The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter TWO HUNDRED

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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The last notable hundred this side of five.


Pregnancy!

It’s body horror.

Daisy: And that’s before you take the incest into account!

Andrea: What?

William: Yeah! What?

Don’t trouble your cute little head about it.

WEDNESDAY: SUCH A CUTE LITTLE HEAD

Daisy: Whoah boy, you don’t need to go THAT deep! I’m already pregnant!

Daisy: …it was just a JOKE!

Daisy: And the joke’s on him.

Andrea: Bye, robot overlord!
Neila: I for one do not welcome her.

WEDNESDAY: Well you’d better start soon, ‘cuz the ejector seats are solidly on my side.
Nathaniel: Meaning they’d eject y…
WEDNESDAY: MEANING SHUT UP

I see you’re well-pleased with yourself.

Daisy: “Unexpected pregnancy” is a hard trick to top, so yeah, I am.

William: I don’t like it when she’s this cheerful.

Daisy: How come your name is Benson but you’re white?
Anthony: I hear those two things don’t really affect each other.

William: Well we wouldn’t have hired you if your name was, like, “Huckleberry Kennedy” or something. Butlers need a very specific kind of white person name.

William: Did I agree to let her soak up all our sun?

Daisy: You’ll always be black to me, Benson.
Anthony: Yes miss Daisy.

Daisy: Now shoot, asshole. I ain’t payin’ you to look pretty.

Daisy: ‘cuz I wouldn’t.

Daisy: Pretty pale, maybe.

William: Off to Spooktown!

WILLIAM!

Daisy: Ooh, I need to go check out Spooktown myself soon.

WHAT WHAT WHAT

Oh.

Those spooks.

Gina! You are not a spook!

You are a Gina.

A ‘gina?

YOU ARE NOT EVEN A ‘GINA!

THE SCIA IS NOT A MALL

And even if it was, some of you wouldn’t get in.

William: Mornin’ Cheryl.
Cheryl: Mornin’ Chief!
William: Any randos in there today?
Cheryl: There were, but the Maker forced errors on them and they poofed.

Damn right I did.

William: Hey, did we check you out on that firearm yet?
Cheryl: Nope! I’m still too young!
William: Right, right.

William: You know, there’s probably a better spot for all these.

William: Pissing away your tax dollars!

Kennedy: Let me in! They’re pissing away our tax dollars!

Kennedy: Are you mad at the SCIA too?
Rodney: No, I heard this was a mall.

Sandy: You can’t go in there.
Stewart: That’s not true at all.

Stewart: See?

OHFORFUCKS

William: Forty civvies downstairs, no agents upstairs, best secret agency ever.

I DRAW THE LINE AT ZOMBIES

Sandy: And I draw lines of zombie blood!

Kendal: THAT CANNOT… BE MY PRE-MORTEM… ONE LINER!

I hate to break it to you all, but this is what real secret agents do all day.

And this is not what real security guards get up to.

William: Could you ask Chief Cwik to hurry her saucy buns on over?

William: We should never have gone in the Yellow Pages.

Wow, those are some saucy buns!

I can tell even from this angle.

Nerissa Cwik: I’m a high-ranking law enforcement official.

In a fancy ballroom dress.

Nerissa: IT’S LEGAL

Nerissa: All this, though, I dunno.

Chloe: How come she gets to go in?
Sandy: Because she’s a cop?
Chloe: DOUBLE STANDARD

Nerissa: These had better just be show models.

Cheryl: I will shoot you, sir.
Alvin: Let me IN! I’m a SCIENTIST!
Cheryl: I CAN ONLY LET YOU IN IF YOU’RE A SECRET AGENT, SIR!

Alvin: Oh yeah! Right. I’m that too.

Nerissa: Hiding in the corner with your diary, wussykins?
William: This is how all secret agent paperwork must be done.

Nerissa: Oh man, check out the SexSpook of Spookytown!

William: …right.

Alvin: Some day I fully intend to learn what this thing does.

Nerissa: That face, what for.
William: YOU CAN’T TRUST ROBOTS
Nerissa: Well duh.

William: So yeah, how mad would you be if I let a criminal go.

Nerissa: If this is another zombie thing I swear to GOD

William: It’s a serial killer thing.
Nerissa: YEAH THAT’S BETTER

Nerissa: Actually wait, I probably need to hear this.

Nerissa: Oh Christ, it’s gonna be one of these stories is it.

William: Have I ever told you how hot you are?
Nerissa: Only over the phone! But, like, a lot of times over the phone.

William: So about a million years ago…
Nerissa: Vicki Sharpe. You found Vicki Sharpe and you let her go.

William: YOU’RE NOT PLAYING BY THE RULES

Nerissa: Vicki Sharpe is the only thing that happened around here a long time ago.
William: Sure, but guessing is only appropriate when I start out with “Guess what?”

Alvin: Guess what?
William: I don’t want to.

William: Alvin! My… fourth-best agent!
Alvin: Still waiting to find out who the fifth one is!

Nerissa: I’m guessing you only have four agents.
William: And the other ones don’t have any freaky greeting rituals, yeah.

Alvin: Freaking out raises your serotonin levels! I’m helping.

Nerissa: I’m starting to sympathize with the serial killers.

William: Alvin! My only agent without a current assignment!
Alvin: I hope my tax money isn’t funding me! Hahahaha!

William: Seriously though, log into the assignment system once in a while.
Alvin: If this is another computer thing, I have bad news for you.

William: Go down to the archive and research mind control objects for me.
Alvin: If I learn computers will you promise not to mind control me?

William: No.

William: But hey, with these pheremones, who needs mind control?

William: I’ve got genital control.
Nerissa: And I’m sure your dry-cleaner thanks you for it.

William: Wanna piss him off instead?

Cheryl: NONE OF YOU ARE SPOOKS

Sandy: Some of them are creeps, at least.

Nerissa: Stop changing the subject.
William: But I was gonna change it to my favourite subject.

William: One step away from sexual harassment!

Nerissa: Baby, step my way.

Venkat: We could BOMB our way in.
Cheryl: Pretty sure I get to shoot you now.

William: Now, if I ask really nicely will you let me bring Vick in quietly?
Nerissa: In exchange for you putting Captain Sparkles in loudly, I take it?

Alvin: Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!

Alvin: There’s WORDS in this thing!

Cory: Five bucks says Alvin’s computer’s still off.
Jane: Ten bucks says he’s late.
Theresa: Any takers on whether his heart just suddenly stopped from low brain activity?

Jane: Man, nobody was in on this pool.

Nerissa: You always let your subordinates see you screwing around?
William: Only when it produces good blackmail material!

Jane: Pocketcam to USB, aaaaaaand it’s my desktop wallpaper.

Theresa: Ugh. For once I’m happy my chair faces dipshit’s.

‘sup, dipshit?

Alvin: I forget?

‘sup, dipdick?

William: About to get on it!

Alvin: Or in it.
Nerissa: Or both.

William: So, do we have an understanding?
Nerissa: You’re trading sex for the soft treatment.
William: Yeah! Treat her soft, and I’ll treat you hard.

Alvin: So hey I’m in your office now.
William: That’s certainly a thing.

Alvin: Psst psst psst.
William: Huh? All I got was “Psst psst psst.”

Alvin: Hahaha good joke!
William: Hahaha what?

Alvin: So yeah, mind control axes.
William: Really.

William: Wait, really?
Alvin: Apparently.
William: Mind control axes?!

William: Okay, wow. So yeah. It’s possible that the serial killer was being controlled by her own axe.

William: Now I know that sounds silly…
Nerissa: It sounds bullshit.

William: I’m willing to stake my reputation on it. By which I mean my professional reputation, not my sexual one.

Nerissa: Well duh, nothing could be that important.

William: So will you let me bring her in?
Nerissa: What happens if I say no?
William: You saw those guns on the way in, right?

Nerissa: Well, I’m sold.

Theresa: Where were you this morning?
Alvin: Reading the wordpapers about crazyaxes.
Theresa: I want my own desk.

Nerissa: Seriously? It can stretch that far?!

Nerissa: Those must be HULK pants!

Nerissa: Oh, wow! It’s so full of mega-atoms that I can’t even get near it!

Nerissa: I have to collapse the atomic bonds in my face just to blow you!

If Alvin could hear these bad science jokes, he’d gag.

William: Weird, she’s gagging too!

William: Sometimes I think I’d like to choke someone on my sexwizard staff, just to get it registered as a deadly weapon.

Nerissa: SEXWIZARD STAFF

PLUUUUUGH

Sorry, mouthful of warm Coke.

BLECCHH

Just saw the blowjob kiss.

William: Hahaha it’s in my mouth now gross.
Nerissa: Join the club!

William: Mornin’ glory!
Cory: It’s Cory.
William: Oh, hi Cory, didn’t see you there.

William: Hi Jane!
Cory: They’re close.

Nerissa: My, Agent Huffman, what a strong secret handshake you have!

Jane: Reporting for duty, o chief of my heart!

Theresa: She’s disgusting. You’re disgusting.
William: Good morning, Theresa.

Jane: Hello there, Chief!
Nerissa: Don’t talk to me.

YOU’RE NOT PREGNANT

I THINK

William: Thanks for taking care of that archival work for me, Vinny.
Alvin: Thanks for giving me a cool nickname, Chief!

William: Thanks for your awkward boner on my crotch, Vinny.
Alvin: Sorry about that, Chief.

SHE IS NOT

Brittany: Somebody get fatso a chair!
Ally: I would love a chair right now.

William: Thanks team, see you tomorrow!
Nerissa: Aww, I wish I was on a team.

Cory: I hate right-angled papers!

William: Bye folks, thanks for your interest! Ya weirdoes.

Ian: I’m not a weirdo. Are you?
Brittany: Depends on how you feel about lesbians, I guess.

William: I feel good. In a special way.

William: I HATE ‘BOTS AND IT’S A SUNNY DAY

Goodbye, sunshine.

Nerissa: HE’S AT LEAST NINE INCHES
Theresa: GET OUT SO I CAN LEAVE I DON’T WANNA HEAR THIS

Jane: Chief MONIF, secret agent queen! I like it.

Meanwhile, like a hundred pics ago…

Grant: Wow! A solar-powered portable vagina!

Okay you poseurs, that’s enough.

Daisy: Sudden, gear-grinding transition!

WEDNESDAY: Don’t mind if I do!

WEDNESDAY: I’m gonna jet before Mr. Angrypenis gets down the stairs.

Daisy: What did you do to make his penis angry?
WEDNESDAY: Stuck it in my robogina.

Anthony: Okay we need SOME continuity here

WEDNESDAY: THIS IS THE WORST MODERNIST ART PIECE EVER

Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on today?

Daisy: CAKE IS GOING ON

I forget who this was.

The Doom of the Unknown Snowman?

WEDNESDAY: It’s random day! Do whatever the fuck you want.

Daisy: I’m in!

Daisy: Or, rather, I’m in now.

Daisy: Welcome to my awesome murder dungeon.

Daisy: Do you like the paint? I picked it myself!

Daisy: I picked these myself, too.

Neila: I got my parole report today.

Neila: How long must I toil in this prison?

Until you graduate to a new one.

Victor: How come I always get less than her?

Math.

Victor: I’m great at math!

No, I mean, your instructor does math. You’re twins, and she’s a girl, and you’re a dude, so your grade is just .75 of hers.

It’s a surprisingly accurate method.

Andrea: Mine just says “Who are you?” as usual.

This is not your home.

Angelica: So it has that going for it.

Neila: And then I got the magnetic train from Saffron to Goldenrod working again.
Andrea: Wow, you’re only two thirds through SoulSilver? You know Sun and Moon come out this year, right?

Neila: …we’re making Pokémon jokes now.

Obscure Pokémon jokes!

I’m branching out to new audiences.

Badly.

Angelica: Alright, let’s see if we can’t figure out why you have the report card of a three-year-old. What’s the last thing you remember learning?

Victor: I’m pretty sure I learned how to walk at some point.

Angelica: Suddenly three years old seems a bit of a stretch.

Angelica: Do you go to the classroom with the desks or the one full of toys?

Neila: Yeah, my history teacher is definitely suitcased.

Andrea: Closeted, honey.

Angelica: How are you at ball kicking? I hear that’s what boys do.
Victor: Depends on what you mean by “ball kicking.”

Go Tosha Go Tosha Go Tosha GO!

…it’s her name.

Neila: No, no, no. Ghostface isn’t a racial slur for white people! There aren’t any racial slurs for white people.

Neila: We have immunity in honour of our contributions to the industry.

Neila: I wish the Maker would stop using me as a vehicle for social commentary.

The hard life of a fictional character.

Andrea: Wait, you’re fictional? Am I fictional?! Is that the long-forgotten reason for my perpetual awesomehood?

You’re not fictional, you’re virtual.

Neila: OHHHH I get it! Like how you’re virtually a smarmy jackass but not fictionally.

Right! And hey, fuck you.

Andrea: I’m gonna go to my room, alone, to reduce his opportunities for puppet posturing.

i herd you liek yelo

And Neila stomps on the ghosts of William and Cameron having sex.

Andrea: I WASN’T STEALING THIS

Andrea: You’d better back me up on this one, chicken shit.

William: I do not feel right.

Of course you don’t! You’re a corrupt public official.

William: I’m feeling… more corrupt than usual. But in a good way!

William: Oh darn.

William: What.

You’ll make a lovely bank manager.

William: Even the confetti was taken aback.

William: So yeah! All of this has to go.

Andrea: I smell boys.

William: What are you young whippersnappers up to OH MY DEAR GOD

William: FUCK FUCK FUCK I’m still young I’m still young

William: Oh god, I feel motivated to scan our family photos all of a sudden!

Daisy: Please tell me you’re some previously-unmentioned uncle.

William: You’re looking at the new me, baby!
Daisy: The new you looks really old.

Victor: Where did that manly youth go?

Daisy: Nobody tell him how hot he still is.

Andrea: See? This is the precise position where proximity becomes weird.

Andrea: I SMELL BOYS
Angelica: Could be me, I need to shower.

Anthony Benson, Scuba Butler.

You may address him as Scubabutt.

Neila: Hey, who’s the silver fox?
William: Whatever your allowance was, let’s double it.

Daisy: He shouldn’t be so free with my baby’s inheritance.

William: GUESS WHAT I GOT OLD!

Daisy: Now that he’s old and I’m fat, we’re getting unphotogenically married.

William: Oh, don’t bring anything! Except gifts. Bring gifts.

Nerissa: Oh good, Public Enemy Number One is here.
Vicki: You seriously haven’t found someone worse in all these years?

William: I’M NOT EVEN MAD
Daisy: I’m getting there.

Alvin: What, no facial recognition lock? No AI butler?

Iris: Be kind to them, Alvin. They’re trapped in the present.

Uma: MUST BE NICE.

Holy shit. How old are you?

Uma: SEVENTY-TWO.

William: So she is, or she isn’t legal?

I’m not sure how townie law works.

William: You’re looking ravishing, Iris!
Iris: In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve already been ravished.

William: Thanks for coming, Alvin.
Alvin: That’s what she said!
William: Wow! Is that normally a problem for you, or something?

Alvin: I don’t get it.

William: Uma! It’s been too long.
Uma: AS IS READILY APPARENT

Uma: Please move me in so I can age.

Neila: INAPPROPRIATELY-CLOTHED MISSILE INCOMING!

William: Not a bad turnout.
Daisy: I just wish my family could be here.
William: You mean my family, right? Because I thought you only had your mom and your sister.
Daisy: Right! I keep forgetting that my family and yours are supposed to be separate things.

Alvin: Look at me so I know whose kid you are.

William: So yeah, when’s Poppy coming?
Daisy: She’s not. Got a lot of good muffs to dive, I guess.

Daisy: Okay, so here’s my vow: I vow to advance the interests of our family, as I deem them.

Daisy: Using whatever force is necessary.

William: And I vow to figure out what that cryptic statement means.

Do you, William, take *mumble* to be your lawfully wedded wife?

William: Not sure why you mumbled her name, but sure!

And you, *mumble*?

Daisy: Assuming that’s me, then yeah.

WEDNESDAY: OH GOD HELP

I now pronoun you he and her.

Brandi: YOU MISSED THE OBJECTIONS PART

No, you did.

You may now ew. Ew this is nasty.

Alvin: She’s happy.
Neila: And so am I! Totally needed a new mom! Totally not resentful.

Victor: At last, a mom I can find hot!
WEDNESDAY: I’M AN ABOMINATION

Daisy: In other news, I win.
William: Okay? Cool?

Daisy: As cool as they come.

WILL YOU STOP IT IF I DELETE HER

Iris: TWO PREGNANT WOMEN AND NO FUCKING FOOD!

William: There’s usually some pigeons on the roof, you can borrow my rifle if you like.

Iris: Please promise you’ll take care of my baby.
William: Like, the one you’re carrying? No can do.

William: If you mean Daisy, though, hey! What’s in it for me.

William: A COMPELLING ARGUMENT

William: Hello mellow yellow, have a thirteen skellingtons!
Iris: Might have gone overboard on the voltage.

William: Sure, socialize up my party, bitch. That’s such a bitch thing to do.

WEDNESDAY: Hey William, Uma was just telling me that-
William: AAAAND offline.

Uma: I wish you could do that to real people.

William: Let’s go inside.
Uma: Yeah, it’s already snowing so hard your hair is white!

William: What Daisy and I just did, over there? That was definitely not a monogamy pledge.
Uma: Understood!

William: Hahaha cheating!
Uma: And in record time!

Uma: So, are we just…?
William: Pigeons can have her.

William: So really though, how old are you.
Uma: Seventy-two!
William: WHAT?! You mean… fuck, you’re too old for me!

Alvin: That made you sound like a pedophile.
William: Then I’ll thank you not to repeat it to anyone.

William: Oh, hi Kenya. How’s Barack doing?

William: Very funny, Kenya! I’m stuck under your stairs, too! Bye.

Kenya: Rackinfrackin

Add it to the glitch list.

William: You’re who?
Valerie Enriquez: I’m Vicki’s long-lost sister! So long-lost even she doesn’t remember me!

William: I’m gonna hang up now.

William: Well huh! There actually is a Valerie Enriquez in the phone book.

You can tell her that her sister is alive again!

William: I can sex Vicki’s sister!

William: These sexings are beginning to pile up. And not in the sexy sense.

William: Hi! My sexy sense compelled me to call you back.

William: Blah blah blah, don’t care don’t care. I didn’t call so you could blather on.

William: So you’re a secret twin sister? That doesn’t sound suspicious or anything.

Daisy: Oh good, the baby has a sense of occasion.

Daisy: WHY WOULD I DO THIS TWICE

Daisy: OH! Alright! False alarm! Awesome, I really wanted another day of this.

William: Well you see, Vicki is alive, but I’m gonna have to arrest her. Yeah. For the murders. Yeah. Works that way. Mhmm.

William: Hey, while she’s on trial, you can take care of her kids! I’m sure she’d sleep a lot better knowing her secret twin she’s never met is handling things.

William: Yeah, no. Secret family doesn’t get paid for favours.

William: Aw, come on! I’ll let you have sex with me! That’s worth at least five years of your life!

William: Yeah, my penis is like a whole other person.

William: Tonight is no good, I have a septuagenarian teenager to bone.

William: Look, it’s getting increasingly hard to write dialogue for this conversation, okay, so just say yes already.

William: NO I WILL NOT PROMISE YOU CAN USE HER TOOTHBRUSH!

William: What kind of sick fucking question was that.

Uma: Guess these are all the balls I’m getting tonight.

William: I’ve got two more for your pocket, darlin’.

She’s-

William: -over THERE, I KNOW, this is how pathing works unfortunately.

William: You look very… nice.
Uma: “Nice”? That’s it?
William: YOU LOOK LIKE A NICE TEENAGER WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

Uma: Well eat my hand and call me Shirley!

William: Have you been drinking? Can you drink?

That’s a lovely “Thanks for Letting Me Blow You” piano, Nerissa.

William: You were one of the first girls I fell in love with, Uma.
Uma: And apparently one of the last ones on your call-back list.
William: IT’S A LONG LIST

Uma: You’ve gotten… bigger since we last dated.
William: Honey you ain’t got no idea.

Uma: So give me one already.

Is that one of your victims or one of his? I’ve long since lost track.

Uma: Meanwhile I am on track!
William: Captain Sparkles is not a track.

William: He’s a captain.

Uma: I’ve been waiting decades for this.
William: Then your mind is definitely fucked up by now.

William: And I do love me some crazy chicks.

William: Really just chicks in general.

How about dead chicks?

Brandi: Yeah, how ’bout?

William: So, was it worth the wait?
Uma: No!
William: What?
Uma: Decades, dude! NOTHING IS WORTH DECADES

Uma: It’s still pretty much the best, don’t get me wrong.

William: I kept expecting to see the tip come out of your mouth.

Uma: YEAH PRETTY FILLING

Hey, wow! You look like a person now!

Uma: Racist.

The Scubabutt is starting to creep me out a little.

Hahaha, yeah!

Rust, you bronze boring bitch.

Uma: Oh, William! You’re a pretty close approximation of hot, for an old guy!

Uma: We could start a garden for these!

Or pile them on top of his funereal ziggurat, once one of his girlfriends murders him.

Uma: “Funereal ziggurat”?

He’s too good to just bury.

NO

Uma: Did you delete the impossible zombie?

That sounds like a metaphor for defecation, somehow.

Veronica Wilsonoff: Lookin’ good, Mrs. Whoever You’re With Now!

Uma: See? I’m on this corner of the counter now!
Brady: EXPLAIN YOUR MAGIC

Nothing feels as classy as eating something the moment you buy it.

Uma: At least he’s not stuck in a tracksuit from the last millennium.

Ian: She’s at least hot enough to make me regret my cookie scarfing.

Ian: You guys can handle this, right?
Asia: No?

Ian: Congratulations on becoming a real person!
Uma: Shh! Not in front of the drones!

Uma: Curse you, daylight, and your revelatory nature.

Ian: At least I got cookies.

Uma: Hi! I have to greet you before checking you out, apparently.

Uma: But hey, good news!

Not good enough?

Uma: I’ve been sexually mature for a generation. I ain’t settlin’ for good.

William: A new family member for Chapter 200!

Yay, some grotty old townie.

William: Hey, we need more expendables ’round here!

William: Hi, Brandi? Hey! You’re the SCIA Chief now.

William: I’m retiring to be Governor. Mail any kickbacks to my home address.

William: Oh, you should see it! I’ve got my own scandalously young mistress and everything.

William: Life is good on top! And on bottom. And behind, et cetera.

William: NO MORE SHALL I TOIL IN THIS PRISON

Uma: Is that the sexy sheen of politics I see on you?

William: I approve of the new ass you bought!

William: Nothing keeps a man young like young women.

She’s older than you.

William: I have a feeling I’ll need to repeat that a lot in the coming days.

Victor: Hey dad, what’s up with High School Confidential over there?

Daisy: What’s up indeed.

Victor: If you bought me a girlfriend, you got the age a bit wonky.

mor yelo

Felicia: YELLOW FUCK YEAH!

Felicia: HAVE THIS YELLOW THING

William: It’s a birthday and wedding present in one!

William: Oh, good! I own a dude now. Not at all awkward.

William: Gee I wonder what I should MONEY GIVE ME MONEY

William: Ah, lucre! It’s even filthy!

William: So if you grant me two more wishes, you go free?
Genie: That’s the idea!

William: Well fuck that.

William: It’s not his birthday.

William: Hey buddy! Stay out of the closet, okay?
Victor: I’m not gay, dad! Geeze.

Victor: OH THIS CLOSET

William: DAMMIT he’s definitely my son.

Victor: Oh wow, a glitter pump! Chicks dig glitter.

William: DON’T YOU TALK TO MY KEPT ARAB

Genie: I hear and obey the master of the lamp. Two wishes remain.
William: Hey, put your glasses on, dude! Real master at six o’clock!

Victor: Gee! What should I ask for?
William: NOTHING

William: I forbid you to utter a single wish!
Victor: Hey man, can you read minds?
Genie: Duh.

William: I FORBID YOU TO THINK

Genie: Your wish is my command, master.
William: IT ONLY SAYS “MASTER” ON HIS MAIL BECAUSE HE’S YOUNG

Victor: Whew, my wish is smelly! Drink this.

Melanie: Damn RIGHT I will!

William: NUKE IT FROM ORBIT

Melanie: You’d better nuke it twice, just to be sure.

William: How DARE you! I got you a perfectly-good non-murderous mom-
Daisy: Well.
William: -and you have to go and resurrect the Zombie Queen? I mean geez, she’s just your mom!

William: It’s not like she’s your dad or anything. Wait, well what?

Genie: Your wish is my command!
Melanie: It’s good to hear that again!

Melanie: Alright, resurrect me if I disintegrate.
Lora: I hear and obey the master of the lamp!

Lora: This is racist against purple people.

Melanie: Mmm! Pink watermelon! My favourite flavour.
Lora: OH NO I HATE PINK WATERMELON

Lora: HATE IT TO DEAAAAAATH

Andrea: So are we just inviting any old garbage to live here now?
Anthony: Can I have a room to store my scuba gear in?

Melanie: NOOOO TINY ARMY

Melanie: You can’t start an apocalypse without any zombies!

William: No, but you can definitely start a trial.

Melanie: So hey, the door’s locked.
The Grim Reaper: MAN, YOU GIVE UP EASY. I’M SORRY I EVER JOINED YOUR MOHAWK CLUB.

Melanie: THAT’S NOT NICE

Andrea: I’m eating hers.

Uma: Why does it feel like I picked a dangerous time to move in here?

Because there’s no other kind.

Uma: EYEUCH! Seventy-two years and no tooth brushing.

Victor: Maybe I should be in prison.

Anthony: Keep eating your fat food, fatty face.

Daisy: I’ve cleared a landing zone!

WHUMP

Daisy: You missed!

Daisy: Let me show you a thing or two about flight.

Oh, look. You’ve built a basement death shrine.

Daisy: And with lots of room to spare.

Alright, now for the traditional giving of gifts.

I wanted to do something special this time, ‘cuz the images I usually make for these occasions are really only interesting to me.

With that in mind, have ten of my best characters!


(Click for full-size version)


This package contains the following Sims:

1. William Stephen Sharpe


The man, the mystery, the massive penis!

2. Daisy Elvira White (Cecilia Matilda Phelps)


The axes of evil!

3. Andrew Neil Murphy


The dull protagonist!

4. Abigail Harriet Young


Putting an extra couple mads in “mad scientist”!

5. Melanie Morrigan Lillard


The Zombie Queen her royal self!

6. Vicki Brianna Enriquez


A serial killer before it was cool!

7. Cameron Desdemona Price


The forbidden Knowledge Sim!

8. Jerome Meredith Newcastle


The polar inverse of William!

9. Lucas Fabio Perez


The most offensive, yet vague, ethnic stereotype in history!

10. Sullivan Cadwallader Kearney


Sullivan: DON’T YOU FUCKING DEFINE ME


The first seven are main characters. The remaining three are popular ones, although honestly I have no idea why in the cases of #8 and #9.

This is not your usual Sim download. This is something special.

The package file you’re downloading does not contain Body Shop files that will allow you to recreate my main characters. It contains the actual, honest-to-goodness character files themselves. Think of it as the difference between a photograph and a flesh-and-blood person.

These ten Sims will appear in your game just as they were at the end of Chapter 192. I have altered them superficially to match their best-known appearances.

Because of the way the game works, it is difficult to transfer characters between neighbourhoods without creating junk data.

These character files should be perfectly safe to install (but do a backup anyway!)

Read on if you care why I would even need to state that. Boring technical crap follows!

When you move a Sim from one neighbourhood to another, they bring broken character files with them. These are stubs of the files of any characters they know, are related to, or have memories of.

I have edited these Sims so that they will not bring any junk character files with them.
They will not remember anyone who isn’t in the package. Maxis created an object called “Mystery Sim” which they used for pre-generated memories: Create-a-Sim adults are given memories of an imaginary first friend/best friend/kiss. These memories point to an object, because if they pointed to an actual Sim, that Sim’s character file would show up in all new neighbourhoods.

I have meticulously combed the memories of these Sims for references to characters outside this package, and redirected them to the “Mystery Sim.” That way they aren’t carrying the character baggage of almost two hundred chapters worth of story. The general effect is that they remember everything that’s ever happened to them, but the details of who was involved are fuzzy (because those people don’t exist in their new neighbourhood!)

Erasing all their memories would have been easier, but memories are part of what makes a Sim a Sim, in my opinion.

The only memory information which has been out-and-out deleted is gossip about Sims outside the package, because it can’t be made to point to an object.

Do not try this at home without asking me how I did it.

Download the Chronicles Carry-Case here!

If you do use my Sims, please show me! I want to see if they ruin your life, too.

Some fun memory notes:

I really regret letting William bang all those chicks in university now.

Jerome mostly had gossip about Penny. In other words, his entire life was anecdotes about his wife.

Check out Sullivan’s most recent memories for a good laugh. Then imagine me having to edit them all. Ugh.

Abigail is bugged; every male finds her three bolts attractive. You can see this in her memories. I have no issue with it.

Okay, well, um.

See you soon?

oh btw longest chapter ever lol

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