The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 223

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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I hope some of you like me well enough to pronounce me dead when I disappear like that.

‘ere we go ‘ere we go ‘ere we go.


In which nobody is younger than forty.

Sunny: I just realized this isn’t fun.

Abigail: Come here Stephen, I need you.

Abigail: Wonder if he got that reference.

Abigail: Hey! No helping the competitors!
Clay: Yeah! What?

Clay: Hey, my hatedar is going off.

Clay: WHY WOULD YOU ASK HIM OVER
Abigail: WHY DO YOU THINK THAT’S SLAPWORTHY

Clay: Hey! Don’t swoon over a man who hits you! That’s socially regressive is what that is.

Clay: NOW DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME

Abigail: -fights the urge to bean him with a garbage can lid-

Clay: PLEASED TO MEET YOU I’M CLAY

Abigail: First we have the test of strength!

Sunny: I don’t know if it’s fair to put a career criminal in a boxing match with a hundred-year-old man.

Sunny: Anyway bye.

Nathaniel: WHY AM I EVEN HERE

Oliver: Get him, dad!
Abigail: Survive, Stephen!

Oliver: You didn’t get him!
Abigail: You survived!

Abigail: Good work! Next comes the test of intellect.
Clay: Think I’ll just beat him up again.

Abigail: No, don’t you see? You’re competing for me! Next we’ll do something skill-testing.
Stephen: I like this idea!
Clay: This is assuming I still want you, bitch?

Clay: ‘cuz inviting your ex over for a love contest is not great girlfriend behaviour.

Clay: Anyway look at that dude! If you’re planning, like, a “Lord of the Rings” trivia contest, I’m fucked.

Clay: I say we put him on a bus and forget the whole thing.

Stephen: Hey Oliver! How’s my favourite son?
Oliver: I don’t know who that is.

Abigail: Hoyle’s Book of Rules is surprisingly silent on the topic of love contests.

Abigail: So, chess it is!
Clay: Yay.
Stephen: Darts is out of the question?

Stephen: No man, sit down. I’m gonna break you.

Clay: Just getting into character, bitch.

Nathaniel: This uncle sucks. Can I get a new one?

Oliver: I DO NOT SUCK

Clay: Just so you know, I’ve been practicing this with Sunny for like weeks.
Stephen: Just so you know, I taught Kyle who taught Sunny.

Stephen: Also I will pay you to take a fall.
Abigail: Hey! Only the ref gets bribes!

Abigail: I’m the ref.
Clay: We got it.

Nathaniel: You should do an elocution test!
Abigail: An electrocution test?! Fantastic idea!

Nathaniel: I’m certain you heard me right.
Abigail: How did you know I’ve secretly wanted to electrocute them both?

Clay: I’m beating the shit out of you figuratively now, as well as literally.

Stephen: Can I tag someone in?

Oliver: How dare you make dad compete for your love!
Abigail: Kid, my love trades on Wall Street.

Oliver: Haha yeah these shmucks don’t deserve you.

I should just rename the entire journal “Schmucks.”

Case in point.

Brooke: Wow, your undeserved confidence is so attractive!

Clay: I’m gonna ask her to marry me.
Stephen: Fart noises.

Clay: You could at least have made fart noises.
Stephen: I’m saving them for your funeral.

Stephen: Hey, I don’t like you very much.

Clay: I love Abigail.
Stephen: Of course you do. Her suit emits pheremones.

Stephen: And caffeine. Caffeine too.
Nathaniel: HAHA SAME CLOTHES

Abigail: How did we get them into private school?
Stephen: We tricked the Headmaster into thinking we had a stable family.

Clay: You’re losing, you loser.

Stephen: Just wait ’til the ballroom dancing component.

Clay: That was not a symbol for ballroom dancing.

You try describing what it was.

Abigail: Wait, shit! What if neither of you is good enough for me?!

Nathaniel: I know where we can put them.

Nathaniel: Don’t mind me.

I MIND YOU VERY MUCH

Abigail: That’s toxic waste. From my toxic waste monster.

Kyle: I have many framed certificates.

Clay: They should make glow-in-the-dark chess pieces.
Stephen: No, they shouldn’t, because chess is just to distract boring people until it’s not too early to go to bed anymore.

Stephen: What I’m saying is hurry up and lose.

Stephen: Or never mind, I quit, please feed me.

Stephen: What’s the next round?
Clay: I hope there’s a fashion component.

Clay: Not that you’d be any judge.

Clay: Hey kids, grab some of that toxic waste for the old man!

Abigail: The next test is about science!
Stephen: Way ahead of you.

Stephen: Look! The tip of my finger!
Clay: I can’t see it!

Stephen: Look! My old car.
Clay: Is there anything around here you didn’t used to own?

Stephen: Yeah! Your ass!

Stephen: Oversight corrected.

Clay: Aaaagh.

He’s too tired to really get into it.

Stephen: He’s probably going to go grab some fancy lockpicks and poke me with them.

Clay: Do you do contract hits?

Clay: No! He’s way older than one, that’ll never fool him!

Clay: Okay milky momma, do your stuff.

Clay: Wait right here and I’ll go get you someone to eat.

SLAM

Clay: Sure is drafty here.

Clay: Is this some kind of contract agreement ritual?

This is the kind of magic the world had in it before Trump.

Clay: Just go GLOMP and eat him, okay? Do you need to practice first?

Clay: That’s right, rear up all scary-like! Let’s see if we can’t get him to wet himself.

Clay: Hey, don’t waste all your menace on me, baby!

Clay: You’re taking this dress rehearsal way too serio-

Clay: HRRAAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHRRGLLLGRRRRRLGL

Sunny: And the winner, by a knockout, is…

Cowplant: Burrrrp
Clay: help

Abigail: Wow, I thought he was just gonna get some steroids or something.

Nathaniel: That weird guy died.
Sunny: You guys take your turns now.

Abigail: Did you eat my boyfriend? That’s not very good tenant behaviour.

Abigail: Please don’t show me.

Stephen: I won! I won!
Kyle: Dancing crane style!

Stephen: I made my rival kill himself!
Kyle: Hey man, wow.

Oliver: Such bullshit! He was kicking your wussy ass, dad!

Nathaniel: And now his ass is grass! Cow grass. I dunno.

Oliver: So yeah, you’re NOT gonna tell the news…?
Stephen: …that I made him kill himself, RIGHT, OKAY, stop making such a big deal out of this.

Kyle: My head has an aerial now.

Farewell Clay, we hardly yaaawn.

What was happening again?

Stephen: Go away grandchildren, don’t like grandchildren.

Stephen: DO like GRANDMA.

Abigail: I was secretly hoping you’d win.
Stephen: I know.
Abigail: But instead you murdered a dude.

Stephen: Hahaha townie lives! Not as important as real lives.

Abigail: I’ll kiss to that!

Stephen: You’re still the hottest chick around, Abby.
Abigail: And you’re still inexplicably attractive to me, Stevie.

Abigail: OOF! Hello! There’s the ‘xplication!

Stephen: Six inches of pure unadulterated normality, baby!

Abigail: Who knew bland could be so grand?

Stephen: Got any snacks?

Nathaniel: This I also am wondering.

Stephen: How are you still so… um… narrow down there?!
Abigail: I found this great tape that lets you subconsciously exercise your genitals while you sleep.

Stinky Skunk: Later man, I’m trippin’ out.
Nathaniel: Later Stinky Skunk!

Remember, I’m a feminist.

Stephen: If you think about it, it’s really romantic that I’d drive a man to suicide for you.
Abigail: That’s why I’m trying really hard not to think about it.

Stephen: Your ass is mine!
Abigail: No dice! I can see how poorly you treat yours!

Abigail: Why you gotta be so hot?
Stephen: Why you gotta be so hot?!

Oliver: Why you gotta be so asleep?

Stephen: Wow! So light!
Abigail: I’ve got docking thrusters in my boots.

Stephen: There’s a fly.
Abigail: Swat it with me!

Abigail: Does this face look dumb?
Stephen: Yes!
Abigail: I thought it would.

Stephen: Art!

Abigail: Science.

Abigail: I’m a master of many fields.

Stephen: I’M MAD AT YOUR NOSE

Stephen: And also that a dude beat me up.

Stephen: But he did die soon after.
Abigail: Correlation is not causation.

Oliver: Phew, what smells like big words down here?

Abigail: Team Awesome?
Stephen: Go Team Awesome GO!

I refuse to believe that Stephen is on Team Awesome.

Next time: at least one more horrifying glitch.

To look forward to.

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