The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 254

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

Yada yada yada.


In which the youngest person is around seventy.

Stephen: Sleek moves for an old lady!
Abigail: My suit has an onboard dance enhancer.

Stephen: Really?
Abigail: No! Stupid.

What’s that?

Brooke: Anti-jealousy potion.


I hope you brought enough for the entire neighbourhood.

Having fun touching your imaginary dance partners?

Having shared a house before, I can tell you it was nothing like this.

Brooke: You have a penis!
Kyle: Hahaha I do.

Sunny: I’ve seen it.

Stephen: I’m glad we can still be friends with benefits.

Friends with drawbacks too, though.

Sunny: Wanna have sex?
Kyle: In that direction?
Sunny: There’s only one Ask On Date animation, so sue me.

Clay: Man, is my armpit belching or is Brooke Cormier around?

Brooke: I’m trying to combine the words “trash” or “garbage” with the words “apocalypse” or “armageddon” but nothing quite evokes this smell.

Sunny: Wow you’re short.
Kyle: Not at all sensitive about it either.

Stephen: Look! My head is almost blocking the phone, but not quite!

I am really getting sick of myself and my stupid fucking pictures.

Like, did this moment of hoverhands need to be preserved for posterity?

Hey, this fake kiss almost looks real!

I take back one percent of the bad things I’ve recently said about myself.

Sunny: That does sound like a donkey!

Abigail: I’m still trying to figure out what this thing has to do with science.

What’s the occasion?

Sunny: We’re going out to dinner!

In fifty pics or less, I hope. I’ve got chapters to go, chapters to see.

Good for you guys.

Kyle: When you live with my family you learn to only look straight ahead.

Are you not going to walk with him?

Sunny: I’m moving when the damn prompt comes, and not a moment sooner.

Wow, it’s almost like Brooke’s a character now.

I never would have called that.

Stephen: Is there a port on this suit?

Abigail: Wouldn’t you be worried about it suddenly closing, though?

It would give a whole new meaning to safely removing hardware.


Yeah, making out and blowing bubbles all the time must suck.

FRIDAY: A most salubrious scene! But wait! What does it lack?!

FRIDAY: Ahh, perfection.

Aren’t you under a foundation somewhere?

FRIDAY: Then who kicked this can?

Yeah, I can only think of about twenty people.

Abigail: Sometimes I miss you.
Stephen: Yeah?
Abigail: Yeah, when you’re in your car. I throw rocks, and sometimes I miss.
Stephen: So that’s where those dents keep coming from!

The bland restaurant!

I save it for my blander clientele.

Man! If Sullivan wasn’t here this place would be a prime target for a little spring cleaning.

By which I mean a terrorist attack with no survivors.

Sunny: I think we just received a death threat.
Kyle: We’ve been dead before. It’s no biggie.

More than two hundred and fifty chapters in, I’ve finally run out of things to say about kissing.


Kyle: Shit! Fuck! Eye contact.

Kyle: And now my menu is dissolving.

Kyle: Okay, well, just feed us whatever looks logical.
Esther: So, dog food?

Chelsea: I keep imagining Melanie is walking around.
Melanie: That’s impossible.

Sunny: This isn’t what I wanted.

Don’t worry, that’s not what Kyle wanted either.

Passive aggressing much?

Sunny: You own the Prima guides. You can damn well look up my meal.

Asia: Kyle! What a surprise seeing you here!
Kyle: Who are you?
Asia: Your brother’s girlfriend!
Kyle: That only narrows it down to like three hundred people. Which brother?
Asia: Stewart!
Kyle: Okay, so one hundred…

Asia: Well anyway I’m taking this.

Sunny: Is that cat grass?

Sunny: Meet me in the parking lot.
Kyle: We didn’t bring a car.
Sunny: Exactly!

Kyle: Ohhhhh.

Kyle: The concrete fuck pad!
Sunny: Inexplicable but cheap!

Yeah, you really are.

Of course, she’s actually sucking the snot out of his nose.

Kyle: Man! Dresses are so convenient!

Kyle: And this concrete is softer than I thought it would be.
Sunny: I think it’s new. I think it’s wet.


Andrew: Wow! What the hell are you.

Andrew: Are you casting a spell on me? Are you a witch?

Andrew: Are you perhaps mistaking me for someone who would have anything to do with you?


Andrew: I hate fat people!

Renée: Now feel how good a compliment feels!

Andrew: You’re a genius.

Great job.

Asia: Us nobodies gots to sticks togethers.

Asia: Geez, you two. Get some raised walls!

Andrew: Suck it.

Round One, FIGHT!

Kyle: I have something to show you!
Sunny: Is it your penis?
Kyle: My penis and I have something to show you!

Kyle: Tada!
Sunny: Oh my gosh! How did you know, Kyle’s penis?!

Sunny: Which one of you am I marrying?
Kyle: We’re a package dear.


Um, dude.

Kyle: Yeah, I know. See if anyone notices.

Kyle: Oh, so NOW people see me!

Sunny: Is that your new style?
Kyle: Don’t underestimate the allure of wind on your genitals.


Kyle: I see Clay’s alive again.

Kyle: I smelled it first.

Abigail: And the bus didn’t even fit!

Stephen and Abigail: HAHAHAHAHA

Aw, are we ashamed to be disgusting perverts with another pervert nearby?

Oliver: There’s nothing disgusting about it! We’re not related.

No, but you should be.

Oliver: So? Kristen Stewart and Martha Stewart aren’t related, but they totally should be! If only because nobody wants to see them make out with each other.

Angelica: So hey, do you drive your boyfriend to little league practice and help him with his spelling homework?
Sunny: Hey, fuck you too.

Oliver: We shouldn’t fight! We’re all part of the same family!
Angelica: Except we’re not!
Oliver: Right, right! Except we’re not.

Angelica: You know, even if our family ties are corrupted, we still have similar genetics.
Oliver: But as luck would have it, flipper babies aren’t a thing in our universe.

Oliver: Since we’re unrelated, we can date! Right?
Angelica: I’m sorry, I’m a bit distracted by the sight of my grandfather outside in his underwear.

Angelica: But yeah, we’re totally boning.

Care to explain?

Stephen: Nope!

Abigail: Is Stephen outside?
Kyle: He can’t be, I just saw him in his underwear.

Angelica: Our matching private school outfits appeal to my middle-class notions of societal superiority!

Brooke: Hi Angelica! Chatting up your uncle?
Angelica: This is going to be a tough sell.

Angelica: Maybe we should wait until after that whole “arresting people and trying them” thing blows over.

Kyle: Dad!
Stephen: Am I? Abby?

Stephen: Oh right! Kyle! I keep forgetting you’re alive again.

Abigail: We only had eight children.

But in Stephen’s defense, they’re all pretty dull.

Wait. These are your parents. Why are you disapproving?

Kyle: Because it’s gross.

Stephen: So this is your underwear configuration?
Abigail: I can even change the translucency, but there’s kids around.

Stephen: Beat it, kid. So I can beat it.

Oliver: Hi, is this the gypsy matchmaker? Hi! Why do you have a land line.

Kyle: I liked you guys better when I was dead.

Now THAT is what family kisses really look like.

Abigail and Kyle: This is weird and I do not enjoy it.

Oliver: Get a room, you two!

DO NOT get a room, you two.

Next time: teens and shit.


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