Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I won’t lie, these next three chapters form a trivial trilogy.
As I make no guarantees, I offer no apologies.
The game really has a knack for putting adulterers together and spouses apart in these pics.
Margaret: I’m sure Stephen’d be overjoyed to see you! Assuming he remembers you at all.
Margaret: On any given day he remembers having somewhere between one and fifteen kids, so there’s a legitimate chance.
Margaret: I’m waiting for some eighty-year-old, buddy, take off.
Kyle: I think I turn sixty this year.
Margaret: I guess that does explain your sense of style.
Kyle: I like prostitutes.
Kyle: So how’s my little brother or sister?
Margaret: Well currently they’re not a real person.
Kyle: Well, you look very fat. I mean healthy. Which means fat.
Margaret: Why thank you!
Margaret: No really, why should I thank you.
Kyle: So how was sex with my dad?
Margaret: You’re fuckin’ weird.
Margaret: Oosh, take a look at THAT skunk.
Kyle: Skunk?! Where?!
Margaret: I did not say “skunk.” That was a fuckin’ typo.
Kyle: So hey, what’s it like having a normal life instead of dying?
Margaret: Pay’s better.
Margaret: And it’s nice not being in a box?
Catalina: OHMYGOD PLAYABLES
Margaret: I’m sorry, this conversation is playables-only.
Catalina: I can be a playable!
Margaret: Hahaha, nice one kid.
Catalina: I will EAT MY OWN HAND to become playable!
Wren: Is that chick EATING HER OWN HAND?!
Catalina: I will let you RIDE ME LIKE A BULLET TRAIN if you give me a taste of that sweet, sweet playablehood!
Kyle: Sorry kid, you need at least two defineable character traits to be a playable.
Catalina: I have light skin! I could be an albino!
Kyle: We already got albinos. One’s the frikkin’ governor.
Kyle: Now get out of here before my dad comes home and sees you stinkin’ up the place with your NPC bullshit.
Margaret: Yeah, sorry, nobody wants your skunk ass DAMMIT THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID AND YOU KNOW IT
Lance: I’M GONNA KILL YOU ALL hey just practicin’.
Xavier: Hey Lance! Kill us all yet today?
Lance: Hahaha, gettin’ to it, buddy. Gettin’ to it.
Margaret: Help me yank the border down, there’s too much negative space in the frame!
Margaret: Xavier! You stared me fatter!
Wren: I have real doubts that this woman has wisdom to impart, Xav.
Lance: …and as de-facto world leader, after the death of the entire Sim population, I can promise you this: I will be dedicated as hell to the only Sim left standing. Me.
Kyle: Still better than Trump.
Margaret: …and that’s how you write clever but incorrect answers! You’ll fail all your classes, but think of the clickbait you’ll generate!
Stephen: My feelings are complicated.
Stephen: Who’s this, Maggie? Your lesbian sister or something?
Stephen: …wait a minute. I’d know that gormless stance anywhere!
Stephen: Gonna walk real slow-ly, ’til I can re-member… your na-OH RIGHT IT’S KYLE
Stephen: I hope.
Kyle: I missed you too, dad.
Stephen: Wait, no, it’s Philip! Right?
Stephen: I’mma call you Phil.
Kyle: That’s not my name.
Stephen: Um, duh? You’ve never heard of short forms before?!
Stephen: No, wait, you ARE Kyle! I remember now!
Stephen: I remember thinking “of COURSE he’s gay, you named him KYLE!”
That’s right, you do that online sensitivity training until you LEARN.
Ember: I see we’re doing another stupid dude story today. I’ll see myself out.
Stephen: Have I got a surprise for you!
Yes, you do! I know, because I know everything you know.
…which means it’s NOT a surprise, so… no?
Stephen: Cool shut up this is my new studio.
Stephen: I specifically asked for bimbos. Where are my bimbos?
Get ’em yourself, Usagi no Bimbos.
Stephen: I’LL TAKE THE LOT!
Stephen: I hope they’re licensed as streetwalkers.
Stephen: I don’t know if stay-at-home prostitutes do that.
Yo ho! Hos.
Rosemarie: Why do I hafta go first?
Kendra: ‘cuz I like you the least.
Stephen: Mmm, hello there! Don’t I know you?
Rosemarie: I ran over your kid and made out with you a bunch.
Stephen: Woof. Tell me there was a gap of years in there somewhere.
Stephen: Yep. Those are definitely my breed of puppies.
The magic of Holywood.
It’s like Hollywood, but for…
You probably got it already.
Kendra: Wow! I was expecting a basement or something.
Emily: You thought you were sending us to someone’s basement?!
Kendra: Look, what’s your problem? I sent Rosemarie first, didn’t I?!
Rosemarie: So, there’s a bed here.
Rosemarie: So I assume we’re only going to be using a very specific part of my acting abilities here, then.
Stephen: We’re not shooting a porno, if that’s what you mean.
Emily: Oh, good.
Stephen: I couldn’t get government funding to film a porno.
Kendra: Why do I get the feeling he tried?
Rosemarie: Okay, I’ve got my best outfit on, let’s do this.
Rosemarie: I am mere seconds away from strangling you.
Stephen: Oops, my flash went off!
Rosemarie: Nope. Witch lightning.
Nope. Witch lightning AND flash.
Is there at least some thin story-based excuse for this? Please?
Emily: Maybe he’s taking body scans for a video game character!
Kendra: Keep that Weird Science shit to yourself.
Cool? I guess?
Emily: Or maybe he’s doing a tasteful photoshoot about the Sim body for, like, SimNational Geographic or something.
Rosemarie: …is this actually my wallpaper? Did you steal my wallpaper.
Kendra: So much cheese.
Stephen: Okay, let’s try some roles. Serial killer victim!
Rosemarie: I’m a prostitute. That’s not funny.
Stephen: I hate these pictures and I hate you.
Stephen: If I can’t capture your personality on camera, these just become cheesecake shots! And I suspiciously specifically told the arts committee I wasn’t doing those.
Emily: I just doubt this is gonna be award material.
Stephen: It could still be jackoff material if we play our cards right!
Stephen: Okay, you can put your clothes back on, I’m not inspired.
Rosemarie: Spoken like a man who’s been told that himself.
Stephen: Mmf oh yeah baby insult me
Rosemarie: Insecurity is such a turn-on.
Emily: I ain’t doin’ nothin’ til you tell me why.
Stephen: How come everyone is talking like that today?
The more tired I get the more wild west I get.
Stephen: How come your prostitutes are so lippy?
Kendra: Because they’re people?
Stephen: DAMMIT THAT’S NO GOOD
Emily: I changed my mind, it’s hot in here.
Stephen: I said “lippy.”
Kendra: Yeah, you’re probably wondering if it makes you a terrible person.
Emily: Photoshoot first, introspection second at best.
Emily: Don’t promise a girl objectification and then bail out!
Emily: But seriously what are you doing this for.
Stephen: I’m celebrating the strong women of Clover County!
Emily: In the nude, though?
Stephen: It’s the only way most dudes will pay attention.
Kendra: Wait, this is for, like, an exhibition?
Kendra: Screw cheese! If you’re exhibiting this shit in public, we get wine at least!
Will this exhibition be in the Uncanny Valley, by any chance?
Stephen: Could you try to look more natural?
Emily: Since my natural is digital, um, no?
I’m sorry your dream isn’t coming true, but hey, it’s a terrible dream.
Stephen: Hey, no, this is great! The more my project is a failure, the more pictures of nekkid chicks I get to take!
Emily: I have mixed feelings about this.
Emily: Oh, I know! You could have us surrounded by objects that express our personalities!
Stephen: Emily, don’t bullshit me. I know you don’t have a personality.
Emily: You’re a horrible person, I hate you, and it’s been a pleasure working with you today, have these coupons.
Stephen: Shh! I’m on the phone with a very important client!
Abigail: You want me to what.
Abigail: I’m coming down there. You can say it to my face.
Kendra: She’s gonna disintegrate you.
Stephen: I’ve been disintegrated before. It ain’t so bad.
Stephen: Pity photoshoot?
Kendra: Paid photoshoot.
Stephen: Yeah, you’re pretty terrible.
Abigail: Go on, finish up with Madame XXX.
Stephen: Abigail just thought of an awesome nickname for you.
Stephen: For a modest fee we’ll tell you what it is.
Kendra: And they call ME a prostitute.
Kendra: I say you keep going with this project.
Stephen: You don’t think it’s sexist?
Kendra: Of COURSE it’s sexist. I’m a madame! Without sexism, I don’t even have a job.
Kendra: Keep lowerin’ that bar, whitey.
Kendra: Also hot damn that ass!
Abigail: You definitely aren’t really asking me to pose nude for you, right? Because I’m having trouble imagining how you could actually be stupider than you look right now.
Stephen: Tell them I died bravely.
Next time: he doesn’t.