Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I hope some of you like me well enough to pronounce me dead when I disappear like that.
‘ere we go ‘ere we go ‘ere we go.
In which nobody is younger than forty.
Sunny: I just realized this isn’t fun.
Abigail: Come here Stephen, I need you.
Abigail: Wonder if he got that reference.
Abigail: Hey! No helping the competitors!
Clay: Yeah! What?
Clay: Hey, my hatedar is going off.
Clay: WHY WOULD YOU ASK HIM OVER
Abigail: WHY DO YOU THINK THAT’S SLAPWORTHY
Clay: Hey! Don’t swoon over a man who hits you! That’s socially regressive is what that is.
Clay: NOW DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME
Abigail: -fights the urge to bean him with a garbage can lid-
Clay: PLEASED TO MEET YOU I’M CLAY
Abigail: First we have the test of strength!
Sunny: I don’t know if it’s fair to put a career criminal in a boxing match with a hundred-year-old man.
Sunny: Anyway bye.
Nathaniel: WHY AM I EVEN HERE
Oliver: Get him, dad!
Abigail: Survive, Stephen!
Oliver: You didn’t get him!
Abigail: You survived!
Abigail: Good work! Next comes the test of intellect.
Clay: Think I’ll just beat him up again.
Abigail: No, don’t you see? You’re competing for me! Next we’ll do something skill-testing.
Stephen: I like this idea!
Clay: This is assuming I still want you, bitch?
Clay: ‘cuz inviting your ex over for a love contest is not great girlfriend behaviour.
Clay: Anyway look at that dude! If you’re planning, like, a “Lord of the Rings” trivia contest, I’m fucked.
Clay: I say we put him on a bus and forget the whole thing.
Stephen: Hey Oliver! How’s my favourite son?
Oliver: I don’t know who that is.
Abigail: Hoyle’s Book of Rules is surprisingly silent on the topic of love contests.
Abigail: So, chess it is!
Stephen: Darts is out of the question?
Stephen: No man, sit down. I’m gonna break you.
Clay: Just getting into character, bitch.
Nathaniel: This uncle sucks. Can I get a new one?
Oliver: I DO NOT SUCK
Clay: Just so you know, I’ve been practicing this with Sunny for like weeks.
Stephen: Just so you know, I taught Kyle who taught Sunny.
Stephen: Also I will pay you to take a fall.
Abigail: Hey! Only the ref gets bribes!
Abigail: I’m the ref.
Clay: We got it.
Nathaniel: You should do an elocution test!
Abigail: An electrocution test?! Fantastic idea!
Nathaniel: I’m certain you heard me right.
Abigail: How did you know I’ve secretly wanted to electrocute them both?
Clay: I’m beating the shit out of you figuratively now, as well as literally.
Stephen: Can I tag someone in?
Oliver: How dare you make dad compete for your love!
Abigail: Kid, my love trades on Wall Street.
Oliver: Haha yeah these shmucks don’t deserve you.
I should just rename the entire journal “Schmucks.”
Case in point.
Brooke: Wow, your undeserved confidence is so attractive!
Clay: I’m gonna ask her to marry me.
Stephen: Fart noises.
Clay: You could at least have made fart noises.
Stephen: I’m saving them for your funeral.
Stephen: Hey, I don’t like you very much.
Clay: I love Abigail.
Stephen: Of course you do. Her suit emits pheremones.
Stephen: And caffeine. Caffeine too.
Nathaniel: HAHA SAME CLOTHES
Abigail: How did we get them into private school?
Stephen: We tricked the Headmaster into thinking we had a stable family.
Clay: You’re losing, you loser.
Stephen: Just wait ’til the ballroom dancing component.
Clay: That was not a symbol for ballroom dancing.
You try describing what it was.
Abigail: Wait, shit! What if neither of you is good enough for me?!
Nathaniel: I know where we can put them.
Nathaniel: Don’t mind me.
I MIND YOU VERY MUCH
Abigail: That’s toxic waste. From my toxic waste monster.
Kyle: I have many framed certificates.
Clay: They should make glow-in-the-dark chess pieces.
Stephen: No, they shouldn’t, because chess is just to distract boring people until it’s not too early to go to bed anymore.
Stephen: What I’m saying is hurry up and lose.
Stephen: Or never mind, I quit, please feed me.
Stephen: What’s the next round?
Clay: I hope there’s a fashion component.
Clay: Not that you’d be any judge.
Clay: Hey kids, grab some of that toxic waste for the old man!
Abigail: The next test is about science!
Stephen: Way ahead of you.
Stephen: Look! The tip of my finger!
Clay: I can’t see it!
Stephen: Look! My old car.
Clay: Is there anything around here you didn’t used to own?
Stephen: Yeah! Your ass!
Stephen: Oversight corrected.
He’s too tired to really get into it.
Stephen: He’s probably going to go grab some fancy lockpicks and poke me with them.
Clay: Do you do contract hits?
Clay: No! He’s way older than one, that’ll never fool him!
Clay: Okay milky momma, do your stuff.
Clay: Wait right here and I’ll go get you someone to eat.
Clay: Sure is drafty here.
Clay: Is this some kind of contract agreement ritual?
This is the kind of magic the world had in it before Trump.
Clay: Just go GLOMP and eat him, okay? Do you need to practice first?
Clay: That’s right, rear up all scary-like! Let’s see if we can’t get him to wet himself.
Clay: Hey, don’t waste all your menace on me, baby!
Clay: You’re taking this dress rehearsal way too serio-
Sunny: And the winner, by a knockout, is…
Abigail: Wow, I thought he was just gonna get some steroids or something.
Nathaniel: That weird guy died.
Sunny: You guys take your turns now.
Abigail: Did you eat my boyfriend? That’s not very good tenant behaviour.
Abigail: Please don’t show me.
Stephen: I won! I won!
Kyle: Dancing crane style!
Stephen: I made my rival kill himself!
Kyle: Hey man, wow.
Oliver: Such bullshit! He was kicking your wussy ass, dad!
Nathaniel: And now his ass is grass! Cow grass. I dunno.
Oliver: So yeah, you’re NOT gonna tell the news…?
Stephen: …that I made him kill himself, RIGHT, OKAY, stop making such a big deal out of this.
Kyle: My head has an aerial now.
Farewell Clay, we hardly yaaawn.
What was happening again?
Stephen: Go away grandchildren, don’t like grandchildren.
Stephen: DO like GRANDMA.
Abigail: I was secretly hoping you’d win.
Stephen: I know.
Abigail: But instead you murdered a dude.
Stephen: Hahaha townie lives! Not as important as real lives.
Abigail: I’ll kiss to that!
Stephen: You’re still the hottest chick around, Abby.
Abigail: And you’re still inexplicably attractive to me, Stevie.
Abigail: OOF! Hello! There’s the ‘xplication!
Stephen: Six inches of pure unadulterated normality, baby!
Abigail: Who knew bland could be so grand?
Stephen: Got any snacks?
Nathaniel: This I also am wondering.
Stephen: How are you still so… um… narrow down there?!
Abigail: I found this great tape that lets you subconsciously exercise your genitals while you sleep.
Stinky Skunk: Later man, I’m trippin’ out.
Nathaniel: Later Stinky Skunk!
Remember, I’m a feminist.
Stephen: If you think about it, it’s really romantic that I’d drive a man to suicide for you.
Abigail: That’s why I’m trying really hard not to think about it.
Stephen: Your ass is mine!
Abigail: No dice! I can see how poorly you treat yours!
Abigail: Why you gotta be so hot?
Stephen: Why you gotta be so hot?!
Oliver: Why you gotta be so asleep?
Stephen: Wow! So light!
Abigail: I’ve got docking thrusters in my boots.
Stephen: There’s a fly.
Abigail: Swat it with me!
Abigail: Does this face look dumb?
Abigail: I thought it would.
Abigail: I’m a master of many fields.
Stephen: I’M MAD AT YOUR NOSE
Stephen: And also that a dude beat me up.
Stephen: But he did die soon after.
Abigail: Correlation is not causation.
Oliver: Phew, what smells like big words down here?
Abigail: Team Awesome?
Stephen: Go Team Awesome GO!
I refuse to believe that Stephen is on Team Awesome.
Next time: at least one more horrifying glitch.
To look forward to.