The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 251

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

On LiveJournal this is when I retired my massive-ass link list.

I’m surprised LJ never choked on it.

Thus, the thrilling origin story of the hub post.

Lookin’ sharp alright.

Jane: Do exactly what we say.
Theresa: Or we kill you.
Jane: Again.
Theresa: Don’t think we won’t.

Anthony: Pucks for breakfast! Who wants one?

Theresa: William?

Theresa: Ahem. Sorry. WILLIAM!

William: They’re calling your name, kid!

William: Unfortunately it’s my name too. Don’t get stepped on!

You picked a great spot, Will.

‘sup D?

Daisy: Don’t talk to me.

Theresa: Looks like the conquering hero is taking a snooze.

Theresa: Oh! There you are.
William: If you came into my house unannounced, I hope you came for sex.

Theresa: I announced myself! I yelled out your name!
William: And you’re sure we’re not talking about sex?

Theresa: Do you ever quit, dude?
William: You don’t quit on sex, Theresa. Sex quits on you, and you gotta get as much in as you can before that happens.

William: My schedule’s open right now, FYI.

William: Alright, whatever. Let ’em in.

Sullivan: What is that stench?
Brandi: My rotting vagina.
Sullivan: I love it.

William: I’ve got the other one in there. Try not to let her out, okay? I can’t stand apocalypses before breakfast.

Anthony: Who wants salmon?
Brandi: William eats salmon for breakfast?
Sullivan: Pretty sure William eats pussy for every meal.

William: Lookin’ good for a dead chick, Bran!
Melanie: You realize I’m not a zombie, right?

Sullivan: I’ve been doing some research, and I think after wrongfully accusing me of a crime I’m legally entitled to make you eat out my asshole.

William: It’s good to see you too, Sullivan.
Sullivan: Clitsucker.

Anthony: What happened to him? Was it butlering?
William: I’m pretty sure it wasn’t butlering. I’m pretty sure he’s always been like that. I’m pretty sure, in fact, that it’s Sullivan that happens to things that aren’t Sullivan.

Melanie: I don’t suppose you’d accept some lovely salmon in lieu of brains…

Brandi: I don’t suppose.

Jane: Well look. If it isn’t the princess of the silver screen.
Daisy: Most people would have gone for queen. You know, ‘cuz it rhymes.
Jane: Exactly! That’s how you know mine was an insult.

William: Who put the rats in with the mice?

Daisy: So, are they staying the night or what?
Jane: Nobody tells me anything.
Daisy: It’s your stupid face, right? That’d do it for me.

Daisy: ‘kay thanks bye.

Sullivan: Breakfast and a show!

Daisy: I just go like this and ZOOOOOM my arm goes weird.

Daisy: Isn’t that awesome?
Theresa: Did you know, my contract specifically indicates that I need to tolerate everything you say and do? Specifically?!

Daisy: Yikes. Maybe oil that dust cloud down a little?

Theresa: Go grab that baby and do mommy things with it, will you?!

Daisy: I don’t think I will, actually.

Daisy: I’m surprised that someone with such a stupid haircut could be such a bore.

Theresa: Yeah, fuck you too.


Why is everybody playing cops and robbers? The thing at the courthouse was swords and bombs.

Uma: Man! Have you looked at me?!


Uma: WOW, am I right?!

Brandi: You’ve got a little something on your everything.

Jane: I sink the white one first, right?

Daisy: Get out of my house.

Uma: Uh-oh, it’s Attack of the Hair Gel!

Melanie: I gave life to two actual Sims! I taught a child to speak! I was a person!
Brandi: Eat your salmon before the flies do, Pinocchio.

William: You’re not looking up a replacement for me, are you?
Uma: What? God no.

Uma: A supplement, yes.

Theresa: Dammit.

Nathaniel: Hi, you’ve reached Nathaniel Price-Murphy. I don’t answer my phone anymore because nobody ever calls it on purpose. Please leave a message if you’re the first person to ever actually want to talk to me.

Uma: Wow, depressing much? You sound like such a nerd.

Uma: Pick up the phone if you want to go downtown and get laid.

Nathaniel: I’M HERE
Uma: I thought you might be.

Sullivan: Did you meet Agatha Grimm yet? She and I go way back. Way, way back! Bareback.

Melanie: Yeah, I’m with the butler on this one. Can you go back to whatever planet you came from?

Sullivan: Sure thing baby! Got me a rocketship right here. Wanna lift?

Melanie: You’re too gross to be a zombie.

I hope the Repo Man takes Sullivan.

Nathaniel: Touch your nose and say “Magic Lamp.”

Isn’t anybody gonna take WEDNESDAY inside?

Daisy: Why? Will that speed up her decomposition somehow?

Uma: Listen kid. You’re eighteen. How horny are you? I’m almost five times that old.

Neila: I’m in this update!

Victor Me too!
Andrea: Me three, but just barely!


Uma: What?

Hold your jaw shut, kid.

Nathaniel: Oh! Okay. I’m hallucinating.

Uma: Good start.

Nathaniel: You look… wow.
Uma: Good enough to defeat grammar, huh? That’s pretty damn good.

Nathaniel: So… you… are going on a date… with me?!
Uma: Um, what? And skip the auditioning process? Don’t be absurd.


Nathaniel: Where did you get that dress? Did you knock over the Academy Awards?!

Uma: Kid, I had this dress back when the Oscars were legally required to be all-white.

Nathaniel: Hahaha the Oscars are racist.

The best thing about that joke is it will probably always be timely.

This is also the worst thing about that joke.

Uma: Alright pal. Are you ready for the time of your life?
Nathaniel: Maybe!
Uma: Maybe?
Nathaniel: If it’s the time of my life, what do I have to compare it to?

Uma: Just shut up and come with me.

Uma: Come with me. You got that? Not after me, and certainly not before me.

Nathaniel: I don’t get it.

Next time: he gets it.

He gets something, anyway.

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