Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I’m starting to recognize some of these events as current.
Even though they happened like six years ago.
I keep waiting for the inevitable chapter where I have no idea what the story was meant to be.
A good example of how it takes twice as long to say anything in French.
Hey Jizzy! Jizzbucket. Jizzmeister.
Jizelle: Oh ‘ell.
The new old Murphy home, huh?
Get used to aliens spying on you through the ceiling.
Daisy: Congratulations! You made it! You successfully followed instructions, and resultantly you are not dead! Pat yourself on the back.
Jizelle: Ees Armando coming?
Daisy: I don’t know what Armando is doing.
Daisy: So yeah, good news! ENTROPY got your fake ID set up, and we fenced all that shit you stole to finance this lovely house. Lots of history here! Bad history mostly.
Daisy: But then, most of our history is bad.
Jizelle: So I am my own personne now?
Daisy: Hahaha! Fuck no. We own your ass.
Jizelle: You are très terriefying, madame Daisy. I weel not fuck wit you.
Daisy: Unless I ask for it.
Jizelle: Hokay, but where ees Armando? I want to zee ‘ees stupide face again.
Daisy: Oh, well. Armando went on a trip. A long trip. A long, lonely trip. To another place. From which he shall not return.
Daisy: Also I murdered him.
Jizelle: WHAT?! You murdaired ‘eem?!
Daisy: Hey! Less animosity, more awed respect!
Jizelle: You… you are a monstair!
Daisy: I’m glad you’re getting the hang of that accent. Keeping it up during emotional moments is tough.
Daisy: Anyway, forget about Armando. He was ugly, so I got rid of him.
Jizelle: Because he was uglie?!
Daisy: I mean fuck, it’s not like he couldn’t have picked an acceptable face.
Jizelle: You must be ztopped.
Daisy: You must be simple.
Jizelle: I will nevair work for a murderair like you!
Daisy: Except you WILL. Like, FOREVER.
Jizelle: MY POOR POOR BABIE ARMANDOOOOO!
Daisy: Jesus kid, take some acting lessons.
Daisy: So anyway I got you a job.
Jizelle: I DON’T CAIR
Daisy: You’re a superhero. I got you a superhero job. Because that’s a thing.
Jizelle: You are a zuper villain.
Daisy: Oui oui! Now up, up and away! You don’t want to keep the Posivity Platoon waiting!
Jizelle: Do I know ‘ow to fly?
Daisy: Just think “carpool” and jump.
Jizelle: THEES SHOULD NOT BE WORKEEEEEENG
Daisy: I hate these origin stories, they’re all the same.
Yeah, Armandos in the refrigerator, that sort of thing.
Have a good day fighting crime?
Jizelle: You ‘ave no idea ‘ow ‘ard eet ees to fight wit abstrac’ concep’s.
Jizelle: On ze blus zide I tink I ‘ave an ‘andle on my assent!
Jesus fucking CHRIST.
Tone it down a little, souer Jacqueline.
And then Ally flew down beside her and I shit myself.
Jizelle: ‘a ‘a ‘a! You scared ze maker, Black Superhero!
Come on, what’s her actual name.
Ally: Black Superhero. It’s what everyone remembers anyway.
Jizelle: I am verie verie zorry about zat.
Ally: It’s okay, you’re French, nobody expects you to have any cultural sensitivity.
Ally: I did enjoy soarpooling with you, though!
Ally: As the official police delegate to the Positivity Platoon, I’m honoured to have you with us, Capitaine ‘ero!
Jizelle: Ze Francais do not take mockairy lightlie, madame.
Ally: Wow! Your mouth is like a garbage truck full of syllables!
Jizelle: Goodbye, mon amie!
Peter: Hey! Is that Black Superhero?!
Peter: Captain Hero! I’m a big fan! Of course, you used to be an old black woman, but I know how these things go. Crises on earths infinite, wars secret, sort of thing, playing havoc with the ol’ status quo.
Jizelle: I sink I might enjoy zis job!
That’s pronounced “on-jhoy,” if you’re wondering.
Even zooperheeroes have to do groceries.
Oh! You’re buying your civilian clothes!
Brady: I won’t look at what you got, just give me a random amount of money.
Corey: Hello there, Captain Hero! You’re not as ugly as your predecessor, she looks like a syllable full of garbage trucks. I’m Corey Huffman, SCIA delegate to the Positivity Platoon.
Jizelle: Monsieur ‘uffman! Charmé!
Jizelle: Mon dieu, il est magnifique.
I honestly never thought I’d use my high school French.
Or my grad school French.
Or any French.
Gavin: Ooh la la!
I’m not sure my teachers would appreciate what I’m doing.
Grant: THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PLACE I HATE IT HERE
Ooh, I’m digging the Joliemobile.
Jizelle: Hé. I deed not ordair anee roughnecks!
Grant: I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M HERE I WANT TO LEAVE AND COME BACK FOREVER
Jizelle: Au revoir, eevil doair!
Grant: MY ESOPHAGUS IS APPLE SAUCE
The Grim Reaper: I ALWAYS LIKED THIS PLACE. NICE AND AIRY, EASY TO GET THE BEAM IN.
The Grim Reaper: LIKE TAKING DEAD PEOPLE FROM A BABY.
Learning super important superhero skills?
Jizelle: ‘ow to cook.
Jizelle: Zis ees what I need a zidekeeck for.
Jizelle: But ze child labour laws, zey ‘ave been ‘itting ze eendustry ‘ard.
French onion soup?
Jizelle: I am not zat Francais. Yet.
Man, this is a neat house.
Jizelle: I zhall broceed to mess eet up.
Jizelle: Mon dieu, what eef zey expec’ me to read en Francais?
Just make shit up. They’re Simericans. They won’t know.
Jizelle: And what eef what.
Jizelle: I ‘ave caught you red-‘anded, creeminal!
Corey: The colours are gold and silver, stupid.
Corey: Wow, Daisy really did a number on you! I haven’t seen a French girl this hot since Louis XV!
Corey: That was a joke about how feminine French dudes are.
Corey: Oh, please. The old handstand attack? So last year.
Jizelle: Oops wait non
Corey: You even gasp in French! That’s commitment!
Corey: Baby, you lost so hard I almost believe you’re Gallic!
Jizelle: And you, you beat a fille so ‘ard I almost believe you’re Simerican!
Jizelle: Because your nation ‘as a bad ‘istory of domestic violence.
Corey: Yeah, let’s just… pass that kind of humour by without looking back at it.
Corey: So what’s the deal? Daisy must think you’re somethin’ special to bother making a new identity for you. She usually only does that for family! I think. Sometimes at night I wonder if I’m actually a fake identity she created.
Jizelle: You really do not know? You can’t tell ‘oo I used to be?
Corey: I hate to let you down, mon femme, but the SCIA only keeps tabs on persons of interest. You know. Interesting persons.
Jizelle: Well! Now you can opain a new file! “Jizelle Nouveaux, AKA Capitaine ‘ero!”
Corey: With that question mark, too? Or did you mean to put that outside the quotes?
Jizelle: Do not get smart wiz me, monsieur. You do not ‘ave ze face for eet.
Corey: You’ve got a mouth on you. I like that! Because faces without mouths are terrifying.
Corey: But let’s cut the shit, shall we? We’ve seen what ENTROPY can do for you, now let’s see if you can do anything for ENTROPY.
Ooh, caps in italics!
Next time: evil shenanigans!
Like the good old days.
The old days, anyway.