The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 227

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Keepin’ ’em comin’.

‘postrophes.


Better not lose Cameron, or this’ll be the Price-less Family!

HA HA HA HA

HA HA HA HA

Ricky: Can you feel it, Tracy? The world smiles when god laughs.
Tracy: That’s dumb. You’re dumb.

Ricky: Anyway, arrestin’ time. Take notes.

Cameron: The fuck are you?!
Ricky: Note the distended belly. She’s probably hopped up on steroids. Get the taser ready.

Cameron: I can’t believe I have to say this, but Please Mister Policeman, don’t kill my babies.

Cameron: ‘cuz I’m PREGNANT. If you somehow still haven’t GOTTEN that.

Cameron: Now you’d better have a good goddamn reason for barging into my anger hut uninvited.

Ricky: You’re under arrest for high treason.
Cameron: …see, now that is a good goddamn reason.

Tracy: Treason reason!
Ricky: Shut up Tracy.

Ricky: So yeah, the courthouse is all fitted out and the prison’s on the way! Time for you deferred convicts to face the music.
Cameron: Can we at least pick the genre?

Cameron: ‘cuz I’d choose horrorcore.

Ricky: Can you wait outside a bit, Tracy?
Tracy: I’m a highly-trained trainee, dammit! I won’t be sidelined!
Ricky: Fine. Can you guard the door, Tracy?

Tracy: Maybe I can.

Ricky: Cool, now fuck off.

Ricky: And don’t shoot anyone.
Tracy: Right, unless they’re-
Ricky: JUST DON’T SHOOT ANYONE.

Ricky: She’s excited because she got her first machinegun today.

How come you’re not in custody?

Cameron: He said, and I quote, “You can stay here until that gross thing happens and there’s babies. Then you gotta go.”

Cameron: So, all sorts of shit to look forward to today.

Cameron: I’d better get some scrubbing done before a life sentence of dust settles in.

Cameron: GIVE ME A LIFT SO I CAN ELECTROCUTE MYSELF

Cameron: No, babies, no! You’re sending your momma to jail!

Cameron: THEY DON’T SERVE SOY MILK IN JAIL

Cameron: I’M TOO YUPPY TO GO TO PRISON

Labour!

Cameron: IT’S LIKE A RACE BETWEEN ENDURANCE AND PATIENCE

Bree Price, daughter of William Sharpe and Cameron Price.

So, zombie traitor secret agent parentage.

Bree: .oO(Can I re-roll any of that?)

Cameron: I want you to know that mommy and daddy fucked each other very much the night you were conceived.

Jack: Oh shit, they found my secret hard drive.

Cameron: Outta my way, screw!

Jack: Hello nice guard. Don’t shoot?

Tracy: You may enter.
Jack: You don’t need to see my ID?
Tracy: You’re on the list.
Jack: Wow, great. My name’s on a list. A government list.
Tracy: Naw. It just says “Dude with bad poofy blonde hair.” That could literally only be you.

Jack: I don’t know how I feel about that.
Cameron: That’s just what I was thinking! About these babies.

Emma Sharpe, for your information.

Cameron: Oh, good. She got some albino in there too. ‘cuz she won’t already be subjected to ridicule.

Cameron: Congrats kid! Your daddy’s a politician and your mommy’s a supervillain.

Bree: .oO(I still think we deserve at least one do-over.)

Oh, it’s got a leg coming out of its shoulder. Kill it.

Jack: Hey, babies! Great.
Cameron: Glad you like them, daddy.

Damn kids and their texting.

Tracy: I’m calling Ricky back to arrest her.

Somehow worse! Well done.

Jack: Wait. You want me to raise somebody else’s kids?
Cameron: They don’t need too much raising. Only to about chest-level.

Tracy: “Give her a few moments”? God, what kind of sap are you?

Tracy: At least pretend it’s because you’re scared of her.

Tracy: I WILL SHOOT YOU
Caryl: No thanks!

Cameron: BROKE M’ARM
Jack: Cool.

Jack: ABILITY SHAMING

Tracy: What’s the password?
Jack: There isn’t one
Tracy: CLEVER

Jack: Three people I passed on my way here say you threatened to shoot them.
Tracy: Shit, only three? I guess some of them were walking the other way.

Jack: They’re stuck, shut up.

Ricky: Alright Mrs. Price-Murphy…
Cameron: Just Price, thanks.
Ricky: Blah blah blah what?

Ricky: Is this man going to take care of your children?
Cameron: I’m wondering that too!

Ricky: So here’s the procedure. I’ll take you to my car, and we’ll head on down to the station and check you into your cell.
Cameron: No naked walk of shame?
Ricky: Not unless you’re in a giving mood, no.

Cameron: So when is my trial?
Ricky: Oh, definitely some time within the next several years.

Ricky: Such language.

Ricky: Alright, war criminal coming through! Nobody come check that out! ‘cuz it’s not at all cool.

That’s it, bear your separation with stoic bravery.

Cameron: We just realized we have no chemistry, actually.

Cameron: Welp. Off to my cell.
Jack: It’s not like this place was much better.

Ricky: I’m sure that was very comforting for her to hear.
Jack: It was a fair observation.

Ricky: Okay, YOU. You take good care of those kids or I WILL GET YOU.

Jack: That would be NICE because NOBODY GETS ME

Jack: Neither of us came off very well there.
Ricky: Pretend it didn’t happen?
Jack: Oh yeah.

Weldon Mace: Is this a party? Am I invited?

Jack: Normally when you date a chick with kids YOU STILL GET THE CHICK

Jack: Nice shitter though.

You should see the other ones.

Jack: I don’t wanna.

Jack: Pretty sure this is illegal.

Emily: This place needs more boring.

Wow, Emily being that close did this.

Emily: My name is Emily. My boring cuts through drywall.

Jack: Oh baby, I’d bore you!

Emily: You already have.

Jack: Hey, want some babies?

Jack: Not even all-you-can-eat?

Jack: I guess not eating babies is attractive.

Jack: Okay, let me try this again. Can I interest you in dinner? I have some pickle pancakes in the fridge.

Jack: What? She was PREGNANT, okay?

Jack: You aren’t worth this much effort. Get out.

Emily: Imagine if he’d found out I was gonna charge him.

I have nothing to say about beefcake shots.

Jack: I didn’t think I was beefcake material.

Beefcake sounds like a disgusting substance, so.

Jack: Is selling babies really such a bad thing?

Yes?

Jack: Okay but is it REALLY

Bree: .oO(AT LEAST SELL ONE OF US

Jack: Send me a useless old woman.

Jack: Man, calling the retirement home was a GREAT idea.

Jack: Oh yeah, I have a job.

Heck of a thing to forget.

Jack: You don’t know the half of it.

Jack: I should help her across the road, but I’m in an evil mood today. Work does that to me.

Brenda: Thanks, whoever you are! Where am I?

Brenda: Who am I?

Thank god for muscle memory.

-sigh-

Next time: even less important characters.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

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