The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 216

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

Meanwhile in Alvania…

I’m yellow, da ba dee da ba die.


Ooh, vivacious. They sure are alive, alright.

Alvin: I need at least three more friends before the end of the day.
Iris: Do they have to actually like you, or can I threaten them into cooperating?
Alvin: I have a government job, baby. Threatening is always an option.

Iris: Oh, I see, I see! Very interesting! Now write my husband a reference or I’ll send ninjas to kill you.

Iris: Yes, I’m serious. Actual ninjas. With certificates and everything.

Iris: Nice to meet you too! How would you like to live to the ripe old age of tomorrow?

Iris: Look, I’m just asking you to lie about Alvin. I’m not making you meet him or anything icky like that.

Iris: Aren’t you real friends with that Whittaker douche? Fake friends with Alvin is way less disgusting.

Iris: Oh god, really? Never mind, we don’t want your endorsement.

Alvin: I HATE WORMS IN MY ORANGE JUICE

Alvin: And also myself

I hate you too.

Iris: You’re a shoe-in for promotion, honey.
Alvin: More like a GUMSHOE-in! HAHAHAHAHA
Iris:
Alvin: Because I’m a secret ag-
Iris: OH I GOT IT

Iris: IT’S JUST THAT I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT TO DEAL WITH TODAY

I think we need a safety valve for that anger.

Iris: Which one are you? I can’t tell from this far away.

Iris: Haha, yeah, hi! Whoever you are!

Iris: I’m gonna guess you’re Erica.

Neither of them is named Erica.

Iris: It’s a less offensive mistake that way!

Kelsey: BAM! Check out those wall tiles!
Nathaniel: SOOOOO CLASSY

Nathaniel: Oh god, my new pants! Good thing my mom’s going to jail!

Nathaniel: ‘cuz otherwise she’d kill me.

Brooke: Is this a crime? It looks like a crime…

Nathaniel: Wow, do you have your own field of gravity yet?!

Iris: I am going to belly-crush you.
Nathaniel: Whoa, dial back the violence a little!
Brooke: Ooh, I got that pun!

Iris: I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a thing hanging over your head.

Iris and Nathaniel: HAHAHAHAHA WE’RE NOT REAL

Nathaniel: You look like a hippie. Are you a hippie?

Nathaniel: ‘cuz if I had my way all the hippies’d go in the oven.

Nathaniel: Then presto, alakaZAM! No more hippies!

Kelsey: If I laugh will you spare me.

Iris: END OF THE LINE, WOODY

Iris: ‘cuz it’s made of wood.

Iris: You’re right, that does feel better.

Nathaniel: This is the lamest sorority I’ve ever seen.

Nathaniel: But I appreciate the uniforms.

Speaking of which.

Iris: YOU’RE a witch.

Iris: Holy shit! With the helmet on I can actually read this thing!

Iris: I can’t wait to learn about bridge and the zodiac.

Alvin: I think that was Jacques Cousteau!

Alvin: Did you know that all this time I’ve been seeing France’s most venerated explorer?!

Kelsey: You’re an idiot, Alvin.

Kelsey: Even by little kid standards.

Come on, Stephen.

You’re tanking the mood.

Iris: AAAAUGH MY OWN FACE!

Iris: AAAAUGH YOUR FACE!

Iris: Aaaaugh I’m over it.

How did that food make you THINNER.

Kelsey: Yeah, there’ snow ay that makes any sense.

Alvin: SAD GHOST OUTTA MY HOUSE

Stephen: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’TA GHOSTED ME THEN

Stephen: OOGABOOGA-
Alvin: GHOSTS AREN’T REAL

Kelsey: I believe in you, stupid dead guy.

Kelsey: What? You are stupid. You died stupid.

Kelsey: And I hate you.

Ghost burglar and me was like carrots and caricatures.

Kelsey: I’ll make a deal with you – you can pull as many scares as you want, as long as you only scare Alvin.

Iris: Hey. That’s my job.

Iris: THIS IS NOT MY JOB

Alvin: Ooh, throat singing! Can you teach me?

Ivy: I’m having a dream where you don’t have lungs.

Congratulations, it’s a what!

Irvin Woodrow: .oO(Countdown to therapy begins now.)

Oh, good. Another Alvin.

‘cuz the world can definitely sustain another one of those.

Alvin: Mmm, biogenesis.

Alvin: Why your ovaries so sexay?

Iris: I need to keep this one away from him.

Yes, you do.

Iris: I’m so glad breastfeeding isn’t a thing.

Stephen: I’D EVEN SETTLE FOR THAT

Alvin: Mind if I cruiseship your straits?

Iris: How can I refuse such a cleverly-conceived metaphor?

You might want to take care of the other thing he conceived first, though.

The eyes, they cannot unsee.

Alvin: Good news! The internet says he won’t remember that.

Alvin: It also says he has to poop into a cloth bag for like a year. That can’t be right.

Alvin: Also my computer is exploding.

Iris: Maybe the evil organization of evil evil, ENTROPY, is sabotaging your rig!
Alvin: ENTROPY isn’t real, Iris.
Iris: HAHAHA OF COURSE NOT

Ivy: WOO! YEAH! WASTING MY CHILDHOOD!

Kelsey: Hi Daddy! Thanks for making us listen to you sexing! Again.

Ivy: Why aren’t you dressed?
Kelsey: It’s not like dressing would make me any less ugly.

Yeah, go away and don’t come back until you’re a real age.

Fabulous.

What the fuck are you doing.

Iris: Definitely not signalling my fellow ENTROPY agents.

Iris: Because ENTROPY isn’t real.

Alvin: Exactly!

Iris: Nothing suspicious here!

You’re fucked, kid.

Next time: some stupid kids finally grow up.

FINALLY.

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