The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 218

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

I won’t lie, these next three chapters form a trivial trilogy.

As I make no guarantees, I offer no apologies.

The game really has a knack for putting adulterers together and spouses apart in these pics.

Margaret: I’m sure Stephen’d be overjoyed to see you! Assuming he remembers you at all.

Margaret: On any given day he remembers having somewhere between one and fifteen kids, so there’s a legitimate chance.

Kyle: Hi?
Margaret: I’m waiting for some eighty-year-old, buddy, take off.

Kyle: I think I turn sixty this year.
Margaret: I guess that does explain your sense of style.

Kyle: I like prostitutes.

Margaret: Cool.

Kyle: So how’s my little brother or sister?
Margaret: Well currently they’re not a real person.

Kyle: Well, you look very fat. I mean healthy. Which means fat.
Margaret: Why thank you!

Margaret: No really, why should I thank you.

Kyle: So how was sex with my dad?

Margaret: You’re fuckin’ weird.

Margaret: Oosh, take a look at THAT skunk.
Kyle: Skunk?! Where?!
Margaret: I did not say “skunk.” That was a fuckin’ typo.

Kyle: So hey, what’s it like having a normal life instead of dying?

Margaret: Pay’s better.

Margaret: And it’s nice not being in a box?

Margaret: I’m sorry, this conversation is playables-only.
Catalina: I can be a playable!
Margaret: Hahaha, nice one kid.

Catalina: I will EAT MY OWN HAND to become playable!

Wren: Is that chick EATING HER OWN HAND?!
Xavier: Awesome!

Catalina: I will let you RIDE ME LIKE A BULLET TRAIN if you give me a taste of that sweet, sweet playablehood!

Kyle: Sorry kid, you need at least two defineable character traits to be a playable.
Catalina: I have light skin! I could be an albino!
Kyle: We already got albinos. One’s the frikkin’ governor.

Kyle: Now get out of here before my dad comes home and sees you stinkin’ up the place with your NPC bullshit.
Margaret: Yeah, sorry, nobody wants your skunk ass DAMMIT THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID AND YOU KNOW IT


Lance: I’M GONNA KILL YOU ALL hey just practicin’.

Xavier: Hey Lance! Kill us all yet today?
Lance: Hahaha, gettin’ to it, buddy. Gettin’ to it.

Margaret: Help me yank the border down, there’s too much negative space in the frame!

Margaret: Xavier! You stared me fatter!

Wren: I have real doubts that this woman has wisdom to impart, Xav.

Lance: …and as de-facto world leader, after the death of the entire Sim population, I can promise you this: I will be dedicated as hell to the only Sim left standing. Me.

Kyle: Still better than Trump.

Margaret: …and that’s how you write clever but incorrect answers! You’ll fail all your classes, but think of the clickbait you’ll generate!

Stephen: My feelings are complicated.

Stephen: Who’s this, Maggie? Your lesbian sister or something?

Stephen: …wait a minute. I’d know that gormless stance anywhere!

Stephen: Gonna walk real slow-ly, ’til I can re-member… your na-OH RIGHT IT’S KYLE

Stephen: I hope.

Kyle: I missed you too, dad.

Stephen: Wait, no, it’s Philip! Right?

Stephen: I’mma call you Phil.
Kyle: That’s not my name.
Stephen: Um, duh? You’ve never heard of short forms before?!

Stephen: No, wait, you ARE Kyle! I remember now!
Kyle: Phew.
Stephen: I remember thinking “of COURSE he’s gay, you named him KYLE!”

That’s right, you do that online sensitivity training until you LEARN.

Ember: I see we’re doing another stupid dude story today. I’ll see myself out.

Stephen: Have I got a surprise for you!

Yes, you do! I know, because I know everything you know.

…which means it’s NOT a surprise, so… no?

Stephen: Cool shut up this is my new studio.

Stephen: I specifically asked for bimbos. Where are my bimbos?

Get ’em yourself, Usagi no Bimbos.


Stephen: I hope they’re licensed as streetwalkers.

Stephen: I don’t know if stay-at-home prostitutes do that.

Yo ho! Hos.

Yo hos?

Rosemarie: Why do I hafta go first?
Kendra: ‘cuz I like you the least.

Stephen: Mmm, hello there! Don’t I know you?
Rosemarie: I ran over your kid and made out with you a bunch.
Stephen: Woof. Tell me there was a gap of years in there somewhere.

Stephen: Yep. Those are definitely my breed of puppies.

The magic of Holywood.

It’s like Hollywood, but for…

You probably got it already.

Kendra: Wow! I was expecting a basement or something.
Emily: You thought you were sending us to someone’s basement?!
Kendra: Look, what’s your problem? I sent Rosemarie first, didn’t I?!

Rosemarie: So, there’s a bed here.
Stephen: Yep.
Rosemarie: So I assume we’re only going to be using a very specific part of my acting abilities here, then.

Stephen: We’re not shooting a porno, if that’s what you mean.
Emily: Oh, good.
Stephen: I couldn’t get government funding to film a porno.

Kendra: Why do I get the feeling he tried?

Rosemarie: Okay, I’ve got my best outfit on, let’s do this.

Rosemarie: I am mere seconds away from strangling you.

Stephen: Oops, my flash went off!
Rosemarie: Nope. Witch lightning.

Nope. Witch lightning AND flash.

Is there at least some thin story-based excuse for this? Please?

Emily: Maybe he’s taking body scans for a video game character!
Kendra: Keep that Weird Science shit to yourself.

Cool? I guess?

Emily: Or maybe he’s doing a tasteful photoshoot about the Sim body for, like, SimNational Geographic or something.

Rosemarie: …is this actually my wallpaper? Did you steal my wallpaper.

Stephen: NO

Stephen: CHEESE!
Kendra: So much cheese.

Stephen: Okay, let’s try some roles. Serial killer victim!
Rosemarie: I’m a prostitute. That’s not funny.

Stephen: I hate these pictures and I hate you.

Stephen: If I can’t capture your personality on camera, these just become cheesecake shots! And I suspiciously specifically told the arts committee I wasn’t doing those.

Emily: I just doubt this is gonna be award material.
Stephen: It could still be jackoff material if we play our cards right!

Stephen: Okay, you can put your clothes back on, I’m not inspired.
Rosemarie: Spoken like a man who’s been told that himself.

Stephen: Mmf oh yeah baby insult me

Rosemarie: Insecurity is such a turn-on.

Emily: I ain’t doin’ nothin’ til you tell me why.
Stephen: How come everyone is talking like that today?

The more tired I get the more wild west I get.

Stephen: How come your prostitutes are so lippy?
Kendra: Because they’re people?

Emily: I changed my mind, it’s hot in here.

Stephen: I said “lippy.”
Kendra: Yeah, you’re probably wondering if it makes you a terrible person.
Stephen: Yes.
Kendra: Mhmm.

Emily: Photoshoot first, introspection second at best.

Emily: Don’t promise a girl objectification and then bail out!

Emily: But seriously what are you doing this for.
Stephen: I’m celebrating the strong women of Clover County!
Emily: In the nude, though?
Stephen: It’s the only way most dudes will pay attention.

Kendra: Wait, this is for, like, an exhibition?
Stephen: Cheese!
Kendra: Screw cheese! If you’re exhibiting this shit in public, we get wine at least!

Will this exhibition be in the Uncanny Valley, by any chance?

Stephen: Could you try to look more natural?
Emily: Since my natural is digital, um, no?

I’m sorry your dream isn’t coming true, but hey, it’s a terrible dream.

Stephen: Hey, no, this is great! The more my project is a failure, the more pictures of nekkid chicks I get to take!

Emily: I have mixed feelings about this.

Emily: Oh, I know! You could have us surrounded by objects that express our personalities!
Stephen: Emily, don’t bullshit me. I know you don’t have a personality.

Emily: You’re a horrible person, I hate you, and it’s been a pleasure working with you today, have these coupons.

Stephen: Shh! I’m on the phone with a very important client!
Abigail: You want me to what.

Abigail: I’m coming down there. You can say it to my face.

Kendra: She’s gonna disintegrate you.

Stephen: I’ve been disintegrated before. It ain’t so bad.

Stephen: Pity photoshoot?
Kendra: Paid photoshoot.
Stephen: Cold.

Scene missing?

Stephen: Yeah, you’re pretty terrible.

Abigail: Go on, finish up with Madame XXX.

Stephen: Abigail just thought of an awesome nickname for you.

Stephen: For a modest fee we’ll tell you what it is.

Kendra: And they call ME a prostitute.

Kendra: I say you keep going with this project.
Stephen: You don’t think it’s sexist?
Kendra: Of COURSE it’s sexist. I’m a madame! Without sexism, I don’t even have a job.

Kendra: Keep lowerin’ that bar, whitey.

Kendra: Also hot damn that ass!

Abigail: You definitely aren’t really asking me to pose nude for you, right? Because I’m having trouble imagining how you could actually be stupider than you look right now.

Stephen: Tell them I died bravely.

Next time: he doesn’t.

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