The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 201

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Fancier, shorter, and hopefully still good!

Assuming it’s ever been good.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…

Okay, true story.

I just started a new city in SimCity 2000 to get a new appearance for the paper.

Until now I’ve been using the Windows version. This is the DOS version, which I grew up with.

The game chooses a random name for each newspaper as your city grows.

I called my new city “Clover County.”

The game generated the “Clover County Chronicle.”

Destiny, I shit you not.


Hey, look who it is! One of my best Sims.

There you go, kids. Death gets you a free redhead girlfriend.

Brooke: Oh, I don’t intend to be free.

Ah, the lab.

The deeply-inferior-to-Andrew’s lab.

Abigail: What can I say, I blew my wad on the suit.

Me too.

Abigail: …not gonna ask what that means.

Oh no, what terrible mistake are you making now?

Abigail: Send me your longest-term tenant.

The Grim Reaper: Try not to let him catch fire this time.

Abigail: Oh no! Haunted glasses!

Kyle: YES! Wait, I’m still a vampire and it’s daytime. HELP

Kyle: But still YES

Abigail: Kevin, it’s you!
Kyle: Well this is a great start.

Kyle: I’m gonna miss these fangs.

Will you miss disintegrating in daylight?

Kyle: Dunno, I only tried it the once.

Kyle: Also I was bluffing about the fangs, can’t see shit.

Kyle: I hope I look cool.

Abigail: Yeah, hi. Do you have some of that ready-made novampirejuice? I mean I could make it myself, and all, but I don’t think he’d drink it.
Oliver: I really hope she’s not talking about me.

Abigail: Who let you out of the bedroom?

Oliver: Hi… is Chelsea there? Oh, you are? I didn’t recognize you ‘cuz you sound so old.

Oliver: DON’T PRETEND YOU DON’T REMEMBER ME

Oliver: Yeah, mom finally got around to recycling the trash.

Brooke: I didn’t realize you were so self-aware.

Kyle: This basement is so much better than being trapped in hell. He said sarcastically.

Brooke: I’m gonna feed you to the basement vampire!
Oliver: Hahaha quit it!

Kyle: Send her over. Hopefully resurrecting her makes up for going gay on her.

Kyle: WHAT AN UGLY EFFECT

Nah, the particle effects in this game look great! In motion. In photos they look like aerosolized ass.

Sunny: Speaking of looking like ass…

Kyle: WOO! Someone’s mature!

I thought you were gay.

Kyle: Maybe I’m gay for these boobs.

Kyle: …boobs?

Sunny: BRAINS

Abigail: I could honestly figure out how to make that. I just don’t have the time.
Felicia: Easy on the ego-soothing, sister.

Felicia: If you’re so dang smart how come you’re taking mystery liquid from a gypsy stereotype?

Abigail: I refuse to admit she has a point.

Kyle: MY LIFE HASN’T BEEN GREAT EITHER SUNNY

Abigail: Aw, what the fuck Kevin?

Oliver: Holy shit! Your boobs are awesome now!
Chelsea: Hahaha am I gonna get arrested for this.

Chelsea: I AM AREN’T I

Chelsea: No! Don’t touch me! I won’t let you molest yourself on me!

Oliver: Um, I’m over legal age, Chel. “Teen” covers, like, fifteen years in this game.

Chelsea: Well hello then.

Chelsea: What boyish charm you have! That still sounds wrong.

Chelsea: But whatever.

Brooke: Wow, being a real person sure is great!

Oliver: I DON’T WANT A BIGFOOT DATE

Abigail: Aw FUCK.

Oliver: Why are you still here?
Felicia: That sounds suspiciously like something a NAZI would say. To a gypsy.

Kyle: I’m double undead now.
Abigail: Aw, come on, it’s not that bad. I did it for like a decade.

Abigail: Now drink these as I run away.

Oliver: I don’t need a date. I’m reconnecting with my childhood girlfriend.
Felicia: You’re out of childhood?

Kyle: How did you decide it was safe to drink?
Sunny: I didn’t. I thought about it, but then I got bored.

Sunny: AND I REGRET NOTHING

Kyle: THIS IS MY IMPRESSION OF YOU
Sunny: Hey, not bad!

Kyle: WOW THAT KICKS
Sunny: There’s a lovely menthol aftertaste too!

Kyle: I could really have gone for some brains just now.

I’m so glad we brought him back to life for this.

Sunny: I can’t believe you thought of me! Thanks, gay friend!

Kyle: Bisexual friend, actually.

Abigail: Did I hear that correctly?
Kyle: I don’t know, what devices were you using to SNOOP ON US

Abigail: Oh, like, fifty different ones.

Kyle: Wow! You remembered my birthday!
Abigail: I was there, you know.

Kyle: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
Sunny: So I’m not, like… stuck with him necessarily, right?

Sunny: ‘cuz he’s still pretty gay.

Abigail: Let me explain your situation with a cards metaphor.
Sunny: Okay.
Abigail: You have no cards.

Abigail: Like, zero.

Speaking of zero.

Yeah! Let’s just electrocute it.

Brooke: Hey, who’s the biker chick?
Sunny: I was kidnapped and forced to look like this.
Brooke: JUST LIKE A BIKER CHICK

Sunny: I think this suits me better!

I disagree! With myself, which is super cool.

Huh?

Sunny: Gotta get to work!

You’ve been DEAD for, like, AGES.

Sunny: So I missed a few days, no biggie!

Kyle: Mixed messages achieved.

Yeah, that is the maybe-gayest face I’ve ever seen.

Hey!

You’re not cute enough for the lil’ yellow wagon!

Brooke: Yay, options!

Kyle: I feel the same way.

Kyle: I hope she doesn’t find what she’s looking for down there.

Brooke: I forget what it was anyway.

Everyone knows this couple.

Kyle: I see you’re living the miracle of life to its fullest.

Kyle: So, hey! Little brother! I don’t know shit about you.

Oliver: Awesome! Someone who won’t automatically hate me.

Kyle: If you keep sucking face with that old woman I might.

Kyle: She looks angry now. Why does she look angry?

Oliver: HEY KYLE YOU GOT MAIL

Brooke: Heyyyyy man!
Kyle: Yeah! Heyyyy man!
Brooke: No, not him fuckhead, you.

Brooke: Okay, maybe him.

Wow, that’s not even an ugly pic.

Welcome to the new age.

To the new age.

Welcome to the new HELP I CAN’T STOP

Is it bad that every time two Sims cross paths for the first time I consider jettisoning the rest of their lives for an affair?

Margaret: N-
Kyle: YES

Kyle:maybe.

Carolina: Where you going?
Kyle: There was a taller blonde back here, right? It’s not you right?!

Kyle: Maaaaaagic boooooook appears and disssssapppeaaaaars

Kyle: Pretty hot, right.

Kyle: Right.

Kyle: Right?!
Brady: …Kyle?

NO

Margaret: That boy was trying to get your attention.
Kyle: Probably thinks I’m gay or something.

Kyle: Probably because we made out that one time.

Focus, man. Find the ones you can’t buy with money first.

Aw come on.

Kendra: That’s the idea!

Kendra: SO STOP COCKBLOCKING MY BUSINESS

Kyle: That is a damn fine looking woman!
Brooke: Expensive looking, more like.

No, don’t even talk to those.

DON’T MAKE ME KILL YOU AGAIN KYLE

Kyle: Wait, you killed me the first time?!
Brady: Kyle!
Kyle: HAVING A REVELATION HERE BRADY

Brady: How unlike you.

Timothy Parmeley: I am also here.

Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I am also also here!

Brady: My arch-nemesis, the Barenaked Ladies!

I feel that way sometimes too.

Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: What, no reaction?
Kyle: Been dead fifty years, pal. A little lightning doesn’t quite ruin my mood.

Alright. Next time: more of this. I’m doing shorter chapters to avoid looking at three hundred pics and going “ugh I’d rather eat a whole box of Lucky Charms let’s do that.

I love Lucky Charms.

…bye.

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