Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Yeah, I just published 201 a few hours ago. What can I say? I’m amazing.
Hey, you know what’s weird?
When I’m really on a roll with my writing, I don’t even pause to think of a caption. They come out as soon as I see the pics.
That means I’m either writing well or terribly.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
“KYLE BACK” is some primo good headline writing, eh.
Yes, Canadians do say “eh.”
Americans say something that sounds like “ungh” though, so who really sounds dumber?
The increasingly young family, yes.
Brooke: I will kiss you once, as an experiment.
Kyle: Hell of a thing to volunteer.
Oliver: What did my girlfriend want with your gay face?
Kyle: It’s a bi face, you prejudiced fuck.
Brooke: Pretty sure this is my lawn too.
Oliver: You fuck up that end, I’ll fuck up this end.
Uhhhhh not so literally please Brooke…
Why am I taking random shots of Kyle?
Kyle: Maybe you’re gay.
Oh, that would make things a lot easier, but no.
So is this a sign that the household needs money, or a sign that I don’t have a storyline for it?
Oliver: Maybe it’s a sign that the grass needs watering.
Kyle and Sunny’s new room.
I call it mellow yellow.
Brooke: Good news guys! New fountain.
Brooke: Shit, I think all the daylight leaked out!
Kyle: Good news/bad news guys! Food is served and this bowl is ruined.
Brooke: We’ll tell your mom we installed twin outdoor showers.
She might not ever go outside again anyway.
So how was your first day back at work?
Sunny: I got to meet the grandchilden of my original coworkers, so that was nice.
Sunny: Please tell me that’s not coming from those geysers.
Brooke: Um guys, we might have ended the world a bit.
Sunny: Might as well go out with a bang then.
Sure, this was worth a pic for some reason.
I’m sure you were just CLAMOURING to know what I BET YOU DON’T KNOW HIS NAME was up to.
Sunny: Alright buddy, put up or shut up. You can’t be bisexual without sex.
Sunny: Please tell me you’re legal.
Kyle: I’m nineteen biologically and somewhere around sixty chronologically.
Kyle: I’m guessing one of those works.
Kyle: IS THIS HOW SEX
Sunny: No, this is how concussions.
Kyle: I just really wanted to smash someone in the head.
Kyle: Speaking of things I wanna smash…
Sunny: No, see, you’re not supposed to tell the girlfriend these things.
Kyle: Oh okay. Well um, she’s not as cool as you because I hear she peed herself.
Kyle: Like an old woman.
Sunny: You’re so sad it’s funny.
Sunny: Let’s get this embarassment over with.
Five years later I would learn how to make Sims of different heights kiss.
Until then, have this cop-out.
Sunny: Such a cop-out.
Brooke: Tell me I’m prettier than Sunny.
Oliver: What? That’s not even a favour, she’s so boring. She’s brownbread. Is that racist somehow? I bet that’s racist somehow, dammit.
Sunny: I bet your brother is smooth with the ladies too.
Kyle: How come only I’ve got my clothes off?
Sunny: Because I was wearing more.
Kyle: Bullshit, I had a gay pullover on and everything.
Sunny: Also HEY LIL’ KYLE
Kyle: He says “hi” back.
Sunny: HE SPEAKS SO FAST
I’m not in a porn mood.
I’m in more of a Lucky Charms mood.
That’s two Lucky Charms references in as many chapters.
Maybe I’m pregnant.
Kyle: DON’T SAY THE “P” WORD
Oliver: You’re really cute when you’re thinking I’m really cute.
Kyle: Look at me, I’m a sexy girlfriend spending all day with ANTS
Abigail: I might need to make him a sex robot.
Clay: You could at least get me my own ant farm.
Sunny: Yeah, I was pretty good.
Sunny: You’re just now noticing the sex?
Kyle: It doesn’t count unless we’re both naked.
Sunny: You’re a goofball.
Kyle: It’s a character trait, though! It’s legit!
Kyle: This thing doesn’t match.
Kyle: Don’t look at it! It doesn’t match!
Kyle: Am I wearing the wrong dick
Sunny: I hope I can wipe that memory.
Clay: Well well well! What don’t we have here?
Clay: A hot chick, that’s what.
Clay: Have this box.
Clay: Because hey, free box?
Kyle: I can’t technically refute that.
Kyle: Free ribbon too.
Clay: Please tell me what I just gave you.
Kyle: You gonna look it up?
Sunny: Dammit, my arm’s migrating.
Sunny: Don’t get me wrong, the sex was AMAZING, but he was such a DICK that I refused to let him see me smile.
Kyle: I’ve heard he’s quite the dick, yes.
Sunny: Nine inches long, no joke.
Kyle: I’m going to masturbate upside down beside you.
Abigail: Okay honey bring me back something nice.
Sunny: How are you this good?!
Kyle: Now who’s got the straight face?
Sunny: GAY FACE IS MORE LIKE
Kyle: Sure is still funny that I’m bi.
Sunny: I’M TRYING TO KEEP MY CALM AND COLLECTED EXTERIOR INTACT
Kyle: How ’bout you turn around then, and I won’t see your “O” faces anymore.
Kyle: And you won’t see mine.
Too many pics.
I’m not horny enough for this to interest me.
Oh good, now nobody’s having fun.
Kyle: I wouldn’t say that.
Sunny: Why do you need to use your hand like that?
Kyle: Because I just learned where the vagina is today and my dick keeps forgetting.
Kyle: TELL ANYONE AND YOU’RE DEAD AGAIN
Yeah, make out with that chin why don’t you.
Kyle: Awesome, I got my straight girl! Now I just need to find my gay dude.
Sunny: You’re confusing bisexuality with Mormonism.
Sunny: Although that does explain what you’re wearing.
Sunny: LOOK HOW SMART I’M BEING
Oliver: So, did you get any sle-
Brooke: ALL FUCKING NIGHT THEY DID THAT
Oliver: I think it’s sweet that they’re in love.
Brooke: We’ll make sure they get matching caskets.
Kyle: Morning Brooke!
Brooke: OH YOU CAN TELL TIME CAN YOU
Brooke: Call me.
Sunny: You guys still go to school?
Oliver: Apparently not even death can save me from it.
If you’re trying to add new character attributes, that’s not one that’ll endear you to me.
Kyle: What if I generate money?
Niiice, those are worth §55 each!
Kyle: Spend some of it on bleach.
How’s the science book coming?
Abigail: Scientastic. Scientastically.
Sunny: I’m not saying this to distract you from the game, but just so we’re clear, more than one person is dead because of what I know how to do to brains.
Clay: I see your zombie-fu and raise you my MEAT CLEAVER.
Sunny: Why do you have a meat cleaver?
Clay: WHY DID YOU SEX IN THE HALL ALL NIGHT
Clay: NOT REALLY
Next time, then: after the serial killer is gone.
It’s an Eagles song.