Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Fancier, shorter, and hopefully still good!
Assuming it’s ever been good.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
Okay, true story.
I just started a new city in SimCity 2000 to get a new appearance for the paper.
Until now I’ve been using the Windows version. This is the DOS version, which I grew up with.
The game chooses a random name for each newspaper as your city grows.
I called my new city “Clover County.”
The game generated the “Clover County Chronicle.”
Destiny, I shit you not.
Hey, look who it is! One of my best Sims.
There you go, kids. Death gets you a free redhead girlfriend.
Brooke: Oh, I don’t intend to be free.
Ah, the lab.
The deeply-inferior-to-Andrew’s lab.
Abigail: What can I say, I blew my wad on the suit.
Abigail: …not gonna ask what that means.
Oh no, what terrible mistake are you making now?
Abigail: Send me your longest-term tenant.
The Grim Reaper: Try not to let him catch fire this time.
Abigail: Oh no! Haunted glasses!
Kyle: YES! Wait, I’m still a vampire and it’s daytime. HELP
Kyle: But still YES
Abigail: Kevin, it’s you!
Kyle: Well this is a great start.
Kyle: I’m gonna miss these fangs.
Will you miss disintegrating in daylight?
Kyle: Dunno, I only tried it the once.
Kyle: Also I was bluffing about the fangs, can’t see shit.
Kyle: I hope I look cool.
Abigail: Yeah, hi. Do you have some of that ready-made novampirejuice? I mean I could make it myself, and all, but I don’t think he’d drink it.
Oliver: I really hope she’s not talking about me.
Abigail: Who let you out of the bedroom?
Oliver: Hi… is Chelsea there? Oh, you are? I didn’t recognize you ‘cuz you sound so old.
Oliver: DON’T PRETEND YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME
Oliver: Yeah, mom finally got around to recycling the trash.
Brooke: I didn’t realize you were so self-aware.
Kyle: This basement is so much better than being trapped in hell. He said sarcastically.
Brooke: I’m gonna feed you to the basement vampire!
Oliver: Hahaha quit it!
Kyle: Send her over. Hopefully resurrecting her makes up for going gay on her.
Kyle: WHAT AN UGLY EFFECT
Nah, the particle effects in this game look great! In motion. In photos they look like aerosolized ass.
Sunny: Speaking of looking like ass…
Kyle: WOO! Someone’s mature!
I thought you were gay.
Kyle: Maybe I’m gay for these boobs.
Abigail: I could honestly figure out how to make that. I just don’t have the time.
Felicia: Easy on the ego-soothing, sister.
Felicia: If you’re so dang smart how come you’re taking mystery liquid from a gypsy stereotype?
Abigail: I refuse to admit she has a point.
Kyle: MY LIFE HASN’T BEEN GREAT EITHER SUNNY
Abigail: Aw, what the fuck Kevin?
Oliver: Holy shit! Your boobs are awesome now!
Chelsea: Hahaha am I gonna get arrested for this.
Chelsea: I AM AREN’T I
Chelsea: No! Don’t touch me! I won’t let you molest yourself on me!
Oliver: Um, I’m over legal age, Chel. “Teen” covers, like, fifteen years in this game.
Chelsea: Well hello then.
Chelsea: What boyish charm you have! That still sounds wrong.
Chelsea: But whatever.
Brooke: Wow, being a real person sure is great!
Oliver: I DON’T WANT A BIGFOOT DATE
Abigail: Aw FUCK.
Oliver: Why are you still here?
Felicia: That sounds suspiciously like something a NAZI would say. To a gypsy.
Kyle: I’m double undead now.
Abigail: Aw, come on, it’s not that bad. I did it for like a decade.
Abigail: Now drink these as I run away.
Oliver: I don’t need a date. I’m reconnecting with my childhood girlfriend.
Felicia: You’re out of childhood?
Kyle: How did you decide it was safe to drink?
Sunny: I didn’t. I thought about it, but then I got bored.
Sunny: AND I REGRET NOTHING
Kyle: THIS IS MY IMPRESSION OF YOU
Sunny: Hey, not bad!
Kyle: WOW THAT KICKS
Sunny: There’s a lovely menthol aftertaste too!
Kyle: I could really have gone for some brains just now.
I’m so glad we brought him back to life for this.
Sunny: I can’t believe you thought of me! Thanks, gay friend!
Kyle: Bisexual friend, actually.
Abigail: Did I hear that correctly?
Kyle: I don’t know, what devices were you using to SNOOP ON US
Abigail: Oh, like, fifty different ones.
Kyle: Wow! You remembered my birthday!
Abigail: I was there, you know.
Kyle: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
Sunny: So I’m not, like… stuck with him necessarily, right?
Sunny: ‘cuz he’s still pretty gay.
Abigail: Let me explain your situation with a cards metaphor.
Abigail: You have no cards.
Abigail: Like, zero.
Speaking of zero.
Yeah! Let’s just electrocute it.
Brooke: Hey, who’s the biker chick?
Sunny: I was kidnapped and forced to look like this.
Brooke: JUST LIKE A BIKER CHICK
Sunny: I think this suits me better!
I disagree! With myself, which is super cool.
Sunny: Gotta get to work!
You’ve been DEAD for, like, AGES.
Sunny: So I missed a few days, no biggie!
Kyle: Mixed messages achieved.
Yeah, that is the maybe-gayest face I’ve ever seen.
You’re not cute enough for the lil’ yellow wagon!
Brooke: Yay, options!
Kyle: I feel the same way.
Kyle: I hope she doesn’t find what she’s looking for down there.
Brooke: I forget what it was anyway.
Everyone knows this couple.
Kyle: I see you’re living the miracle of life to its fullest.
Kyle: So, hey! Little brother! I don’t know shit about you.
Oliver: Awesome! Someone who won’t automatically hate me.
Kyle: If you keep sucking face with that old woman I might.
Kyle: She looks angry now. Why does she look angry?
Oliver: HEY KYLE YOU GOT MAIL
Brooke: Heyyyyy man!
Kyle: Yeah! Heyyyy man!
Brooke: No, not him fuckhead, you.
Brooke: Okay, maybe him.
Wow, that’s not even an ugly pic.
Welcome to the new age.
To the new age.
Welcome to the new HELP I CAN’T STOP
Is it bad that every time two Sims cross paths for the first time I consider jettisoning the rest of their lives for an affair?
Carolina: Where you going?
Kyle: There was a taller blonde back here, right? It’s not you right?!
Kyle: Maaaaaagic boooooook appears and disssssapppeaaaaars
Kyle: Pretty hot, right.
Margaret: That boy was trying to get your attention.
Kyle: Probably thinks I’m gay or something.
Kyle: Probably because we made out that one time.
Focus, man. Find the ones you can’t buy with money first.
Aw come on.
Kendra: That’s the idea!
Kendra: SO STOP COCKBLOCKING MY BUSINESS
Kyle: That is a damn fine looking woman!
Brooke: Expensive looking, more like.
No, don’t even talk to those.
DON’T MAKE ME KILL YOU AGAIN KYLE
Kyle: Wait, you killed me the first time?!
Kyle: HAVING A REVELATION HERE BRADY
Brady: How unlike you.
Timothy Parmeley: I am also here.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I am also also here!
Brady: My arch-nemesis, the Barenaked Ladies!
I feel that way sometimes too.
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: What, no reaction?
Kyle: Been dead fifty years, pal. A little lightning doesn’t quite ruin my mood.
Alright. Next time: more of this. I’m doing shorter chapters to avoid looking at three hundred pics and going “ugh I’d rather eat a whole box of Lucky Charms let’s do that.“
I love Lucky Charms.