Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Now to continue the dissolution of the nuclear family as a concept.
And also make some lowbrow jokes.
Or is it the Wolosenko-Murphy Family?
The Fox-Wolosenko-Murphy Family?
THE FOX-MURPHY/WOLOSENKO-MURPHY FAMILY?!
Ember: That your new wife?
Stephen: The blonde, yeah, not the redhead.
Brooke: Third wheel keep on turnin’.
Is it really bright outside or something?
Margaret: What’s on for today?
Stephen: Gonna take more nudie pics.
Margaret: A noble goal.
Stephen: I’m the neighbourhood’s official creep! It’s what I do.
Stephen: Besides accumulating women.
Stephen: Please let me know if I do something sexist.
Margaret: Like saying you’re “accumulating women” out loud?
Brooke: I THINK I’M GOING BLIND
Stephen: IT MUST BE MARGARET’S BEAUTY
Ember: Alright, I know the drill. This one’s not my chapter either.
How the fuck did I end up ignoring Ember for Stephen?
Clay: Hey there, good-lookin’!
Brooke: Here’s not good-lookin’ at you!
Clay: I am going to pilfer her.
It’s not a porn set if you call it a studio.
Brooke: So I thought we already did my portrait.
Stephen: I don’t pay you to thought!
Stephen: To think, I mean. I don’t pay you to think. Maybe I should?
Stephen: Okay, I pay you to think now too.
Brooke: Awesome! I can’t wait to see the job title you come up with that combines stripping naked and thinking.
Stephen: How old are you again, Brooke?
Stephen: Right, let’s up the bloom a bit.
Stephen: Say cheesecake!
Stephen: Enh? Enh?
The good old days, when I didn’t know a time-consuming way to make people of different heights kiss.
Stephen: You’re too young for me, Brooke! You’re eighty-four and I’m ninety-nine!
Brooke: So fuckin’ stupid.
Stephen: What? Why? I’ve asked you to pose before and you’ve said no!
Stephen: oh HA HA HA
Iris: I thought it was funny.
I think Jill’s cute.
Stephen: You’re hideous goodbye.
Stephen: Come on over! Unless you’re pregnant too.
Deborah: If I am, it’s your fault!
Stephen: Wanna take your clothes off even though your clothes are the only personality you have?
Deborah: Yes, that I might know the sweet embrace of oblivion.
‘cuz she’s a blogger and she… likes books?
Stephen: THERE’S NOT A LOT IN HER
Deborah: So put something in me.
Stephen: She is a functional fleshlight at least.
Stephen: I’m so sorry, that was terrible even for “talking to or about Deborah” standards.
Take that light off the pic, it makes it look like her skin glows.
Deborah’s skin isn’t that interesting.
Stephen: It’s what’s inside that counts.
Because your dick is inside her.
Deborah: And I appreciate it!
Stephen: What if I die before I get pictures of all the ladies in the Valley?
Oh, don’t worry.
Stephen: How did I walk to the north and arrive from the north?
Clay: WHY DID YOU EVEN ARRIVE
Stephen: Do-over, Deborah!
Deborah: So you’re going to do me over?
Ember: Over my done body!
Better? I guess?
Deborah: So I’m holding a pen… next to a statuette… of a pen.
Stephan: It’s subtle, eh?
Deborah: Whatever, kiss me and I’ll leave.
Stephen: Come be exploited at my exploitation place!
Why are you mad at Rosemarie?
Stephen: I don’t remember.
It’s not because she ran over Leonard, right?
Stephen: Was Leonard a cat or a dog?
Stephen: Where the hell are you.
Cool people don’t look at their crushes.
HE’S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!
Wow, I didn’t even document it this time.
Good editorial sense.
Stephen: We can’t kiss unless you’re willing to swear that there’s been no dick in your mouth within the past three hours.
They didn’t kiss.
Hey, people gotta make a living!
Oh, you’re here!
Ember: We’ve come a long way in the wrong direction when you can say that about me with surprise.
I hope you had her wash her hands first.
The hell is this? There’s no reference to pissing herself at all!
Erin: I paid him off.
Stephen: I mean, I’m sure it was only that once anyway, right?
Erin: What? No. Every day.
Stephen: Call it “losing control,” then. Sounds sexier.
Good job, you obscured one of the three sets of boobs on display.
I wouldn’t put my hands that far down on her, personally…
Jesus Christ. When do vaginas start being a thing.
Stephen: Yeah hello. Can you bring me some chicks? For naked pics?
Stephen: Your WIFE? She scares me. Your EX-WIFE?! Is that even ALLOWED?!
Stephen: Yes, I know we haven’t personally had any problems with each other, but she did eat half my relatives.
Stephen: Alright fine! You bring Melanie down to my studio, and when she kills everyone I’ll be sure to point out whose idea it was.
Stephen: Is there a third person you could bring? ‘cuz Daisy and Melanie are only two of the worst ideas possible.
Stephen: Ah, here we go! There’s our third.
Ohhh, I get it!
The prostitute is making him piss fire.
Melanie: You guys have the same haircut.
Melanie: Wow. You didn’t tell me this was high art!
Melanie: I heard that.
Stephen: WE DEFINITELY DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO
Uma: Wait, photographs?! I thought we were shooting an actual porno! Ripoff.
Whose urn is that?
No, I mean, who’s in it?
William: Oh, I dunno. I have so many, I’ve lost track.
How’re your Needs holding up, Ember?
Ember: Well judging by how everyone is basically ignoring me, I have no needs.
Daisy: Do you think William would ever retire?
Uma: Only if he defeated his greatest nemeses in single combat.
Daisy: Ooh, now there’s a thought…
Melanie: Huh! I’ll be damned! I am naked! Good call, photograph!
William: BY ALL MEANS TAKE ALL NIGHT
Stephen: .oO(Don’t look at either of them. Don’t look at either of them!)
Stephen: Hey Ms. White! Are you sure doing nude modelling won’t affect your TV career?
Daisy: Half of our sponsors use sex in their ads anyway.
Daisy: I threatened the other half into not complaining.
Daisy: Am I the only one here who isn’t broken?
The entire rich tapestry of Daisy’s personality, and you actually referenced HER NAME?!
William: It was the only thing I figured she wouldn’t kill me over.
Daisy: Buddy, you kill me!
Stephen: I am a ladykiller.
Stephen: I’m pointing at your genitals.
Daisy: So, are you trying to get the whole neighbourhood photographed or something?
Stephen: Hahaha, no, of course not! Just the women.
Daisy: Your turn, also-ran.
Uma: I’m a sucker for art.
Stephen: I parsed that as “I will suck if you give me art.”
Uma: You parsed wrong, dude.
Hey, look at that. A vagina.
LOOK AT THAT OCTOGENARIAN VAGINA
Hmm. Nope, I don’t get it.
Stephen: Then unfortunately nobody does.
Uma: I’m sure it’s very meaningful! Even if its meaning is lost forever.
Stephen: You’re pretty mature for an eighteen-year-old.
Uma: I’m eighty-four.
Stephen: WHY IS EVERYONE EIGHTY-FOUR
Melanie: You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’, mister.
Stephen: Thank you for lending me your women, William.
William: They are not my women. I am their man.
Stephen: I hope I don’t belong to any women…
Ember: GET BACK HERE.
Next time: uhh, this again.
Like, for a while.