The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 212

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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More unfunny jokes about sexuality.

Lalala.


Hey, you almost look good.

Poppy: You’ve been practicing your smooth talk, huh?

Brittany: Well lookie here! My second-favourite vagina!

Poppy: I hate top-down views of a sand bucket with a moebius strip in it.

Poppy: That one was a stretch, even for you.

Brittany: Does she shower by rubbing her body all over the wall?

Brittany: I think some of this dirt was involved in the original sin.

Brittany: Hey, so, I don’t want to leave the house.

Me either.

So I’m gonna do it vicariously through you.

Brittany: I appreciate the direction you’re facing in.

Bill: I can tell when a chick’s not into me. I moonlight as a gaydar repairman.

Brittany: I like that guy.

Brittany: Except guys are gross.

I wish I could keep you.

Brittanny: So… keep me?

It’s gonna be a real tragedy, is all I’m sayin’.

Brittany: Cool, I won’t be thinking about that ominous statement all day at work.

Poppy: I did a thing!

What thing?

Poppy: Who cares?

Yay!

What career are you in?

Poppy: I think the one where all you do is show up at parties and people pay attention to you.

Oh!

You’re Bill Murray.

Poppy: I hate painted busts of people.

Poppy: You need to come over, I can’t remember what you look like below the sternum.

Poppy: I hate two-fifths of the Olympics.

Michael: So I hear somebody’s movin’ on up the social ladder!
Poppy: Maybe you should go bug them then.

Poppy: Look, I need your help. I think my sister isn’t really my sister.
Michael: If you want my blessing for incest, this is the wrong way to go about it.

Poppy: Seriously Michael, I think I’m a straight person trapped inside a gay person’s identity.
Michael: I’m sure this can somehow get even more offensive.

Michael: Alright, calm down. I believe you.
Poppy: Whew! Why?
Michael: That’s what I always say to shut people up.

Poppy: Fabulous.

Poppy: So I’m gonna need you help figuring this out, ‘cuz my fake sister is a serial killer I’m pretty sure.

Michael: See, the problem with that is I don’t even want to get killed once.

Poppy: Don’t you want to see me returned to my former glory? I’m assuming I used to be glorious, because how could I not.

Michael: What if I kinda like you how you are?
Poppy: Don’t say stupid things.

Poppy: I know it’s hard for you.

Michael: More like “I’m hard for you”!

Poppy: I used to know a guy who made jokes like that.

Poppy: AND GUESS WHAT

Michael: I can definitely see how sitting on the couch is advancing this storyline.

Poppy: What were you complaining about?
Michael: Who cares?

Poppy: I like how dudes can be distracted by boobs.
Michael: What else do you like about dudes?
Poppy:

Michael: Sorry, I got distracted by your boobs. What were we talking about?

Michael: I’m glad you know how to do this, because I’m just doing a fish impression and hoping for the best.

See, I’ve even DONE this, and I have no idea how it works.

Poppy: I’m glad we’ve put our past behind us.
Michael: You spent all of today talking about your past.
Poppy: Right? I said I’m glad we’ve put our past behind us.

Poppy: Hahahaha what
Michael: Your crazy is crazy hot.

Michael: Also I’m lonely.

Poppy: Alright, we’d better stop before you start thinking I want to hear about your feelings.

Brittany: I’m glad at least one household in this neighbourhood is gay.

Look, I feel bad enough about what’s gonna happen, alright? Shut up.

Brittany: Anyway this old woman came home with me.

Brittany: She’s not really my type.

Brittany: Take off, we can’t all get promoted to main cast.

Brittany: I’m not even sure how I managed it.

Poppy: I love having it both ways.
Michael: That’s what she said!
Poppy: …yes? I did?

Michael: That’s what she said.

Must be a Michael thing.

Michael: Hey rando, could you go grab us some condoms from the supermarket?

Michael: It’s just I need the really small ones but I don’t want anyone to know.

Brittany: Wait, what are we doing?

Michael: Poppy’s gay for dudes as well as chicks. It’s pretty great.

Poppy: This is literally the only way to make him stop talking.

Poppy: Bam, evening! It’s not lazy to be in bed now.
Michael: Awesome.

Brittany: I’m still processing this. Michael’s a woman? That’s the only explanation that makes sense here.

Brittany: Or she’s cheating on me with a dude.

Brittany: BUT THAT WOULD BE STUPID

Poppy: Now just wait a second, I can explain.
Brittany: Save it for the police report.

Brittany: I’m attacking you with my mind.

Poppy: I’M MORE TRADITIONAL

Poppy: Look, seriously, it’s not my fault.
Brittany: Now you’re gonna tell me you’re a straight woman trapped in a gay body, right?
Poppy: IT’S NOT MY FAULT

Brittany: Wait, seriously? Your explanation is that you’re not really gay? That’s the best rejection line you can think of?!

Brittany: Cool, I just found out I hate you.

Brittany: That makes things a lot easier.
Poppy: I’m glad we worked it out.

Brittany: How can someone flip-flop so fast?!
Poppy: Ew, more visual puns: the kiss of death.

Brittany: So wait, am I still main cast now?

Poppy: You can be my wacky gay sidekick!

Brittany: And you think I’m wacky?!

Poppy: Fine, you can be a boring person with no story.
Michael: I’M WAITING FOR SEX UP HERE

Brittany: You’re just another college chick pretending to be gay because she thinks it makes her DEEP AND TORTURED
Poppy: Actually someone implanted false memories in my head.
Brittany: OH THAT TIRED EXCUSE

Brittany: Hello, is this the cheating hotline?! Send me your cheatingest gypsy.

Poor Kiera, not being attractive to cows.

Ugh! Okay, shut the door.

Poppy: What do you keep looking at out there?
Michael: There’s a Pontiac Aztek across the street. I’m using it to keep my horniness down.

Michael: Shit, they left. Prepare for impact.

Poppy: That’s your version of “I’m close”?
Michael: It’s a pretty good one, don’t you think?

Poppy: No, but it’s cute that you think so.

Brittany: No arm penetration, please.

Kiera: Want this huge marble? Got it cheap.

Brittany: I want to have sex.
Kiera: I don’t think the ball is into that.

Brittany: A thousand Simoleons says shut up and do your job.

Kiera: Ooh! Money talks dirty!

Michael: Oh, thank god, a Gremlin just drove up.

Brittany: I think there’s been a substantial misunderstanding here.

Kiera: No, it’s cool! He’s really into lesbians.

Brittany: I was hoping for someone that I would find attractive.

Kiera: He has a really tinny voice, if that helps.

Kiera: I think you make a really cute couple!
Brittany: In retrospect I should have known better than to expect an octogenarian to set me up on a gay date.
Amar: What’s happening? Who are you? Where am I?

Brittany: Bye stupid! I hope you die.

Poppy: What’s the matter?
Michael: I just… I just saw a Nissan Cube. I don’t think I can orgasm now.

Brittany: Do you like the taste of vagina?
Amar: Is that a kind of fish?

Amar: Hey, how did you get this awesome place? Who do I have to fuck?

Amar: Wait, isn’t this where that hot lesbian lives?
Brittany: It is indeed! I’m glad to hear my reputation pre-
Amar: Could you introduce her to me?

Brittany: …Poppy. This is about Poppy again, isn’t it.
Amar: Is she inside? I’ll let myself in.

Poppy: Thanks for coming, Michael.
Michael: THAT. Is what SHE. Said.

Amar: You spent a thousand bucks and she sent you a DUDE?!
Brittany: Yeah, haha, pretty funny. Oh BTW I own you now.

Amar: I’m genderless, you wouldn’t like me.

Michael: MAN that Poppy’s got a cool vagina, am I right? Oh, sorry, too soon?

Brittany: On second thought, yeah. Come in here and seduce her, would you.

Brittany: I better get my thousand’s worth.

Next time: she does, and then some.

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