Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
And now it’s the new year proper.
Or improper, depending on your perspective.
Speaking of perspective!
Speaking of the new year!
Speaking of improper…
Veronica: Oh, good! I’m having a nightmare.
Michael: Maybe we all are?
Michael: Fuck you, repressed childhood anxieties!
Michael: And hello, realized childhood fantasies!
Michael: Dress like you want to set feminism back a decade.
Michael: Hey, wow! That should do it.
Michael: A model employee would look good, and… actually that’s all I want.
Jewel: I’d love to work for you!
Michael: Are you willing to work for love?
Jewel: …you mean as opposed to pay?
Michael: You’re right! I am opposed to pay!
Michael: Oh, you know a song! That’s very useful.
Michael: Hey, wow! College anecdotes. So applicable to real life!
Michael: No way! Your other acquaintances are also cheerleaders?! That’s incredible!
Michael: Oh, you have loose sexual morals? So original.
Michael: You satisfy me physically! As a man of means, that’s the only thing I can feel.
Michael: I will pay you for makeouts.
Michael: And also to help me run a discount bookstore!
Jewel: That turned quickly.
Ally: Hey, are you the owner?
Michael: It would explain why I’m refusing to make eye contact! Pleb.
Jizelle: Bonjour monsieur!
Michael: Wow, rhyming gibberish!
Michael: Secretly very attractive.
Michael: I suppose you’re looking for French books?
Jizelle: You would zink zo! And you’d be wrong.
Michael: Come on, man! I guarantee all my books as top-notch flooring material for your murder basement.
Michael: Wow! You sure are doing that.
Bill: I look great surrounded by books!
Dagmar: Why are you touching my hand?
Michael: Why did you extend it?
Jewel: Oh man this job is hard. I’m supposed to replace not-books with… wiiiiiith…
Jewel: That makes too much sense to be right!
Sullivan: Those blood stains will come right off. I think that’s why they switched to plastic money!
Michael: Uh-oh! Customers with timers!
Sullivan: Why’d you bring me back, cocksucker?
You’d rather be dead?
Sullivan: I’d rather everyone be dead!
Iris: Even babies?
Sullivan: ESPECIALLY babies.
Michael: My Favourite Sociopath!
Jewel: That boy is two ugly people.
Nawwaf: Nudge that hand over a bit.
Jewel: Are you a black person? I’ve never met a black person before.
Jewel: I had it on my bingo card! I don’t see the problem.
Jewel: Hey placeholder! You’re not real!
Carmela: Got me there, kiddo!
Alvin Trottier: Explain the boobs to me.
Jewel: They’re just boobs!
Alvin: But boobs and books. What is the connection?
Jewel: …they’re only one letter different!
Alvin: They are!
Michael: What are you doing?
Sullivan: Whatever I want.
Jewel: Books are good!
Nerissa: I like that books are good!
Nerissa: But can books be bad…?
Just making sure you’re prettier?
Jewel: Just making sure I’m prettier.
Mrs. Crumplebottom: FICTION IS THE DEVIL
This guy was in the FIRST CHAPTER and yet I NEVER remember his name.
Alvin: So many boobs!
Jewel: Welp! Time to call it a day!
Michael: I love that you’re a renewable resource.
Goodbye Whittaker’s Discount Books, hello Whittaker’s Fishy Fizzes!
You know, fizzes.
I totally see the connection.
Stephen you idiot! That’s not a fizz!
Stephen: It is when your digestive tract is a hundred years old!
Kenya’s stank brings all the that guy to the couch.
Michael: You were just introduced a few chapters ago and I’ve already forgotten your name.
I certainly haven’t!
But I don’t feel the need to prove it.
Michael: Good work!
Jewel: Hey, thanks!
Michael: NOT YOU THE POP MACHINE
Michael: And just that one specifically.
Kenya: There’s somethin’ fishy about them fizzes…
Cut, print, wrap! Great commercial.
Grugly Prime: You’re not talking to me.
Grugly Prime: I’m not here.
Michael: IT’S EMPLOYEE TRAINING
Jewel: Guess who just earned a raise?
This is like an advertisement for a Nazi breeding program.
Michael: Mmm! The taste of saliva bought and paid-for.
Jewel: I’m a new kind of prostitute?
Jewel: And I think my clothes just changed?
Michael: Welcome to full adulthood, baby!
Jewel: …is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.
Poppy: I can see where this is going.
Poppy: And MAYBE I LIKE IT
Jewel: Hi! You must be Michael’s wife.
Poppy: I prefer to think of him as “Poppy’s husband.“
Poppy: If you sleep with my husband I will kill you.
Poppy: Unless you also sleep with me.
Jewel: And then I go down like this…?
Poppy: Right, but lose the fist, please.
Jewel: Smells! Weird, right?
Is there any continuity in this chapter at all?
Poppy: There’s continuity in my hearrrrrrt!
So this is your path to playablehood, huh?
Jewel: Walking around university naked wasn’t doing it…
Jennifer: I could totally take him out with my rear-view if I backed up quickly.
Wait, are you not a judge now?
Michael: I’m a judge and a senator!
Isn’t that a conflict of interest?
Michael: Have you been ignoring politics? Those aren’t a thing anymore!
Michael: Move it! We need to start up the Senate Subcommittee on Michael Needs a New Car!
Jewel: Landholding is hot.
Michael: Finding me hot is hot!
I don’t see how this says “Fishy Fizzes” any more than that Britney Spears outfit did.
Jewel: It’s from our new “wallpaper match” clothing line.
Jewel: Come inside! Buy some drinks! A senator owns them! I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Michael: Stop thinking so much.
Jewel: Are you thirsty perhaps?
Jewel: Well shit.
Heath Thorne, non-conformist.
Mrs. Crumplebottom: FIREWATER
Yeah, I used to drink Coke Classic, I know that feel.
Michael: I need you to exercise so I don’t get blamed for you being fat but I also need you to buy more soda pop.
Bitten by a radioactive pop machine, she is CHERYL PLAYER: POP STAR.
Oh god I need to make this retroactively a thing!
Jewel: How did you get fit on soft drinks?
Nawwaf: I have backwards biology. That’s why my penis goes outside my pants!
Nawwaf: AND SHE BELIEVED ME!
Michael: HAHAHA no she probably just wanted to end the conversation.
Amin: Are you profiling me, dude?!
Amin: Interested in some Fishy Fizzes?
Victor: Interested in seeing that dart come out your face!
Jerome: Redheads doing garbage! My exact fetish!
Joe: Hold still. This will only hurt forever.
Abigail: I didn’t see that coming, but I can see it going!
Amin: I’m gonna call the NAABP on you, so quit it.
Michael: Wow! She can fit half his arm in that crack!
Excellent wardrobe choice.
Michael: I’m sorry, my vending machine did what?
Yeah, I’ve felt that way about chips before.
Michael: You could be our mascot!
Cheryl: Sorry buddy, Pop Star doesn’t advertise.
Abigail: I need a license to wear this suit.
Samella: They told me I needed a license to practice law too, but look at me now! Please don’t tell anyone.
Wait, wait. Are you taking a…
Wait wait wait.
Are you OLD NOW?!
Next time: WHY IS SHE OLD NOW