The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 217

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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An infantile tale with a shocking conclusion.

or alternatively, “Babies and a Buzz.”


Ooh! Look who figured out that zooming in at the Neighbourhood level gives you the same view you’d get in Live Mode, only way shittier!

I think that’s more of a tribe.

Amin: Am I breastfeeding? I think I’m breastfeeding.

Andrew: Can we sell the rest of your clothes?

Andrew: I bet people would buy tickets for breakfast here.

Great, there goes the chapter.

FRIDAY: Hey Billy!
William: Two hundred confirmed kills assures me a William, thank you very much.

Andrew: We should have a baby.
Penny: We do.
Andrew: No, you and my dad do.
Penny: Somebody needs to make a chart.

William: DAMN I smell good.

William: Force pull!

William: Cool! A sentry!
Anthony: I’d ask you not to shoot me, but I’ve just been doing diapers.

Chelsea: Billybob!
William: Two hundred conf-
Chelsea: THREE PLATINUM RECORDS assure me I can call you whatever I want.

William: Crotchfire is a terrific band, I can’t lie.

William: You guys gonna put out a third album?
Chelsea: I dunno, mom’s got a busy schedule these days and “Vagina Implosion” is a hard act to follow.

William: I hear “I Got Gash” is a certified diamond single now!
Chelsea: Pff, barely gold. We haven’t diamond since our debut album, “A Cuter Cooter.”

Chelsea: HAVE YOU HAD YOUR FUN YET

Yes đŸ™‚

Chelsea: So yeah, I’m a stay-at-home rockstar. How’s your life.

William: Well, for starters I’m gonna have to arrest your sister.

Andrew: Old lesbians are hot.

Penny: OOPS LOOK AT THE TIME

Penny: DRIVE

Roger: Who are you?
RenĂ©e: Give me a sec, I got this one…

Chelsea: Stop smelling yourself, William.
William: But HOW

William: There’s a song in your heart, and its name is “William.”
Chelsea: It can be the first single from our next album: “Douchesucker.”

Renée: Yeah! DOUCHESUCKER!

William: Who the fat are you?

William: ‘CUZ YOU’RE FAT

Renée: PLEASED TO MEET YOU
William: LIKEWISE

Anthony: Oh, drink your soymilk, you big baby.

Oh no! It’s Chandler Greaves, Secret Evil Secret Agent!

Chandler: A third “Secret” goes in there somewhere.

Andrew: My perimeter kimono alarm is going bananas!

Andrew: We don’t want any evil secret agents here, thank you! Try two doors down.
Chandler: Ew, I hate that band.

Chandler: You have not seen the last of me, Meester Murphy!
Andrew: Aw, why?!

Yeah, personally I wouldn’t put my lips on anything that came through the postal system, but you do you.

Amin: Go Team Furry!

That might not mean what you think it means.

Amin: EW GROSS

Muse: .oO(EW GROSS)

I don’t even care what’s in this shot, I just want to point out how well-blocked it is.

Okay, that look is gonna get old real fast.

FRIDAY: Not for me! I can’t see it!

Angelica: I graduated today.

You look pretty short for a grad.

Nathaniel: I’ll miss you, bus lady!
Jennifer: I drive the high school bus too.
Nathaniel: WELL NOW IT’S FUCKIN’ AWKWARD

The pelican symbolizes his childhood, lost forever.

Nathaniel: Symbolizes I hate pelicans, more like.

Amin: Does he seem evil to you, too?

Penny: Kids, look what I found! A real black person!

Amin: I’ll hold you up so you can see.

Amin: OH GOD NOW I CAN’T SEE

Nathaniel: How long do bigfoots live…

Angelica: …this cake looks cardboard.

Nathaniel: Enough icing and you won’t know the difference.

Make a wish!

Angelica: I want world peace!

Well I DON’T so too BAD.

Andrew: Family only, Penny.
Penny: Then what’s that kid doing here?
Andrew: Lance? He has a family!

Andrew: You’d have one too if you weren’t a dirty cheater.

Angelica: Nope, stop, you’ve been excluded. Stop!

Angelica: Oh, I draw the line at fuckin’ butlers!

Angelica: This joke done? We good?

Yeah, it wasn’t very funny anyway.

What’re you wishing for?

Angelica: You’ll see in about five hundred chapters.

Nathaniel: My wish is to still be alive in five hundred chapters.

Aww, but now that you said it it can’t come true!

Lance: Like it was going to anyway.

Lance: Oh, wow! You’re a My Little Pony!

Angelica: Oof my rickets

Nathaniel: Hey, wow! My hands haven’t changed.

Angelica: I’M DEMONSTRABLY FEMALE NOW!

Angelica: Now my mood swings are justified.

Nathaniel: Now I can get a girlfriend!

Pff. Aging isn’t magic.

Andrew: And that’s enough of you people for a day.

Nathaniel: What the fuck?!
Angelica: You bought a drywall cake?!

Angelica: You’re right about the icing, at least.

Lance: Pretty sure zombies shouldn’t be on the sidewalk.
Cassidy: Pretty sure that’s racist, live boy.

Angelica: Okay, so, here’s the thing. You have to keep your eyes closed in our room at all times now.

Andrew: It’s okay man, I got it.
Anthony: I still have to walk to where he was and go “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” in Simlish. You know that.
Andrew: I feel for you, buddy. I really do.

Andrew: What’s the law about people grabbing our kids?

FRIDAY: I’m pretty sure freeze rays are always considered excessive force.

CLUNK

Anthony: Ew, it’s on the ground now. You take it.

Oh, hey! Two babies.

Um.

Nathaniel: BWAAAAAAAGH. Now you’re deaf!

Andrew: I can’t wait to find out who this is!

Andrew: Make a wish, whoever you are!

Penny: Hey, fuck that. If I’m doin’ the blowing, I’m making the wish.

Ally: Mmm, blowing.

Wendell Spring: BWAAAAAAAGH
Andrew: Great, Nathaniel. That was his first word.

Bethany Price: .oO(Confetti! It is my natural habitat.)

Bethany: .oO(Put me down, you weird pervert.)

Angelica: So, do you feel any older?
Nathaniel: No, but my armpits smell now.
Angelica: You’re only noticing it now, buddy, let me assure you.

Andrew: Your mother would be proud, Angelica! You’re the spitting image of neither of us.

Angelica: That’s so nice of you to say.

Angelica: I just wanna go to bed now.

There’ll be plenty of time for that in your thirties.

Angelica: Why?

Because it takes that long to realize how crappy being awake is.

Peter: Oh, sure, scratch your back right in front of the incorporeal entity, real nice, real sensitive buddy.

Angelica: AAAAGH PERVERT

Peter: Yeah, because this is really turning me on. Eeeeuch.

My Sims only pass out when there’s an available bed to hand.

Andrew: Wow! This sure gets old after the first three kids.

Emerson: It’s not even that fun to learn.

Emerson: BUT THIS IS WORSE

Emerson: THE GHOST PEED

Umm…

Emerson: THE GHOST PEED SHUT UP

Peter: .oO(Randy: SNRRRRRK)

Muse: .oO(Obviously there’s been a rather tragic misunderstanding here.)

Nathaniel: AND HERE

Peter is dedicating his piss-stained rampage to the hated memory of his idiot brother.

Nathaniel: I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE

…did Peter…?

Penny: HE BETTER NOT HAVE

Nathaniel: It’s a chore and a shower in one!

Nathaniel: FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Nathaniel: So this is forever now.

Nathaniel: Cool.

Penny: Yup, this sure is a sexy scene right here.

Penny: I feel like a goddamn PORN STAR.

Rarely is an emptying so fulfilling.

Andrew: Yeah, this is what you call a VERY guilty pleasure.

Andrew: Shit, shit. What’s this one’s name? I barely remember the first two.

Penny: Hahaha you can’t walk.

Andrew: SHE IS SUPERIOR

Emerson: Hi dad!
Andrew: Hi Walky! I mean whatever your name is.

Teenhood! Euucch.

There’s a lot of euucch going around lately.

So is a T-square involved in that haircut, or what?

The silence of the besties.

Penny: Boy howdy, if he gets any more points I’m gonna have to Hoover them out! Hahahaha. Ha.

Emerson: I’m wearing clothes!

It’s pretty exciting.

Talk about your nuclear families…

What?

WHAT.

Why?

Angelica: I try not to ask.

Okay sparky, settle down!

Andrew: That sound doesn’t sound like a good sound.

Amin: Yes! Kill the butler! Kill the butler.

Muse: .oO(I didn’t know he could do this! Why doesn’t he do this more often?!)

It’s the most interesting thing he’s done in decades.

Andrew: Freeze!

Andrew: I said FREEZE!

Andrew: And I have the means to enforce it!

Amin: LAWSUUUUUUUUUUUIT

Andrew: You really get a charge out of FRIDAY, don’t you?

Andrew: I’m so sorry.

Amin: For the pun, right. Not the zapping.
Andrew: Oh, totally just for the pun.

Amin: Cool. Now can you fry the bastard?

FRIDAY: YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL AMIN

FRIDAY: KWAI CHANG CAINE MODE: ENGAGED

Silly robot.

Nobody has that much energy.

Say “hi” to Jimmy Hoffa for us.

Yep, that’s literally the end of that storylet.

You were expecting something less grim?

Well, look over here then: the babies don’t care that the robot is dead.

Doesn’t that just warm the cockles of your heart?

Bethany becomes almost human.

Wendell, not so much.

Next time: blatant objectification.

I’m sorrry.

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