hahaha, sleep? What is that even?!
Stephen: Man, kids start being a real drag after your dozenth.
Stephen: But they’re so fun to make!
Margaret: This barely-playable paid me to bubble advertise her.
Stephen: I love the information economy!
Stephen: We’re pretty awesome.
I just thought this was a pretty pic.
Of a man cleaning a toilet.
Yay! Now with 50% more not-Stewart!
Asia: I didn’t order a party stripper!
Rosemarie: Then who’s that.
Stewart: Hey Len, get me some water?
Leonard: NOPE NOT ACKNOWLEDGING YOU
Leonard: OH GOD I saw him for a second.
Stewart: Come on bro, you know you love me.
Leonard: OH GOD I ALMOST PERSPECTIVE-TOUCHED IT
Asia: OH NO YOU’RE SEXY
Stewart: Good point, well made.
I know, I know. This is… this is just that era of the story, okay?
At least it backs on nicely to the “everyone dies” era.
Ah, the Anti-Jealousy Potion. The only way more than two people can congregate safely in Sharpesvale.
And sometimes not even.
Leonard: Gonna marry that pavement.
Aww, that’s a cute outfit!
Sleaze it up a little.
Rosemarie: Soda burp.
Oh! You got fat.
Stop exercising, I like it.
See? Way less interesting.
Rosemarie: Stop reverse-body shaming.
Clearly glad to be alive again, Asia allows her standards to drop.
Rosemarie: HA HA HA YOU, HOT?!?!
Leonard: Lovin’ the support, hon.
Leonard: We should do something nice for Stewart and Asia so they don’t come to their senses and kick us out.
Rosemarie: Let’s try loud screaming sex.
Leonard: Makes sense to my lizard brain!
Leonard: Lizard brain makes the best decisions.
Work, sex. Work, sex. What a stagnant cycle.
Stewart: I’d be willing to skip the work, if that would help…
Stewart: We should do something to make slutty and doofus feel welcome.
Asia: Loud sex?
Stewart: In cold blood!
We’re certain you’re not related, right?
One of these things is not like the others!
Rosemarie: Appreciate it!
Stewart: Doesn’t Asia look pretty?
Rosemarie: Asia is frigid and rocky.
Stewart: Shit, have you slept with her?!
Tylopoda: DO THE REFRIGERATOR PRANK
Asia: What’s the point of eating if I’m gonna barf it back up?
Cory: Or is it Corey?
Not looking it up.
Abigail: Well! If it isn’t my favourite neighbour! Which is ISN’T.
Yes, the first thing a broke multi-mom needs to consider is adopting more babies.
Margaret: I’m not considering THAT side of adoption.
Please go for it.
Leonard: Check it out, I make this chick’s heart go a-twitter!
Rosemarie: Sorry, no. Lots of soda lately.
I thought we cleared this shit up in, like… Chapter Three.
Abigail: ANNIVERSARY SURPRISE
Stephen: I didn’t know my cheeks had muscle memory!
Margaret: I did not call you a ho! I just said that was a ho dress.
The traditional dipshit wedding huddle.
Asia: So you’re a secret agent! That’s fascinating.
Corey: ARE YOU A SECRET AGENT TOO
BABIES BABIES BABIES!
Stewart: I always wear glasses since I walked into that Theresa chick and spiked both my eyeballs.
Margaret: Banana peel?
Andrew: Invisible newspaper?
Ember: So I can spot interlopers.
Stephen: Fun fact: I am cheating on half the neighbourhood right now.
I like that “hands in pockets” look, Asia. Very formal.
Margaret: THIS IS SO ROMANTIC!
Elle: And LUCRATIVE! I’m still on the clock.
Leonard: Hook, line and sinker!
I know pronounce you man and wife and man and wife.
Andrzej: In old country new wives must fellate entire wedding party!
Ring ring ring ring
RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING
Corey: I like it when the narrator gives up.
Stewart: Where’s your Aspiration Points?
Asia: I’m an introvert.
Andrew: OKAY WE’RE DONE HERE
Ember: I KNOW RIGHT
Hey, you said you were still on the clock.
Rosemarie: Wow, you’re hot! I’d give you one-and-a-half husbands.
And now for the ceremonial Breaking of the Glasses.
Andrzej: In old country…
Ember: YOUR ENTIRE COUNTRY IS ONE GIANT ARGUMENT FOR FEMINISM.
Most countries are.
Next time: kids become characters.
It had to happen eventually.