Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
It’s trial time!
Or is it a time trial?
Oh, right. Sorry.
I was thinking about Mario Kart.
You have a chance, Brandi.
You’ve got to be kidding.
German: Who is that? She’s not even hot.
German: Ooh, I do like that one! She looks dangerous.
Nerissa: I’m a police chief, counsellor.
German: Oh ho ho! I don’t have an opinion about that.
William: Are you getting the impression that German’s a few Nazis short of a Nuremberg trial?
German: If you’re saying I’m racist I’m not. Unless racism is in right now. In which case [censored].
German: Well hello there, [censored]!
German: And that fine statuesque statue of a doorblocker of a cop is pretty sweet too! Love the toque, very imposing.
German: Hey baby, what say we skip this treason trial and head for the horny hills?
Brandi: What the fuck are you on?
Brandi: I’m on trial for my life here!
German: Bitches! There’s no understanding them!
German: At least my hand smells like her hand now. *SNIFFFFFFFFF*
Aurora: Please remain seated for the Honourable Judge Hobart Darwin Fairchild, presiding, State of Wallawallock v. Brandi Bertino , charge of high treason.
German: Please stand instead for the Incredible Judge German Peroxide Gatewood Esquire!
German: What do you want.
Aurora: Watch the clipping plane, German.
German: Oh nooooooo
German: Gahhh I’m caught in a stupidity loop
Arcadia: Let me help you with that.
Arcadia: Something to break your fall.
William: Oh for FUCK’S SAKE
William: Take a powder, German.
William: What’s a decent townie like you doing dropping bombs in public places?
Arcadia: Aren’t you gonna shoot me?
William: Why bother? They can’t name the valley after me TWICE.
William: Besides, the only thing worth more than a live ENTROPY agent in custody is a hot live ENTROPY agent in custody, and guess what.
Arcadia: I can’t believe I was gonna blow you up!
Hobart: …I really don’t know how to assert myself after that.
William: We’ll be a few minutes, your honour. Bear with me.
William: Tell German to stay off the bomb, please.
German: I’m taking it for my personal collection.
William: Aren’t you a Centreborough city councillor or something?
Arcadia: Yes. We have eyes in many places!
William: Like, in your pants? Under your bra? Most places would be very inconvenient for eye placement.
Arcadia: Boy I’ll bet you’re glad you wasted your last few seconds making jokes.
Arcadia: MAN do you look PISSED!
William: Either you killed Aurora on your way in, or I’m gonna kill her on my way out.
William: I’d say send my compliments to Chandler on his choice of lovely ladies, but neither of you are leaving here as functioning agents of ENTROPY.
Arcadia: Give me a moment to work my charms on him.
Elizabeth: What if I wanna do charm duty?!
William: I don’t suppose I could convince you to come over to the light?
Aurora: That’s the first time I’ve heard a spy society described as “the light.”
William: Hey baby, I’m very evangelical about my intelligence agency.
Hobart: THERE’S STILL A BOMB IN HERE
Uma: Come on old man, hit me harder!
Sullivan: I’m tired.
Uma: Are you a personal trainer or aren’t you?
Sullivan: I told you already, I aren’t! I just like hitting people.
William: Join the SCIA and we can have sex.
William: I’ll let them know you’re coming.
Arcadia: That’s what she said!
William: Oh, I like this one.
William: Hey Jane. Bomb detail in Courtroom One; it’s live. Also, got a new recruit coming your way. If she tries anything funny, hollow point her.
William: You’ll explode! Just so you know.
Arcadia: I don’t want to explode.
Jane: That’s a good attitude!
Jane: Welcome to the SCIA! After about a million security checks.
William: Your turn.
Elizabeth: I’m not as easy to “turn” as Arcadia was.
William: You’re not as cute as she was, either.
Elizabeth: I think I’ll take my chances.
William: You must be overestimating them, then.
Elizabeth: I appreciate the offer, I really do. I’ll say nice things about you to Chandler after I kill you.
William: I could hardly ask for more.
William: Well? Let’s see what you think you’ve got.
Elizabeth: .oO(Don’t cut your pants again don’t cut your pants again don’t cut your pants again)
Elizabeth: Wait, I thought we were having a sword fight.
William: Did you? Oops.
Elizabeth: THINGS WERE SAID MISTAKES WERE MADE
William: Straighten up, will you? Bad posture will haunt you later in life.
William: Fine, have it your way, slacker.
William: Oh don’t be such a baby. I left them enough to bury didn’t I?
Hobart: Machine-gun fire in your office is rarely a good sign.
Brandi: Man, our reinforcements suck.
Andrew: They’ll probably name the state after him now.
Cameron: Not gonna go check that out?
Nerissa: I’m just hoping it’s SCIA jurisdiction. I’m not in the mood for paperwork today.
William: It’s good to flex those secret muscles every once in a while.
William: Keeps me fit.
The Grim Reaper: YOUR TIME WILL COME.
William: Try and get me while the sun is shining, okay?
William: I want to see my last moments clearly.
Brandi: HERE THEY COME
Brandi: HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY RESCUE
William: MY FACE IS OLD AND VERY SENSITIVE!
German: Dude, don’t have a cowplant!
Brandi: I don’t wanna go to jail.
William: Hey, you could get lucky! There’s always the death penalty!
Samella: I wish I could quip.
Andrew: Enjoy your recess?
William: Like a kid on the playground.
Uh-oh. I think Cameron’s going zombie again.
Andrew: I really do hate you. You know that, right?
William: I’d think less of you if you didn’t!
Aurora: Please come to order! Please.
Andrew: I’m really looking forward to this particular trainwreck.
German: Jeez do you ever look guilty.
Hobart: Okay, let’s try this again. Anybody else with bombs, please wait until after the trial.
Hobart: Brandi Bertino, you are charged with the crime of high treason for choosing to become a zombie during a zombie apocalypse. How do you plead?
Brandi: I plead like it’s a demand. DON’T PUNISH ME I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG
Brandi: That’s “not guilty” in case you can’t tell.
German: Man! Pleading women are hot.
Samella: Seriously German?
Hobart: Yeah man, sheesh.
Hobart: All right counsellors, opening statements. Try to keep the nonsense to a minimum.
Samella: I say all this talk of treason is overblown. So what if an army of zombies is wrecking up the place? That shouldn’t interfere with a person’s right to become a zombie without facing any consequences!
Samella: I think the prosecuting attorney is lying. I think there’s no such thing as treason!
Samella. You’re the prosecuting attorney.
Samella: …FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID
Samella: Um… UM… she’s innocent! No, wait. She’s guilty! Very guilty.
Samella: Okay, everybody just ignore me.
Hobart: Mister Gatewood, if you think you can top that…
German: Dictionary.com defines treason as “wealth or riches stored or accumulated, especially in the form of precious metals, money, jewels, or plate.”
Cameron: OH COME ON
German: At first glance my client appears guilty of treason, because her clothes are fancy.
German: But wait! Treason is a noun. It’s just an object? HOW CAN YOU ACCUSE A PERSON OF BEING AN OBJECT.
German: Which isn’t to say I haven’t objectified the little lady myself, bow wow wow.
German: I submit that we stop accusing people of being material wealth! It’s racist! And sexist. And grammatically incorrect!
German: Whoah, whoah. I’m tripping balls. Put down the gun, Samella!
Hobart: Thank you Mister Gatewood. That was the definition of “treasure,” by the way. Not “treason.”
Cameron: I can’t tell which of them is worse!
Samella: The state’s first witness is Cameron Price, local traitor.
Cameron: Definitely her.
William: Knock ’em dead honey! Not literally though. You’re in deep enough shit as it is.
Andrew: “Honey”? She’s still my wife you know.
William: Are you sure?
Andrew: …no, it’s been a lot of chapters since she moved out, the details are fuzzy.
Cameron: Okay monkey, do your dance.
Samella: Isn’t it true that YOU did ALL THE TREASON?!
Samella: Oh. Well. My bad then.
German: Miss Price, dictionary.com defines “treason” as “plants having permanently woody main stems or trunks, ordinarily growing to a considerable height, and usually developing branches at some distance from the ground.”
Cameron: THAT’S TREES
Cameron: That’s trees.
German: TELL ME WHAT TREASON IS THEN
Cameron: Anybody wanna look up dictionary.com on their phone?
Cameron: They took mine because I’ve been charged with high treason.
German: Whatever, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Brandi: WE HAVEN’T EVEN OUTLINED THE CRIME YET
Andrew: Just… you.
Next time: god help her, Brandi’s “trial” continues.
And what a trial it is.