The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 226

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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I’m actually enjoying these fuckers for some reason.

I must be losing it.



This is a graphical depiction of my energy level right now.

Lyndsey: The man says “cuck!”

Only if he’s an alt-right scumbag.

Armando: So your new name is Gisele?
Jizelle: No, Jizelle. With a J. And a Z.
Armando: I’mma call you “Jizzy.”

Jizelle: Oh christ that’s horrible.

Armando: I think I saw a waiter streaking once.

Armando: …that’s the entire story.

Armando: So here’s the thing. The adults who used to live here died mysteriously. Want to be the new adults with me? Want to be a new adult? With me? This is hard to phrase.
Jizelle: What could go wrong?!

Jizelle: Literally nothing.

Armando: I think our secret identities should be attractive to each other.

Jizelle: That’s clever. What made you think of it?
Armando: My libido.

Armando: Oh, wow! Did you do that?
Jizelle: Yes. I did. I have power over night and day.

Armando: Well put it back, I can’t see shit.

Jizelle: I was kidding. Obviously. It’s just nighttime now.
Armando: Then how come I’m surrounded with inky blackness?
Jizelle: I dunno, maybe those glasses aren’t your prescription?

Jizelle: Hahaha disguise fail.

Hahaha standards fail.

Lance: What are you doing.
Lyndsey: The Spoink says “Boing!”

Lance: Spoink? She’s on Gen III now!

Lyndsey: I can hover now!

And you can speak in real sentences!

Lyndsey: And I can hover now!

Jizelle: My neck’s in your shoulder.

Armando: My shoulder’s in your sternum.

It must be love.

Armando: It must have left some mark! Look closer.

Jizelle: I’ll look as closely as you want, baby.
Armando: Making sure we aren’t melting together like that dude in TimeCop is not sexy, Jizzy.

Armando: You can’t make it sexy with kisses, Jizzy.

Armando: YOU’RE CLIPPING THROUGH ME AGAIN JIZZY

Armando: Does this make me look smart?

It’s just a toy. It’s not magic.

Armando: Where are you going?
Jizelle: Gotta drop off this date reward.
Armando: You could just give it to me.
Jizelle: The subroutine is the subroutine, buddy. You can’t fight programming.

It’s amazing how any sufficiently-advanced AI is indistinguishable from OCD.

Armando: So it’s settled then. Team Identity Theft forever!

She looks shocked that their bodies are remaining discrete this time.

Armando: Hey did I tell you about this waiter

Jizelle: Epic topic change!

Take a good long look, ghetto townies. This could be you some day.

Jizelle: Sex, check! Gimmicks, check! We’re well on our way to being main characters.

Armando: So I’m basically banging a superstar. Awesome.

Jizelle: Ooh, how did you know my upper arm was an erogenous zone?

You’re supposed to be French. Remember?

Jizelle: Some French people can speak normal English.

Not French people I intend to keep in my story, though.

Jizelle: Zut alors! What a beautiful voiture! Vonh vonh vonh.

Armando: Please stop standing on my car.

Jizelle: C’est magnifique.

Jizelle: C’est gigantique!

C’est ridicule.

Armando: Speak English, guys.

Armando: Wow! Sex is sweaty work.

Especially in French. Everything takes longer in French.

Armando: Oh baby, lemme cop a feel.

Armando: And feel a cop!

Armando: HA HA HA.

Jizelle: Good news! I am a fleur factory.

Did you just throw those flowers in the garbage?

Armando: There was no room to shove them in the mailbox.

Jizelle: Sacrebleu! He ees so sexy, the mailmen already know where he leeves!

Armando: The only thing hotter than a real French accent is a fake French accent.

Armando: ‘cuz nobody wants to fuck a real French person.

Armando: They smell.

Jizelle: You deed me like a snowplow train, monsieur!

Armando: Alright, who do we call to make this official…

Armando: NO. That’s just suicide.

Armando: Hello, is the governor there? No, not the Walking Dead villain, why would I possibly…?

‘sup skippy.

Lyndsey: .oO(The cat says) “yaaaaawn.”

Armando: Hi! How do you adopt? Is there a form I have to fill out, or is it more of a “dibs” situation?

William: I’m sure there’s room for a kickback somewhere in this negotiation.

Lyndsey: There’s… someone… at… the… door.

Very good! You didn’t have to mentally Speak n’ Spell that one.

Lyndsey: Wow… much… effort… so… tired…

Armando: Hey there! My name’s… Roman! Roman… Roman da Cox!

William: At least make shit up before you have to say it.

Jizelle: Mon dieu, who ees thees sexy man-man, mon frère?

You just called Armando your brother.

Jizelle: So? French people do eencest, non?

William: This is why I need flunkies.

Jizelle: Oh monsieur, je suis très beau!
William: “Oh mister, I am very pretty?”

Jizelle: Pardon est moi, mon Francais is not zee best.
William: Repeat after me: “pardonne-moi.”
Jizelle: I hear no deefference.

William: Stupid French people!

William: So why are you here? What happened to… whoever lived here. They dead?
Jizelle: Oui oui! And I have come from SimFrance to take care of my leetle sister’s jaune filles!
William: Yellow daughters?
Jizelle: CLOSE ENOUGH

William: How did these people die? Can you at least tell me that?
Jizelle: They died een a folding couch acceedent.

William: Fine, cool, whatever.

William: Man, dumb French chicks are hot!
Jizelle: Hot to trot!

Jizelle: Put the garroting wire away! He’s cool!
Armando: Aww.

Jizelle: Mon boyfriend and I will be stayeeng in thees maison for the time being.
William: Yeah, this all sounds legit.

Lance: Christ, Lyndsey! The armpit says “TAKE A SHOWER”

William: That sounded like a little boy.
Jizelle: Emergency pirouette!

Jizelle: Ooh lala!

William: Yeah baby, I have a helicopter.

Jizelle: Marry me. Moi. Me.

William: Gonna put my sword in BOTH HOLES

Jizelle: Oh mon ami, the grey helleecopter man has walked all over vous. Tu? You.

William: …little help? Knees locked.

William: I forgot she’s just an animatron.

Thanks for dropping by, helicopter uncle.

Jizelle: Let us make zee love, mon belle!
Armando: Not until you learn real French.

Jizelle: Mon Francais est fantastique!
Armando: Okay, I know for a fact that you need at least one little dangly thingy on the “c.”

Jizelle: Let me make eet up to your leetle dangly theengy.

Jizelle: Vonh vonh vonh.

Armando: Assez bien.
Jizelle: What about my ass?!

Next time: good genetics will out.

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