Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
You might have noticed that I’m sometimes splitting one household into two chapters.
That’s because I get more eager to write if I know I’ll get to upload something before I die of old age.
Or at least it feels that way.
You might want to hide that vacuum, since it’s sort of a murder weapon.
Kiera: You’re a bit late in life to be seeking love, dearie!
Oliver: Hey! I’m not a day over sixty.
Oliver: I want that stuff that smells like an extra Chemistry point.
Kiera: For that special someone?
Oliver: My niece isn’t my niece anymore and I want to look hot to her.
Kiera: Whatever, your money’s good.
Sunny: You just gonna sit around and blow?
Kyle: We had the last chapter. Let Ollie have this one.
Angelica: But we’re not related anymore!
Abigail: That’s not a thing!
Angelica: Ollie, your mom’s being old-fashioned.
Oliver: Last time I checked my family tree, I didn’t have a mom. No offense.
How hard would it have been to drop the camera down a centimetre?
It just now occurs to me that I should have downloaded recolours for those flowers.
Because there are literally hundreds of them kicking around now.
Oh well! You’ll probably see recoloured ones in, oh, about a thousand chapters.
Angelica: You got the stuff!
Oliver: I paid the money!
Angelica: We’re making this sound like drugs.
Angelica: The drugs of loooooove
Angelica: Holy SHITE that stuff has a bite.
And it doesn’t do wonders for the eyesight either, apparently.
There. See? Neither of you rolled romantic wants for the other.
Oliver: It must be our repressed private school upbringing!
Oliver: Ooh, ahh! Am I sexy now?
Angelica: Even less.
Angelica: Hey man, do you like chicks who fart hearts?
Oliver: I like redheaded chicks who fart hearts!
Oliver: Why don’t I want to bang her? We’re not related!
Maybe you really are a pervert.
Abigail: If he is he got it from his dad.
Wow, you are evil!
Clay: Can’t do it. Those little beady eyes are too judgy.
Okay, everyone else has had their shot. It’s your turn.
Brooke: What if I don’t wanna get shot?
Oliver: Gah! I want to fuck this science thing more than I want to fuck her!
Brooke: See anything sexy lately?
Oliver: No! And it’s really pissing me off!
Brooke: Hey man, thanks.
Brooke: You’re not exactly a prize yourself, Murphy-face.
Brooke: Can we still be friends? So I can still live here.
Oliver: Of course! I know you really care too much to be separated from me.
Brooke: SCORE! Free meals and an actual bed, still mine!
Oliver: I sniff your hair while you sleep.
Brooke: Cool, as long as I’m asleep.
Brooke: Hey. Is Nathaniel there? I hear he’s easy.
You can drive?
Brooke: I don’t know that I can’t…
And this is how Leonard died.
Speaking of which…
Brooke: Hangin’ out in the cemetery with the cool kids.
I don’t see them.
Brooke: Aren’t you scared all the townie ghosts will get you?
Nathaniel: Nah. Most of the townies buried here died specifically from not being dangerous.
Uma: Promise me I won’t end up here.
You’re here already!
Uma: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
But do I?
Uma: Hey ugly. Kiss me. I need to stay at least B-list level.
Uma: On second thought ugh, I’ll take my chances.
Andrew: I wish this was the first time I’ve heard that.
Brooke: Black hair? Seriously? In the SimNation?
Brooke: Black hair and glasses. Okay. So you want me to look like a Mediterranean librarian.
Uma: I’m just gonna stand here and let everyone know how sexy you aren’t.
You’ve been every colour but brown now.
Brooke: Brown. Even the word is bored. With itself.
Brooke: Now how do I look?
Brooke: Good call.
Andrew: STOP COSPLAYING A DEAD PERSON
Nathaniel: I think she died in anticipation of my new flowing golden locks.
Brooke: I can hear the dead talking to each other underground.
Nathaniel: What are they saying?
Brooke: “Stop that racket!” mostly.
Brooke: Wow, awesome! We’re both unrecognizable now.
Nathaniel: I like you better than ugly ol’ Brooke, stranger!
Andrew: GODDAMN YOUTHS IN MY DAY RACKINFRACKIN
Uma: Check my blog for hourly rates.
I wish I cared.
Not, like, this much, but still.
Okay, let’s try to unpack Andrew’s beef.
Andrew: Don’t touch my beef!
He’s mad because…
His dad’s assistant?
Carolina: I don’t get it.
Don’t worry, it’s not worth getting.
Much like these two prizes.
Alright, let me try this again.
He’s mad because…
Already has a girlfriend?
But no, that’s Uma, and Uma doesn’t give a shit.
I give up, dude.
Stop making that face.
Carolina: Yeah, catch some fireflies or something. Cool off.
You may also cool off.
Nathaniel: Dude. What?
Andrew: No idea!
Carolina: Pathing pisses me off.
Uma: If he gives you any diseases he didn’t get them from me.
Uma: Between you and me, it’s kind of creepy that we’re dating that kid.
Brooke: Why? He’s only like forty years younger than us.
Uma: The fact that we don’t even have an accurate number…
Brooke: …does not concern me one bit! Goodnight!
I forget who was here.
Someone who liked cat grass, I guess.
Well that trip accomplished a lot.
DON’T TOUCH IT.
Brooke: Speaking of fine…
Angelica: I learned how to operate radar!
I like when Sims choose this interaction autonomously.
I think it’s called “Destroy Relationship.”
Oliver: Oh, Angelica! I’m so glad Brooke left the lot and reset the Wants and Needs panels!
Angelica: Oh, Oliver! Tell me it’s true!
Oliver: “Kiss Angelica”!
Angelica: Seriously though you’re kidding right
Eventually we’ll have to recognize that Sim males have developed the right to walk around with their dicks out through common practice.
Angelica: Check his Wants panel.
Didn’t take pics.
Angelica: WELL ISN’T THAT CONVENIENT
Oliver: You’re such an engaging girl, Angelica!
I think there’s only one pun left for that balloon.
Oliver: Hey, cool, or you could not do that…
Angelica: What would you rather I did?
Oliver: Scare the cameraman away.
Angelica: If your face hasn’t done it, I doubt that it’s possible.
Angelica: This is so wrong it’s right!
No! It’s so right it’s WRONG!
This was the only solution short of killing them.
Or waiting for them to roll saner Wants.
But that takes time.
Angelica: That was weird. Let’s not do it again anytime soon.
Yes, I think we actually do need some insights on chemistry right now.
Abigail: I could do some experiments! I just need a few different acids, and one basic bitch.
Abigail: Orrrr I could play Spelunky on my computer.
Abigail: Where’s my Steam folder again…
Clay: GOT YOUR STEAM RIGHT HERE!
Clay: BETWEEN MY EARS
I wondered what was in there!
All that free space…
Sunny: Fighting over legspace.
I knew there was a reason I resurrected you.
You, though… I dunno.
How’s the new book coming? Think up lots of science stuff?
Abigail: I’ve got an entire chapter on the ergonomics of computer desks and chairs that was very cathartic to write.
Michael: SCARY SCIENCE WOMAN
Oliver: The best naked girlfriends are other people’s naked girlfriends.
Michael: Abigail! You’ve changed.
Kyle: What can I help you with, capitalist scum?
Michael: Hello sir and/or madame! Would the actually important person of the house be in?
Kyle: Just give me your spiel.
Michael: So a bomb went off at the courthouse!
Kyle: Good! That’s a logical place for bombs to be going off.
Michael: And the GOVERNOR put out the fires and saved everybody!
Kyle: GOOD! Courthouses should be targets, and politicians should have to clean the messes up! This all makes perfect sense to me. Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind, sort of thing.
Michael: Cool whatever. So we wanna name the neighbourhood after William.
Kyle: That makes sense, as long as we’re using him as a bodyguard and a firefighter.
Kyle: You’ve got my vote!
Michael: Awesome! Who else is inside?
Kyle: Mostly boring ex-townies.
Michael: Ew. You can keep those.
Michael: Well if it isn’t the lady in blue who’s sexy for two!
Abigail: You’ll have to forgive the eye roll, it was automatic.
Kyle: Okay guys, five seconds is a hug, ten seconds is an embrace, fifteen seconds is an unacceptable PDA.
Kyle: Ew, what?
Michael: I would’ve paid more attention in science class if they’d had teachers like you!
Kyle: Cool! Barf.
Michael: So you heard about the bombing?
Kyle: Ugh, I’ve seen this episode.
Abigail: Haha yeah somebody tried to blow William up! Classic.
Michael: Well we don’t know that.
Abigail: I do.
Michael: The target could have been anyone.
Abigail: Except it was William.
Michael: Well anyway it’s William I’ve come here to talk to you about.
Abigail: Oh, good! Is he dead?!
Michael: That’s right, we want to name the neighbourhood… after him… what did you say?
Abigail: Are you fucking nuts? If that asshole’s head got any bigger I’d have trouble distinguishing it from his cock!
Abigail: And for your information I’ve kissed both of those things, and they both left a bad taste in my mouth!
Michael: …so does anyone else live here?
Sunny: Why did Abigail just storm inside swearing?
Michael: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO NAME THE NEIGHBOURHOOD AFTER WILLIAM
Sunny: Sure, whatever, I guess? I mean Pine Valley is pretty dumb, most of the trees are actually spruce.
Michael: Okay well, I think they’d have noticed that when they named the place if that had been the case.
You would think that.
Sunny: I’ve gotta say mister, you look like a million bucks!
Michael: I appreciate the interest!
Sunny: Hey Kyle this guy makes money jokes.
Kyle: What a guy.
Sunny: Okay bye! The chapter’s over.
Abigail: There has got to be a scientific explanation for my shit taste in men.
Your taste in women has been pretty good, though.
Abigail: Cool, we’ll call that Abigail Young’s Theorem of Actually Being a Lesbian.
Sunny: I do my best voting when I’m high as fuck.
She’s a real keeper, Kyle.
Kyle: Not if you believe Abigail Young’s Theorem of Kyle Actually Being Gay.
That’s so Chapter 5. You’re bi now.