The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 206

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

And now, the shortest chapter ever.

Previously in the Clover County Chronicles…

I’m sure he’s fine.

Hey, I typed “here” instead of “hear.”

Which would be FAR too much work to correct.


We’re stretching the definition of a “family” right to its limit.

Just like Cameron’s belly.

Cameron: Hey, fuck you too.

I wouldn’t dare! You get pregnant so easily.

Cameron: With their genetics, my kids are gonna fuck up your world.

We already have Melanie + William. What’s so much worse about Cameron + William?

Cameron: Melanie was too stupid to have the kind of bad ideas I’ve had.

Cameron: They’re not as bad as, say, doing a play-by-play of a pregnant woman cooking, but…

Hey, fuck you too.

Cameron: I want twins!

Oh, I know that’s how it works. I’m just…

I just really want some cheesecake now.

Although maybe not in that setting.

Cameron: Get a move on! This tiny-ass chapter’s like half over!

Cameron: Broke, pregnant, and disgraced… but clever!

Kelly: Rich, healthy, and professional… and clever too!

Yeah, nobody likes a pretty lawyer.

Ian: Oh, I dunno.
Jack: Pretty lawyers, I could go for one from time to time.

Ian: Funny how rapey it seems to say that after night falls.

Cameron: You are not my boyfriend.
Ian: You’d be surprised how many women say that to me.

Cameron: I might.
Ian: Call me!
Jack: Actual boyfriend, over here?

Cameron: Pay him no mind, those curly hairs put too much tension on his brain.

That’s how most conversations between men and women get scored.

HO HO HO TOPICAL GENDER HUMOUR

SOMEBODY GET THIS MAN A COMEDY SPECIAL

AND A SUICIDE PISTOL

Ian: Hey, where’s mine?

Your suicide pistol?

Ian: No, my k

GOT YOUR SUICIDE PISTOL RIGHT HERE

Cameron: You came!
Jack: Shit, you can tell that?!

Jack: ♪ The hills are alive… ♪

Jack: ♪ With the sound of… music… ♪
Cameron: Was that the sound of you realizing you don’t know the rest?
Jack: I didn’t expect this gag to last more than one pic!

Cameron: My hormones are making me swoon against my will.

Cameron: I wonder if you’re even attractive.

Jack: We need a bigger sample size.

Jack: Night, Engagement Ring.
Ian: Later, Goldfinch!
Cameron: What-
Jack: OUR PET NAMES ARE NONE OF YOUR CONCERN

Cameron: And then a zombie ate them THE END

Cameron: Hahaha remember garbage goes on floor now?

I do.

I bet nobody else does though.

I could link it, but then, I could not link it!

Cameron: Remember that gnome we had?

Sure! Tommy the Witness Gnome.

Cameron: What was that joke about?

I honestly have no fucking idea.

Please tell me we don’t have a running gag about a TV that I’ve forgotten.

What a boring fucking diary.

Jack: I’m writing fanfiction about this rad dude I once saw.

Jack: He goes on an adventure with good ol’ Engagement Ring.

Jack: And beats jocks.
Cameron: At chess!
Jack: No, with a baseball bat.

I’d read this story.

I want to know the secret origin of Engagement Ring!

OSMOSIS

Ooh, metatext.

Jack: Lookin’ curvy.
Cameron: DON’T LOOK AT MY DAUGHTERS YOU PERV

Jack: Did you hear? They’re not installing metal detectors at the courthouse before the trials. I bet someone’s gonna wait how do you know they’re daughters?
Cameron: I made a very specific kind of cheesecake.

Cameron: Anyway, now I’m thinking about courthouses, and trials, and jail, and are you aware that I’m probably going to be charged with war crimes for getting an entire university eaten by zombies for science?

Cameron: Way to put me in the mood, Romeo.

Cameron: Luckily I’m always in the mood.

Aw, come on Jack, you finished without her?

Jack: I don’t believe in matching orgasms; I’m a spontaneous kind of guy.

Cameron: Well spontaneously wake the fuck up, it’s morning.

Cameron: ♪ I feel pretty, so pretty… ♪

Jack: What’s with the ass glyph?
Cameron: It’s a sign of my demigoddery.
Jack: It looks like a bad sketch of fireworks.

Cameron: Neptune’s dinner fork deserves more respect than that.

Cameron: Poseidon and I go on grand adventures at the bottom of the ocean, and he needs to be able to spot me in the inky blackness of the Challenger Deeps.
Jack: So you’re saying your tramp stamp glows in the dark.
Cameron: No, stupid! In the deep.

Cameron: What are you, retarded or something?

Jack: It’s not the nineties anymore, we don’t say shit like that anymore.

Jack: …but that cabbie is retarded hot.

STOP DAMAGING MY LIBERAL CRED

Prostitutes, check… black people, check… poor people, check…

I’m trying to up my disenfranchised cast ratio.

Next time: zombies are disenfranchised too, right?

Clay: Um, I’m a fucking government employee, asshole. I have a 401k! Way to stereotype.

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