The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 213

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which consent laws are suitably enforced.

How’s that for edgy.


Brittany: Okay, so here’s the plan. You go in there and, like, be a big dumb jerk in her face, then I’ll come in, save the day, and have my molars deep in crotchcave before the sun rises!
Amar: Wow! That was DISGUSTING!

Brittany: Yeah, I’m pretty proud of it.

Amar: Just so we’re clear – this chick is the sister of that TV chick, right.
Brittany: Yeah.
Amar: Maybe I can get an autograph! After I pork her.

Somebody wants to screw you.

Poppy: I’m too busy screwing other people.

Poppy: You’d be amazed, the signing bonuses all these local companies offer.

Amar: Is she a good lay? From your weird lesbian perspective?

Brittany: …you probably don’t need to know.

Michael: If Poppy’s just gonna sell this,tell me and I’ll return it myself.

Poppy: Oh, the baby’s kicking.

Poppy: …the what.

Amar: I don’t think I like your plan.
Brittany: I WILL MOVE YOU BODILY INSIDE

Brittany: Actually, yeah, forget it. You look like a crazy rapist or something.

Amar: Heheheh. I’m not crazy.
Brittany: You. Sidewalk. Now.

Poppy: PUKE THE PAIN AWAY

Amar: Look. You want to get back at this chick, just make out with me.
Brittany: Where she can see us?
Amar: Ugh, that sounds terrible.

Brittany: I want her to notice when I get back at her, pal. I’m not going for a moral victory.

Brittany: Okay, you can be my fake boyfriend.
Amar: I wish that wasn’t the best offer I’ve ever gotten.

Amar: If I squint, you’re kinda cute. I’m in.

Brittany: So now we kiss?
Amar: I don’t know! I’ve never gotten past home plate with a chick.

Brittany: OH POPPY YOU CAUGHT US
Amar: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

Brittany: It is, though.
Amar: Nah, definitely not.
Brittany: STOP OGLING HER AND GROPE ME DAMMIT

Brittany: Or… don’t, actually, now that I see you in the light.

Brittany: I MEAN WOW THIS DUDE IS HOT HEY POPS?

Poppy: Did you just yell something or was it my bowels?

Brittany: Oh, you big dumb manly man. That’s what straight chicks like right?

Brittany: She had better be getting this, because it is hard.

Amar: Other things are hard, too.

Brittany: This is the worst fake date I’ve never been on.

Brittany: Luckily she can’t see us behind this split screen.

That wasn’t a split screen, the camera was just clipped through a wall.

Brittany: Shit.

Brittany: I WOULDN’T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE STRAIGHT IF YOU HADN’T PRETENDED TO BE GAY

Brittany: Also I might be bi.

Amar: Bi-sexy!

Amar: Bi-sexier!

Amar: We’ve gotta do something with that hair, though.
Poppy: Mf. Strangle you with it.

Your pretend boyfriend is missing.

Brittany: I’ll pretend to worry.

Amar: I’m glad they had this fancy rich-person barricade.

Amar: Ooh yeah baby, let me objectify you.

Poppy: If I open my eyes, will I see something you’ll regret?

Poppy: Oh, look, you have one of those. Well aren’t you special.

Poppy: Good bye, serial skulker.

Amar: Aw, I thought you’d go easy.
Poppy: And I thought you’d go… like… away.

Poppy: Um, no, sorry, women have been people for at least a hundred years.

Poppy: You’d be amazed how many special rights your sad little prick doesn’t grant you.

Amar: I thought all lesbians secretly wanted dick!
Poppy: Thanks for that legacy, Gigli.

Amar: It smells like toothpaste down here.

Poppy: Self-defense?

So utterly.

Amar: I’ll give you something to defend!
Poppy: STOP GIVING ME THINGS

Poppy: In SimSoviet SimRussia, bitch chokes YOU!

Amar: I WANT YOUR LOVE, NOT YOUR CONSENT

Brittany: This is not my favourite plan ever.

Brittany: I should intervene, but they’re all the way upstairs.

Poppy: And now, I shall insert this barre in you.

Amar: Can you wear a cheerleader costume when you do it?

Brittany to the rescue!

Poppy: ON THIS VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF THE CLOVER COUNTY CHRONICLES

Poppy: WE MAKE A DEFINITIVE STATEMENT ON SEXUAL ASSAULT

Amar: Oh no, it’s Build Mode outside!

Poppy: Let me axe you a question.

Poppy: WHY WOULD YOU BRING RAPE TO A LIBERAL PARTY

Such support.

Whuck.

Amar: So wait, am I still getting laid?

Poppy: YOU’VE GOT ALL THE GASH YOU’RE GETTING

Poppy: Heehee.

Poppy: Score one for the ladies! Masters of our own bodies.
The Grim Reaper: EXCEPT WHEN THE GRIM REAPER COMES.
Poppy: Sure, but that never happens.

Brittany: Is somebody dragging damned souls over the carpet upstairs?

Poppy: I’m trying to figure out how to blame this on Michael.

Brittany: OH NO HE SEEMED SO NICE

Brittany: See if I ever lend you my dudes again!

Poppy: Oh, you’re laying claim to the ATTEMPTED RAPIST are you?
Brittany: BETTER THAN THE AXE MURDERER

Poppy: Not really? At all?

Poppy: IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’M BISEXUAL, STUPID
Brittany: IT’S NOT MY FAULT I AM EITHER

Poppy: Wait, you…? When did THAT…?

Poppy: …this is also assault, you know.

Brittany: Oh, Amar. We shall not see your like again.

Poppy: STOP CRYING FOR HIM, ARGENTINA

Poppy: WHY HELLO THERE MEN’S RIGHTS ACTIVISM, I DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE
Brittany: …what’re you…?

Poppy: EAT CARPET, MISOGYNY!
Brittany: Hmm. Word choice?

Poppy: THE ONLY SUCKING YOU’LL GET IS FROM A VACUUM CLEANER, PUNK!

Brittany: Can I just say that I’m a little bit turned on right now.

Brittany: Is this a “no”?

Brittany: Yes, it’s a “no”?

Poppy: That was a fun little adventure.

I’ve just -really- wanted to kill a man lately.

Next time: a totally innocent reunion.

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