The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 243

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Just chuggin’ along.


Hm. I think it might just be “Murphy” now, but let’s see.

I love how brutal the game is about where your significant other is not sleeping.

Asia: If Margaret’s his significant other, am I his insignificant other?

Asia: And do entire societies have significant others?

If she’s part of the society, though, she’s not an other.

Asia: Abigail will always be an other.

Asia: I don’t hear anyone.

That’s my favourite thing to hear!

Asia: Aaaand there’s no groceries. Shittiest apocalypse ever.

I’m amazed you survived the original one. Or did you? Memory = no.

Asia: Comestibles, basketed! Please and thank you!

Brooke: Bye, littlest hobo!

Ray: That chick just burned you hard.

Cara: Who’s the basket case here?

Asia: Wow! I can see all KINDS of food that isn’t in the game in there!

Stewart: Mmm, what is that smell?

Sausages, maybe?

Stewart: No, wait. It’s the stench of my own failure.

Are you sure? That could totally still be sausages.

Stewart: So I see my alleged fiancé didn’t sleep here tonight.

Hey man, nobody but you has ever alleged that.

Stewart: Come and help me with this bright green boil on my shoulder.

Now you see it too.

BUT DO YOU SEE THE FIN ON HIS NECK?!

Stewart: Thanks for making breakfast! You pig.
Asia: What was that?
Stewart: I said thanks for making breakfast! You hard of hearing?

Stewart: I like a girl who is where my fiancé should be but is not!

If you imply that a woman should always be cooking you food, it’s no wonder she’s not here.

Stephen: She lives with me now.

Yeah, I figured, but thanks.

Stewart: Have you seen Margaret today?
Asia: Nope! It’s been pretty great!

Stewart: Well… look, Asia. You’re still young.
Asia: You sound like North America.

Stewart: I just mean you’re in an earlier stage, even though you’re older than I am.
Asia: Shut up, North America!

Stewart: That turned fast.

Meanwhile, your house is collapsing.

Stewart: Who threw my GBA out?!

We’re finally calling it what it is?

Stewart: What? Sure! It’s a Gameling Beyond Awesome, by Ninvento!

…well done.

Stewart: Stewart’s garbage can, how may I help you?

Stephen: Yeah, hi. It’s dad. I just wanted to call and tell you that your fiancé is now my wife.

Good! I’ve gotten really tired of inserting that “é.”

Stephen: Also I’m right behind you.

Stephen: And also I’m angry for some reason.

Stewart: Hi dad! How’s Margaret?
Stephen: Satisfied.

Stewart: …that was harsh.

The fuck is going on in your head dude

Asia: Who was that gross pervert?
Stewart: Yes! Cherish that first impression. Hold it close.

Stewart: Hey dickbag. Can we have an adult conversation about this?
Stephen: Yes?

Stewart: Wrong!

Asia: Don’t dust up my bathrobe!

Sir Wally the Grey: Don’t dust up my feathers! AWK.

Stewart: Oh now don’t you start!

Asia: I’m… gonna go to work.

And by work you mean a furry convention, right?

Sir Wally the Grey: A VERY PALPABLE HIT

Stephen: I LIKE YOUR WALLPAPER

Stephen: Geez, kid. Rage issues much? Just ‘cuz I stole your fiancé? What a baby.

STOP SAYING THAT WORD.

Stewart: I don’t even know you, dude! Get out of my house!

Stephen: I bet this is payback for the entirety of his life when I forgot he existed.

Stewart: This one’s for you, dad.

Stewart: And the rest is for you, CleanBot!

WHAT POSSIBLE REASON

Stewart: Ew, what Samellas out here?

Stewart: Is this how they say “hi” on your planet?

Samella: Pleased to meet you!
Stewart: No! I’m not! Because you KICKED OVER MY GARBAGE CAN!

Stewart: …actually it was probably my dad wasn’t it yeah, that makes more sense.

Stewart: Anyway you’re ugly goodbye

I’m getting the impression that car wants something from you, Stew.

Stewart: It wants to hear all about how I beat up my dad, that’s what it wants!

Stewart: I have proof, the parrot saw it.

Asia: Wait! Stewart’s dad! Come back! You accidentally kicked our garbage can over!

NEVER AGAIN.

It’s good to see an engaged learner.

WHAT.

What?

Seriously?

Corey: I’M MORALLY QUESTIONABLE ALREADY, DON’T PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED

Okay FINE what’s she learning.

…Cooking? FUCK. Stop that this instant.

Oh, right.

I can’t time travel.

Well fine! She’s learning to cook! Because she wants to.

Asia: Dude, overthink much?

THE PROBLEM WITH BEING LEFT-WING IS ALWAYS BEING AFRAID THE OTHER LEFT-WINGERS WON’T RECOGNIZE IT

Asia: Well calm the fuck down, you won the battle of the pork ribs.

NO! You’re cooking because it’s your right as a human being!

Asia: No, I’m cooking because Stewart can’t cook, and I want to marry him! There’s nothing sexist about it.

I disagree on principle.

Asia: You’re an idiot on principle.

Asia: Now THIS, this was probably you being sexist.

You’re welcome, man. I took the sexist bullet for you.

Stewart: Oh, wow! Such sexy sexism!

Asia: SHUT THE FUCK UP DUDES 😀

Stewart: I do love me a lady who can cook!

ARGH

Asia: The Maker thinks it’s sexist for women to learn to cook.

Well no, I…

Asia: The Maker thinks he has to defend everything stereotypical his characters do.

Well YES. Yes I do.

Stewart: Let me put you at ease then, bro.

…thanks?

Yep, that’s the right moment to snap a pic alright.

If I wasn’t sexist, I was still a shit photographer.

Stewart: What’s the occasion, anyway? Besides the Maker’s weekly crisis of conscience, I mean.

Asia: We’re celebrating how huge my hands are!

Asia: Watch! I’ll hide them, then surprise you with how huge they are!

Asia: Are you surprised?

Wow! I thought it was usually the man who…

I love you guys.

I’m taking this as a personal favour.

Asia: Dude, you’re ruining the moment.

Yeah, you might as well throw it on the lawn. With your dad around it’ll end up there anyway.

Stewart: I should take your last name, too. ‘cuz there’s too many goddamn Murphies around here.

Yep, I think it’s official: we have completely eliminated sexism everywhere forever with this chapter.

If you start to do or think something sexist, stop right away and remember: it’s over, you can’t.

Stewart: How are those things glowing and yet not casting any light?

Stewart: This is way cooler than some dumb trials.

Michael: YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME THEY WERE NAKED

I’m supposed to know when you’re coming over?

Michael: SIX YEARS AGO!

Fuck, really? That can’t be right…

Michael: Six fucking years ago.

FUCK.

Friday, 14 December 2011, 4:12 PM.

Michael: Please tell me she’s actually old.

I consider teens to always be 18.

Because otherwise even the base game is icky.

Michael: We should rename the neighbourhood after William Sharpe.
Asia: I’m a teenager, I can’t vote.

Michael: Sure you can? This isn’t, like… a vote vote.
Asia: Well THAT clears things up!

Asia: You have MY not-vote, mister! Whoever you are.

Michael: I’ve been thinking of running for mayor…
Asia: And we were thinking of having a romantic dinner. Funny how things sometimes don’t work out.

Stewart: I’d vote for both of you.

Michael: Because we’re financially-capable?
Stewart: No, because you’re both nosy.

Michael: I will be your nose, Stewart.
Stewart: Great, because it smells really bad out here.

No, it’s the garbage!

Stewart: Don’t tell someone not to brush their teeth!
Asia: Hey, thanks!
Stewart: Well!

Stewart: I’d still do you with bad breath.

CRACK SNAP

Pop?

Asia: God I hope not.

And the misty grey fog of love descends.

Aww!

I wish I didn’t remember how this ends.

Stewart: Time to greet the morning like it owes me money!

I hope I never owe you money.

Asia: I dreamed that you were saying we were doomed.

I can see me doing that.

Next time: those other people.

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