The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 252

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Clever introduction!


The “Family” bit is sounding more and more sarcastic.

Sullivan: Fuck off and let me shit.

Okay.

Nathaniel: Anything good on?
Uma: All these movies are like forty years old.

Victor: No loitering!

Victor: And no tickling!

Uma: Wow! Back when I was… um…

Back when you were first a teenager, I guess?

Uma: No, that doesn’t work because I’ve always been a teenager.

Um…

Uma: I’ve forgotten what I was gonna say anyway.

Uma: Tough crowd.

Uma: Do you think we’re allowed to talk during the film?
Nathaniel: Only if there’s no justice in the world.

Nathaniel: This isn’t 1080p.

Noelle! You’re old.

Noelle: Andrew took me with him.

Nathaniel: Did you guys hear about what the governor did?
Victor: Is this topic of conversation literally inescapable?!

Nathaniel: Any chance you could scooch your ass over?
Veronica: No, but thanks for asking!

Uma: This theatre isn’t worthy of my dress.

Nathaniel: Is this place expensive?
Uma: Only if you want the date to go well.

Nathaniel: Eyes off, dude.

Uma: Table for two, please!
Shea: That is literally the only kind of table we have.

Nathaniel’s favourite food is plops.

Venkat: Alvin, it’s you from the future!
Alvin: !!!
Venkat: I have to warn you! In my day the sun is bright enough to tan your skin one shade darker! Which isn’t really a problem so I don’t know why I’m telling you.

Uma: It feels really awkward having my back to the place.

You try making a one-tile restaurant then.

Esther: You guys hear about that new Nintendo console? So cool!

Yeah! It’s portable and everything!

Esther: Yeah! And the 3D is incredible!

…oh. Right. It’s still 2011 in the Valley.

Nathaniel: I want… I dunno, what was the pic of? Let’s say different kinds of liver.
Uma: And I’ll have anything but that.

Alvin: Who invents the time machine? Is it me? It’s me though, right?!
Venkat: I was just fucking with you.
Alvin: When do I develop such a sophisticated sense of humour?!?!

Esther: Here’s your brown stuff.

Alvin: I think you should go back to the future.

Uma: Don’t act so civilized, Nathaniel. Live a little.

Uma: Just kidding.

I don’t know which issue to comment on first.

Uma: I’ve got a surprise for you!
Esther: Is it that you’re in my way? Because I noticed.

Uma: Watch closely!
Nathaniel: I am!
Uma: My hands, not my breasts.

Uma: Tada!
Shea: Good lord.

Nathaniel: Ow! It’s awesome! Ow! What is it?

Uma: Don’t hold it by the thorns.
Nathaniel: It’s all thorns! Ow! It smells awesome! Ow!

Nathaniel: Did you bring Band-Aids too?

Venkat: He fell for it.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did you get the investment money?
Venkat: Yeah, but he postdated it to the thirty-first century.

I’m glad somebody’s using this awesome place I made.

Nathaniel: I’m not much of a dancer…
Uma: That’s why the lights are so low.

Uma: Shall we?
DJ: Hey! Two chicks!

Uma: Don’t look at your feet!
Nathaniel: I’m not.

Ember: Phew. The stench of embarassment is tremendous.

Nathaniel: LOOK AT THIS LOSER
Uma: PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY

Nathaniel: No! No gateway hugs!

Uma: Get out of the girls’ washroom ya freakin’ weirdo.

Ember: Compliment her eyes.
Nathaniel: I don’t even know what they look like!
Ember: She’ll be astonished, trust me.

Dance like it owes you money.

Uma: That’s a lovely jacket, Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: I didn’t get to pick it.
Uma: Which is no doubt why it’s lovely!

Nathaniel: Your eyes are probably pretty.

Ember: Good work! Kicky bag is first base!

Ember: BOO YOU SUCK AT FIRST BASE

Uma: You! Random nobody. If this date doesn’t improve in less than five minutes, we’re fucking.

Uma: The clock is ticking, kid. Fuckstick here is waiting in the wings!

Nathaniel: Your clothes! They fit your body.
Justus: I’m gonna go find the wings, and wait in them.

SKLURCH

Nathaniel: You might have noticed that I didn’t die there.
Uma: B-list invulnerability! That’s pretty attractive.

Uma: You do have a sort of endearing, hamster-like aesthetic going on.

Ember!

Is pillow fighting second base or third?

In any case, strike one.

Uma: Just because I tried to do that exact same hug to him doesn’t mean I want it done to me.

Very sensible.

Nathaniel: I was wondering…
Uma: Yes?
Nathaniel: …sorry, I don’t remember. That dress, Jesus.

Nathaniel: It is a very close fit.
Uma: It had better be! I’ve spent eighty-four years waiting to use it.

Uma: Stop staring at my tits! They’re barely there.

Uma: Alright, it was nice getting some air. You wanna go back in?
Nathaniel: Stop asking me questions and just give me the correct orders.

Uma: I like the cut of your jib, sailor.

Look, I know you’re an ex-townie, but Nathaniel is still way below your league.

Uma: I know! He’s in what I like to call the Manipulation Zone.

Uma: Nathaniel! Drink.
Nathaniel: Mom said not to.
Uma: And now she’s in jail. Coincidence?

Ember: Good work, kid! Women love whipped men!
Nathaniel: Thanks grandma.
Ember: HEY.
Nathaniel: You literally are my grandmother.

Uma: You look very attractive surrounded by these idiots.

Nathaniel: You look fantastic when the mood lighting manipulates my emotions!

Ryan: I WANT TO SEE YOU MELT TOGETHER
Deborah: Go easy on the sauce there, Ryan.

Uma: Hahahaha what is this thing.

Nathaniel: A girl is touching me.

Cristopher Thomason: OH MY GOD SCHOOL AND SCHOOL STUFF
Blair Sell: WE’RE SO COOL

Blair: I ONCE SAW A DUDE WHO KNEW A GUY WHO KISSED A GIRL

Uma: Did you hire these people to make you look good?
Nathaniel: They offer a free trial period.

Nathaniel: Is it working?
Uma: As long as I don’t look directly at you it is.

Ember: That’ll do, kid. That’ll do.
Nathaniel: Like hell it will.

Uma: The kid is getting ideas.

It’s okay, there’s nowhere in his brain to store them.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Fifteen simoleons an hour, and that’s my final offer.

Uma: …I think a man just tried to purchase me.
Nathaniel: It sounded more like a contract position.

Uma: Come on. I don’t want to get into any position with Snidely Whiplash.

Nathaniel: I don’t get that reference.

Nathaniel: Is that marijuana?

Tucker: Yo ho!
Uma: Did that guy just call me a ho?!

Alvin: Ho-ly.
Uma: I art not a ho!

Yes, the only way to move past that awful joke is to skip its aftermath.

Nathaniel: We need some bump mapping up in this shiz.

Uma: Aw, don’t be shy!
Nathaniel: Not shy scared of pirates

Uma: Well this booty is all yours tonight, cap’n.

Nathaniel: Did you just make a terrible pirate joke for me?!
Uma: See how much I like you?!

Yes, perfect.

Very natural.

Uma: Why do you keep closing your eyes?
Nathaniel: Because they keep making shit up, like sexy girls dancing with me.

Uma: Yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous.

Nathaniel: Why do you keep doing that? Do I have lint or something?

Nathaniel: Look at Miss Vacuum Cleaner over here.

Gavin: Now! Attack, my pretties!

Luckily Gavin has no pretties.

Nathaniel: I do.

Alvin: Alvin Woodrow! I worked with your brother.
Stewart: I can’t wait to hear how that’s relevant to me.

Shane: I’m going to poop!

Chris: OH MY GOD THAT MAN’S POOPING!

Nathaniel: You take me to the best places.

Nathaniel: Aww! And you don’t even know where these hands have been!

It would be such a shame if this state were to be, say, struck by a meteorite.

Shane: Dude! AWESOME young Venkat Hogan costume!

And now everybody wants to poop.

Uma: That is a really compelling cue to leave.

Uma: Wanna come back to my place?
Nathaniel: That’s an option?! Cut to the chase next time!

Uma: Pff. Like I’d pick the same dude twice.

Nathaniel: I didn’t see the marijuana. Where was the marijuana?!

Next time: not marijuana.

In fact, never marijuana.

Sorry?

You’re welcome?

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