Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I’m tired. So naturally I did one of these instead of sleeping.
I might make poor decisions, but at least they’re mine.
Might as well be called “The Plot Family.”
Melanie: How do I keep getting trapped?
That’s what happens to dangerous animals.
Daisy: TRY ME.
Melanie: Wait, wait. Why am I getting in shit for the zombie thing? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my idea.
Whose idea was it then?
Melanie: I don’t remember!
OH WELL LET’S JUST BLAME NOBODY THEN
Daisy: Yes. Let’s.
Uma: HOW ARE YOU SO CREEPY
Says the invisible toothbrusher.
But yeah, Daisy, tone it down a bit, geeze.
Anthony: SLASH HIS TIRES
William: Seriously, don’t. They’re worth more than your organs.
Nerissa: Okay, so. You have a mass murderer in your house.
William: I TAKE EXCEPTION TO-
Nerissa: I MEAN MELANIE
William: …right, right, sorry.
Nerissa: It’s not murder when it’s government-sanctioned.
Nerissa: So if you could see your way clear to letting us handle the dangerous criminal, that would be awesome.
Nerissa: Said dangerous criminal still being Melanie, in case you’re confused.
Nerissa: Because your house is not a jail.
William: Tell that to my kids!
William: Seriously though, I know how to handle Melanie.
Nerissa: She escaped from you how many times?
William: But just think of all the times she didn’t!
William: Sorry, my animal magnetism does that sometimes.
Nerissa: I’m leaving before it happens again.
Daisy: …you unwrapped the cheese first, right?
Uma: There’s wrappers on it?
William: Girls who can’t cook! So hot.
William: Michael. MICHAEL! You fainted. Yeah. Right after I asked if you wanted to judge a bunch of people.
William: You know I meant as a judge, right? ‘cuz you’re a real judge.
William: No, there’s nothing keeping you from judging them personally at the same time.
William: NO I CAN’T GET A MESSAGE TO POPPY, BRITTANY. I CALLED YOU FOR EXACTLY THAT REASON.
Brittany: Nobody ever calls me for any reason.
Okay, that’s enough nonsense. Why are you calling all these people?
William: Setting up a dozen trials takes a lot of legwork.
Daisy: I married your dad.
Daisy: Yeah, just rubbing that in.
William: Stewart! Hi! Remember how Rosemarie ran your brother over?
William: Alright, you don’t have to yell.
William: I just thought you might want to be a character witness, since nobody else gives a shit about her.
William: Hey Abigail. Remember your daughters? …yes I’m sure!
William: Well I guess you won’t mind if we try them for treason, then.
William: YES I’M SURE
William: The ones who invited zombies into your house? I just thought you might REMEMBER that for some reason!
Melanie: Those were the days.
William: Well here’s the thing. I sent my secretaries to find out if governors can legally run red lights, and they came back at me with the information that OUR STATE HASN’T GOT ANY LAWS.
William: No, ANY laws. Like, at all.
William: I don’t like how excited you sound.
William: So anyway, we need to get some precedents going. A few good war crimes trials ought to do it, and luckily half the neighbourhood is guilty of at least a couple.
William: No, I’m not going to suggest “for Science” as a form of defense.
William: I just thought you might want to weigh in when we try that cow you killed after she mashed those people’s heads in.
William: No, I’m NOT looking for a list of people to persecute. Yes, I’m SURE my dad played his stereo really loud back then, but that’s not exactly the kind of crime we’re trying to dig up.
William: “LIKE WHAT FOR EXAMPLE”? LIKE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE FOR EXAMPLE!
William: The fuck do you mean “Oh, that”?
William: Of course we can try people for things that weren’t illegal! What’s the point of having power if you won’t let it corrupt you absolutely?!
William: YES THAT WAS A JOKE
William: I just happen to think that all the murderers in this county should probably get more than a bad reputation out of it.
William: Boom! Exposition dump achieved.
Spencer Ray: Act natural… act natural…
William: That’s great, Cameron! Really great! I can’t wait to see the ultrasound pictures! Oh, by the by, we’re trying you for treason.
William: No, getting your entire dorm eaten by zombies doesn’t quite fit under the heading of “adolescent experimentation”!
William: Oh, I’m sorry, did you think you ate all those brains subtly?
William: Yes, I’m sure all those brains you didn’t eat will be taken into account too.
William: Hey, this isn’t anything personal! It’s just that I talked to the President today and he said he was going to revoke our statehood if we didn’t take care of our half-dozen criminal masterminds currently walking scott fucking free.
William: Yes I realize you’re carrying my children! Whose idea was that?
William: YOU THOUGHT MY CONDOM RECYCLING WAS A JOKE?
William: Jokes in you, then, eh? Heheheh.
William: Okay, okay, that was too far, I agree.
William: I’m sure the court will go easy on you. It’s not like you killed anyone important.
You know, it’s been like fifty years since the Apocalypse.
William: I don’t think there should be a statute of limitations on anything that can be called an “Apocalypse.”
Andrea: Do you think your mom will like me?
Neila: Traditionally she eats people she doesn’t like, so you’ll know pretty quickly.
Boy I’m really glad I made you playable.
Why do you keep walking by?
Nerissa: Because I keep expecting to see the house on fire and Melanie standing on the roof, cackling.
Just so you remember that I’m actually playing the game while all this plot bullshit happens.
Neila: I never realized someone’s life story could be so poorly-written.
Neila: When I get older I’m gonna need you to wingman for me. I’m gonna seem so interesting by comparison!
Andrea: Look out everyone! I’m gonna do a cartwheel!
William: Yeah? Well I’m gonna hold a dozen trials of the century at the same time.
Andrea: I REFUSE TO BE DIMINISHED
Melanie: Hello bladder failure, my old friend…
Is there a bank airplane exploding overhead or something?
Neila: Are they gonna kill my mommy?
Daisy: It’s no big deal, kid. Everyone kills your mommy.
Neila: I just wanted to see her again!
Daisy: Sure! I mean how were you to know that everytime somebody wanted to see her again SHE ATE HALF THE FUCKING COUNTY
Daisy: It’s not like I star in a TV show about it or anything.
Uma: Yep, that isn’t creepy or anything.
Neila: Says the ninety-year-old teenager.
I’d be upset too.
Uma: Oop! Look who needs a pacemaker!
Melanie: The memories come flooding back…
If there’s something pithy to say here, I can’t think of it.
Uh-oh, Grugly’s actually blocking out his shots now.
William: This one’s the moneyshot!
William: Definitely worth ruining my table for.
William: Wait, that’s not right.
William: PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE SAW THAT
William: Hoo. She might have a point about that pacemaker.
Don’t bullshit me.
There isn’t a ghost alive who…
…there isn’t a ghost anywhere who isn’t scared shitless of Melanie.
Victor: LET THE MAID DO IT
Daisy: My bowels are a-rumblin’ and this weren’t no taco night!
Daisy: Oh god, oh god, one more potential rival coming up…
Daisy: TUNNEL ENLARGEMENT UNDERWAY
William: Should you be bleeding that much?
Daisy: GRAAAGH! Jesus! JESUS! Is it a baby or a Bolivian torturer?!
William: MY HAND IS IN MY CHEST
DAISY: MY VAGINA IS EXPLODING
Daisy: Good, he’s already afraid to look upon me. That’ll save us some training time.
Daisy: Nobody has ever caused me that much pain.
That settles it then.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: William Stephen Sharpe Junior.
Daisy: Congratulations, daddy! Now go to bed while I kill off the other potential heirs.
William: Those kids are half Melanie, woman. Good luck.
Daisy: You’ve got my eyes! Or, wait, your dad’s eyes. Damn incest genetics!
Daisy: You didn’t hear that.
Daisy: That’s it, boy. Drink up. No son of mine is gonna have weak bones.
You really need to be more specific, man.
Victor: TRUCK OFF
Neila: What he said.
I especially like the “don’t step on the baby” fence.
Tell your congressman.
William: Immortality achieved!
You already have two kids.
William: I gave them my parents’ names, though.
They’re still your kids, though.
William: Yes, but, see, this one has my name.
And I think Daisy just threw him out.
Or maybe ate him.
Really ate him.
And then the artificial gravity failed.
Cool! That doesn’t look stupid or anything.
Please tell me I didn’t do that for five hundred lousy Aspiration Points.
Daisy: Somebody has to keep Vivian company.
No, you may not take the baby swimming.
Daisy: It’s sink or swim, kid. God can’t protect you forever.
Andrea: I didn’t sleep well.
Andrea: I got this sudden feeling I was a whole tier less important about halfway through the night.
You have a new brother.
Andrea: And into the doghouse I go.
Victor: Did you hear Daisy screaming last night?
Neila: She’s always screaming.
William: Now she has a partner!
Melanie: When I train these bitches up you’re gonna be sorry.
Next time: chess to the DEATH.