Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Ahh, the joys of an unscheduled life.
This journal last updated… Christ, who even knows?
Can you believe the Price of Murphys these days?
It’s a… nice night for a… hot wedding!
Penny: Start again.
Penny: Somehow big floppy dicks were never part of my dream wedding.
Right? You’ve been very unimaginative.
Andrew: I’ll call them.
Penny: Very busy people, your parents.
Andrew: I’LL CALL THEM.
Andrew: They’ll be here.
Penny: Maybe they’re avoiding this place. It’s bad luck.
Andrew: Why do you say that?
Penny: ‘cuz every marriage that’s ever happened here has failed.
FRIDAY: I have an idea for a fun game while we wait.
Alvin: Well if it isn’t ThrallSucksYou.
Andrew: You damn well know it isn’t, since you got my name reported.
Alvin: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD PLAY HORDE
Penny: How committed are we at this point? Is there an escape clause?
Penny: Oh, who am I kidding. Everything in life, including marriages, is just filler for the trauma and tragedy bookends.
Penny: SO HOW ‘BOUT THEM PARENTS
Andrew: YOU’VE GOT COSMOS ON BLU-RAY MOM JUST PAUSE IT!
Angelica: So yeah, this is pretty great.
Andrew: We’re losing the audience!
Now you know how I feel.
Abigail: No, you can keep on calling me Abigail.
Stephen: I ain’t callin’ you at all.
Ember: Why not? A three-way might be nice.
Stewart: WEDNESDAY! Your cover’s off.
WEDNESDAY: You’d think it would be waterproof, but you’d be wrong.
What the FUCK.
Stewart: Oh, is the lapel rose too much?! Shit.
Shiloh: SHE’S MY MOM SO MY DAD HAS TO COME.
Jerome: And I don’t come for Penny willingly, that’s for sure.
Carolina: Good man.
Margaret: I can see why you don’t let me meet your family more often.
Stephen: I could have sworn you were dead.
Nathaniel: Is this time investment gonna pan out, you think?
Angelica: Do they ever?
…do you three even have a horse in this race?
Ember: Honestly I’m not sure? All our family trees were planted way too close together.
Shiloh: Holy crap! Mr. Woodrow looks normal.
Andrew: You ready for this?
Penny: Am I ready for this meaningless and easily-dissoluble union? Meh!
Margaret: Come on, say something!
Stewart: Weddings aren’t participatory!
Margaret: We’re both in Show Business! If it turns out I’m marrying a dude who isn’t his family’s clown I’m gonna be super pissed.
Stephen: I don’t know some of these people.
Deborah: Move it, sinkfoot!
Deborah takes a picture.
It’s this picture.
Don’t think about it.
Penny: The clothes are weird, but it’s not a bad Melanie cosplay…
You know the drill.
Deborah: Alright folks, do your thing!
Emerson: Who’s that?
Angelica: She has some shitty blog.
Nathaniel: And you don’t?
Angelica: MY LIVEJOURNAL IS MY BUSINESS
Andrew: Did you hire her?
Penny: I haven’t spoken to her since the day we moved in.
Margaret: Hey, I thought all the boring ones died!
Shiloh: Oh! I made a Best Friend the other-
Stewart: NOBODY SHITGIVES
Emerson: Here’s a fun game: count the number of people in this room who’ve died.
Stephen: It’s only fun when you’re not one of them.
Kelly: Hurry it up, I’m here for the buffet.
Alvin: Okay everybody, take random seats!
FRIDAY: Sounds sensible!
Andrew: What are they doing.
Penny: What… what they do.
Let’s drop the big one, and see what happens.
Do you, Andrew Neil Murphy, take Penelope Briseis Spring, to be your gendernonspecific partner?
Andrew: Is anyone even watching?
I’m watching, who cares.
Andrew: Fuck it, I do.
Stewart: It’s easy! Just rotate this thing and look concerned, BAM everyone thinks you’re smart!
Do you, Penelope-
Penny: It’s done.
Clay: Hold the applause, jeez! All I did was take a piss.
Emerson: I’m sitting with a girl!
Shiloh: YAY MOM! COME SIT WITH ME NOW.
Gretchen: I’m here!
Penny: So, you gonna kiss me?
Andrew: He hasn’t told me I can.
Penny: Like people telling you not to has stopped you before.
Penny: I’m referring to the adultery.
Andrew: Yeah, fuck it then.
Kelly: Alright, make with the jello trays.
Alvin: Who’s this dude?
Can’t even tell.
Ember just realized she’s at the back of the buffet line.
Penny Your family is a mess.
Andrew: Bless ’em.
WEDNESDAY: Alvin! I can’t see!
Alvin: Turn up the contrast on your photoreceptors, then!
Penny: What’re the odds we make it out of tonight without some serious drama llama-ing?
Andrew: Not even worth calculating.
Alvin: WHO BROKE MY PLINTH-MOUNTED MODEL OF THE ST. LOUIS GATEWAY ARCH?!
Jack: Wasn’t me.
Alvin: I THINK IT WAS HIM.
WEDNESDAY: Hey Chelsea! Kill me I’m abominable.
Jerome: I think it suits her!
Great, a robosexual with a Borg fetish.
Jerome: THERE’S NO OTHER KIND
Margaret: These are some wacky people, eh.
Stewart: Hah! You should have seen the wackier ones! All dead now though.
Wren: Hello Auntie Abigail!
Abigail: I’m not an Anti-Abigail! The very idea is schlock science fiction tripe.
Wren: …I meant–
Abigail: Not your aunt either.
Clay: Bravo, bravo! Now take me to your dark room and let’s “develop your photos.”
Stephen: Woo! Good luck, kiddo! Second wife’s the charm!
Ember: Honey, you’re the wife in our marriage.
Stephen: That’s what I mean!
Carolina: Who does this creepy thing belong to?
Brooke: He’s staring, isn’t he.
It’s not like he ever stops.
Oliver: You sure did add a lot of cast members since I died.
But I made up for it by losing most of my readership!
Oliver: Yeah, I’m pretty popular.
Shiloh: We’re going home now right why aren’t people going home.
Do you realize who you look like? Wait, don’t answer that question.
Because I forget your name.
Because Andrew’s married now? Again?
Chelsea: I’M NOT GONNA GET LAID TONIGHT
Clay: Hey, let’s not leap to conclusions here.
Andrew: Ooh, it’s decorated with bells! They represent our love of bells.
You’re one classy dame, Abigail.
Abigail: You don’t know the half of it! This isn’t a sealskin coat.
Oh, it’s fake?
Abigail: Nope! It’s a robosealskin coat! All synthetic. Roboseals don’t have rights.
Andrew: You’re not LITERALLY a baby, Penny.
Penny: STOP TRYING TO REMOVE MY GLASSES
And then Penny ate his fork.
Andrew: Everyone loves a geek!
Is there any way he’s not about to smash that into her face?
Stop it Deb you’re creepin’ me out.
Margaret: It’s great seeing everybody here together like this!
Clay: Yeah, one well-placed bomb would cure a lot of evil here.
Penny: You’re gonna turn old soon, eh.
Andrew: Is this the part where I learn you’re a gold digger?
Penny: No! This is the part where I’m wondering how many good dickings I’ve got left.
And that will be the caption for this photograph Deborah just took.
Andrew: Oh, I’ve got some pneumatic mechanisms figured out for when the biology fails me.
Best wedding album ever.
Amin: So this is what happens when you throw drywall out.
Weddings in a nutshell.
Angelica: Wow. Nice gams, grandma!
You can always trust Chelsea to be doing some Family Circus shit in the distance.
Penny: Take the bells away.
Andrew: It’s customary! Ring the bell, make us kiss.
Penny: Is it customary for ONLY YOUR DAD to keep doing it, though?
My god, we survived somehow.
It beggars belief.
Abigail: Wow! You look ridiculous.
Abigail: Put some clothes on and be normal.
Andrew: I’m the luckiest man alive today!
Penny: That’s a strange opinion to have about doing dishes!
Kelly: Who’s got a month’s worth of turkey? Kelly’s got a month’s worth of turkey!
Andrew: Go away, Ghost of Girlfriends Past!
Emerson: So now our huge house has yet another person to keep track of.
I’m thrilled, personally.
Kendal: Do I have to ask someone to shoot me?
Kendal: I’d go for your brains or something, but man that Jello is filling somehow!
Not a terrible church.
You know, for an amateur builder.
And that’s how Angelica became a hobo.
Angelica: I’d lean more towards hermitage.
Angelica: Unless living on the moon is an option.
Parenting at its finest.
Amin: Alright! So bigfoot custom on this occasion is-
Andrew: -not going to involve you getting to bone my wife.
FRIDAY: And his lap lizard visibly shrinks in disappointment.
Emerson: I really need to get this suit off so I’m not quantum entangled with my brother anymore.
Anthony: Now I just rub it back and forth a bunch, and it’ll be immunized against rug burns!
Butler’s callousing your baby.
Andrew: It’s okay, I’ve got more.
Penny: You can leave now.
Hailey: Fuck, I’m still indoors? Help.
Hailey: I’m running out of oxygen.
Who says white men can’t jump?
I don’t know why you guys need a secret underground room.
It’s not like anybody can find anything in this house anyway.
Andrew: Whoah. Almost telefragged myself on the wall.
Penny: Fuckin’ Spelunky.
Andrew: How ’bout just straight fuckin’?
Penny: Fuckin’ A.
I’m gonna do this next time I have sex.
Like that’s ever gonna happen.
Penny: I think god is living vicariously through us.
Andrew: At least he’s not dying vicariously.
Penny: I have a good feeling about this.
Andrew: I’ve never heard that line before. What does it mean?
Andrew: I fully expect to have a year or two of comparative bliss before one of us gets shanked.
Andrew: Hopefully her.
I said NEVER forget!
FRIDAY: WHY DO WE EVEN PAY THESE PEOPLE
Turns out firing them would be elder abuse.
Child abuse, though, who cares.
Wendell: .oO(Okay, for twenty points, do you a) feed me, b) change my diaper, or c) is the wrong answer.)
Wendell: .oO(THE WRONG ANSWER)
What are you doing here?
Grugly Prime: I don’t know. Why’d you take a picture?
I DON’T KNOW
Oh no! Brenda! I didn’t know you had Babicular Collapsitis!
FRIDAY: It’s a common condition in bitches taking our babies away and refusing to help them.
FRIDAY: And thank goodness it’s invariably fatal!
FRIDAY: Is it ironic that the cleaning lady turned into a pile of dust?
It might be Alanis Morissette irony, at the very least.
The Grim Reaper: THIS BETTER NOT BE ABOUT THE MOHAWK AGAIN
Child care? More like child who cares.
Brenda: See you tomorrow!
Special Guest Star: Muse’s ass.
Nathaniel: Where’d this garbage come from?
Angelica: The nightly service personnel duel, probably.
Penny: Technically we could stay here forever. Nobody else can teleport.
Chelsea: Bad kitty! No spreading death dust!
Tommy: I’ve been waving you fuckers over for weeks! Shameful gardening.
Emerson: Lake and Palmer.
It doesn’t mean anything but I’ve been aching to type it anyway.
Penny: Coolness countdown. Four.
Andrew and Penny: FOOLED YOU
Andrew: Damn we’re good.
Next time: more shenanigans, marital and extra.