Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
(Oops, my template is showing.)
This journal last updated… like, a day ago!
Stephen: Ever know you’re doing something wrong, but do it anyway ‘cuz it feels so good?
Stephen: Alright guys, let’s get those bridal pictures taken!
Stephen: Among other things I’ll be taking.
Stephen: Yeah honey! You tell that invisible audience.
Tosha Go: Can I pretend you’re my parents?
Stewart: Alright, Margaret. Did you bring the dress?
Margaret: What do you think is padding out my bra?
Margaret: This doorway is filthy.
Margaret: Oh! Speaking of filthy!
Stephen: You have no idea.
Stewart: And you’d better not be getting any ideas either.
Stephen: You wound me!
Stewart: No, but I will.
Stephen: Anyway, this commission is on the house.
Stephen: Say! You wouldn’t be interested in posing for some photos, would you?
Sandy: Only if that’s a thinly-veiled metaphor for sex!
Stephen: Shhh! Not in front of the client’s husband!
Stewart: Oh god, you’re rehearsing for an anti-abortion debate?
Stephen: Turn around. It’s important that you be really relaxed for this.
Margaret: I don’t see how turning around will help that.
Margaret: …I am always willing to be proven wrong.
Margaret: Wow! Your hands are like magic!
Stephen: Every real artist is good with their hands.
Margaret: I’M GLAD WE DECIDED TO SHOP LOCAL
Margaret: Now, I want this to be tasteful.
Stephen: Tasteful. Yes.
Margaret: But I want to look pretty.
Stephen: Pretty! Yes.
Margaret: And I want to know why I’m holding your hand suddenly.
Stephen: Whoops, that’s me! Left the ol’ animal magnetism on.
Stephen: What say we head inside and see what happens?
Stephen: In terms of photography, I mean.
Margaret: Yes. That too.
Stephen: Stewart happy hanging around here?
Margaret: Who cares?
Margaret: I certainly don’t want him there. We’re looking for a really intimate portrait.
Stephen: I can do intimate.
Margaret: I have no doubts.
Margaret: Alright, enough foreplay. Let’s consummate this economic relationship!
Stephen: Would it ruin the mood if I admitted to locking myself out?
Xavier: Who you talkin’ to, mom?
Ember: Imaginary people.
Stewart: You mean you’re imagining talking to real people, right?
Ember: No. They might think they’re real people, but they’re only imagining it. And hey, speaking of aborti-
NOT SPEAKING OF THAT
This is gonna objectify women enough without opening that up.
Stephen: If nightmares have taught me anything, it’s that running fast is a good alternative to being stealthy!
Ember: Did you hear something right now?
Stewart: Maybe, but it was either running too fast or really stealthy.
Stephen: So I’m really glad we could make a date today. For your photos. A photo-date.
Margaret: Don’t call it a “date.” I hate dates. They taste like shoe.
Margaret: I think. I’ve never had one. But that’s how they look.
Margaret: But I’ve never seen one either.
Stephen: I see many things.
Margaret: Yeah, my dress does that.
Margaret: Think of it as a teaser trailer.
Margaret: ‘cuz I aim to tease.
Margaret: So! Let’s get it on! I mean, let’s get it on! I mean let’s get on with it?
Stephen: I don’t think you do!
Margaret: I hope your camera can handle this much woman.
Stephen: Oh, I brought a wide lens.
Margaret: Good, we’ll need some nice ass shots too.
Stephen: Was that a euphemism for-
Margaret: NO ANAL
EXCEPT IF GAYS
WE’RE OFF TOPIC NOW
Stephen: And it is one hot topic, let me tell you!
Xavier: And then my daddy and my mommy took a trip!
Stewart: I remember that! I think. He was cheating on my mom! Was I alive yet? I don’t know!
See how cleverly I’ve learned to disguise my own forgetfulness?
Just pass your flaws on to your characters!
George R.R. Martin does.
Margaret: So, where did you go to photography college?
Stephen: Is that a real thing? I sure hope that’s not a real thing.
Margaret: I thought you were qualified!
Stephen: I am! Nobody looks at women as much as I do!
Margaret: Fada soola gor!
Stephen: Don’t make me do this.
Margaret: Fada soola bron!
Stephen: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT CHEERLEADING DOES TO ME
Stephen: PLEASE STOP
Stephen: I DON’T EVEN SPEAK SIMLISH
Stephen: Voooooooo GERBITZ!
Stewart: Hey, you went to MNU, didn’t you? How does that cheer go?
Ember: I don’t know, because I’m not a whore.
Stewart: …Margaret knows it…
Margaret: Oh! Oh! Oh! OH!
Wren: It’s like my own personal metronome!
Margaret: Wow, you guys have similar dicks!
Stephen: He’s a dick off the ol’ dickblock, that’s for sure!
Stewart: Hey, you’ve got no metronome! How are you keeping time?
Wren: Keen, very keen hearing.
Stephen: Anyways, how are you guys?
Margaret: Pretty oof good!
Stephen: Spending enough time together?
Margaret: OHHHHH yeah, we definitely are.
Margaret: I think… mmm.
Stephen: You said “I think”?
Margaret: Oh! Right, yeah. I think him and me are forever.
Margaret: I’M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO JOINING THIS FAMILY
Stephen: Yes. Joining.
Stephen: Joining is good.
Xavier: I hereby open this meeting of the Tipis by a Reflecting Pool Club!
Stephen: I hereby open these legs.
Wren: Aww, poor Stewart!
Stewart: Why? I’m fine!
Wren: Aww, he thinks he’s fine!
Stewart: You’re creepin’ me out, kid.
Margaret: Wow, they even look the same!
Stephen: This topic isn’t as awesome for me as it apparently is for you.
Margaret: Well, it’s about to be all about you, so shut the fuck up.
Stewart: They sure are taking a long time.
Ember: That’s my Stephen! Nothing but stamina, that one.
Stephen: If you’re just gonna stare at it, I can snap you a pho-
Wait a second.
This looks oddly familiar…
Stewart: GOD I love this cheer!
Ember: Wow, haha! Get out of my face.
Margaret: Ready for another round, tiger?
Stephen: Nah, we need to escalate this further. Maybe in your bed? Or, like, at some place that’s really important to you both!
Margaret: You… have an adultery fetish?
Stephen: How did you think I’ve lasted so long around here?
Margaret: Heheh. “Long.”
Stephen: Why thank you.
Stewart: Wow, I love these pictures dad took!
Stephen: Okay, sexiness filter off…
Stephen: Oh, you heard that? I just turned the sexiness filter off, so we wouldn’t shatter the lens with too much sexy.
Stephen: Too far?
Margaret: Ohhh yeah.
Stewart: BOO YOU SUCK
Stephen: Here, have a sexy picture of yourself.
Margaret: Which I can’t show to anyone.
Stephen: At least not one person, in particular, right.
Stephen: Whoa there. I was thinking we’d do missionary next.
Margaret: You make me feel special, Stephen.
Stephen: Hey, you’re the one fucking around here!
Stephen: Please tell me this is still you fucking around.
Stephen: You’re already engaged to my son, stupid!
Margaret: I know, that was stupid.
Stephen: I don’t understand.
Stephen: But your hair tastes good.
Stephen: We meet at last, my muse.
Stephen: Well fuck it then, let’s get hitched since we can’t tell anyone anyhow.
Margaret: That’s the sexiest vow ever.
I now pronounce you dumb and dumber.
Stephen: If I’m the dumb one, how come I’ve got the girl?
You’re the dumber one, actually.
See? You’ve been struck dumber!
Stephen: More like I’ve struck paydirt!
Margaret: OH! Right! Your cat died.
Stewart: IT SOUNDS LIKE A CAT DYING
Stephen: So hey, I have a wife.
Margaret: Will she care?
Stephen: What? No! I was just gonna propose a threesome is all.
Depending on who’s in it, I think you have a deal!
Ember: Looks like they’re pulling an all-nighter. Bye!
Stewart: An all-night wedding photography session.
Stewart: Okay! Fuck you too!
Margaret: Fuck me three! For the third time. Fuck me again.
Stewart: Weird! Dad and Margaret have the same clothes.
Stewart: I know you’re in there, asshole! Come out with your clothes on!
Margaret: What if he kicks down the door?
Stephen: Then I buy a new door? What are you, twelve? Please don’t be twelve.
Stewart: I won’t have you manhandling my beautiful wife, dad! I’m the only man who gets to handle those handles! Love handles? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW
Stewart: POWER RANGERS
Margaret: Dammit Stu, you’re spoiling the money shot!
Stewart: I’m not buying this.
Stephen: Of course not, I told you! It’s free!
Margaret: What crawled up your ass and died, mister?
Stewart: What an image.
Margaret: Hey, look…
Stewart: I’M MAD ‘CUZ I WANNA, OKAY?!
Margaret: But I didn’t do anything…
Stephen: And god knows she wanted to!
Margaret: Stop helping, Stephen.
Stewart: How could you do this to me?!
Stephen: Yeah, Margaret! Wait, what did you do to him?!
Margaret: Thanks for the close-up, Mr. DeMille.
Margaret: …I haven’t seen that movie.
Oh, it’s from a movie? Neat.
Margaret: Okay, stop, you’re making it weird.
Stewart: Look, I’m sorry, honey. I just got so jealous, thinking of-
Margaret: BLAH BLAH BLAH APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED
Stewart: I can’t believe I didn’t trust you.
Margaret: Yeah, you’re a real jerk aren’t you.
Stewart: Is there anything I can do to make you forgive me?
Stephen: This is too fucked up, I’m going to bed.
Stewart: No, wait, dad, I owe you an apology too.
Stewart: I know you could never do something like that to me.
Stewart: Because you know how it would tear me apart inside.
Stewart: And you couldn’t bear to put me through that.
Stewart: Boy, I’m really glad we got that all out in the open.
Stephen: Yeah, that’s what just happened alright.
Margaret: Good night, my shaggy darling!
Stephen: Sleep tight, my honey-haired dumpling!
Stewart: You look really nice in that dress.
Stewart: I can’t wait to get married!
Stewart: Because… we’re… getting married, right?
Margaret: Hey, I’m gonna grab the negatives. I’ll see you at home!
Stewart: Sounds reasonable!
Stewart: I think?
Stewart: Whatever those are?
Margaret: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABY YEAH
Margaret: Pump it like it owes you water!
Margaret: I don’t even know what that means.
Stephen: It means I’m awesome in bed.
As opposed to awesome on bed.
God, I hope this doesn’t turn into a series.
Margaret: We need to keep this a secret.
Stephen: Why? Even when he found out, he was too dumb to find out!
Margaret: Yeah, university really muddles your brain up.
Tell me about it.
Stephen: If by “inspired” you mean “aroused,” then yes.
Stephen: Oh-oh-oh, those curves.
I’m… gonna leave you alone for a bit.
Ember: Is somebody being sexually weird without me?!
Ember: Tell me it was just a nightmare.
Ember: I wonder if you can have a marriage that’s only open on one end…
Oh, yes, definitely.
Let’s create a documentary trail for this affair, shall we.
Margaret: I’m taking this other document in return.
Margaret: And this one too.
Margaret: And hey, that’s weird.
Margaret: And hey, free bugs.
Or, you know, the real thing is just outside…
Stephen: She’s much more manageable this way.
Ember: All lawyers need a high Logic skill.
For creating airtight cases?
Ember: No, for picking only the winners.
Margaret: IT GLOWS LIKE MY RED-HOT LOVE ONLY GREEN
Yeah, stand out there in the rain like a hobo, you hobo.
Yeah, you see how you hobo.
Yada yada yada are we done here yet?
She is, at least.
What are the odds?!
Margaret: How could I have known?!
I’m not sure this’ll fix it, honey.
You are a joke.
Ember: WHO TOUCHED THE AIR OVER THE KIDDIE OVEN
Ember: IT WAS A KIDDIE!
Ember: Who touched nothing?!
I like how the final stage just looks like someone rubbed an eraser over a finished painting.
I like how Margaret is apparently a housepet now.
I like how Ember tortures housepets.
That’s some awesome photorealism there, Stevie-boy.
Stephen: If it really was good, it would make you stop calling me that.
Yessiree, yet another Stevie wonder.
Margaret: IS THIS WATER OR PEE
Margaret: Either way it comes off.
Xavier: What are you taking off?!
Xavier: EWW WHO DIED
Wren: IN YOUR CLOTHES
Ember: I do so enjoy our romantic lives together.
Stephen: I wonder if it would count as a threesome if I cloned her.
Margaret: Who wants cheesecake?!
I LOVE CHEESECAKE!
Margaret: Who wants pregnancy?!
Next time: the big two oh oh.
Expect lots of oh-ohs.