The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 241

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

Happy New Year!

In the Valley, I mean. So far the real year has been… not without its flaws.

Let’s see if we can’t let a little of that misery bleed onto my Sims.


Wow! From a distance they almost do look like a family!

Michael: Yeah, I’m in my underwear… what? Why would you need to call back?
Abigail: Mental image.

Speaking of which.

Poppy: IT’S A CONDITION

Anthony: There is a sexy (?) nurse outside, sir.
Michael: Oh, good. Poppy’s here.

Anthony: Enjoy your day at school, whoever you are!
Veronica: Hey, give him a break. He at least got my age range right.

Yes, yes. The less said about that chapter the better.

Michael: Let me get this straight. BONES?
Abigail: YES! BONES! In the cowplant milk. I can only assume they’re Clay’s.
Michael: Do you take that thing to a vet or a botanist?

Poppy: Somebody’s ignoring me.

Poppy: NOBODY IGNORE ME

Michael: I…am gonna have to call you back.

You’re just gonna go to work?!

Michael: Um, duh? It’s not like fatty over there is gonna do it.

Poppy: Missed you too, man.

Wherever you go, if it’s in a limousine you can hardly call it work.

Even the paps that follow you look classy!

Jill: Never call a woman a “pap.”

Holy overkill.

Poppy: Yeah, too much learnin’ is bad, huh?

Point.

Poppy: If one magic bookcase is good, I would imagine that two isn’t too many.

The fuckin’ 1%.

And I’m not referring to bikers.

I’m referring to people who have butlers.

Doing some work on the side?

Poppy: Just got a job!

Oh, neat. Webmistress? Financial advisor?

Poppy: State Assemblyperson.

Now I’m not sure whose limo this is.

Michael: ALWAYS MINE.

Michael: Hey Haggy, don’t take all day! This sucker charges by the millisecond.

Agatha: I am going to remember “Haggy” for a very long time, Michael.

Michael: Ha! If you live that long, old spice!

Ugh.

Yeah, if that thing gets you state assembly jobs, it must be corrupted.

*rimshot*

I know people like this.

Me, for example.

Agatha: So, they’ll have the courthouse rebuilt for the end of this year.
Michael: I hope they get us more comfortable chairs.

Veronica: Fuck mommy.
Michael: In a bit, honey. In a bit.

This is what you get when you combine Sharpe and Whittaker.

This is what you get when you combine one bathroom with two women.

Michael: So far it’s a pretty cushy job. All I have to do is listen to boring people and then decide which one I hate the most.

Michael: I’ll be honest, all I care about is the big sack of cash I get every week.

Agatha: Aww, you mean you aren’t in it to help the little people? Hahaha.

Michael: Don’t be ridiculous.

Michael: Just a sec, someone’s an idiot.

Andrew: Smarter than you!
Michael: But still a slave to your programming.

Michael: Hey, if this is about a case, I can’t discuss it with you.

Andrew: It’s about something I really, really, really, really don’t want you to do, which you should do.

Andrew: But first get that camera off me.

Veronica: Don’t move, mommy! They can smell your fear.

Andrew: And believe me, nobody hates him more than I do.
Michael: His nemeses maybe?
Andrew: I think I’m one of them.

Andrew: Look, what he did back there was amazing. I didn’t think you could scrape two Nice points together from his entire family, and yet, there he was. In the fire.

Michael: It was pretty badass.

Michael: You clearly have an idea stuck in that beard somewhere. Scrape it off and let’s have it.

Andrew: I think we should name the Valley after William.

Michael:you think this.
Andrew: Yes.
Michael: You, Andrew Murphy, think this.
Andrew: Yes.

Michael: What, he get done fucking your loved ones and start fucking you or something?

Andrew: Mention that again and I’ll see you in court.

Andrew: And you’ll be the complainant.

CRRRACK

Andrew: Look. What happened at the courthouse was the stuff of legends.
Michael: URBAN legends!
Andrew: Yes.
Michael: Because it happened in the city.
Andrew: I GOT THAT YES

Michael: So you don’t really want to name the place after William, you want to name the place after what people think William is.
Andrew: Yes.
Michael: Specifically, not an asshole.
Andrew: That’s right.

Michael: If people have an ideal to aim for…
Andrew: Instead of a zombie queen to idolize…
Michael: Wow, what a genuinely selfless idea! It almost makes me sick.

Andrew: He ran into a blast zone, Michael. To save people. That’s worth a lot more than all the giant dicks in the world.

Andrew: Like feeding candy to a baby.

Should I tell him his estranged daughter is here?

Andrea: Not if he’s an estranger, no.

Andrew: That kid looks an awful lot like Poppy.

And Daisy!

Andrew: Nah, not so much.

Michael: STOP PRETENDING IT’S AN ACCIDENT

Meanwhile, secret grow-op.

Poppy: Thanks for sharing.

Andrew: You’re pretty good at this.
Andrea: I oughta be! My daddy’s a mad scientist!
Andrew: Do I know him?
Andrea: Not as well as you think.

Michael: Oh god oh god. You’ve been talking to Agatha. Are you okay?

Agatha: FUCK OUT OF MY WAY
Michael: She’s a character!

That’s it, punch her in the head! She’ll never see it coming.

Poppy: You might not want to let Michael see that.

Poppy: I’m gonna go to bed, as far as you know.

Michael: Sounds legit.

Poppy: It totally is.

Yeah! Chase that sexy snot-green tail!

Andrew: When you put it that way.

Why is this happening?

Poppy and Andrew: I don’t know!

Poppy and Andrew: But I’m okay with it.

Agatha: WA-HA-HA! WALUIGI, NUMBER ONE!

Aren’t you gay?

Poppy: I think everyone in this neighbourhood is bisexual.

There, see? I have lots of gay Sims! All of them.

Andrew: Did she see?
Poppy: Maybe not. The game might count her as downstairs until her pathing finishes.

Poppy: Fuck.

Poppy: I don’t know what came over me! It’s like I’ve always been attracted to you, despite that stupid beard!

Andrew: I think she wants a better explanation than that.

Andrew: But I hear you! I feel like I knew you back before the world imploded.

WEDNESDAY: WHY AM I HERE
Andrea: DAAAAAAAAD

Poppy: Maybe we dated in a past life.
Andrew: I don’t believe in past lives.
Poppy: Well I know for a fact I had one, so fuck you.

Andrew: I hate to change the subject, but we need to talk politics.
Poppy: HOW DID YOU KNOW I’M AN ASSEMBLYPERSON

Andrew: Um, I didn’t.
Poppy: Well this had better not be about that stupid bomb.
Andrew: Uh.

Poppy: Pitch it to my bitch face.

Andrew: I think we should name-
Poppy: NOPE

Andrew: I was just saying I think we should name the-
Poppy: NOPE! And baby says nope too! That’s TWO NOPES!

Andrew: WAH WAH WAH I’M POPPY AND I WON’T LISTEN FOR SOME REASON

Poppy: Okay, you convinced me.

If I can see your speech bubble, you’re keeping the neighbours up.

Agatha: I’m taking this with me when I leave.
Michael: Oh, so you are leaving eventually?

Poppy: Eject the crone.

Poppy: Now.

Michael: If she heard that you’re dead.

Agatha: What did she say?
Michael: She complimented you on your excellent hearing.

Michael: Okay, let go. You smell a little.

Of course.

Michael: It’s so sexy that you waited for me.

Poppy: Poppy does what Poppy wants.

Don’t look too deeply into it.

Veronica: Hi baby! Hi baby maker!

Poppy: Right, we’re gonna have us a chat about that.

And let’s schedule one about this, too.

Veronica: FUH FUH FUH I’M A POLITICIAN BUILD A WALL

It’s funny ‘cuz it works just as well in 2017 as it did back in 1961!

Michael: Magic telescope.

I think what we’re seeing here is terrible facial genetics fighting a losing battle with excellent everything else genetics.

As for what he’s seeing there, I’ll leave it to your imaginations.

Michael: It’s boobs.

Next time: a bit of chopping.

Michael: I’m seeing boobs.

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