The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 196

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Last one for the day.

Unless it’s not.

This journal last updated… Today! Six fucking times. Go read 190-195 first.


Good lord.

I was actually taking this seriously.

Alvin: Really?! You’d do that for me?!?!
William: Dangerous and illegal, it’s my kind of thing!

Alvin: I’m sending you an imaginary blowjob.

Alvin: I HATE GREY WORMS IN MY CHOCOLATE BARS

Stephen: I don’t get it. Why are you letting me go?
William: Not much on euphemisms, are you?

William: What’s with the double bubble?
Kelsey: Mom says to always use protection around you.

Ivy: Hi Mr. Sharpe!
William: You’d better scrub that bubble with lye before you eat.

William: Alvin! Still with the yellow belly shirt.
Alvin: William! Undercover as some asshole, I see!

SMOOOOOOOOOOCH

Alvin: Mmm, so gay.
Iris: WHY SO GAY

Stephen: Yeah, um… hi. I guess I’m supposed to apologize? For getting caught breaking into your house? I really didn’t mean to get caught.

William: Be on the lookout Al, there’s an escaped convict running loose and I think he might be armed.

William: Okay, that’s enough homo for ever.
Stephen: What was that about a convict?

William: I need you to prove that our first famous serial killer was framed, even if she wasn’t.

Alvin: And when is this assignment due?
Stephen: So, can I just… walk in here and take stuff? Now?

Iris: You can secrete your agent here any time, Bill.

Alvin: En garde, Agent of Entropy!
Stephen: I don’t even have a WHY DO I HAVE A SWORD

Iris: Now, you boys place nice.

Our duelists are clearly channeling the dork side of the force.

Stephen: WELL EXCUSE ME IF I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS
Alvin: And I’m just taking some practice swings. I want to get some distance when I cut his head off!

Alvin: First I think I’ll get rid of this dangly thing on the side, though.

Stephen: Mwahaha! Little do you know, fool, that I have two arms!

Stephen: And now, BAM! No belt loop on that side! Won’t you look silly.
Alvin: I’ve killed you! From a certain point of view.

Alvin: Rar!
Stephen: For ENTROPY! I guess.

Alvin: …I’ll cut you if you cut me.
Stephen: That’s the idea, yeah.

Alvin: I’mma cut your armpit stank off, ‘cuz it is powerful grody.

Alvin: Man, my boss is so awesome! He’s counting this as a half-shift.
Stephen: You’ll never get away with this, copper!
Alvin: Oh! No. I’m a secret agent. We pretty much get away with anything.

Alvin: Assuming we’re able to commit anything.

Iris: So, this is today, huh?

Stephen: Did you know your oven is ethereal?
Alvin: I’m more of a microwave guy.

Alvin: Because SCIENCE.
Stephen: Is BORING.
Alvin: I’M GOING TO ENJOY THIS

Alvin: Who wants ham hocks?!

Alvin: Hey, whoah. Lose gracefully, would you?!

Alvin: Fine, I’m taking your toque scalp.

Stephen: I… got… you.
Alvin: Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong! These jeans are relaxed fit.

Alvin: Also I’m too dumb to feel pain.

Stephen: I just realized how many arteries are in the upper leg.

Alvin: Luckily I moved all of mine to the torso, so I could fit some heat sinks down there.

Stephen: I… am NOT… dying to a Battletech reference!
Alvin: BATTLETECH QUOTE! I don’t know any.

We’ll fix it in post.

Alvin: YESSSS! I knew this unabsorbent chalky carpet was a good idea!

Alvin: It’s okay honey, you can clean up after the baby is born.
The Grim Reaper: BEEP BEEP

Iris: Hahaha! Look at your stupid face!

Iris: Stupid dead face.

Iris: So dead!

Alvin: Okay, alright, simmer down.

Alvin: Or at least put that energy to good use.

Alvin: ‘cuz it can only change its form, not be destroyed.
Iris: Just like your bullshit science obsession!

Alvin: IT’S A CAPITAL “S”

Alvin: AND DON’T FUCK WITH IT TODAY

Alvin: I’M STILL MAD CAN WE DO-OVER?

Alvin: AND OVER AND OVER AND

Alvin: Honey I got us a new centrepiece.

Iris: No.

Iris: Oh, come on. If you want me to eat half your dinner, fork it over like an adult!

Alvin: Gotta go! Free world depends on me.
Iris: With that kind of dependant, you must get mad tax refunds.

Iris: OH THANK GOD. Brief, bitter hours of freedom.

Nope.

Kelsey: Your house is over there.
Angelica: I know. We were talking on the bus, so I got off with you.
Kelsey: Yes, but, see… this house is mine.

Angelica: So this is why nobody else gets to use any yellow.

Angelica: Da ba dee, da ba da.

Kelsey: Hi mom!
Iris: Hi, whatever we’re calling you!

Ivy: Stupid burglar, dying before I got home.

Iris: You’re right on time for your science lesson, though!
Ivy: NOT GRAVITY NOT GRAVITY

Ivy: … you do realize that every time you swing me like this, you make accidental sex offenders out of anyone walking past?

Iris: It’s only accidental on their part!

Angelica: My dad is really into fiddly science. He makes stuff. Like Frankensteins and broken marriages.
Kelsey: Could your dad make me a dad?!

Angelica: He can’t even make me one.

Ivy: You know, our trust levels are way up there now that you didn’t kill me.

Iris: You do know that I’m pregnant and gross, right?
Jill: …okay?
Iris: And yet you think it’s acceptable to walk past here looking like that?

Ivy: Anyway yeah, Iris says the stork brought Kelsey.
Angelica: Okay, but, see, that’s just a metaphor.

Ivy: Then how come her only baby pic clearly shows her lying on the sidewalk?

Kelsey: Look, just… teach me half the alphabet, and I’ll just wing the other half.
Iris: Make it a third and you’re on.

Angelica: YES! I win! Now how cool would it be if you immediately got run over.

Angelica: No, I don’t have many friends. Why do you ask?

Iris: I don’t see why this is necessary.
Kelsey: It keeps grabbing the pen, it keeps yelling “NO DO IT LIKE THIS,” and it gets to help from behind the door.

Angelica: Basically my whole family is falling apart.

Ivy: I don’t like you enough to talk about that.

Angelica: That’s what my family says, too.

Iris: NO. NO. FUCK.

Angelica:ouch. Dumped for homework. That’s a new low, even for me.

Angelica: Or, by a different rubric, personal best!

Don’t talk to that kid.

He’s got an asian face, but his hair is red.

SOMETHING is fake there.

DAMMIT.

Spencer Ray: Hi! I’m Spencer Ray.
Ivy: You’re a redheaded asian named “Spencer Ray.”
Spencer: No! I’m a mad science project. If you squeeze my trigger, I shoot Spencers.

Ivy: Goodbye.

Ivy: I’m gonna think about snake lamps on a nightstand now.

Iris: What’s this I hear about you kids and nonsensical dialogue?!

Ivy: Hey, it’s not our fault. Our teachers are so pomo.

Kelsey: They’re pomosexuals.
Iris: And that’s why you’re naked?

Turn around.

Alvin: SO YOU CAN STICK A SIGN ON MY BACK NO WAY

Kelsey: SOMEBODY BENT MY NIGHTLIGHT PRONGS

Kelsey: OH NO YOU SCARED CLOTHES ON ME

Prof. Johnson: ‘CUZ I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERVERT!

Iris: You’re not this kind either, if you know what’s fucking good for you.

This must be an X-Files episode.

Probably one of the bad ones.

Kelsey: FUCK YOU DEAD PEOPLE

Alvin: Are you teaching our kids lifestatism?!

Alvin: If you plasm any ecto, there’s paper towels under the sink.

Prof. Johnson: You’ll know where I plasmed when your baby looks inexplicably like me.

Ivy: Damn, she’s asleep.
Iris: .oO(OH MY GOD THIS WORKS?!)

Ah, the top of the fridge.

Where literally anything goes to be forgotten.

Alvin: Iris! My science stick is extending!

Iris: That’s why I stiffened your pajamas with starch.
Alvin: My squashed genitals are slow-clapping.

Ivy: At least that means you’ll get the clap from them slower!
Kelsey: Mom! Wake up and explain that one to me.

Iris: Nah, I’ll let you make your own mistakes.

Iris: Make sure you eat your sandpaper scrapings.

Ivy: See you at school, stupid!

Kelsey: We’re catching the same bus, nimrod.
Ivy: Yeah, but I’m not sitting with you. Loser.

Alvin: She’s learning.

Iris: God help us all.
Alvin: Don’t invoke him, no good can come of it!

Right you are!

Next time: assorted Murphyness.

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