The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 209

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Yep, still rollin’ on.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…

Ally had a baby.

That’s no newspaper story.

Golly gee, the pic hasn’t updated to show how Richard’s a child now!

Alternatively you could say I probably stole this pic from the last Flint update, but that’s silly.

Now I remember why I don’t hate this household.

Richard: Please tell me.

Emily: Boy am I ever meh.

Kendra: Alright, all present and accounted-for.

Kendra: You’re past age of consent, right? Come on down!

Richard: Whore you doing this fine morning?

Emily: Well hello there, young sir! Come in and see our terrifying interior architecture!

Kyle: That’s what happens when you use custom stairs.

Emily: Whore you doing this fine morning? I learned that one from a kid just now.

Emily: Wow, that was fast!

Kyle: Well, stand back when I’m doing my punch dance then!

Coy: Do I just pay the gnome, or what?

Emily: Oh! I get it. I thought you seemed a bit short and normal to be Coy.

Kendra: Yeah, this one’s not coy at all.


Rosemarie: Hey! We used to be engaged, right? That should be worth at least one dicking.

Sims can lay down when they Hang Out?


Emily: You look a bit Buckaroo Banzai to me, buddy.

Kyle: So yeah, I died forever and now all my younger brothers are getting married.
Kendra: Millennial problems.

Stewart: It worked out pretty well for us brothers…

Rosemarie: ♪ If I had a million dollars… ♪

Kendra: Isn’t it magical though, getting to see how everyone’s changed over the years?
Kyle: Half of them have changed to being dead.

Stewart: I wonder if she’s hot at all under that hair.

Rosemarie: We won’t need to find out until I get a shedding STD!

Kyle: I have dead siblings I’ve never even met. How’s that for magic?

Stewart: You’ve got your diploma over your bed.
Rosemarie: I think people have a right to see how overqualified I am.

Stewart: Things really are bad if you need a degree to be a prositute.

Rosemarie: Alright, out with the pants python.

Right, this is totally a kiss.

He’s not just smooshing his face on her neck or anything.

Kendra: Leave the boy some illusions, man.

Kyle: That was a rad necksmoosh.

Kyle: Eww no, don’t get any whore on my wholesome vest.

Stewart: It’s HOW short?!

Rosemarie: You didn’t hear it from me.

Kyle: You are way too attractive to be a prostitute.

Yeah, this would only be acceptable if it were a sensitive treatment of the subject.

And it’s not.


Emily: Wow you’re stupid-looking.

Kendra: There goes another dozen cells!

Kyle: Your shoulder tastes like chicken.

Stewart: Don’t get romantic with me, hoower.
Rosemarie: Hoower? Could you put any more Southern stank on that syllable?

Rosemarie: Also I’m a Sim being, you asshole, have some respect.


Stewart: I guess you’re too sensitive.

Rosemarie: I’m glad I didn’t marry you, asshole.

Kendra: So you were the Valley’s first kid, right?
Kyle: Yep. The first of many. First to die, too!
Kendra: First of so many.

Rosemarie: Your brother’s upstairs, eh.
Stewart: Cool, that could only be any of five different people.

Kendra: So this douchey douchebag, let’s call him Douchmonger…

Kendra: He got so douchey-douchey that even other douches thought he was a douche!

Kendra: Even dead douches.

Rosemarie: Admit it. It’s at least a little funny how I accidentally squashed Leonard.
Stewart: Snrrk NO IT ISN’T

Stewart: Okay just a little.

Rosemarie: Admit it. I’m the cutest prostitute you’ve ever seen.
Stewart: You’re about as cute as a vagina.

Stewart: Sexy as one, too!

Kendra: Up here, dammit!

Kendra: I know about faking orgasms but faking kisses is ridiculous.

Stewart: You brush your teeth between clients, right?

Rosemarie: You hope.

Kendra: If I don’t hear oohing and aahing from downstairs in about five minutes, I’m gonna start docking some pay.

Rosemarie: Ooh!
Stewart: Ahh!

Stewart: Have… a good day at school? Buddy?
Richard: I know this is awkward, just keep walking.

Richard: Greetings, least valuable employee!

Kyle: I wish I could shoot all those gross cinnamon hearts to bits.

Richard: So, who wants to help me with my homework?
Emily: I dunno, who?
Rosemarie: Sounds like a trick question.

Emily: Making other people smarter makes me less smart relatively. So no.

Rosemarie: More like “I never went to school so I don’t know shit,” right Em? I’ll help you.
Emily: What did you go to university for again? Turfgrass management?

Kyle: This is a serious businessplace.

Rosemarie: So what you do is, when you know the right answer, you write that answer down.

The Sims 2.

Rosemarie: …and if it’s getting towards the end of the semester and your grades are still low, fuck the professor!
Richard: Thanks Aunt Rosemarie!

Rosemarie: Uh oh, are you going through puberty now?
Richard: I’m trying to see where your vagina is.

Richard: This is TOTALLY safe WHAT could go wrong.

Rosemarie: I have a feeling that I in particular should know why this is a bad idea.

Kyle: Oh, roses, I love you so.

Emily: This hurts. I am getting nothing out of this.

Richard: That’s how you know it’s sweet.

Kyle: I’ll miss you, awesome flower collection!

Ew. Ew ew ew. Don’t touch stuff here.

Especially that.

Richard: Welcome to the Cathouse, can I take your order?

Richard: Oh, I see one of our mentally ill employees would like a word with you.

Rodney: I was in the first chapter. That makes me better than you.

Rosemarie: Is that your best pickup line?

Rodney: I want to slobbergullet you.

Kendra: She’s right, it does hurt.

Kendra: I think it’s time I taught you about the birds and the bees.

Richard: Seriously, I’m already at like a twelfth grade level.

Rodney: You should be honoured to date me. I’ve been this ugly for this long, and yet somehow survived.

Rosemarie: Well that’s a stunning Joker costume you’re wearing.

Rodney: Porous, too! Watch it suck my hand up.

Rosemarie: I know how I look right now, so I won’t even ask the question.

Rodney: I know how overdone my facial expressions are, so I won’t even answer.

Rosemarie: Oh MAN OH MAN OH MAN.
Emily: You’re certain?

Rodney: Can I take those home with me?

White people.

Rosemarie: Take it all in, buddy. You’re paying for every inch.

Rodney: Your inches smell pretty.

Rosemarie: Whatever.

Rosemarie: Oh my god! Faith Murphy!
Rodney: You made that name up.

Rosemarie: She burned FOOD once! Oh, and caused half of the zombie apocalypse. And died.


Rosemarie: Can you imagine if our conversations had to make sense?
Rodney: Man, fuck THAT pineapple!

Rosemarie: No touching. Lip touching is a Platinum Plan service.

Rodney: What about smelling your underwear?
Rosemarie: Only the clean stuff.

Kendra: Man, this whore skyscraper was a GREAT idea.

Kendra: The House that Dick Built.

Kendra: The Iron Divan is an uncomfortable seat.

Included for mere assery.

Sure is foggy around here.

Or someone’s got his settings on low.

Rosemarie: I SEE YOU THERE

Rosemarie: Fuckin’ pervert.

Rosemarie: I’mma watch my dog show.

Rosemarie: With my eyes closed.

I’m trying to make a Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves joke, but it won’t quite come to me.

Felicia: It’s spelled “Gypsys” in the song.

Nobody ever accused Cher of being a genius.

Nothing says success like a brothel.

…well, actually, yeah.

Rosemarie: The secret ingredient is the tears of broken dreams!

Emily: Love is a strategy game.

Kendra: Maybe business would be better if we didn’t have blinds. It’d be easier than taking out advertisements.

Or maybe you could just walk down the street like that.

Rosemarie: Or maybe mmorgllpg mmmroorgpphg murggllghoph.

Next time: the plot for the next hundred-odd chapters begins.

So there’s that.

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