The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 219

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

More of this! Yaaaay.

I bet nobody’s reading this. I blame me.


Calling these things “families” is starting to seem really cynical.

Abigail: So you’re doing portraits of strong women, and you thought of me? Aww!
Stephen: Naked, though. Naked and strong. Especially naked.

Abigail: Baby steps.

Stephen: You’re a model model, baby.
Abigail: And you’re a sexy sexist, Steve.
Stephen: What’s that over your head?

Abigail: Oh, right! FRIDAY’s here.

FRIDAY: “Oh right! FRIDAY’s here”?!
Abigail: If you’d just spin up your hard disk every once in a while I wouldn’t forget!

FRIDAY: WHAT AM I DOING THIS SEEMS WRONG

Abigail: I hate this store, it has slappy robots in it.
Stephen: Yeah, and aren’t you already, like, trapped in a foundation somewhere? Goodbye!

FRIDAY: Shit. I am trapped in a foundation somewhere. Goodbye.

Stephen: I need to use the facilities. Mind sticking around so I can have another go at you?
Abigail: That phrasing seems pregnant with meaning.
Stephen: Ew! No pregnancy please.

Abigail: You put your bathroom upstairs?
Stephen: Bathrooms? Where we’re going yada yada yada.

Abigail: Oh, I see. Never mind.

Stephen: OH NO! I CAN’T SEE NAKED ABBY FROM THIS DIRECTION

Stephen: Now I’m gonna picture your awesome ass in that thing every time I use it.

Stephen: Hey, is that Battersea Power Station?

Stephen: So! While you’re naked.
Abigail: Uh-huh.

Abigail: I must say I like you a lot more as someone else’s husband.

Stephen: On a similar note, I’m fucking Stewart’s fiancé.

Stephen: I’m pretty sure he’s one of our kids.
Abigail: The one with the long hair or the one with the hat?
Stephen: The hat, I think? The hair one is dead, I think.

Abigail: No, it’s the gay one who died.
Stephen: You just brought the gay one back.
Abigail: This is too confusing, let’s hire a secretary.

Abigail: And we need to schedule a meeting.

Stephen: My evening’s free.

Stephen: Mmm, squishy.

Abigail has no bad angles.

Stephen: She’s really bendy, too!

Abigail: I like this store. ★+

Abigail: Present circumstances notwithstanding.

Abigail: I’ve wanted to do this for years. If only I had a brick.

Stephen: I deserve it!

There you go! A perfect come hither, thither, yonder and everywhere else pose.

Abigail: You know what this makes me thought balloon of?

Abigail: You do!

Instead of a billion sex pics, let’s try doing a few good ones for a change.

Stephen: If they aren’t all good I don’t know what you’re doing wrong.

Stephen: OH MY GOD IT’S FULL OF SEMEN

Stephen: Oh, very funny.
Abigail: Blackmail material!

Abigail: Say “squeeze”!

Abigail: I said say.

Abigail: It’s times like these when I forget why we’re not married anymore.
Stephen: The rest of the time?
Abigail: You say something, and I remember.

Stephen: Hey, you wanna go our separate ways and totally pretend this never happened?
Abigail: Totally!

Stephen: That bench didn’t do my back any favours.

Jerome designed this building.

That’s why there’s nothing phallic about it.

Lance: Congresswoman Fox-Murphy, it’s so good to finally meet you!
Wren: I always have time for the white middle-class male demographic!

Gee, how empowering.

Although yeah, a guy who takes the garbage out is definitely a keeper.

Margaret: Too bad his wife is a loser.
Ember: Why are you in our house again?

Margaret: ‘cuz he needs a spare for the four out of five days when a redhead is too fucking annoying to put up with.

Stephen: But ohh, that fifth day…!

Stephen: Is there a term for discrimination based on hair colour?
Ember: Yes. “Accuracy.”

Stephen: Right, so which of my women are you trying to infuriate with those?
Abigail: All of them?

Abigail: Especiallly this one.

It’s nice that you can keep the magic going even when you’re both inferior to the way you used to be.

Ember: What say we show him why he’s wrong?

Stephen: That’s usually pretty easy!

Ember: And so am I!

I stand corrected.

Oh no! Gypsy spies!

No-one suspects the people everyone suspects!

Ember: Ember Fox-Murphy, Attorney at Lawsome.

Stephen: I’m keeping you on indefinite retainer.

YAWN

Stephen: Nobody’s making you stay.

Ember: Is that a hard penis in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?

Ember: Metaphors are for wusses.

Ember: So which of us looks better?
Stephen: You do.
Ember: Good.
Stephen: Which means I need to re-shoot her.

Ember: Hi, Anthony? I know this is short notice, but can you come make my husband jealous?

Stephen: It’s not my fault Abigail’s hotter than everyone.

You’re right!

It’s mine.

FRIDAY.

YOU ARE DEAD.

ACT LIKE IT.

FRIDAY: I’ve clearly gone to silicon heaven.

Margaret: Oh, hi. I ate everything in your fridge and passed out.

Stephen: Say “hi” to Stewart for me.

Ember: Off on another adventure in misogyny?
Stephen: Misogyny? Are you kidding? Progyny, if anything!

Stephen: Love me a good gyny.

Next time: yeah, there’s still more of this.

It’s a very important storyline.

Clearly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.