Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I’ve wanted to get to this for years.
I didn’t mean to take so long to get to it, though…
William: I CAN SEE WHY YOU’D LOOK FORWARD TO THIS
Joe: ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE INSIDE
William: EVERYONE WHO IS NOT ON FIRE SHOULD LEAVE
Noah: MY PERSONAL SPACE!
Kelly: I CAN’T SEE A THING
Theresa: I THINK I’M ON FIRE
Joe: You guys are so cool.
William: Dammit Annie, are you fire retardant retardant or something?
Kacper: Where’s the fire?
Kacper: Is it over there?
William: YOU HAVE AN EXTINGUISHER TOO YOU KNOW
Victor: I SENSE THAT MY CONTROL OF THE SITUATION IS WEAK
Stephen: Oh hey! Hi Stewart! 😀
Kacper: Good thing fire clips through walls.
Yeah, good thing.
Not at all an aesthetic nightmare.
Kacper: Oh, wow! You got a pretty good one going here.
William: RETARD THE FIRE
Kacper is definitely a fire retard.
Karina: Are we winning? I can’t tell.
I’m gonna have to go with maybe.
You know, I never realized I could call this the courtcourtyard.
And now it’s on fire.
William: THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE LADIES!
Rosemarie: UMM WE HAVE A PROBLEM
Just the one?
Corey: HOLD ME
William: DAMMIT DAMMIT NO
Dagmar: I’m the mayor.
Noah: CASE DISMISSED
Phoenix Mendoza: You’re not on fire. The door is right there. Follow the mullet man.
Do you know the mullet man?
Theresa: The mullet man?
The mullet man.
You do realize that every second you’re in here is a separate heart attack for me, right?
Grimmy is crawling on the floor so he can see.
William: BUSY RIGHT NOW DAGS
Theresa: COREY THE CHIEF IS HERE
Corey: THE CHIEF WILL SAVE US
William: I’M NOT YOUR DAMN CHIEF ANYMORE
Noah: Yes! Everyone save me first! This is CORRECT.
The Grim Reaper: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ANNIE BEAR TO YOU?
Stephen: It’s her. I’d know the way she stands there and does nothing anywhere.
Dagmar: ARE YOU SERIOUS.
Noah: THE DESK FOOL SAVE THE DESK
Amin: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
William: HIDE IN THE BATHROOM!
Kelly: I CAN’T IT’S THE MEN’S!
Karina: WILLIAM SHARPE SPRAYED HIS WHITE FOAM ALL OVER ME AND I’M SAVED
Phoenix: Didn’t you make a joke like that already?
Yeah, about TWO HUNDRED CHAPTERS AGO.
What goes around fucking COMES around.
The Psychiatrist: Hey, you guys know this place is on fire?
Kacper: OH NO THE POLICE CHIEF IS ON FIRE
Stewart: NOT THE POLICE CHIEF!
Victor: EVERYBODY SAVE THE POLICE CHIEF!
William: LITTLE HELP IN HERE?!
William: HACK KAFF
Corey: I’M GONNA GO HELP THEM
Corey: WHERE THERE IS COINCIDENTALLY LESS FIRE
Yeah, it IS crazy.
Corey: OH NOOOOOOOOOO
Geoffrey: HEY! YOU’RE BLOCKING THE FUN!
William: I think this might be it for me.
You are WILLIAM FUCKING SHARPE and you are FUCKING FIREPROOF MAGIC
Andrzej: Those lips have caressed my penis.
Phoenix: We have some spare lawyers, right?
I can’t decide if Phoenix is the perfect name for a firefighter or a terrible name for a firefighter.
It would be a great name for a lawyer, at the moment…
Karina: Looks like it’s promotions all ’round at the DA’s office.
Theresa: How the fuck are you still alive, William?
William: It’s a big fire, I’ll grant you, but it’s no fucking apocalypse.
Amin: NO CRIES NO SMELLS NO NOTHIN’
Victor: MAYBE DON’T STAND SO CLOSE TO THE BURNING BUILDING
Victor: YOU IDIOTS
The Grim Reaper: WHAT? TOO MUCH?
Kacper: Did we get everyone?
William: No, but I did.
Noah: Buck up lad! I’ll write you a standard recommendation!
Noah: …assuming you didn’t let my desk burn to cinders.
The Grim Reaper: GOOD MATCH, BUDDY. I THINK YOU WON. YOU KNOW. OVERALL.
Noah: JANITORS ON THE DOUBLE
William: Oh good, Noah survived.
Phoenix: I think all the walls are retarded now.
Dagmar: That’s right, you stay over there.
Noah: Oh good, someone died. I was thinking someone had better.
Victor: Alright, let’s frame the shot. Heroic return in three… two… one…
William: Sweet SimChrist, Victor! Did you shit yourself?
Dagmar: My hero.
William: I saved the day.
Dagmar: You certainly did.
The Grim Reaper: ABOUT THAT APPOINTMENT YOU KEEP DODGING
Noah: Well can you BLAME me?!
Theresa: You guys did a pretty good job!
Kacper: Yeah! Except for all those people who died.
I saved once the fire was out.
Victor: Look, I-
Dagmar: IT SMELLS WORSE WHEN YOU TALK
Phoenix: Should have let the judge burn.
William: You alright, Coldy?
Noah: Not feeling too cold right now, I can tell you.
William: OH HI THERE
Noah: I was very disappointed with the service here today.
William: Wow, Victor! Who dropped a load on you?
Noah: You! Complimentary hoor! With me.
The Grim Reaper: I HATE HAVING TO RESORT TO DENTAL RECORDS.
Well, I can help you identify the tree.
William: I’m beginning to think I might be immortal.
Victor: Perish the thought.
Dagmar: Running into that fire was very brave.
William: I suspect history will echo that opinion.
Dagmar: Your humility is an example to us all.
William: I’m not trying to be humble, I’m trying to pick you up.
William: Wanna see if my office has any damage, and if it doesn’t, inflict some?
William: It’s all bought and paid for, thanks to the taxpayer.
Victor: Don’t you ever get sick of winning, Sharpe?
William: You’d know how great it is if you’d ever tried it, Cwiky.
William: Speaking of quickies!
Theresa: You pig! You filthy, ash-covered pig!
William: Some thanks that is for saving your life. And getting covered in ashes that probably used to be lawyer.
William: I’m glad I’m not her boss anymore.
Dagmar: Technically you’re everyone’s boss now!
William: HAHAHA that would be hilarious.
Geoffrey: You’re probably wondering why I called you all here today.
William: Do you ever come face-to-face with your own mortality and realize you might not have it?
Dagmar: As a townie? Hmm, let me think about that for a second.
Dagmar: Wait, wait. As a mayor who was the deputy mayor before her boss got creamed by a car driven by playables… hmm.
Dagmar: Nope, it’s definitely just you.
William: I thought I was making a heroic sacrifice today. Is it weird to be a tiny bit bummed out that I was wrong?
Dagmar: You’re alright, asshole.
William: Right now I’m actually feeling it! Alright, that is. Not an asshole.
William: I’m not feeling an asshole.
Dagmar: Seriously though, we should get you off the street before your nervous system realizes what you just did.
Emmy: DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH ALL THESE ASH PILES?!
William: I DON’T EVEN CLEARLY REMEMBER YOU
William: Man, the staff here are so bitchy!
Troy: Pfff. I think I’d have noticed if a bomb had gone off behind me!
Dagmar: Wow, this place is pretty spiffy.
William: I specifically asked for lots of spiff.
Dagmar: I didn’t see any secretaries in the outer office.
William: They have standing orders to scurry away when they see me coming.
William: Wow, you even look good in unforgiving light!
William: Is the femme fatale look popular for mayors?
Dagmar: When the governor is a ladykiller, you’ve gotta be prepared to kill him right back!
William: Well, you are killin’ it, your worship.
Dagmar: Is that a new desk?
Dagmar: Maybe you should break it in.
Margaret: Haha fat squirrel
Margaret: OH NO ITS A FART SQUIRREL
I stole that joke from the internet.
William: Now I see why they worship you.
Chloe: HOW FUCKIN’ STUPID-
Geoffrey: I know
Chloe: DO YOU HAVE TO BE-
Geoffrey: I KNOW
Chloe: TO BE A SKUNK’S SECOND VICTIM?!
William: Honey, you light up the world. With hotness.
William: Honey, light the world back up please.
William: HAHAHA RANDOM GOSSIP
William: ABOUT A CHICK YOU DON’T KNOW
William: And I’m not sure where I heard it?
I know it’s unreasonable, but I don’t feel comforted when I see a man with a flying broom who has to wear glasses.
Three hours after writing that I’m wondering how I didn’t think of Harry fucking Potter.
Venkat: WHAT ARE THE ODDS IT WOULD HAPPEN THREE TIMES?!
One more and I think I have to make Stinky Skunk the main character.
I think it was about this point where I thought “Yeah, I really should find a fix for this game.”
Dagmar: I don’t know what’s real anymore.
William: You need an emergency sexual intervention to set your dimensional compass straight!
Emmy: I like you. Therefore I like this building.
Anthony: Yup yup, that prostitute I done fucked ‘er!
Dagmar: So… do you think they were bombing Rosemarie’s trial specifically? Because she doesn’t even seem important enough to warrant a water balloon.
William: I had a really hard day, Dagmar. If we talk shop much more I’m gonna need some serious sexual healing.
Dagmar: Your single-mindedness is pretty sexy, gotta say!
William: And you’re a damn fine woman, even though women have like ten minds. Each.
William: I should warn you, I probably can’t bend over far enough to put you down on the floor.
Dagmar: So put me somewhere else.
Dagmar: Good choice!
Dagmar: Oh holy SHIT.
William: Your first time with Captain Sparkles is gonna involve a lot of cursing. Get it all out.
Dagmar: Fuck fuck FUCK
William: As you command!
William: Yeah baby! Sex my thing with your hole!
Anthony: Back when I done run that factory back in Texas…
Venkat: Who are you?
Emmy: I like dogs!
Emmy: Just hold me.
The Grim Reaper: DON’T TELL BUNNY
Mrs. Crumplebottom: Back in MY day, a fire wasn’t NOTHING if it didn’t take AT LEAST ten city blocks with it.
William: Okay, we need to stop now or keep going forever.
Dagmar: You can stop thrusting now.
William: Can I, though?
William: I have no idea whose books these are.
Dagmar: Read one, then. I need to catch my BREATH.
William: I’ll catch it for you!
William: I need to lie down.
Dagmar: On the couch, you mean?
Dagmar: I’m sorry I told you to stop thrusting.
Dagmar: I dunno about kissing, though. I’m still breathing pretty heavily.
William: So breathe through my ears.
Marking their territory.
Dagmar: Is this what they call de-flowering?
William: No, de-flowering will come after, when you pull a couple of daisies out your-
William: -and don’t forget the stems.
William: I am a rich, rich man.
Dagmar: Yeah, I’d say he has an endowment alright.
Dagmar: Resilient little buggers aren’t they.
Dagmar: We should get out of here before somebody sees us!
William: Why? I thought the people like governmental transparency!
Dagmar: I orgasmed fourteen times.
Dagmar: FOURTEEN TIMES
Ian: Phew! Who died in here?!
William: Carry on, Madame Mayor.
Dagmar: As you say, Governor.
GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE
Dagmar: See you at work!
William: That’s one theory!
William: I tend to take my work home with me.
Dagmar: Things are looking bright up ahead!
Yeah, but look forward.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
Next time: a new year!
What could go wrong.