Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Now for more fun with orphans.
Hi Carmela! You’re a placeholder Sim, get out of that picture.
William: The urge to kick these things over is so strong.
William: Oh, boo hoo hoo. Poor people. Sheesh.
William: Hey, you know poor people?
Noah: I know of them…
William: That guy there’s a poor person.
William: Poor people are everywhere lately.
Lance: Oh! How I desire a bright red ju-jube on a pedestal!
Lyndsey: The holster says “Click.”
Noah: You can’t fool me, Sharpe. I know you have a soft spot for poor people.
William: Yeah, they’re a lot easier to manipulate into sex.
Noah: Is this your house?
William: No. From the looks of it, it’s nobody’s house?
William: Oh hell. Oh fucking hell.
William: She can’t be back. She can’t be back.
Not if she never left.
Lyndsey: The gun says-
Lyndsey: .oO(The gun says) BANG!
Lance: Better, but I can see you were still Speak n’ Spelling in your head.
William: There’s some funny head-shaped dents in these stairs.
Lance: Let me do all the talking. For the love of god let me do all the talking.
William: Hello off-street urchins!
William: What, this one doesn’t talk?
Lance: She… doesn’t speak Simlish. Exactly.
William: Where are your parents, kid?
Lance: Funny story! Well I think it’s funny.
William: How long have they been dead for?!
Lance: Oh, about fifty chapters, give or take.
William: That tombstone outside…?
Lance: Nah, that’s somebody else. He lived here for a while. Until he didn’t live at all.
William: You should warn me when I’m about to step into a storyline.
Lance: Blah blah blah, we’re adults! We think everyone wants to live with us!
Lyndsey: The dad says “Fuh fuh fuh!” The mom says “Meh meh meh!“
William: Maybe these aren’t Cecilia’s. Maybe they’re Vicki’s.
Vicki’s in jail.
William: Well she should be! If she’s leaving axes unattended in a home full of children!
Where random passers-by are smoking bubbles and HEY WAIT
Noah: If you have objections, consider them overridden.
William: Alright kids, either you’re gonna need to grow up pretty fast or I’m gonna have to get my friend Social Worker the Social Worker involved.
Lance: This fast enough for you?
William: Ha, look at his finger poking up at the bottom.
We’re crashing on HOME LOTS now?!
Lyndsey: OH MY GOD HE’S DEAD
Hey, good work! That was an entire sentence!
Lyndsey: PRIORITIES MAN
William: You ever get that déjà vu feeling?
William: Is this the man or the woman of the house?
Lyndsey: I thought you were dead!
Lance: And that gave you the power of speech?!
Lyndsey: Adrenaline does funny things!
William: Okay, enough of this Lord of the Flies bullshit.
Lance: It’s more of a Lost Boys situation, I think.
Lyndsey: Is he… gonna put us… in jail?
Lance: Oh no! You’re slowing down again.
Lyndsey: Well… it’s… a depressing topic.
Lyndsey: I know… you’re thinking… we killed… those people.
William: I’m not sure I knew I was thinking that!
Lyndsey: WELL NOBODY ASKED YOU TO COME IN HERE YOU BIG FAT FATHEAD
Lance: You tell ’em, sparky!
William: I’m the governor, bitch.
Lance: You can’t call my sister a bitch!
William: Really? Weren’t you listening just now? When I did?
Lance: Are you gonna adopt us?
William: What? Oh fuck no!
Lance: Who were you on the phone with?
William: You didn’t see that.
Lance: I did! He just deleted the pic.
It was superfluous!
William: I enlisted an extremely personal, charismatic friend to help.
Lance: What’s their name?
William: Social Worker.
Lance: Who says we need social work?
William: Me! Are you hard of hearing, kid?
William: Ugh, I hate it when kids dance.
I liked you better before the crash.
Lance: Then FIX YOUR FUCKING SHIT, dude!
Lance: Also heyyyyy! life blows.
William: Do you like playing with the doll house?
Lyndsey: Yes. Because… I can think… a lot faster… than I can talk.
Lyndsey: .oO(“I AM IN A DRESS!” “I AM ALSO IN A DRESS!” “LET’S KISS.”)
Social Worker: Social Worker couldn’t make it, so Social Worker sent me instead. I’m Social Worker.
Lance: No but see we’re cool now.
Lance: Wait, they’re taking her away?
William: I’m sorry.
Lance: Hey, sorry nothing! More food for me!
Lance: As long as you didn’t also call some weird teen boarding school.
William: We don’t do that until Gen 3.
Lance: Welp, later sis.
Lyndsey: Write me.
Lance: Hahaha! No.
Lance: Don’t drop the soap!
That is one low penalty.
Lance: Well I mean she is really annoying.
Lyndsey: The pig says “That’s all folks!”
Lance: You heard the pig!
William: Okay, well, call my office if there’s anything you need! I pay them to deal with my problems for me.
I like the composition of this shot.
I don’t get to say that often.
Lance: Puff puff get out of here.
Nick: Let me know if you need help with any of your evil plans!
Lance: I don’t have any evil plans!
Nick: Wow! You need more help than I thought!
Lance: Good one.
Lance: Hey, aren’t you the one gay townie?
Brady: I am! Are you a gay playable?
Lance: Those don’t exist.
Gay people are cool.
Not the best breeders, though, and we do have a neighbourhood to populate.
Yes! Literally anything you could buy would be more subtle, Clay.
Alvin: When you wear bad clothes to an H&M, you’re effectively invisible.
Unless you’re giving them tips, Ember, please leave.
Oh brainy hell.
Secret Attic Chef: Is this a reprimand?
Sean: Hey guys! There’s like a whole other place back here!
A featureless strip of nothing.
Sean: Just like our lives!
Good thing we have a secret agent here to help.
Alvin: ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR LAW AND ORDER
Brady: POLICE BRUTALITY
Lance: I think we’ve seen this movie before.
Jade: Are you a drow?
Lance: Hey! The gay townie was looking for you.
Brady: More like found!
Lance: Cool! Phasers!
Right, I need to start showing off my lot descriptions. Otherwise who the fuck are they for?
This is the Iron Works.
“Wanna pick up chicks? Iron works. Wanna build yourself up? Iron works. Wanna live healthy? Iron works. Wanna smash someone’s skull like a ripe melon? Iron works, but you didn’t hear it from us.”
Nick: Your skirt is vanishing.
Aurora: It’s supposed to do that.
Nick: Well I don’t see how that’s sustainable.
My townies slowly become fitter when I visit the gyms.
But I don’t like visiting even fake gyms.
Lance: Hey man, big fan.
Lance: I don’t trust him, but I like him.
Lance: What’s that buzzing sound?
Probably my hard drive.
Lance: Do not go in there! Do. Not. Go in there.
The description’s not funny, so fuck the description.
Lance: OH GOD OH GOD
Sunny: Go into the gym, he’s allergic to self-improvement!
Lance: I SHALL AVENGE YOU BRAVE SOUL
Lance: What’s your name?
Lance: I SHALL AVENGE YOU SUNNY
Lance: Or I guess you could come inside too.
Sunny: That’s what she said!
Lance: I LIKE THIS CHICK.
Lance: So inviting!
Lance: Hi, I’m Lance! I’m trying to meet beautiful women!
Lance: Yeah, so could you leave? That’s the only way more will spawn.
I’m not familiar with that exercise.
Emily: I just do extreme Kegels. It’s a job requirement.
Jane: I will literally kiss anyone to get a date.
Lance: I’m Lance, and you are? Boring, actually. You are boring.
Lance: Cool. Now she’s a fit dull person.
Lance: Still, practice makes perfect!
Emily: Well this sounds promising.
Lance: You are hot!
Lance: Because you’ve been working out.
Lance: Haha, heat-related burns.
How did your clothes change on the way home?
Lance: WE CAN NEVER DISCUSS IT
Lance: I will crush ALL of you.
I don’t recognize those boxers.
Which is good, I guess.
I really don’t need imaginary male underwear taking up space in my brain.
Lance: UGH learning townie names is EXHAUSTING
Now imagine a clock with its hands turning really fast.
‘cuz I ain’t got a segue for this.
TADA IT’S MORNING
Lance: How do you like my new shirt?
You purchased… no shirt.
Lance: Yeah! It was kinda expensive, too. You know. For what you get, I mean.
Lance: Hi, Windy? Shit, no. Snowy? Uh…
Lance: HAHAHA OF COURSE I’M JOKING what’s your name.
Lance: Oh, you have? What was that like.
Lance: Oh. Really.
Lance: And then suddenly I’m talking to you!
Daisy: It happens.
Daisy: When you’re not interesting enough to document properly.
Daisy: We want to name the Valley after my husband. William.
Lance: The man who took my sister away.
Daisy: Oh! So you owe him!
Lance: Funny! And not too soon at all.
Lance: That bomb thing was pretty badass.
Daisy: I like the guy who set it off, personally.
Lance: Yeah, that’s what I meant.
Lance: The governor’s cool too though. Killed a lot of people.
Daisy: I approve of this criteria!
Daisy: You seem like a terrible person to me, Lance!
Lance: Hey, thanks!
Daisy: I’m glad you knew it was a compliment.
Hey look! A note from Jizelle to her dead boyfriend.
Lance: I’m still counting it as mine.
Lance: Sunny! THAT’s your fucking name! Wow. How did I even call you without knowing that? Weird.
Lance: No, no. Don’t start talking about you, that’s boring.
Next time: two households!
Yeah, it’s because they’re not great ones.
You’re here for my dazzling commentary anyway, right?