Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I’m actually enjoying these fuckers for some reason.
I must be losing it.
This is a graphical depiction of my energy level right now.
Lyndsey: The man says “cuck!”
Only if he’s an alt-right scumbag.
Armando: So your new name is Gisele?
Jizelle: No, Jizelle. With a J. And a Z.
Armando: I’mma call you “Jizzy.”
Jizelle: Oh christ that’s horrible.
Armando: I think I saw a waiter streaking once.
Armando: …that’s the entire story.
Armando: So here’s the thing. The adults who used to live here died mysteriously. Want to be the new adults with me? Want to be a new adult? With me? This is hard to phrase.
Jizelle: What could go wrong?!
Jizelle: Literally nothing.
Armando: I think our secret identities should be attractive to each other.
Jizelle: That’s clever. What made you think of it?
Armando: My libido.
Armando: Oh, wow! Did you do that?
Jizelle: Yes. I did. I have power over night and day.
Armando: Well put it back, I can’t see shit.
Jizelle: I was kidding. Obviously. It’s just nighttime now.
Armando: Then how come I’m surrounded with inky blackness?
Jizelle: I dunno, maybe those glasses aren’t your prescription?
Jizelle: Hahaha disguise fail.
Hahaha standards fail.
Lance: What are you doing.
Lyndsey: The Spoink says “Boing!”
Lance: Spoink? She’s on Gen III now!
Lyndsey: I can hover now!
And you can speak in real sentences!
Lyndsey: And I can hover now!
Jizelle: My neck’s in your shoulder.
Armando: My shoulder’s in your sternum.
It must be love.
Armando: It must have left some mark! Look closer.
Jizelle: I’ll look as closely as you want, baby.
Armando: Making sure we aren’t melting together like that dude in TimeCop is not sexy, Jizzy.
Armando: You can’t make it sexy with kisses, Jizzy.
Armando: YOU’RE CLIPPING THROUGH ME AGAIN JIZZY
Armando: Does this make me look smart?
It’s just a toy. It’s not magic.
Armando: Where are you going?
Jizelle: Gotta drop off this date reward.
Armando: You could just give it to me.
Jizelle: The subroutine is the subroutine, buddy. You can’t fight programming.
It’s amazing how any sufficiently-advanced AI is indistinguishable from OCD.
Armando: So it’s settled then. Team Identity Theft forever!
She looks shocked that their bodies are remaining discrete this time.
Armando: Hey did I tell you about this waiter
Jizelle: Epic topic change!
Take a good long look, ghetto townies. This could be you some day.
Jizelle: Sex, check! Gimmicks, check! We’re well on our way to being main characters.
Armando: So I’m basically banging a superstar. Awesome.
Jizelle: Ooh, how did you know my upper arm was an erogenous zone?
You’re supposed to be French. Remember?
Jizelle: Some French people can speak normal English.
Not French people I intend to keep in my story, though.
Jizelle: Zut alors! What a beautiful voiture! Vonh vonh vonh.
Armando: Please stop standing on my car.
Jizelle: C’est magnifique.
Jizelle: C’est gigantique!
Armando: Speak English, guys.
Armando: Wow! Sex is sweaty work.
Especially in French. Everything takes longer in French.
Armando: Oh baby, lemme cop a feel.
Armando: And feel a cop!
Armando: HA HA HA.
Jizelle: Good news! I am a fleur factory.
Did you just throw those flowers in the garbage?
Armando: There was no room to shove them in the mailbox.
Jizelle: Sacrebleu! He ees so sexy, the mailmen already know where he leeves!
Armando: The only thing hotter than a real French accent is a fake French accent.
Armando: ‘cuz nobody wants to fuck a real French person.
Armando: They smell.
Jizelle: You deed me like a snowplow train, monsieur!
Armando: Alright, who do we call to make this official…
Armando: NO. That’s just suicide.
Armando: Hello, is the governor there? No, not the Walking Dead villain, why would I possibly…?
Lyndsey: .oO(The cat says) “yaaaaawn.”
Armando: Hi! How do you adopt? Is there a form I have to fill out, or is it more of a “dibs” situation?
William: I’m sure there’s room for a kickback somewhere in this negotiation.
Lyndsey: There’s… someone… at… the… door.
Very good! You didn’t have to mentally Speak n’ Spell that one.
Lyndsey: Wow… much… effort… so… tired…
Armando: Hey there! My name’s… Roman! Roman… Roman da Cox!
William: At least make shit up before you have to say it.
Jizelle: Mon dieu, who ees thees sexy man-man, mon frère?
You just called Armando your brother.
Jizelle: So? French people do eencest, non?
William: This is why I need flunkies.
Jizelle: Oh monsieur, je suis très beau!
William: “Oh mister, I am very pretty?”
Jizelle: Pardon est moi, mon Francais is not zee best.
William: Repeat after me: “pardonne-moi.”
Jizelle: I hear no deefference.
William: Stupid French people!
William: So why are you here? What happened to… whoever lived here. They dead?
Jizelle: Oui oui! And I have come from SimFrance to take care of my leetle sister’s jaune filles!
William: Yellow daughters?
Jizelle: CLOSE ENOUGH
William: How did these people die? Can you at least tell me that?
Jizelle: They died een a folding couch acceedent.
William: Fine, cool, whatever.
William: Man, dumb French chicks are hot!
Jizelle: Hot to trot!
Jizelle: Put the garroting wire away! He’s cool!
Jizelle: Mon boyfriend and I will be stayeeng in thees maison for the time being.
William: Yeah, this all sounds legit.
Lance: Christ, Lyndsey! The armpit says “TAKE A SHOWER”
William: That sounded like a little boy.
Jizelle: Emergency pirouette!
Jizelle: Ooh lala!
William: Yeah baby, I have a helicopter.
Jizelle: Marry me. Moi. Me.
William: Gonna put my sword in BOTH HOLES
Jizelle: Oh mon ami, the grey helleecopter man has walked all over vous. Tu? You.
William: …little help? Knees locked.
William: I forgot she’s just an animatron.
Thanks for dropping by, helicopter uncle.
Jizelle: Let us make zee love, mon belle!
Armando: Not until you learn real French.
Jizelle: Mon Francais est fantastique!
Armando: Okay, I know for a fact that you need at least one little dangly thingy on the “c.”
Jizelle: Let me make eet up to your leetle dangly theengy.
Jizelle: Vonh vonh vonh.
Armando: Assez bien.
Jizelle: What about my ass?!
Next time: good genetics will out.