Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I bet if my chapters were all this short I’d have all of them done by now.
It’s pronounced “White.”
I don’t mean “White-akker,” I mean “White.”
Yeah! That’s a legitimate way to set the scene.
She blew her old age away.
Michael: You’re creepy, go away.
Michael: You’re sad, go away.
Jewel: Soda! It made me young again.
Just like watching a movie in the theatre.
I’ve got crackers, but I feel like I should have popcorn.
Jeremy: I already seen this one.
Jewel: And we’re going on a cruise for our honeymoon!
Ally: Honey, you are engaged to Michael Whittaker. You’ll be lucky to get a five-minute break.
Michael: Yeah, a cruise, are you nuts.
Jewel: Hey, why does this engagement ring say “Dearest Poppy” on it?
Michael: Because RECYLING that’s WHY, you PLANET HATER!
Poppy: Life’s pretty good when your glass is EIGHT GLASSES ALL FULL
Michael: Awesome! I had a Want for “Hire an Employee from the Penal System!”
Veronica: It hurts when I do this. *flick*
Jewel: Are you projecting Michael onto this flamingo?
Poppy: THE OTHER ONE IS YOU
Jewel: He likes me!
Poppy: So you’re thought balloon illiterate, huh?
Poppy: Is this the part where I finally kill him?
Michael: Hold off on the killing for just a bit longer, please. I’ve almost got my Lifetime Want.
Whittaker’s Discount Furniture!
Michael: Whittaker’s Fine Furniture!
“Your furniture might be nice, but is it fine? No, I mean… is it fine furniture. Not “is your furniture okay” because we’re not furniture doctors, and not “is your furniture fine” because you’re not gremlins. Are you?”
Don: Don’t get the joke.
Me either, it’s been years.
Jewel: MORE BLOOM PLEASE
Don: I’ll take two!
So, Michael rented you from the cops.
Don: The shit you mastermind, man…
Michael: No talking to the Maker. Separation of church and shop, you know.
Jewel: Do you got stuffs?!
Jewel: Oh. Then you don’t need tables.
Kay: Do these tables come with houses? To house them?
Don: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT HAPPENED
Michael: If it’s not in the screenshot record, our policy doesn’t cover it.
Michael: This had better be lemonade.
Oh, good. This is always my favourite part.
I like how you got those lights to only light up to your property line.
Abigail: I can’t believe they let storms happen here, what a shit store.
Jewel: Come back when you’re less stupid.
Jewel: Or when the warlock’s gone.
Victor: Haha! Caught you! This was a sting operation all along!
Penny: Wouldn’t this look nice in our house, Jerome?
Jerome: We aren’t married anymore, Pen.
Penny: I know. I just wanted to hear someone say that.
Theresa: Is there a secret agent discount?
Michael: That’s classified.
Jewel: What’s that face for?
Jesse: …expressing emotions? What’s yours for?
‘aving a run of throwers are we, governess?
Seasons introduced weather.
Apartment Life introduced random obnoxious NPC weather overrides.
I hear that happens to old guys all the time, buddy.
Wow! That looks like shit on a one-tile lot.
Jewel: Wanna buy a chair? You’re old.
Jessie: Why are you wearing my clothes?
Anthony: If I was wearing your clothes you’d be naked.
Prof. Nolan Trimble: I’M OLD AND ANGRY
Jewel: Write down everything he says for the cops, Don.
Don: It’s okay, sir! We can be jail buddies!
Don: Either bitch somewhere else, or prepare to be my bitch.
Prof. Nolan: I’m still satisfied with my purchases.
Prof. Nolan: I love being old! There’s never any consequences for your actions!
Prof. Nolan: WHAT A COINCIDENCE
Prof. Nolan: WHAT A PROLONGED COINCIDENCE
Prof. Nolan: I think I offended the clouds somehow.
Michael: I’ll remember this faithful service when your court case comes up.
Michael: HAHAHA NO! That’s conflict of interest.
Jewel: Why you so cold, boss?
Michael: ‘cuz it makes me hot.
Michael: I do most things for that reason.
Poppy: I think of him as being pretty hot myself.
Michael: Wait, wait. Back up. What’s a “friend”?
Jewel: Teaching baby how to be boring?
Jewel: TELL NO-ONE
If character is what you do in the dark…
…you’re a pretty boring character, Mike.
Jewel: Naked pot! Value-added.
This house was missing a certain everything.
Anthony: Is that your helicopter upstairs?
Jewel: Are you having a stroke?
Veronica: I get it! This is a game about making people feel bad enough to lose!
Michael: That’s why I call it the Game of Life!
Next time: a minor household blitz.
I’m so proud of myself.