The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 261

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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I like writing this household.

That’s probably a bad thing.


I made Jizelle way too cute.

And my terrible French dialogue makes her even cuter.

It’s awful.

I’m glad she’s moved on after her first love was brutally axe-murdered.

Jizelle: …!

Corey: Hey, man. Thanks.

Jizelle: ARMANDOOOOOO YOU WAIR TOO PURE TO LEEEEVE

Corey: I saw the replay. Dude fell out of a window with an axe in his head. Priceless.

Jizelle: Just because you’re eevil you don’t ‘ave to be mean.

Corey: Hey, buck up! You’re an up-and-comer in ENTROPY!
Jizelle: Zo wait, you are een ze SCIA and in ENTROPY?!
Corey: All to meet cute girls like yourself, sad to say.

Jizelle: Zat ees sad, but I like eet.

Corey: Being a secret agent AND an evil secret agent is awesome. You get to know literally all the horrible things people do, and the people here do such horrible things!

Corey: Like, okay. Stephen Murphy? Artist? Lived in this house? Died in this house? Well, turned undead, but that’s close enough?

Corey: He is secretly banging everybody.

Corey: Even this redhead! Who I am totally stealing from him. Because he’s a chump.

Corey: She’s dating Stephen’s son. Sometimes. Probably gonna have to kill that dude.

Corey: BECAUSE I WANNA!

Corey: And oh! That time we got a university cook to put arsenic in the mac and cheese! Brilliant.

Corey: Might want to keep mum on that one, it hasn’t come to trial yet.

Jizelle: I knew you wair bad, monsieur ‘uffman, but I deedn’t know you wair so good at eet!

Corey: I’m a deep and well-developed character.

Jizelle: And ‘ere I am, un jolie fille all alone in ze world…

Jizelle: Et cetera et cetera, as ze Romans zay…

Corey: The only thing that could make you hotter would be a British accent.

Those are difficult to differentiate through typing, though.

Jizelle: I am new to all zis eevil doing. Could you, ‘ow you zay, “zhow me ze ropes”?

Jizelle: And also fuck me? A bunch?

Jizelle: BAM! Unexpected cursing!

Corey: So unexpected!

Jizelle: ‘a ‘a ‘a!
Corey: I think you can leave the “h” on when you’re laughing, at least.

Corey: GuhBLAH

Pillow talk!

Corey: You get physical with me, madameoiselle, you’d better be willing to go all the way!

Jizelle: Try me, monsieur!

Jizelle: Tut-tut. You Eenglishmen fall too zlow.

Corey: Well maybe we don’t all have the power of flight.

Jizelle: ‘ow are you at oral examinations?

Corey: I’m a dentist’s dream, baby.

Jizelle: I was referring to kissing, but alright.

Hey!

Jizelle: I DROP THE ACCENT FOR HUMOROUS PURPOSES SOMETIMES OKAY

Jizelle: I am steel a leetle ‘azy on what I am exzpected to do.
Corey: Oh, kill people mostly.

Corey: You got a problem with that.

Jizelle: I keecked a man to deat een ze troat before you came.
Corey: I would have come, if I’d seen that!

Corey: That was an ejaculation joke.

Jizelle: Ta gueule! ‘ave a leetle class!

Corey: I don’t even know what that first part means.

Corey: But anyway, ENTROPY is laying low right now because of all that “law and order” bullshit going on. Did you hear? They’re actually gonna build a prison!
Jizelle: Zounds like ze perfect place for an eevil base!
Corey: I like the way you think. And the way you talk!

Jizelle: I zound zooper cute, don’t I?

Corey: If you were any cuter you’d be me.

Jizelle: Zat’s pretty cute.

Corey: Oh, I know.

Corey: DAMN you picked a good face!
Jizelle: I just peecked all ze goofiest bits!

Corey: Goofy girls make me goofy.

Corey: What, no tongue?
Jizelle: I am not zat Francais. Yet.

Jizelle: What ees zat?
Corey: I DON’T KNOW

Corey: Well anyway, congrats on being hot! That’ll come in handy.

Corey: Flying chicks! SO MUCH LIGHTER

Jizelle: I’ll take you for a ride zomeday.

Corey: Baby, we’ll both take each other on some rides.

Okay, relationship established. SCENE.

DID YOU KISS ALL NIGHT?!

Jizelle: What do we do about ze Gouverneur?
Corey: Laugh at him, mostly.

Jizelle: ‘e ees kinda scary, zo! ‘e killed like everybody!

Jizelle: ‘e killed zis dude! ‘oo iz zis dude.

Corey: There. Now nobody can spy on your speech balloons.

Corey: Or other things.

Corey: Your first test is coming soon, my dear.
Jizelle: I cannot wait! Do I need a pencile?

Corey: You just need that strong kicking leg you mentioned earlier.

Corey: Also “pencil” is crayon in French.
Jizelle: Really? Zen what do zey call crayons?
Corey: I dunno. Pencils?

Jizelle: ‘a ‘a ‘a.

Aww, they look like a heart.

A heart of DARKNESS

Only a thousand? Cheapskate.

Jizelle: ‘e ‘as an ‘eart of stone! And zomesing else of stone in ‘is trousairs.

Corey: It’s good to be bad.

Corey: Kill the man.

Jizelle: What man.

Corey: THAT man.
Rookie Vampire Hunter Conrad GilsCarbo: I’m here! Not sure why.

Rookie Vampire Hunter Conrad GilsCarbo: You give me the funny pants feeling.

CRACCCCK

Jizelle: You’re goddamn right I do.

Rookie Vampire Hunter Conrad GilsCarbo: my testicles are dust

Jizelle: ‘ow did I do?
Corey: ‘ow is right!

The Grim Reaper: RIGHT IN THE BALLS. AN INSTANT KILL.

Jizelle: Ze Grim Reaper approves.
Corey: And he knows death!
The Grim Reaper: YOU’VE MET MY BROTHER?

Corey: Now! You must murder everyone who comes into this house.
The Grim Reaper: AHEM.
Corey: WELL OBVIOUSLY NOT YOU

Jizelle: I zink I’ll like ziz job.

Looks like steady work, at least!

Jizelle: Zervice wit a zmile!

They make lovely accent pieces.

Next time: a whole new meaning for coitus interruptus.

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