The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 266

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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It’s trial time!

Or is it a time trial?


Oh, right. Sorry.

I was thinking about Mario Kart.

Samella’s prosecuting!

You have a chance, Brandi.

You’ve got to be kidding.

German: Who is that? She’s not even hot.

German: Ooh, I do like that one! She looks dangerous.
Nerissa: I’m a police chief, counsellor.
German: Oh ho ho! I don’t have an opinion about that.

William: Are you getting the impression that German’s a few Nazis short of a Nuremberg trial?

German: If you’re saying I’m racist I’m not. Unless racism is in right now. In which case [censored].

German: Well hello there, [censored]!

German: And that fine statuesque statue of a doorblocker of a cop is pretty sweet too! Love the toque, very imposing.

German: Hey baby, what say we skip this treason trial and head for the horny hills?

Brandi: What the fuck are you on?

Brandi: I’m on trial for my life here!
German: Bitches! There’s no understanding them!

German: At least my hand smells like her hand now. *SNIFFFFFFFFF*

Aurora: Please remain seated for the Honourable Judge Hobart Darwin Fairchild, presiding, State of Wallawallock v. Brandi Bertino [2], charge of high treason.

German: Please stand instead for the Incredible Judge German Peroxide Gatewood Esquire!

German: What do you want.

German: Spoilsport.

Aurora: Watch the clipping plane, German.
German: Oh nooooooo

German: Gahhh I’m caught in a stupidity loop

Arcadia: Let me help you with that.

Arcadia: Something to break your fall.

William: Oh for FUCK’S SAKE

William: Take a powder, German.

William: What’s a decent townie like you doing dropping bombs in public places?
Arcadia: Aren’t you gonna shoot me?
William: Why bother? They can’t name the valley after me TWICE.

William: Besides, the only thing worth more than a live ENTROPY agent in custody is a hot live ENTROPY agent in custody, and guess what.

Arcadia: I can’t believe I was gonna blow you up!

Hobart: …I really don’t know how to assert myself after that.

William: We’ll be a few minutes, your honour. Bear with me.

William: Tell German to stay off the bomb, please.

German: I’m taking it for my personal collection.

William: Aren’t you a Centreborough city councillor or something?
Arcadia: Yes. We have eyes in many places!
William: Like, in your pants? Under your bra? Most places would be very inconvenient for eye placement.

Arcadia: Boy I’ll bet you’re glad you wasted your last few seconds making jokes.

Arcadia: MAN do you look PISSED!
William: Either you killed Aurora on your way in, or I’m gonna kill her on my way out.

William: I’d say send my compliments to Chandler on his choice of lovely ladies, but neither of you are leaving here as functioning agents of ENTROPY.

Arcadia: Give me a moment to work my charms on him.
Elizabeth: What if I wanna do charm duty?!

William: I don’t suppose I could convince you to come over to the light?
Aurora: That’s the first time I’ve heard a spy society described as “the light.”

William: Hey baby, I’m very evangelical about my intelligence agency.

Hobart: THERE’S STILL A BOMB IN HERE

Uma: Come on old man, hit me harder!
Sullivan: I’m tired.
Uma: Are you a personal trainer or aren’t you?
Sullivan: I told you already, I aren’t! I just like hitting people.

William: Join the SCIA and we can have sex.

Arcadia: …okay!

William: I’ll let them know you’re coming.
Arcadia: That’s what she said!
William: Oh, I like this one.

William: Hey Jane. Bomb detail in Courtroom One; it’s live. Also, got a new recruit coming your way. If she tries anything funny, hollow point her.

William: You’ll explode! Just so you know.

Arcadia: I don’t want to explode.
Jane: That’s a good attitude!

Jane: Welcome to the SCIA! After about a million security checks.

William: Your turn.
Elizabeth: I’m not as easy to “turn” as Arcadia was.
William: You’re not as cute as she was, either.

Elizabeth: I think I’ll take my chances.
William: You must be overestimating them, then.

Elizabeth: I appreciate the offer, I really do. I’ll say nice things about you to Chandler after I kill you.

William: I could hardly ask for more.

William: Well? Let’s see what you think you’ve got.

Elizabeth: .oO(Don’t cut your pants again don’t cut your pants again don’t cut your pants again)

Elizabeth: Wait, I thought we were having a sword fight.
William: Did you? Oops.

Elizabeth: THINGS WERE SAID MISTAKES WERE MADE

William: Straighten up, will you? Bad posture will haunt you later in life.

William: Fine, have it your way, slacker.

William: Oh don’t be such a baby. I left them enough to bury didn’t I?

Hobart: Machine-gun fire in your office is rarely a good sign.

Auromella: FFFFFFFFZZZGLLLLBB

Brandi: Man, our reinforcements suck.

Andrew: They’ll probably name the state after him now.

Cameron: Not gonna go check that out?
Nerissa: I’m just hoping it’s SCIA jurisdiction. I’m not in the mood for paperwork today.

William: It’s good to flex those secret muscles every once in a while.

William: Keeps me fit.
The Grim Reaper: YOUR TIME WILL COME.
William: Try and get me while the sun is shining, okay?

William: I want to see my last moments clearly.

Brandi: HERE THEY COME

Brandi: HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY RESCUE

DRAMA

William: MY FACE IS OLD AND VERY SENSITIVE!
German: Dude, don’t have a cowplant!

Brandi: I don’t wanna go to jail.
William: Hey, you could get lucky! There’s always the death penalty!

Samella: I wish I could quip.

Andrew: Enjoy your recess?
William: Like a kid on the playground.

Uh-oh. I think Cameron’s going zombie again.

Andrew: I really do hate you. You know that, right?
William: I’d think less of you if you didn’t!

Aurora: Please come to order! Please.

Andrew: I’m really looking forward to this particular trainwreck.

German: Jeez do you ever look guilty.

Hobart: Okay, let’s try this again. Anybody else with bombs, please wait until after the trial.

Hobart: Brandi Bertino, you are charged with the crime of high treason for choosing to become a zombie during a zombie apocalypse. How do you plead?

Brandi: I plead like it’s a demand. DON’T PUNISH ME I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG

Brandi: That’s “not guilty” in case you can’t tell.

German: Man! Pleading women are hot.

Samella: Seriously German?

Hobart: Yeah man, sheesh.

Hobart: All right counsellors, opening statements. Try to keep the nonsense to a minimum.

Samella: I say all this talk of treason is overblown. So what if an army of zombies is wrecking up the place? That shouldn’t interfere with a person’s right to become a zombie without facing any consequences!

Samella: I think the prosecuting attorney is lying. I think there’s no such thing as treason!

Samella. You’re the prosecuting attorney.

Samella: …FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

Samella: Um… UM… she’s innocent! No, wait. She’s guilty! Very guilty.

Samella: Okay, everybody just ignore me.

Hobart: Mister Gatewood, if you think you can top that…

German: Dictionary.com defines treason as “wealth or riches stored or accumulated, especially in the form of precious metals, money, jewels, or plate.”
Cameron: OH COME ON

German: At first glance my client appears guilty of treason, because her clothes are fancy.

German: But wait! Treason is a noun. It’s just an object? HOW CAN YOU ACCUSE A PERSON OF BEING AN OBJECT.

German: Which isn’t to say I haven’t objectified the little lady myself, bow wow wow.

German: I submit that we stop accusing people of being material wealth! It’s racist! And sexist. And grammatically incorrect!

German: Whoah, whoah. I’m tripping balls. Put down the gun, Samella!
Hobart: Thank you Mister Gatewood. That was the definition of “treasure,” by the way. Not “treason.”

Cameron: I can’t tell which of them is worse!
Samella: The state’s first witness is Cameron Price, local traitor.
Cameron: Definitely her.

William: Knock ’em dead honey! Not literally though. You’re in deep enough shit as it is.

Andrew: “Honey”? She’s still my wife you know.
William: Are you sure?
Andrew: …no, it’s been a lot of chapters since she moved out, the details are fuzzy.

Cameron: Okay monkey, do your dance.

Samella: Isn’t it true that YOU did ALL THE TREASON?!

Cameron: …no?

Samella: Oh. Well. My bad then.

German: Miss Price, dictionary.com defines “treason” as “plants having permanently woody main stems or trunks, ordinarily growing to a considerable height, and usually developing branches at some distance from the ground.”
Cameron: THAT’S TREES

German: What?
Cameron: That’s trees.

German: TELL ME WHAT TREASON IS THEN

Cameron: Anybody wanna look up dictionary.com on their phone?

Cameron: They took mine because I’ve been charged with high treason.

German: Whatever, I forgot what I was gonna say.

Brandi: WE HAVEN’T EVEN OUTLINED THE CRIME YET

William: What?
Andrew: Just… you.

Next time: god help her, Brandi’s “trial” continues.

And what a trial it is.

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