The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 248

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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RAWHIDE

It’s good to take pride in your work.

Mostly.

Regretting what you do?

Stephen: Haven’t slept in two days. Too many naked chicks.

You can never have-

Stephen: TOO MANY NAKED CHICKS

Roger: IT WASN’T ME

Margaret: What’s all this about a bomb?!

Rosemarie: I don’t know what you’re implying, but I showered before I came over.

Stephen: DAMN but it’s good to be me.

You probably can’t quite make it out, but Deborah’s got the right idea: a pile of garbage.

Stephen: JESUS CHRIST I BANG A LOT OF WOMEN

Margaret: DEBORAH?
Kyle: GARBAGE!
Margaret: Exactly!

Abigail: Enjoying your last few years of life?
Deborah: What?
Abigail: You heard me.

Stephen: Want to go do a sexy thing?
Rosemarie: Always!

Stephen: Really? Always?! Awesome.

Rosemarie: SO awesome.

Carolina: I disapprove of what you’re doing.
Stephen: Well I disapprove of visible lot edges, but not everything people disapprove of disappears.

Stephen: I think you ought to give me a chance. You might like me!
Carolina: That sounds like a terrible fate.

Carolina: I can tell you’re only doing that to look at my chest, Stephen.

Carolina: I mean, go ahead, but don’t pretend you’re not doing it.

I thought you disapproved of him.

Carolina: It’s a lot easier to do that from a distance.

Stephen: Shall we be on our carnal way?

Carolina: CRITICAL ERROR

Oh for crying out loud

Cool, at least someone accomplished something today.

Stephen: Thanks for picking up my trash!
Carolina: Happy to help, neighbour!
Stephen: You just earned yourself a complimentary photoshoot!
Carolina: Oh boy! I bet that’s something I want!

Stephen: I think you’ll like it.

Okay, that’s enough ego stroking for one update.

Stephen: Hi Brooke! Hi Brooke’s scary green dot!

Stephen: Oh, the game thinks you’re a real employee! Get out of here before I have to give you money.

Brooke: What a good boss you are.

Stephen: Come cheat my wives with me.

Valerie: How often does a girl get that offer?!

Valerie: Actually, answer that. How often? I’m curious.

Stephen: You’re the first person I’ve interacted with sexually since arriving here today.
Valerie: Gosh! That’s suspiciously specific.

Valerie: But for the purpose of advancing the narrative, I’m in.

Jessie: I just want you all to know that I’m watching you. Always.

Stephen: Dude! You can’t spy on my photo sessions! That’s what the inevitable gallery exhibit is for! I hate people who try to cheat the system.

Brooke: Are we nearly done with this?
Stephen: Ask the Maker’s OCD.

We can’t, I medicated it away.

Stephen: Maybe you should stay naked all the time, just in case.

This is a studio.

Not a zoo.

The magic of walls-down!

I’m beginning to really hate Stephen.

Stephen: You have a GREAT rack.
Valerie: I’m offended!
Stephen: …photographically speaking, of course.
Valerie: Oh! Well that’s okay then, thank you.

Valerie: Ew! She’s naked!
Stephen: Who?

Valerie: The girl in the next image! I mean, this image!
Stephen: This joke progresses awkwardly!

Valerie: Man, that is a great rack.

If you think the bend in her legs looks bad, you should see how bad it is past the frame.

Luckily that non-Euclidean horror is omitted from the final product.

Valerie: How about some performance art?

Stephen: I’ll charge you a reduced rate.

Valerie: Has anyone ever told you that you look like William’s evil twin?

Stephen: No, and since we only reuse dialogue for running jokes, I’m hoping no-one ever will again.

Xavier: EVERYBODY! QUICK! THE CAMERA’S HERE!

Wren: I thought we’d never see it again.

Xavier: We need to think of something cool to do so it stays!
Wren: We could do something cool, if you were cooler…

Wren: Look! I can make a piece of metal protrude from my forehead!
Xavier: Pretty neat!

How come nobody’s screamed about how the gate is naked lately?

Did we exorcise it?

Xavier: Rebecca’s dad liked poop.

Wren: I think I’m gonna throw up.

Xavier: Bang! Bang! I’m a cop!
Wren: I disapprove of the modern police state.

Wren: …which is exactly what a robber would say!

Okay, seriously though… it’s a bit too on-the-nose how the robbers always die in TS2.

Ember: Shit. I think they see me.

Wren: Mommy, when’s daddy coming home?
Ember: He’s been home like three times. The real question is, when’s daddy gonna take a fucking break?

Wren: Okay mommy! “When’s daddy gonna take a fucking break?”

When he runs out of naked women.

So… never?

Ember: Welp. Thanks for stopping by.

Xavier: What a healthy child-rearing environment.

Stephen: Why am I in the car?

The game thought you needed to go to “work.”

Stephen: But I’m an artist. I was working in the studio.

Well hey, just wait until The Sims 3! I bet it’ll have real-time simulated workplaces!

HA HA HA.

Wren: Mommy told me to tell you something but I won’t ‘cuz it’s mean.

Stephen: Daddy’s little blow softener!

That sounds wrong.

Not, like, call-the-police wrong, but at least let’s-rephrase-that wrong.

Brooke: Hi! I’m the police.

Stephen: FUCK the police.

Brooke: Okay bye!

Stephen: Who is this? I need a frame of reference to bring up the specific cheating memory you’re talking about.

Stephen: My wife? That doesn’t help.

Stephen: Just a second, I think I’m trippin’ balls.

Stephen: Hahaha no, I don’t remember cheating on a pregnant woman. That sounds bad even for me.

Stephen: Shit, ABIGAIL? Oh, right! Right. That happened. Why do you bring it up? What do you mean JUST ‘CUZ.

Stephen: Okay, well, remember that time aliens probed your anus? Sink your “just ‘cuz” into that. I have to go greet a visitor.

Stephen: They’re letting them out of the house earlier and earlier these days…

Stephen: Anybody up for a game of football?

Next time: yep. More Stephen.

By popular demand!

Of Stephen.

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