The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 237

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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I’m in order! You’re in order!

This whole COURT is in order!

Except for this disorderly ditz of a prosecutor.

Aurora: She’s had that look on her face all day.

Jane: Oh Mr. Murphy you’re so dreamy! I mean oh Mr. Murphy you’re so hot! I mean oh Mr. Murphy you’re not supposed to be over there.

William: Stick around for the Brandi Bertino trial, she’s a stone-dead superfox.
Lance: I don’t think I want one of those.

Stephen: The hell?! Why is he still a zombie?!
Jane: Cutbacks?

Please remain seated for the Honourable Judge Ichelle Almassizadeh.

Agatha Grimm: If you’re not out of that seat before I get there, you’ll be out of a head.

Stephen: I appreciate the sentiment, but not the way it’s being expressed.

Agatha: Oh great SimChrist, it’s you.

Aurora: Please remain seated for the Honourable Judge Agatha H. Grimm, presiding! Wallawallock State v. Sullivan C. Kearney, charge of indecent exposure!
Agatha: Alright, say your shit.

Samella Harp: Where’s the “On” switch? I just see a red one and a green one.

Samella: Wow, guess it was the green one. Sorry.

Samella: Which case is this again?

Samella: WELL HE DID IT.

Samella: So there.

Sullivan: Gee, think you can top that?

Ember: Ember Fox for the defense, and for the win.

Ember: Look, we all know Sullivan is creepy, and we all suspect Sullivan is evil.

Ember: But there isn’t enough evidence to make this particular charge stick! We should wait for a better opportunity.

Ember: The state will have to prove-
Agatha: Blah blah blah
Ember: -that there exists beyond a reasonable-

Ember: The fuck is this “blah blah blah” shit?!

Ichelle: This man is ugly and I think he belongs in hell.

Agatha: Do you belong in hell, Sullivan dearest?

Sullivan: I couldn’t bear to precede you there, wrinklecooch.

Stephen: You had better not be swooning over Sullivan.

Stephen: You should have better taste, like Nerissa here!

Samella: Is Ember done? ‘cuz everyone’s talking now.

Agatha: Sure, take your turn. Try not to bore me so bad.


Samella: You know he probably deserves it.

Samella: See how cute I am? You wouldn’t want to make me cry, would you?

Samella: Just to help some grody old man? No way! Think of poor little Lance Price, and the harm he’s suffered!

Lance: Wait, wait. Back up just a second there.

Samella: I can’t. My memory isn’t that good.

Lance: I thought you brought me here to watch chicks!
William: That’s because you’re young and stupid!

Agatha: Is that the little brat I’m supposed to feel sorry for? ‘cuz I’m really not feelin’ it.


Lance: I don’t know what anyone’s talking about!
William: That’s about right for this crowd.

William: But seriously kid, being stalked by a naked old fart shouldn’t be so easy to forget.

Sullivan: Yeah, I’m getting offended here!

Agatha: What is the damn kid saying? I can’t hear shit up on this mountain!

William: Are you telling me you don’t remember Sullivan walking around naked in your house?

Samella: I feel like someone should have told me this.

Agatha: What the fuck is happening back there?! I can’t see shit!

William: Didn’t he, like, feed you milk in the nude? That doesn’t sound right.

Lance: That was my fuckin’ brother, dude! And I doubt he’d remember Sullivan over any of the other eight hundred naked people he saw before he died.

Samella: He has a brother?


Jane: It’s good to see you read our reports thoroughly, Samella.
Samella: I got reports?!

Agatha: I think I’m gonna sentence the prosecuting attorney to death.

Agatha: Get your shit together before I die of old age.

Samella: The state calls whatever that kid’s name is to the stand!

Sullivan: I’m sure I’d remember a chin that large.

Lance: I don’t think you guys understand Sullivan. He’s already at peak terrifying with his clothes on.

Ember: Are you gonna address the witness, Ms. Harp? ‘cuz he’s your witness.

Samella: Please tell the court what you remember about this heinous man, Mr. Witness.

Lance: Okay, I couldn’t even see over that half-wall. This place is poorly laid out.

Sullivan: Oh, for FUCK’S sake. I’ll tell you stupid shitlickers what happened!

Sullivan: I walked around naked because EVERYONE ELSE WAS ALREADY NAKED.

Samella: Don’t try to influence my witness, dude!
Lance: He’s not, though. That’s what I remember too!

Samella: Think of all the trauma you went through!
Lance: I am! My goddamn parents walked around naked for, like, my entire toddlerhood! We are talking some serious damage here.

Lance: But honestly, I can’t tell one naked idiot from another.

Samella: I’m trying to victimize you, dammit!

Ember: Your honour, I think we’re done here. Just because Sullivan has a freaky face doesn’t make him a freak! It just makes him really gross and creepy.

Agatha: Yeah, love that face!

Agatha: Alright, you’re done. Go home, you little shit.

Agatha: The state has failed to prove that Sullivan Kearney is any dirtier an old man than I am.
Samella: What?
Agatha: I find everyone in this county guilty of being likely to occasionally be naked near children, which is skeevy and gross. You’re all sentenced to wear your goddamned clothing, on pain of pain and then death.

Agatha: I shouldn’t have to tell you that sort of thing. You all suck.

Agatha: Sullivan’s innocent. Of this one thing. Case dismissed, shitheaps.

Samella: I doooooooooooooooooooooooo suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…
Sullivan: Then bring your sucker over here, baby!

Aurora: Come on, let’s go clear up that nasty zombie infection. So you won’t be immortal anymore.


Agatha: Maybe find a real sex offender instead of just guessing next time?

Agatha: Fox over there could have beaten you without showing up!
Ember: Now she tells me.

William: Well, can’t say I’m sorry that a kid wasn’t molested.
Lance: Yeah, that wouldn’t be a great political move.

And then they both swooned over a child.

Stephen: THAT IS NOT

Well next time use your fuckin’ thought balloons!

Dagmar: They were swooning over me!
Nerissa: ARMLOCK

Next time: meat is a murder trial.

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