Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Yep, still rollin’ on.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
Ally had a baby.
That’s no newspaper story.
Golly gee, the pic hasn’t updated to show how Richard’s a child now!
Alternatively you could say I probably stole this pic from the last Flint update, but that’s silly.
Now I remember why I don’t hate this household.
Richard: Please tell me.
Emily: Boy am I ever meh.
Kendra: Alright, all present and accounted-for.
Kendra: You’re past age of consent, right? Come on down!
Richard: Whore you doing this fine morning?
Emily: Well hello there, young sir! Come in and see our terrifying interior architecture!
Kyle: That’s what happens when you use custom stairs.
Emily: Whore you doing this fine morning? I learned that one from a kid just now.
Emily: Wow, that was fast!
Kyle: Well, stand back when I’m doing my punch dance then!
Coy: Do I just pay the gnome, or what?
Emily: Oh! I get it. I thought you seemed a bit short and normal to be Coy.
Kendra: Yeah, this one’s not coy at all.
Kyle: AHAHAHA STOP INFANTILIZING ME
Rosemarie: Hey! We used to be engaged, right? That should be worth at least one dicking.
Sims can lay down when they Hang Out?
WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN THIS SINCE 2011?!
Emily: You look a bit Buckaroo Banzai to me, buddy.
Kyle: So yeah, I died forever and now all my younger brothers are getting married.
Kendra: Millennial problems.
Stewart: It worked out pretty well for us brothers…
Rosemarie: ♪ If I had a million dollars… ♪
Kendra: Isn’t it magical though, getting to see how everyone’s changed over the years?
Kyle: Half of them have changed to being dead.
Stewart: I wonder if she’s hot at all under that hair.
Rosemarie: We won’t need to find out until I get a shedding STD!
Kyle: I have dead siblings I’ve never even met. How’s that for magic?
Stewart: You’ve got your diploma over your bed.
Rosemarie: I think people have a right to see how overqualified I am.
Stewart: Things really are bad if you need a degree to be a prositute.
Rosemarie: Alright, out with the pants python.
Right, this is totally a kiss.
He’s not just smooshing his face on her neck or anything.
Kendra: Leave the boy some illusions, man.
Kyle: That was a rad necksmoosh.
Kyle: Eww no, don’t get any whore on my wholesome vest.
Stewart: It’s HOW short?!
Rosemarie: You didn’t hear it from me.
Kyle: You are way too attractive to be a prostitute.
Yeah, this would only be acceptable if it were a sensitive treatment of the subject.
And it’s not.
Emily: Wow you’re stupid-looking.
Kendra: There goes another dozen cells!
Kyle: Your shoulder tastes like chicken.
Stewart: Don’t get romantic with me, hoower.
Rosemarie: Hoower? Could you put any more Southern stank on that syllable?
Rosemarie: Also I’m a Sim being, you asshole, have some respect.
Stewart: I THOUGHT THIS WASN’T A SENSITIVE TREATMENT
Stewart: I guess you’re too sensitive.
Rosemarie: I’m glad I didn’t marry you, asshole.
Kendra: So you were the Valley’s first kid, right?
Kyle: Yep. The first of many. First to die, too!
Kendra: First of so many.
Rosemarie: Your brother’s upstairs, eh.
Stewart: Cool, that could only be any of five different people.
Kendra: So this douchey douchebag, let’s call him Douchmonger…
Kendra: He got so douchey-douchey that even other douches thought he was a douche!
Kendra: Even dead douches.
Rosemarie: Admit it. It’s at least a little funny how I accidentally squashed Leonard.
Stewart: Snrrk NO IT ISN’T
Stewart: Okay just a little.
Rosemarie: Admit it. I’m the cutest prostitute you’ve ever seen.
Stewart: You’re about as cute as a vagina.
Stewart: Sexy as one, too!
Kendra: Up here, dammit!
Kyle: NECK WON’T REACH
Kendra: I know about faking orgasms but faking kisses is ridiculous.
Stewart: You brush your teeth between clients, right?
Rosemarie: You hope.
Kendra: If I don’t hear oohing and aahing from downstairs in about five minutes, I’m gonna start docking some pay.
Kendra: I MEANT EMILY
Stewart: Have… a good day at school? Buddy?
Richard: I know this is awkward, just keep walking.
Richard: Greetings, least valuable employee!
Kyle: I wish I could shoot all those gross cinnamon hearts to bits.
Richard: So, who wants to help me with my homework?
Emily: I dunno, who?
Rosemarie: Sounds like a trick question.
Emily: Making other people smarter makes me less smart relatively. So no.
Rosemarie: More like “I never went to school so I don’t know shit,” right Em? I’ll help you.
Emily: What did you go to university for again? Turfgrass management?
Kyle: This is a serious businessplace.
Rosemarie: So what you do is, when you know the right answer, you write that answer down.
The Sims 2.
Rosemarie: …and if it’s getting towards the end of the semester and your grades are still low, fuck the professor!
Richard: Thanks Aunt Rosemarie!
Rosemarie: Uh oh, are you going through puberty now?
Richard: I’m trying to see where your vagina is.
Richard: This is TOTALLY safe WHAT could go wrong.
Rosemarie: I have a feeling that I in particular should know why this is a bad idea.
Kyle: Oh, roses, I love you so.
Emily: This hurts. I am getting nothing out of this.
Richard: That’s how you know it’s sweet.
Kyle: I’ll miss you, awesome flower collection!
Ew. Ew ew ew. Don’t touch stuff here.
Richard: Welcome to the Cathouse, can I take your order?
Richard: Oh, I see one of our mentally ill employees would like a word with you.
Rodney: I was in the first chapter. That makes me better than you.
Rosemarie: Is that your best pickup line?
Rodney: I want to slobbergullet you.
Kendra: She’s right, it does hurt.
Kendra: I think it’s time I taught you about the birds and the bees.
Richard: BIT LATE FOR THAT
Richard: Seriously, I’m already at like a twelfth grade level.
Rodney: You should be honoured to date me. I’ve been this ugly for this long, and yet somehow survived.
Rosemarie: Well that’s a stunning Joker costume you’re wearing.
Rodney: Porous, too! Watch it suck my hand up.
Rosemarie: I know how I look right now, so I won’t even ask the question.
Rodney: I know how overdone my facial expressions are, so I won’t even answer.
Rosemarie: Oh MAN OH MAN OH MAN.
Emily: You’re certain?
Rodney: Can I take those home with me?
Rosemarie: Take it all in, buddy. You’re paying for every inch.
Rodney: Your inches smell pretty.
Rosemarie: Oh my god! Faith Murphy!
Rodney: You made that name up.
Rosemarie: She burned FOOD once! Oh, and caused half of the zombie apocalypse. And died.
Rodney: SHE BURNED FOOD ONCE THAT’S SO HOT
Rosemarie: Can you imagine if our conversations had to make sense?
Rodney: Man, fuck THAT pineapple!
Rosemarie: No touching. Lip touching is a Platinum Plan service.
Rodney: What about smelling your underwear?
Rosemarie: Only the clean stuff.
Kendra: Man, this whore skyscraper was a GREAT idea.
Kendra: The House that Dick Built.
Kendra: The Iron Divan is an uncomfortable seat.
Included for mere assery.
Sure is foggy around here.
Or someone’s got his settings on low.
Rosemarie: I SEE YOU THERE
Rosemarie: Fuckin’ pervert.
Rosemarie: I’mma watch my dog show.
Rosemarie: With my eyes closed.
I’m trying to make a Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves joke, but it won’t quite come to me.
Felicia: It’s spelled “Gypsys” in the song.
Nobody ever accused Cher of being a genius.
Nothing says success like a brothel.
…well, actually, yeah.
Rosemarie: The secret ingredient is the tears of broken dreams!
Emily: Love is a strategy game.
Kendra: Maybe business would be better if we didn’t have blinds. It’d be easier than taking out advertisements.
Or maybe you could just walk down the street like that.
Rosemarie: Or maybe mmorgllpg mmmroorgpphg murggllghoph.
Next time: the plot for the next hundred-odd chapters begins.
So there’s that.