Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
The “Family” bit is sounding more and more sarcastic.
Sullivan: Fuck off and let me shit.
Nathaniel: Anything good on?
Uma: All these movies are like forty years old.
Victor: No loitering!
Victor: And no tickling!
Uma: Wow! Back when I was… um…
Back when you were first a teenager, I guess?
Uma: No, that doesn’t work because I’ve always been a teenager.
Uma: I’ve forgotten what I was gonna say anyway.
Uma: Tough crowd.
Uma: Do you think we’re allowed to talk during the film?
Nathaniel: Only if there’s no justice in the world.
Nathaniel: This isn’t 1080p.
Noelle! You’re old.
Noelle: Andrew took me with him.
Nathaniel: Did you guys hear about what the governor did?
Victor: Is this topic of conversation literally inescapable?!
Nathaniel: Any chance you could scooch your ass over?
Veronica: No, but thanks for asking!
Uma: This theatre isn’t worthy of my dress.
Nathaniel: Is this place expensive?
Uma: Only if you want the date to go well.
Nathaniel: Eyes off, dude.
Uma: Table for two, please!
Shea: That is literally the only kind of table we have.
Nathaniel’s favourite food is plops.
Venkat: Alvin, it’s you from the future!
Venkat: I have to warn you! In my day the sun is bright enough to tan your skin one shade darker! Which isn’t really a problem so I don’t know why I’m telling you.
Uma: It feels really awkward having my back to the place.
You try making a one-tile restaurant then.
Esther: You guys hear about that new Nintendo console? So cool!
Yeah! It’s portable and everything!
Esther: Yeah! And the 3D is incredible!
…oh. Right. It’s still 2011 in the Valley.
Nathaniel: I want… I dunno, what was the pic of? Let’s say different kinds of liver.
Uma: And I’ll have anything but that.
Alvin: Who invents the time machine? Is it me? It’s me though, right?!
Venkat: I was just fucking with you.
Alvin: When do I develop such a sophisticated sense of humour?!?!
Esther: Here’s your brown stuff.
Alvin: I think you should go back to the future.
Uma: Don’t act so civilized, Nathaniel. Live a little.
Uma: Just kidding.
I don’t know which issue to comment on first.
Uma: I’ve got a surprise for you!
Esther: Is it that you’re in my way? Because I noticed.
Uma: Watch closely!
Nathaniel: I am!
Uma: My hands, not my breasts.
Shea: Good lord.
Nathaniel: Ow! It’s awesome! Ow! What is it?
Uma: Don’t hold it by the thorns.
Nathaniel: It’s all thorns! Ow! It smells awesome! Ow!
Nathaniel: Did you bring Band-Aids too?
Venkat: He fell for it.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did you get the investment money?
Venkat: Yeah, but he postdated it to the thirty-first century.
I’m glad somebody’s using this awesome place I made.
Nathaniel: I’m not much of a dancer…
Uma: That’s why the lights are so low.
Uma: Shall we?
DJ: Hey! Two chicks!
Uma: Don’t look at your feet!
Nathaniel: I’m not.
Ember: Phew. The stench of embarassment is tremendous.
Nathaniel: LOOK AT THIS LOSER
Uma: PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY
Nathaniel: No! No gateway hugs!
Uma: Get out of the girls’ washroom ya freakin’ weirdo.
Ember: Compliment her eyes.
Nathaniel: I don’t even know what they look like!
Ember: She’ll be astonished, trust me.
Dance like it owes you money.
Uma: That’s a lovely jacket, Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: I didn’t get to pick it.
Uma: Which is no doubt why it’s lovely!
Nathaniel: Your eyes are probably pretty.
Ember: Good work! Kicky bag is first base!
Ember: BOO YOU SUCK AT FIRST BASE
Uma: You! Random nobody. If this date doesn’t improve in less than five minutes, we’re fucking.
Uma: The clock is ticking, kid. Fuckstick here is waiting in the wings!
Nathaniel: Your clothes! They fit your body.
Justus: I’m gonna go find the wings, and wait in them.
Nathaniel: You might have noticed that I didn’t die there.
Uma: B-list invulnerability! That’s pretty attractive.
Uma: You do have a sort of endearing, hamster-like aesthetic going on.
Is pillow fighting second base or third?
In any case, strike one.
Uma: Just because I tried to do that exact same hug to him doesn’t mean I want it done to me.
Nathaniel: I was wondering…
Nathaniel: …sorry, I don’t remember. That dress, Jesus.
Nathaniel: It is a very close fit.
Uma: It had better be! I’ve spent eighty-four years waiting to use it.
Uma: Stop staring at my tits! They’re barely there.
Uma: Alright, it was nice getting some air. You wanna go back in?
Nathaniel: Stop asking me questions and just give me the correct orders.
Uma: I like the cut of your jib, sailor.
Look, I know you’re an ex-townie, but Nathaniel is still way below your league.
Uma: I know! He’s in what I like to call the Manipulation Zone.
Uma: Nathaniel! Drink.
Nathaniel: Mom said not to.
Uma: And now she’s in jail. Coincidence?
Ember: Good work, kid! Women love whipped men!
Nathaniel: Thanks grandma.
Nathaniel: You literally are my grandmother.
Uma: You look very attractive surrounded by these idiots.
Nathaniel: You look fantastic when the mood lighting manipulates my emotions!
Ryan: I WANT TO SEE YOU MELT TOGETHER
Deborah: Go easy on the sauce there, Ryan.
Uma: Hahahaha what is this thing.
Nathaniel: A girl is touching me.
Cristopher Thomason: OH MY GOD SCHOOL AND SCHOOL STUFF
Blair Sell: WE’RE SO COOL
Blair: I ONCE SAW A DUDE WHO KNEW A GUY WHO KISSED A GIRL
Uma: Did you hire these people to make you look good?
Nathaniel: They offer a free trial period.
Nathaniel: Is it working?
Uma: As long as I don’t look directly at you it is.
Ember: That’ll do, kid. That’ll do.
Nathaniel: Like hell it will.
Uma: The kid is getting ideas.
It’s okay, there’s nowhere in his brain to store them.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Fifteen simoleons an hour, and that’s my final offer.
Uma: …I think a man just tried to purchase me.
Nathaniel: It sounded more like a contract position.
Uma: Come on. I don’t want to get into any position with Snidely Whiplash.
Nathaniel: I don’t get that reference.
Nathaniel: Is that marijuana?
Tucker: Yo ho!
Uma: Did that guy just call me a ho?!
Uma: I art not a ho!
Yes, the only way to move past that awful joke is to skip its aftermath.
Nathaniel: We need some bump mapping up in this shiz.
Uma: Aw, don’t be shy!
Nathaniel: Not shy scared of pirates
Uma: Well this booty is all yours tonight, cap’n.
Nathaniel: Did you just make a terrible pirate joke for me?!
Uma: See how much I like you?!
Uma: Why do you keep closing your eyes?
Nathaniel: Because they keep making shit up, like sexy girls dancing with me.
Uma: Yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous.
Nathaniel: Why do you keep doing that? Do I have lint or something?
Nathaniel: Look at Miss Vacuum Cleaner over here.
Gavin: Now! Attack, my pretties!
Luckily Gavin has no pretties.
Nathaniel: I do.
Alvin: Alvin Woodrow! I worked with your brother.
Stewart: I can’t wait to hear how that’s relevant to me.
Shane: I’m going to poop!
Chris: OH MY GOD THAT MAN’S POOPING!
Nathaniel: You take me to the best places.
Nathaniel: Aww! And you don’t even know where these hands have been!
It would be such a shame if this state were to be, say, struck by a meteorite.
Shane: Dude! AWESOME young Venkat Hogan costume!
And now everybody wants to poop.
Uma: That is a really compelling cue to leave.
Uma: Wanna come back to my place?
Nathaniel: That’s an option?! Cut to the chase next time!
Uma: Pff. Like I’d pick the same dude twice.
Nathaniel: I didn’t see the marijuana. Where was the marijuana?!
Next time: not marijuana.
In fact, never marijuana.