Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Yeah, okay, hi again.
This journal last updated… When the earth was new.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
Doing one of those takes about as much effort as the rest of the chapter combined.
Anthony: *plays cowboy*
Michael Whittaker is pictured here next to President Obama.
Michael: I’m surprised there aren’t more alcoholics in this neighbourhood.
Veronica: Mornin’ daddy! Why did you have breakfast up here?
Michael: Because I’m a champion, that’s why.
Michael: How’s it hangin’ my man?
Anthony: As hanging garbage bags go… good? I guess?
It took sixty-eight years for a normal kid to appear.
Veronica: All the other girls are gonna hate me! 🙂
Michael: Hey kid! Um… why are you getting off the bus?!
Veronica: Because it’s just after three o’clock in the afternoon?
What? You want me to just take random pictures of your goddamn flower garden for seven hours while nobody’s home?
…because I’ll eventually do shit like that. But not for a while.
Veronica: Thanks for not kicking me out the way you kicked mommy out.
Michael: Um, what.
Michael: Have you been talking to my daughter?
Anthony: God, I hope not.
Michael: Hey Popster. Wanna pop on by later? Okay, there’s no need to swear.
Michael: Would you prefer Pop-Tart?
Poppy: I’ll pop you, buddy…
Poppy: The fuck are you doing?
Michael: Paying my invisible bills.
Poppy: Michael! I’m mistaking my emotional vulnerability for missing you!
Michael: I’ll take it!
Michael: Ew, gross. You taste like a flossed vagina.
Poppy: You are what you eat, I guess.
Michael: It’s so hot that we can make these jokes.
Anthony: It’s just a blank screen with music.
Poppy: Star Trek: The Motion Picture! Mistakes were made.
Poppy: Look man, I just got tired of being a piece of jewellery to you.
Michael: That’s not fair. I get my jewellery appraised.
Michael: …we’re friends again?
Poppy: The game values quantity time over quality time.
Poppy: Kinda like how I prefer literally any woman over you.
Michael: If you really are a lesbian, you shouldn’t be attracted to me, right?
Anthony: Not how attraction works
Michael: NOT HOW BUTLER WORKS
Poppy: Okay, look. We can’t do sexuality jokes, because most people interpret humour as prejudice.
Poppy: Anyway, bisexuality is a thing, too!
Michael: Whoa, slow down there! This story only recently achieved black people.
AND I’VE APOLOGIZED FOR THE DELAY
Michael: So sometimes you mentioned this zombie dude in your sleep.
Poppy: RINGS NO BELLS
Felicia: Mwahaha! I’m probably not called Felicia!
Veronica: How are you still okay with the gypsies, Mr. Self-Conscious Bleeding-Heart Liberal?
Because it’s not me being racist, it’s the game.
Poppy: Look Mike, just about the only thing I know about me is that I’m not into dudes.
Michael: You sure seem to like it when dudes are into you, though.
Michael: Well hello!
Poppy: MY POSITIVE REACTION TO SEX JOKES MEANS NOTHING
Poppy: See how uninteresed I am?
Michael: You look turned on.
Poppy: FACE TRAITOR
Michael: Hey man, did you make my bed already?
Anthony: I’m not gonna do it twice, if that’s what you’re asking.
Poppy: Alright, fine. I’m bisexual.
Michael: Wouldn’t it be great if the game actually supported that?
Poppy: Yeah, this isn’t gonna be fun.
Michael: For you, not so much.
Poppy: …what was that for?
Michael: Sending mixed sexual messages!
Poppy: Pillow talk, EXTREME! edition.
Poppy: Hugs again for some reason.
Michael: Are you sure you’re not asexual?
Poppy: Mmm, sexual diversity.
Michael: I like it as long as I don’t have to be diverse myself.
Michael: Right, maybe it looks like someone’s got some issues to work through.
Poppy: I know just the ticket.
Michael: It’s a golden ticket.
Michael: That doesn’t have anything to do with pee, okay?
Michael: You have nice boobs.
Poppy: I’m so glad I married a poet.
Veronica: Why not?
Michael: I think I’m bisexualsexual!
Poppy: See, that’s why I still kinda hate you. That sort of thing you said right there.
Michael: Hey, hate’s just the highway to hatefuckin’!
Poppy: I love hatefuckin’!
Michael: I’m negative sex positive.
Penis: My name is MICHAEL.
Yeah, but I typed “Penis” for some reason and thought it was funny, so it stays.
Penis: THIS IS WHY PEOPLE DON’T LIKE GODS ANYMORE
Like, fuckin’ fantastic.
We really needed that.
Sure, why not.
JUST PICK A SPOT AND MOVE ON
Poppy: Am I wasting my life?
No. I’m wasting your life.
Poppy: IT ISN’T JUST YOU
Michael: Hey fuckface!
Michael: I don’t even know why I said that.
Poppy: The title of your autobiography.
Michael: Gosh! Doing lunges really ups my heart rate!
Michael: Have this Game Boy Advance SP!
Poppy: WHICH POKEMON GAME DOES IT COME WITH
Poppy: Diamond?! I thought that was on the DS!
Poppy: Oh, it’s an engagement ring.
Michael: Yeah, they didn’t have any Game Boys at the jewellery store.
Poppy: Are you gonna fuck this marriage up, too?
Michael: As a financial expert I won’t lie, it’s statistically probable.
Poppy: ‘cuz I’m gonna kill you if you dump me a second time.
Wow, those are big rings. Where do you put them, your thighs?
Poppy: OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE
Poppy: Maybe I can buy back my bachelorettehood with flowers.
Poppy: Maybe I can smother him in his sleep.
You didn’t see that, you don’t know.
Michael: The nights sure are long without my Pop-tart.
Not if I fast-forward past them they aren’t!
She keeps showing up to kick the can, but it’s kinda her can too so she just leaves.
Michael: Just… fill the damn thing out and ask your teacher.
Veronica: I really appreciate the help, dad. And the nudity.
Veronica: Alright, so… I can draw the glass of water with an icecube in it alright, but I’m having some trouble with the one-legged elephant.
♪ We all know that people are the same wherever you go ♪
Irfan: Except that chick. That chick’s weird.
Michael: Just close the damn thing and give up.
Michael: It’s not like you’ll ever hand-write anything in your entire life anyway.
Michael: Shit, why didn’t I re-use the old rings?!
Anthony: ‘cuz I’m real sure nobody stole them.
Next time: probably more sexual insensitivity.
IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO OKAY