The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 220

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Part three of our uplifting discursus on high art.

Or rather, boobies.

The never-ending fami-ly! Ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah.


Stephen: Wow, excellent! You sound like you’d be perfect!
Brooke: Buddy, sound ain’t the half of it.

Stephen: I’m nobody’s buddy.

Abigail: So I’m back here again.
Stephen: How do you sneak with those boots on?

Abigail: Science.

Stephen: aaaand fiction.

Stephen: Please fuck off.

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.

Somewhere rude, but it’s better than nowhere.

Stephen: You’re a natural, baby.
Abigail: A natural scientist.

Stephen: No wonder our chemistry is so good.

Stephen: You’re not mad?
Abigail: The pun was horrendous but the tongue was tremendous.

Abigail: Let me return the favour.

This can only end well.

Stephen: It’s ending pretty soon, let me tell you.

Okay, even I’m grossed out now. Get in here already, woman.

Stephen: Look! It’s WooHoo o’clock!


Ember: Is this day ever gonna end?
Stephen: Welcome to the Stephen Murphy Chronicles.

Aaaand the last few readers disappear.

Kyle: WooHoo o’clock! It’s almost happy hour!

Seriously though, how long are you planning to stretch this out for?

Stephen: I’m taking pictures of naked women and having sex with them. What would you do?

Wake up, I imagine.

Ember: Send us a postcard why don’t you.

Stephen: Yeah man, long time no see! Come on over! Bring your wife!

Stephen: Great, a Dracula wife.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: -isn’t as scary as she thinks she is-

Stephen: Exit freely and of your own free will.

Stephen: Dude, you’re blocking the view. Scoot.

Stephen: Okay! Wow! Penny’s pregnant! Goodbye then.

Penny: I’m a cop. I’ve forgotten things about blackmail most criminals never learn.

Stephen: Fine, one makeout, five minutes max.

Stephen: Hey, did I catch you in the bathroom? Hahaha, I know, that was mean.

Erin: I’m weak for you!
Stephen: Like your bladder is weak? For pee?

Stephen: I’m just kiddin’ ya! You did pee yourself a lot though.

Stephen: So don’t leave it too late, is all I’m sayin’.

Erin: I’m SO thrilled this is my one character note!

Stephen: I thought of posing you on a toilet, but OH MY GOD I DID NOT THINK OF THAT! That’s a WAY better idea! SHIT.


Good enough for her, I guess.

Erin: I look contemplative!
Stephen: You look like you’re waiting in line for a stall.

Erin: Wow, if that joke got any older, it’d be you.

Stephen: I love our little give-and-take relationship.

Yes, I get it, Stephen and I are very creative with our libidos, that’s enough.

Stephen: When the racist caricatures come out, it’s time to bail.

Ember: Who is that handsome stranger?!

Stephen: I WAS THE FIRST MAIN CHARACTER. I want four chapters in a row, I damn well GET them.

Wait… four?

Stephen: Anyway I see you’re having fun on your own, bye!

Ember: Who was that unmasked man?

Stephen: Why is there a ring on my elbow?





Stephen: OHMYGOD

Xavier: Daddy, please come home! I miss existing.

Stephen: You want to make yourself useful, get out there and round me up some chicks.

Xavier: I do know one lady, but she’s pretty old.
Stephen: Send her over! What harm could it do?

Stephen: He asked foolishly.

Stephen: I don’t even have a middle name!
Mrs. Crumplebottom: YOU DO NOW

Stephen: Is your character data corrupted or something?

Stephen: Anyway beat it, hot chicks inbound.

Stephen: Orville!
Oliver: Oliver!
Stephen: Um, no? Stephen? And anyway call me dad.

Oliver: It’s a stretch, but I’ll try.

Sunny: You want us to what?!
Stephen: Whoa there, slow down! It’s only “us” if this chick is older than she looks.

Stephen: Are you older than you look.
Brooke: Twenty-two.
Stephen: Awesome.

Brooke: Nice place you have here!
Stephen: How come you’re so short.
Brooke: Because I’ve been stuck in the wrong age group for two years?
Stephen: That’s weird and I don’t like it.

Brooke: Try living it.

Brooke: No, wait – don’t.

Brooke: Man, if that is our competition, we’re shoe-ins!

Stephen: So, we’re doing nude shoots of people that expose their innermost personalities.
Brooke: My innermost personality would never go naked.
Stephen: Okay, pull back a few layers, then. And take your clothes off.

Stephen: Wait, let me see your driver’s license first, I’m still not 100% on that “twenty-two” business.

Stephen: Just for reference, how old are you?
Sunny: Seventy-six.
Stephen: Jesus CHRIST.

Brooke: If it makes you feel any better, I’m basically a Barbie doll.

How do you pee?

Brooke: Oh, I don’t. I let Erin do it for me.

Brooke: So my innermost personality is… papergirl.
Stephen: If you have a second character trait, now is the time to reveal it.

Mrs. Crumplebottom: In my day, props were illegal.

Stephen: You’re referring to that apple you and your husband ate, right? In the garden?

Brooke: I like baseball. I could hold a baseball!
Stephen: Yeah? ‘cuz it doesn’t look like you can…

Brooke: Smartass.

Sunny: Alright, Matlock’s on. I’m out.

Stephen: How would you like to be my secretary?
Brooke: Do I get to wear clothes?
Stephen: You’re not required to, but yeah, sure!

Stephen: What say?
Brooke: Say what?

Brooke: Proper grammar or no grammar, buddy.

Stephen: What’s with all this “buddy” shit lately?
Brooke: Guess you just look like a real buddhead.

Stephen: Marry me.

Brooke: I’m looking for someone around my own age. What are you, like, forty?
Stephen: Depends. Is it today today, or fifty years ago?

Stephen: I think we can safely conclude that nobody’s age makes any sense anymore.

Brooke: Anyway, I can take school off because technically I should be in university, but you’re gonna have to pay me… hello? Hello?
Stephen: I’m temporarily distracted by the revelation that you have nipples.

Brooke: Alright, fine. Go get a knife and we’ll cut this sexual tension up.

Stephen: I don’t know where to take that metaphor.

Brooke: If an actual knife is involved you’ve made a mistake.

Stephen: Okay, let’s do another shoot. Maybe something outside, to increase the chances that something goes wrong!

Brooke: Awesome, outside! So I can get all wet and dirty and all the neighbours can see me. Gerat plan.

Brooke: Why don’t we go to my school and embarass me in front of an entire generation, too?

Brooke: Or you could pose me on a fuckin’ schoolbus for maximum creepiness.

Stephen: You go next door, I’ll get the bus.

Stephen: Bus or BUST! Wait, better! Bust on Bus or BUST!
Brooke: I’m suddenly rooting for “bust.”

Brooke: Maybe we can wait her lifetime out…

Brooke: Concrete dividers! The man is classy.
Stephen: Nothing but the best for my possibly litigious model!

Armando: Come on, Sean! I saw a girl walk by!
Sean: Braiiiins…
Armando: Well I don’t know about that, Sean, but boobs, definitely!

Sean: Boooooooobs!

Brooke: This is stupid. You’re stupid for doing this.

Brooke: Anyway I thought you were getting a bus.
Stephen: It’s amazing how many schools don’t let you just take them.

Stephen: Please leave.
Armando: Boobs.
Stephen: Yes, but please leave.
Armando: Boobs. 🙂

Stephen: Alright boobs, time for a re-think.

Jay: Oh my god, it’s a red-maned flatchester!
Jessie: Where? WHERE?!

Stephen: Please leave my vacant lot.


All class.

Stephen: It’s your very own copy!
Brooke: I know what I look like naked, thanks.
Stephen: This is for when you get old and grody.

Brooke: No, alcohol is for when I get old and grody.

Stephen: It was nice to meet you.
Brooke: It was, wasn’t it.

Next time: oh my god it’s Stephen one more time.

What the FUCK.

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