The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 240

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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I’ve wanted to get to this for years.

I didn’t mean to take so long to get to it, though…


William: I CAN SEE WHY YOU’D LOOK FORWARD TO THIS

Joe: ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE INSIDE

William: EVERYONE WHO IS NOT ON FIRE SHOULD LEAVE

Noah: MY PERSONAL SPACE!

Kelly: I CAN’T SEE A THING
Theresa: I THINK I’M ON FIRE
Joe: You guys are so cool.

William: Dammit Annie, are you fire retardant retardant or something?

Kacper: Where’s the fire?

Kacper: Is it over there?

William: YOU HAVE AN EXTINGUISHER TOO YOU KNOW

Victor: I SENSE THAT MY CONTROL OF THE SITUATION IS WEAK

Stephen: Oh hey! Hi Stewart! 😀

Kacper: Good thing fire clips through walls.

Yeah, good thing.

Not at all an aesthetic nightmare.

Kacper: Oh, wow! You got a pretty good one going here.

William: RETARD THE FIRE

Kacper is definitely a fire retard.

Karina: Are we winning? I can’t tell.

I’m gonna have to go with maybe.

You know, I never realized I could call this the courtcourtyard.

And now it’s on fire.

William: THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE LADIES!

Rosemarie: UMM WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Just the one?

Corey: HOLD ME

William: DAMMIT DAMMIT NO

Dagmar: I’m the mayor.

Noah: CASE DISMISSED

Phoenix Mendoza: You’re not on fire. The door is right there. Follow the mullet man.

Do you know the mullet man?

Theresa: The mullet man?

The mullet man.

You do realize that every second you’re in here is a separate heart attack for me, right?

Grimmy is crawling on the floor so he can see.

Dagmar: …William?!
William: BUSY RIGHT NOW DAGS

Theresa: COREY THE CHIEF IS HERE
Corey: THE CHIEF WILL SAVE US
William: I’M NOT YOUR DAMN CHIEF ANYMORE

Noah: Yes! Everyone save me first! This is CORRECT.

The Grim Reaper: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE ANNIE BEAR TO YOU?

Stephen: It’s her. I’d know the way she stands there and does nothing anywhere.

Dagmar: ARE YOU SERIOUS.

Noah: THE DESK FOOL SAVE THE DESK

Amin: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

William: HIDE IN THE BATHROOM!
Kelly: I CAN’T IT’S THE MEN’S!

Karina: WILLIAM SHARPE SPRAYED HIS WHITE FOAM ALL OVER ME AND I’M SAVED

Phoenix: Didn’t you make a joke like that already?

Yeah, about TWO HUNDRED CHAPTERS AGO.

What goes around fucking COMES around.

The Psychiatrist: Hey, you guys know this place is on fire?

Kacper: OH NO THE POLICE CHIEF IS ON FIRE
Stewart: NOT THE POLICE CHIEF!
Victor: EVERYBODY SAVE THE POLICE CHIEF!
William: LITTLE HELP IN HERE?!

William: HACK KAFF
Corey: I’M GONNA GO HELP THEM

Corey: WHERE THERE IS COINCIDENTALLY LESS FIRE

Yeah, it IS crazy.

Corey: OH NOOOOOOOOOO

Geoffrey: HEY! YOU’RE BLOCKING THE FUN!

William: I think this might be it for me.

You are WILLIAM FUCKING SHARPE and you are FUCKING FIREPROOF MAGIC

Kelly: FLUUUUGHHGHGHGGHGGHH

Andrzej: Those lips have caressed my penis.

Phoenix: We have some spare lawyers, right?

I can’t decide if Phoenix is the perfect name for a firefighter or a terrible name for a firefighter.

It would be a great name for a lawyer, at the moment…

Karina: Looks like it’s promotions all ’round at the DA’s office.

Kacper: SHOO

Theresa: How the fuck are you still alive, William?

William: It’s a big fire, I’ll grant you, but it’s no fucking apocalypse.

Amin: NO CRIES NO SMELLS NO NOTHIN’

Victor: MAYBE DON’T STAND SO CLOSE TO THE BURNING BUILDING

Victor: YOU IDIOTS

The Grim Reaper: WHAT? TOO MUCH?

Kacper: Did we get everyone?
William: No, but I did.

Noah: Buck up lad! I’ll write you a standard recommendation!

Noah: …assuming you didn’t let my desk burn to cinders.

The Grim Reaper: GOOD MATCH, BUDDY. I THINK YOU WON. YOU KNOW. OVERALL.

Noah: JANITORS ON THE DOUBLE
William: Oh good, Noah survived.

Phoenix: I think all the walls are retarded now.

Dagmar: That’s right, you stay over there.

Noah: Oh good, someone died. I was thinking someone had better.

Victor: Alright, let’s frame the shot. Heroic return in three… two… one

William: Sweet SimChrist, Victor! Did you shit yourself?

Dagmar: My hero.

William: I saved the day.

Dagmar: You certainly did.

The Grim Reaper: ABOUT THAT APPOINTMENT YOU KEEP DODGING
Noah: Well can you BLAME me?!

Theresa: You guys did a pretty good job!
Kacper: Yeah! Except for all those people who died.

NOBODY PANIC

I saved once the fire was out.

Victor: Look, I-
Dagmar: IT SMELLS WORSE WHEN YOU TALK

Phoenix: Should have let the judge burn.

Yep.

William: You alright, Coldy?
Noah: Not feeling too cold right now, I can tell you.

William: OH HI THERE

Noah: I was very disappointed with the service here today.

William: Wow, Victor! Who dropped a load on you?

Noah: You! Complimentary hoor! With me.

The Grim Reaper: I HATE HAVING TO RESORT TO DENTAL RECORDS.

Well, I can help you identify the tree.

William: I’m beginning to think I might be immortal.
Victor: Perish the thought.

Dagmar: Running into that fire was very brave.
William: I suspect history will echo that opinion.

Dagmar: Your humility is an example to us all.
William: I’m not trying to be humble, I’m trying to pick you up.

William: Wanna see if my office has any damage, and if it doesn’t, inflict some?

William: It’s all bought and paid for, thanks to the taxpayer.

Victor: Don’t you ever get sick of winning, Sharpe?
William: You’d know how great it is if you’d ever tried it, Cwiky.

William: Speaking of quickies!

William: Eh?

Theresa: You pig! You filthy, ash-covered pig!

William: Some thanks that is for saving your life. And getting covered in ashes that probably used to be lawyer.

William: I’m glad I’m not her boss anymore.

Dagmar: Technically you’re everyone’s boss now!
William: HAHAHA that would be hilarious.

Geoffrey: You’re probably wondering why I called you all here today.

William: Do you ever come face-to-face with your own mortality and realize you might not have it?

Dagmar: As a townie? Hmm, let me think about that for a second.

Dagmar: Wait, wait. As a mayor who was the deputy mayor before her boss got creamed by a car driven by playables… hmm.

Dagmar: Nope, it’s definitely just you.

William: I thought I was making a heroic sacrifice today. Is it weird to be a tiny bit bummed out that I was wrong?

Dagmar: You’re alright, asshole.

William: Right now I’m actually feeling it! Alright, that is. Not an asshole.

William: I’m not feeling an asshole.
Dagmar: Seriously though, we should get you off the street before your nervous system realizes what you just did.

Emmy: DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH ALL THESE ASH PILES?!

William: I DON’T EVEN CLEARLY REMEMBER YOU

William: Man, the staff here are so bitchy!

Troy: Pfff. I think I’d have noticed if a bomb had gone off behind me!

Dagmar: Wow, this place is pretty spiffy.
William: I specifically asked for lots of spiff.

Dagmar: I didn’t see any secretaries in the outer office.
William: They have standing orders to scurry away when they see me coming.

William: Wow, you even look good in unforgiving light!
Dagmar: Thanks?

William: Is the femme fatale look popular for mayors?
Dagmar: When the governor is a ladykiller, you’ve gotta be prepared to kill him right back!

William: Well, you are killin’ it, your worship.

Dagmar: Is that a new desk?

Dagmar: Maybe you should break it in.

Margaret: Haha fat squirrel

Margaret: OH NO ITS A FART SQUIRREL

I stole that joke from the internet.

William: Now I see why they worship you.

Chloe: HOW FUCKIN’ STUPID-
Geoffrey: I know
Chloe: DO YOU HAVE TO BE-
Geoffrey: I KNOW
Chloe: TO BE A SKUNK’S SECOND VICTIM?!

William: Honey, you light up the world. With hotness.

William: Honey, light the world back up please.

William: HAHAHA RANDOM GOSSIP

William: ABOUT A CHICK YOU DON’T KNOW

William: And I’m not sure where I heard it?

Dagmar: Meaningful?!

I know it’s unreasonable, but I don’t feel comforted when I see a man with a flying broom who has to wear glasses.

Three hours after writing that I’m wondering how I didn’t think of Harry fucking Potter.

Venkat: WHAT ARE THE ODDS IT WOULD HAPPEN THREE TIMES?!

One more and I think I have to make Stinky Skunk the main character.

I think it was about this point where I thought “Yeah, I really should find a fix for this game.”

Dagmar: I don’t know what’s real anymore.
William: You need an emergency sexual intervention to set your dimensional compass straight!

Emmy: I like you. Therefore I like this building.

Geoffrey: HELP

Ryan: HELP

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE

Anthony: Yup yup, that prostitute I done fucked ‘er!

Dagmar: So… do you think they were bombing Rosemarie’s trial specifically? Because she doesn’t even seem important enough to warrant a water balloon.

William: I had a really hard day, Dagmar. If we talk shop much more I’m gonna need some serious sexual healing.

Dagmar: Your single-mindedness is pretty sexy, gotta say!
William: And you’re a damn fine woman, even though women have like ten minds. Each.

William: I should warn you, I probably can’t bend over far enough to put you down on the floor.

Dagmar: So put me somewhere else.

Dagmar: Good choice!

Dagmar: Oh holy SHIT.
William: Your first time with Captain Sparkles is gonna involve a lot of cursing. Get it all out.

Dagmar: Fuck fuck FUCK
William: As you command!

William: Yeah baby! Sex my thing with your hole!

Anthony: Back when I done run that factory back in Texas…
Venkat: Who are you?

Emmy: I like dogs!

Emmy: Just hold me.

The Grim Reaper: DON’T TELL BUNNY

Mrs. Crumplebottom: Back in MY day, a fire wasn’t NOTHING if it didn’t take AT LEAST ten city blocks with it.

William: Okay, we need to stop now or keep going forever.

Dagmar: You can stop thrusting now.
William: Can I, though?

William: I have no idea whose books these are.
Dagmar: Read one, then. I need to catch my BREATH.

William: I’ll catch it for you!

William: I need to lie down.
Dagmar: On the couch, you mean?

William: No.

Dagmar: I’m sorry I told you to stop thrusting.

Dagmar: I dunno about kissing, though. I’m still breathing pretty heavily.

William: So breathe through my ears.

Dagmar: Okay.

Marking their territory.

Dagmar: Is this what they call de-flowering?

William: No, de-flowering will come after, when you pull a couple of daisies out your-

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

William: -and don’t forget the stems.

William: I am a rich, rich man.

Dagmar: Yeah, I’d say he has an endowment alright.

Dagmar: Resilient little buggers aren’t they.

Dagmar: We should get out of here before somebody sees us!
William: Why? I thought the people like governmental transparency!

Dagmar: I orgasmed fourteen times.

Dagmar: FOURTEEN TIMES

Ian: Phew! Who died in here?!

Dagmar: Fifteen.

William: Carry on, Madame Mayor.
Dagmar: As you say, Governor.

Dagmar: yousexyfuckinbitch

GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE

Dagmar: See you at work!
William: That’s one theory!

William: I tend to take my work home with me.

Dagmar: Things are looking bright up ahead!

Yeah, but look forward.

Dagmar: Oh.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Next time: a new year!

What could go wrong.

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