Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
The best thing about two-chapter households is not having to prep a newspaper for the second half.
This is my first chapter uploaded solely to my own file hosting.
That probably only matters to me, but I’m making you read about it anyway.
“Family” might be a bit of stretch.
Nick: I’m stretching!
Nick: I’m pleading.
Nick: Please come over, I can’t stand this woman any longer.
William: Yeah, woman, enough with the standing.
William: What’ll it be, couch or counter?
Valerie: Hey, I’m a doctor. I’m classier than that.
Nick: Now all I need is a motor.
William: What a chin!
Valerie: It’s a really good chin, right?
Valerie: Your stubble tastes like hair.
Nathaniel: If I touch this thing, is something gonna eat me? I’ve seen The Addams Family.
Valerie: So, I take it you and my sister had a… special relationship?
William: And a secret one, too. It comes with being a secret special agent.
Nathaniel: I’m so glad you dressed.
Nick: It was a difficult decision.
Nick: Can I come live at your house?
Nathaniel: THERE’S A BIG GREEN THING
Nick: GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
Nathaniel: IT’S GOT TWO FACES
Nick: I CAN’T LOOK
The beast with two backs also has two faces.
That was a Shakespearean reference.
Nathaniel: Man, you gotta be more careful! Hide your thoughts or they appear overhead in big scary cartoon form. You need to learn some occlumency, man!
Nick: Just because I live in a gothic manor doesn’t mean I’m open to Harry Potter references.
William: I’M MAD THAT I’M CHEATING
Valerie: On who?
William: I’M MAD THAT I’VE LOST COUNT
Nick: What is it with this thing and crotch, anyway?
Or this thing and crotch?
William: I’ve decided that any woman not having sex with me is cheating on me.
Valerie: What a sexily progressive attitude!
And then Chief furiously emitted spores to stun Nick’s homework.
William: Just a sec, there’s a Murphy behind you.
Valerie: Of course there is, there’s always a Murphy behind me, they’re more prolific than rabbits.
Nick: No, no, it’s alright. I don’t belong in this shot, it should focus on Valerie.
Chief: .oO(Are you food? Because you look like food but you smell like baby.)
Nick: Just eat me and get it over with.
Valerie: You boys play nicely now!
Nathaniel: Who’s that?
Nick: Nobody, ignore her.
Nathaniel: Tell that to him.
Silly Nathaniel, you can’t tell him anything.
William: Your muscles are all knotted. What say we rub dog food over your jacket and have Chief give you a massage?
Chief: .oO(Yeah! YEAH!)
Valerie: Get away from me, both of you.
Nick: Hey, awesome! Still doing that, fuck you guys.
Nick: Hey, who stunned my homework?!
Valerie: You know, being a doctor, I know things about human sexuality that Vicki can’t even imagine.
Nick: THAT’S NOT TRUE SHE CUT LOTS OF PEOPLE OPEN
Nick: Also stop macking my aunt you piece of shit.
Valerie: There’s a thing over your head.
William: As long as it stays up there, who cares.
Nick: I CARE SO MUCH
William: Cut the Stepford act, and gimme that “O” face.
William: Or maybe I’ll just examine the wallpaper.
Valerie: It’s pretty special wallpaper.
William: So much effort for so little effect.
Just like sex!
Valerie: What was that? Did you hear that?
Nick: I CAN BOUNCE BEDS TOO
Nick: Hey, this is kinda fun!
Valerie: What? What? No!
Valerie: This cannot be legal!
William: He’s not going away, is he.
William: And this is how I go to jail.
Nick: It’s rude to play on the bed unless you let everyone do it.
Nick: I’m finished!
Valerie: I’m not even close.
Valerie: Well okay, maybe a little.
William: I suddenly feel a whole lot less sexy.
Valerie: Oh, is it male orgasms only today?
William: Women can have orgasms?
Valerie: That was a joke, right?
William: So that’s what all that shuddering is. I just thought women got cold during sex.
That’s a charming look.
William: Don’t listen to him, you’re gorgeous.
Valerie: Yeah, I know.
Valerie: I was designed that way.
William: That would sound suspicious, but my body can’t spare any blood for the brain right now.
Nick: Alright, so that’s the next ten years of nightmares queued up…
You’re lucky you left early.
William: I’m lucky I came late!
William: And now, like Catholic priests transubstantiating bread, we will perform the secret ritual of female orgasm.
Valerie: Does everything need to be clever with you people?
William: Yeah. Otherwise this is just porn.
William: Instead of mostly just porn.
Valerie: I’m glad you came, William.
William: I’m always glad to come.
Valerie: Oh yeah, that.
Oh no, this.
NOBODY CHEATED ON YOU
William: Yeah! FUCK nobody!
Are you trying to get arrested.
You are, aren’t you.
Valerie: Do you believe in ghosts?
William: I’ll believe it when I can fuck it.
Valerie: I’m glad you believe in me, then.
William: I should send people to jail more often!
Valerie: The sheets are hovering.
William: They do that.
William: Eventually these things are gonna crowd the actual people out.
Valerie: We’ll look at the flower singularity from a distance, and remember how sexy we were.
William: Augh! Filthy soap bubbles on my weinerschnitzel!
Captain Sparkles: AUGH! Bumped my head.
Valerie: Who would do such a thing?
I wouldn’t even know where to start.
But I do know where to stop.
Valerie: More lovey-dovey crap!
William: Sure hasn’t been enough of that yet!
Yeah, let’s see it from every possible angle.
Filler that shit UP.
William: I sure hope he’s getting this, this is some IMPORTANT SHIT.
William: Hey, what gives?! We barely just STARTED!
Valerie: It’s been hours. He stopped taking pics.
William: Lightweight. Can’t handle a little ball action.
Thanks for your time, governor.
William: Always happy to help a taxpayer.
Chief: .oO(I heard what you did.)
Nick: Wait! According to these calculations…
Nick: …I’m NAKED!
Calculate yourself some fucking CLOTHES kid.
Yes, congratulations on your very first life event.
Valerie: Hey there!
Nick: Can’t look, don’t want the aunt hots.
Nick: I expect that woman gone when I get back.
Chief: .oO(I’m keeping the bones.)
STOP PROLONGING THIS STORYLINE
William: Am I the only person who doesn’t just lawnmower the newspaper?
Valerie: I don’t see how one person’s messiness affects fuckin’ RUBBER SEALS.
Chief: .oO(I was supposed to eat someone. Was it you?)
William: Okay, you drive up behind someone, and I’ll whack ’em with the door.
Valerie: I wish I could get away with hit-and-runs.
Valerie: Then again, maybe I haven’t tried hard enough!
Valerie: I just need to pick an easy target.
Valerie: If I do an autopsy afterwards, it might even be publishable!
Valerie: Get ready for maximum science you fuckin’ rainbow moths.
Brenda: That room’s too vampire for babies.
Next time: a bit of Lord of the Flies action for you.
Who am I kidding? It’s all for me.