Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Part three of our uplifting discursus on high art.
Or rather, boobies.
The never-ending fami-ly! Ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah.
Stephen: Wow, excellent! You sound like you’d be perfect!
Brooke: Buddy, sound ain’t the half of it.
Stephen: I’m nobody’s buddy.
Abigail: So I’m back here again.
Stephen: How do you sneak with those boots on?
Stephen: aaaand fiction.
Stephen: Please fuck off.
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.
Somewhere rude, but it’s better than nowhere.
Stephen: You’re a natural, baby.
Abigail: A natural scientist.
Stephen: No wonder our chemistry is so good.
Stephen: You’re not mad?
Abigail: The pun was horrendous but the tongue was tremendous.
Abigail: Let me return the favour.
This can only end well.
Stephen: It’s ending pretty soon, let me tell you.
Okay, even I’m grossed out now. Get in here already, woman.
Stephen: Look! It’s WooHoo o’clock!
Mrs. Crumplebottom: I DISAPPROVE OF THIS HOUR
Ember: Is this day ever gonna end?
Stephen: Welcome to the Stephen Murphy Chronicles.
Aaaand the last few readers disappear.
Kyle: WooHoo o’clock! It’s almost happy hour!
Seriously though, how long are you planning to stretch this out for?
Stephen: I’m taking pictures of naked women and having sex with them. What would you do?
Wake up, I imagine.
Ember: Send us a postcard why don’t you.
Stephen: Yeah man, long time no see! Come on over! Bring your wife!
Stephen: Great, a Dracula wife.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: -isn’t as scary as she thinks she is-
Stephen: Exit freely and of your own free will.
Stephen: Dude, you’re blocking the view. Scoot.
Stephen: Okay! Wow! Penny’s pregnant! Goodbye then.
Penny: I’m a cop. I’ve forgotten things about blackmail most criminals never learn.
Stephen: Fine, one makeout, five minutes max.
Stephen: Hey, did I catch you in the bathroom? Hahaha, I know, that was mean.
Erin: I’m weak for you!
Stephen: Like your bladder is weak? For pee?
Stephen: I’m just kiddin’ ya! You did pee yourself a lot though.
Stephen: So don’t leave it too late, is all I’m sayin’.
Erin: I’m SO thrilled this is my one character note!
Stephen: I thought of posing you on a toilet, but OH MY GOD I DID NOT THINK OF THAT! That’s a WAY better idea! SHIT.
Good enough for her, I guess.
Erin: I look contemplative!
Stephen: You look like you’re waiting in line for a stall.
Erin: Wow, if that joke got any older, it’d be you.
Stephen: I love our little give-and-take relationship.
Yes, I get it, Stephen and I are very creative with our libidos, that’s enough.
Stephen: When the racist caricatures come out, it’s time to bail.
Ember: Who is that handsome stranger?!
Stephen: I WAS THE FIRST MAIN CHARACTER. I want four chapters in a row, I damn well GET them.
Stephen: Anyway I see you’re having fun on your own, bye!
Ember: Who was that unmasked man?
Stephen: Why is there a ring on my elbow?
OH MY GOD
I JUST REALIZED
THE GAME DRAWS RINGS
WHEN YOUR PHONE RINGS
Xavier: Daddy, please come home! I miss existing.
Stephen: You want to make yourself useful, get out there and round me up some chicks.
Xavier: I do know one lady, but she’s pretty old.
Stephen: Send her over! What harm could it do?
Stephen: He asked foolishly.
Mrs. Crumplebottom: STEPHEN SEBASTIEN MURPHY
Stephen: I don’t even have a middle name!
Mrs. Crumplebottom: YOU DO NOW
Stephen: Is your character data corrupted or something?
Stephen: Anyway beat it, hot chicks inbound.
Stephen: Um, no? Stephen? And anyway call me dad.
Oliver: It’s a stretch, but I’ll try.
Sunny: You want us to what?!
Stephen: Whoa there, slow down! It’s only “us” if this chick is older than she looks.
Stephen: Are you older than you look.
Brooke: Nice place you have here!
Stephen: How come you’re so short.
Brooke: Because I’ve been stuck in the wrong age group for two years?
Stephen: That’s weird and I don’t like it.
Brooke: Try living it.
Brooke: No, wait – don’t.
Brooke: Man, if that is our competition, we’re shoe-ins!
Stephen: So, we’re doing nude shoots of people that expose their innermost personalities.
Brooke: My innermost personality would never go naked.
Stephen: Okay, pull back a few layers, then. And take your clothes off.
Stephen: Wait, let me see your driver’s license first, I’m still not 100% on that “twenty-two” business.
Stephen: Just for reference, how old are you?
Stephen: Jesus CHRIST.
Brooke: If it makes you feel any better, I’m basically a Barbie doll.
How do you pee?
Brooke: Oh, I don’t. I let Erin do it for me.
Brooke: So my innermost personality is… papergirl.
Stephen: If you have a second character trait, now is the time to reveal it.
Mrs. Crumplebottom: In my day, props were illegal.
Stephen: You’re referring to that apple you and your husband ate, right? In the garden?
Brooke: I like baseball. I could hold a baseball!
Stephen: Yeah? ‘cuz it doesn’t look like you can…
Sunny: Alright, Matlock’s on. I’m out.
Stephen: How would you like to be my secretary?
Brooke: Do I get to wear clothes?
Stephen: You’re not required to, but yeah, sure!
Stephen: What say?
Brooke: Say what?
Brooke: Proper grammar or no grammar, buddy.
Stephen: What’s with all this “buddy” shit lately?
Brooke: Guess you just look like a real buddhead.
Stephen: Marry me.
Brooke: I’m looking for someone around my own age. What are you, like, forty?
Stephen: Depends. Is it today today, or fifty years ago?
Stephen: I think we can safely conclude that nobody’s age makes any sense anymore.
Brooke: Anyway, I can take school off because technically I should be in university, but you’re gonna have to pay me… hello? Hello?
Stephen: I’m temporarily distracted by the revelation that you have nipples.
Brooke: Alright, fine. Go get a knife and we’ll cut this sexual tension up.
Stephen: I don’t know where to take that metaphor.
Brooke: If an actual knife is involved you’ve made a mistake.
Stephen: Okay, let’s do another shoot. Maybe something outside, to increase the chances that something goes wrong!
Brooke: Awesome, outside! So I can get all wet and dirty and all the neighbours can see me. Gerat plan.
Brooke: Why don’t we go to my school and embarass me in front of an entire generation, too?
Brooke: Or you could pose me on a fuckin’ schoolbus for maximum creepiness.
Stephen: You go next door, I’ll get the bus.
Stephen: Bus or BUST! Wait, better! Bust on Bus or BUST!
Brooke: I’m suddenly rooting for “bust.”
Brooke: Maybe we can wait her lifetime out…
Brooke: Concrete dividers! The man is classy.
Stephen: Nothing but the best for my possibly litigious model!
Armando: Come on, Sean! I saw a girl walk by!
Armando: Well I don’t know about that, Sean, but boobs, definitely!
Brooke: This is stupid. You’re stupid for doing this.
Brooke: Anyway I thought you were getting a bus.
Stephen: It’s amazing how many schools don’t let you just take them.
Stephen: Please leave.
Stephen: Yes, but please leave.
Armando: Boobs. 🙂
Stephen: Alright boobs, time for a re-think.
Jay: Oh my god, it’s a red-maned flatchester!
Jessie: Where? WHERE?!
Stephen: Please leave my vacant lot.
Brooke: QUICK STEPHEN
Stephen: It’s your very own copy!
Brooke: I know what I look like naked, thanks.
Stephen: This is for when you get old and grody.
Brooke: No, alcohol is for when I get old and grody.
Stephen: It was nice to meet you.
Brooke: It was, wasn’t it.
Next time: oh my god it’s Stephen one more time.
What the FUCK.