Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which the narrator intervenes for the better.
You’ll thank me some day.
“Cathouse.” The fuck was I thinking.
Dagmar: Hard at work I see.
Emily: I’m at my workstation, just waiting for some clients.
Rosemarie: Sorry man, I think you have the wrong country.
Out on bail, huh?
Rosemarie: Yeah, funny thing, they didn’t really have a protocol for what to do when someone blows up the courthouse.
Emily: Are you just gonna stand there all day?
Dagmar: The fuck do you care? I’m paying, aren’t I?
Emily: Your money’s no good here, Ms. Mayor. But your vagina is.
She means she wants to sex you.
Dagmar: Yeah, thanks.
Push him down the stairs or something.
Rosemarie: This is a lot like something we do here at work.
Rosemarie: And this is a lot like the result! It’s not usually purple though.
Emily: You’re seriously paying for hugs?
Dagmar: I’m a politician! I have to!
Rosemarie: Can you make me not a manslaughterer anymore?
Genie: …sort of!
Rosemarie: This reminds me of that time Andrzej tried to convince me that all the women in his country customarily breathed chloroform.
Leonard: Where’s the chick I was just kissing?
Rosemarie: HOW MANY WISHES DO YOU THINK I HAVE?!
Rosemarie: Try jailing me for killing an alive dude, guys!
I think you can only be tried for-
Rosemarie: SHUT UP SHUT UP
I actually recoiled in fear when I got to this pic.
Kendra: Yeah! I’m SICK OF YOUR PEEPING
Rosemarie: So yeah, Stewart and I fucked, then I ran you guys over with my car.
Leonard: Not a bad day for you, all told!
Genie: IT’S AN ONOMATOPEIA
Leonard: I see you’re not married to Stewart.
Rosemarie: Funny thing! His fiancè isn’t, either! She’s married to your dad.
Leonard: How’d you get the lamp?
Rosemarie: Sent in fifty box tops!
Rosemarie: Got the box tops by fucking fifty dudes.
Leonard: I’m sorry I missed that.
ATTACK… OF THE DAY-VAMPIRE!
Leonard: I might need this explained.
Rosemarie: I’m not even sure, to be honest.
Leonard: So, if you’re a prostitute…
Leonard: …I can’t afford you. ‘cuz I didn’t have any money in hell.
Rosemarie: Don’t you mean heaven?
Leonard: No. Hell. There is no heaven. Just hell. Lots of hell.
Kendra: Okay. As long as you promise you’re not ugly anymore, I’ll take you on. Me.
Rosemarie: I wished you back to life so I don’t have to go to jail for killing you! I think a thank-you fuck is in order.
Rosemarie: Oh hahaha they caught Vicki Sharpe.
Leonard: Don’t make shit up.
Nice pink pillow, dude.
Really suits you.
And your suit.
Leonard: Good LORD.
Rosemarie: I know, he’s embarassing isn’t he?
Lot of that going around lately.
Clay: I could kill you right now.
Leonard: I’m sorry your life was ruined when you ended mine.
Rosemarie: It’s okay, now I get to hang out with dicks all day long.
Leonard: Not much on privacy, huh?
Rosemarie: Clay has been putting his cock on literally everything.
Rosemarie: It’s pretty hot, actually.
Clay: It is.
And then he put his cock on her.
Clay: Why’d you bring this douchebag back?
Rosemarie: I guess we’re just in the business of bringing back douchebags, Clay.
Sure, why not.
Leonard: You know, I think you’re a better match for me than for Stewart.
Pff. Half the neighbourhood is hot for redheads.
And you know why?
BECAUSE I AM HOT FOR REDHEADS.
Off to crime work!
Kendra: Stop calling me “Chelsea” dammit.
Kendra: I charge extra for roleplay.
Geoffrey: Are we using the bed?
Kendra: No, it’s just you’re so gross that everything in here seems filthy now.
Rosemarie: Well hey! My boyfriends all hate me, and your chick is super dead.
Andrzej doesn’t hate you.
Richard: But Andrzej is creepy.
Andrzej: Is sex toy? I am stealing it!
Emily: Okay, well… if we get a barbecue I can probably use this as charcoal.
Rosemarie: So, how ’bout it champ? Want a freebie?
Leonard: I’m definitely not getting a paybie!
Emily: STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING PILLOWS
Rosemarie: Jerome’s dick is tiny.
Leonard: HAHAHA wait are you gonna tell other people about my dick?
Rosemarie: Turns out Vicki was pretending to be Cecilia Phelps!
Leonard: If I was a serial killer on the run, it would never occur to me to impersonate a serial killer on the run.
Rosemarie: I bet serial killers don’t visit graveyards often.
Leonard: Who’s that for?
Rosemarie: I dunno, ask the algorithm.
Kendra: Well THIS isn’t awkward.
Emily: Think of it as training.
Is everyone aware that there’s still a kid living here? Who is supposedly being looked after?
Richard: Shh! Don’t wreck this for me!
Andrzej: In my country women are not allowed outside after dark.
This makes what’s about to happen a bit embarassing for me.
Kendra: GASP YOU’RE NAKED
Emily: GASP YOU’RE SWIFT
Rosemarie: I’ve been thinking of starting a webcam.
Leonard: Of your sexing!
Rosemarie: No, of people kicking our garbage can over. The damn thing is entirely composed of dents now.
Vanessa Yang: Could you please direct me to the Steaming Dragon Hotel?
Rosemarie: FUCK YOU’RE FAT
Yay! Sexual diversity for a change.
So, so unhappy with what’s coming up.
Leonard: Gonna give me the tour?
Rosemarie: Oh, I’m gonna take you places alright.
Rosemarie: Places you won’t ever wanna leave.
Leonard: Your vagina is a pretty great place alright.
Leonard: MAN! That skintone has nice breasts!
Until I saw the roaches I had this mad feeling of hope that she was about to kick the flowers over.
Leonard: I have a terrible idea!
Rosemarie: You’re in the right place!
Leonard: I will!
Leonard: MAN! That skintone.
Clay: It hasn’t been the greatest week.
Clay: Hopefully, things will turn around for me this week.
Clay: How’s it going, Em?
Emily: I’m not your fucking “Em.” Who are you, fucking DOROTHY?
Kendra: Oh, Em!
Emily: Oh, Ken!
Emily: Oh, fine.
Clay: So it’s clothes optional tonight?
I don’t know where to start.
Geoffrey: Look guys! I got you the exact same chess table you already have! Because REASONS!
Yes, everybody make sure to roach-proof your feet.
Rosemarie: We’re all getting cancer.
But at least the roaches are dead!
Rosemarie: THE POOR LITTLE THINGS!
Yes! More lesbians! We have precious too few lesbians, and it makes me feel like a bad liberal.
Of course, considering what’s about to happen…
Rosemarie: STOP TEASING DAMMIT
Kendra: I’ve been thinking about Richard’s university education.
Clay: Oh, yeah? That’s boring, don’t explain.
Rosemarie: Clay had a bad day at work.
Emily: Oh yeah?
Rosemarie: He said they game him the hatchet!
Clay: No, dammit! I said they gave me a machete!
Rosemarie: AAAAUGH! POINTILLISM!
Emily: IT MAKES A STRONG IMPRESSION
That was an Impressionism joke.
I’m so sorry.
Emily: Hey there hot stuff!
Clay: I remember a time when that could conceivably have been about me.
Kendra: Would some rampant lesbianism make you feel better?
Clay: Ramp it up, baby!
Rosemarie: I don’t know about on, but out definitely.
Emily: I want to touch your girl parts.
Clay: THOSE GIRL PARTS ARE MY GIRL PARTS!
Hmm, wait, where… uh… okay, here we go…
Richard: THEY’RE ALL DEAD
Richard: BACK UP
Sorry kid, the revisionary history train speeds heedlessly onward.
Richard: WHAT EVEN HAPPENED
That’s the Clover County motto!
Richard: What the fuck, though.
I’ll explain it in a few hundred chapters.
If I remember.
Richard: So apparently shit went down? Can you come down? And help me deal? With my shit?!
Lance: I’m a certified shit-dealer.
Lance: I know what you’re going through, buddy.
Richard: No you don’t! Your parents died on-screen!
Lance: It’s okay, buddy. I’ll teach you how to be an awful person, just like at least your dad would want.
Lance: ‘cuz your dad is an asshat.
Next time: jail time!