Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Last one for the day.
Unless it’s not.
This journal last updated… Today! Six fucking times. Go read 190-195 first.
I was actually taking this seriously.
Alvin: Really?! You’d do that for me?!?!
William: Dangerous and illegal, it’s my kind of thing!
Alvin: I’m sending you an imaginary blowjob.
Alvin: I HATE GREY WORMS IN MY CHOCOLATE BARS
Stephen: I don’t get it. Why are you letting me go?
William: Not much on euphemisms, are you?
William: What’s with the double bubble?
Kelsey: Mom says to always use protection around you.
Ivy: Hi Mr. Sharpe!
William: You’d better scrub that bubble with lye before you eat.
William: Alvin! Still with the yellow belly shirt.
Alvin: William! Undercover as some asshole, I see!
Alvin: Mmm, so gay.
Iris: WHY SO GAY
Stephen: Yeah, um… hi. I guess I’m supposed to apologize? For getting caught breaking into your house? I really didn’t mean to get caught.
William: Be on the lookout Al, there’s an escaped convict running loose and I think he might be armed.
William: Okay, that’s enough homo for ever.
Stephen: What was that about a convict?
William: I need you to prove that our first famous serial killer was framed, even if she wasn’t.
Alvin: And when is this assignment due?
Stephen: So, can I just… walk in here and take stuff? Now?
Iris: You can secrete your agent here any time, Bill.
Alvin: En garde, Agent of Entropy!
Stephen: I don’t even have a WHY DO I HAVE A SWORD
Iris: Now, you boys place nice.
Our duelists are clearly channeling the dork side of the force.
Stephen: WELL EXCUSE ME IF I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS
Alvin: And I’m just taking some practice swings. I want to get some distance when I cut his head off!
Alvin: First I think I’ll get rid of this dangly thing on the side, though.
Stephen: Mwahaha! Little do you know, fool, that I have two arms!
Stephen: And now, BAM! No belt loop on that side! Won’t you look silly.
Alvin: I’ve killed you! From a certain point of view.
Stephen: For ENTROPY! I guess.
Alvin: …I’ll cut you if you cut me.
Stephen: That’s the idea, yeah.
Alvin: I’mma cut your armpit stank off, ‘cuz it is powerful grody.
Alvin: Man, my boss is so awesome! He’s counting this as a half-shift.
Stephen: You’ll never get away with this, copper!
Alvin: Oh! No. I’m a secret agent. We pretty much get away with anything.
Alvin: Assuming we’re able to commit anything.
Iris: So, this is today, huh?
Stephen: Did you know your oven is ethereal?
Alvin: I’m more of a microwave guy.
Alvin: Because SCIENCE.
Stephen: Is BORING.
Alvin: I’M GOING TO ENJOY THIS
Alvin: Who wants ham hocks?!
Alvin: Hey, whoah. Lose gracefully, would you?!
Alvin: Fine, I’m taking your toque scalp.
Stephen: I… got… you.
Alvin: Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong! These jeans are relaxed fit.
Alvin: Also I’m too dumb to feel pain.
Stephen: I just realized how many arteries are in the upper leg.
Alvin: Luckily I moved all of mine to the torso, so I could fit some heat sinks down there.
Stephen: I… am NOT… dying to a Battletech reference!
Alvin: BATTLETECH QUOTE! I don’t know any.
We’ll fix it in post.
Alvin: YESSSS! I knew this unabsorbent chalky carpet was a good idea!
Alvin: It’s okay honey, you can clean up after the baby is born.
The Grim Reaper: BEEP BEEP
Iris: Hahaha! Look at your stupid face!
Iris: Stupid dead face.
Iris: So dead!
Alvin: Okay, alright, simmer down.
Alvin: Or at least put that energy to good use.
Alvin: ‘cuz it can only change its form, not be destroyed.
Iris: Just like your bullshit science obsession!
Alvin: IT’S A CAPITAL “S”
Alvin: AND DON’T FUCK WITH IT TODAY
Alvin: I’M STILL MAD CAN WE DO-OVER?
Alvin: AND OVER AND OVER AND
Alvin: Honey I got us a new centrepiece.
Iris: Oh, come on. If you want me to eat half your dinner, fork it over like an adult!
Alvin: Gotta go! Free world depends on me.
Iris: With that kind of dependant, you must get mad tax refunds.
Iris: OH THANK GOD. Brief, bitter hours of freedom.
Kelsey: Your house is over there.
Angelica: I know. We were talking on the bus, so I got off with you.
Kelsey: Yes, but, see… this house is mine.
Angelica: So this is why nobody else gets to use any yellow.
Angelica: Da ba dee, da ba da.
Kelsey: Hi mom!
Iris: Hi, whatever we’re calling you!
Ivy: Stupid burglar, dying before I got home.
Iris: You’re right on time for your science lesson, though!
Ivy: NOT GRAVITY NOT GRAVITY
Ivy: … you do realize that every time you swing me like this, you make accidental sex offenders out of anyone walking past?
Iris: It’s only accidental on their part!
Angelica: My dad is really into fiddly science. He makes stuff. Like Frankensteins and broken marriages.
Kelsey: Could your dad make me a dad?!
Angelica: He can’t even make me one.
Ivy: You know, our trust levels are way up there now that you didn’t kill me.
Iris: You do know that I’m pregnant and gross, right?
Iris: And yet you think it’s acceptable to walk past here looking like that?
Ivy: Anyway yeah, Iris says the stork brought Kelsey.
Angelica: Okay, but, see, that’s just a metaphor.
Ivy: Then how come her only baby pic clearly shows her lying on the sidewalk?
Kelsey: Look, just… teach me half the alphabet, and I’ll just wing the other half.
Iris: Make it a third and you’re on.
Angelica: YES! I win! Now how cool would it be if you immediately got run over.
Angelica: No, I don’t have many friends. Why do you ask?
Iris: I don’t see why this is necessary.
Kelsey: It keeps grabbing the pen, it keeps yelling “NO DO IT LIKE THIS,” and it gets to help from behind the door.
Angelica: Basically my whole family is falling apart.
Ivy: I don’t like you enough to talk about that.
Angelica: That’s what my family says, too.
Iris: NO. NO. FUCK.
Angelica: …ouch. Dumped for homework. That’s a new low, even for me.
Angelica: Or, by a different rubric, personal best!
Don’t talk to that kid.
He’s got an asian face, but his hair is red.
SOMETHING is fake there.
Spencer Ray: Hi! I’m Spencer Ray.
Ivy: You’re a redheaded asian named “Spencer Ray.”
Spencer: No! I’m a mad science project. If you squeeze my trigger, I shoot Spencers.
Ivy: I’m gonna think about snake lamps on a nightstand now.
Iris: What’s this I hear about you kids and nonsensical dialogue?!
Ivy: Hey, it’s not our fault. Our teachers are so pomo.
Kelsey: They’re pomosexuals.
Iris: And that’s why you’re naked?
Alvin: SO YOU CAN STICK A SIGN ON MY BACK NO WAY
Kelsey: SOMEBODY BENT MY NIGHTLIGHT PRONGS
Kelsey: OH NO YOU SCARED CLOTHES ON ME
Prof. Johnson: ‘CUZ I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERVERT!
Iris: You’re not this kind either, if you know what’s fucking good for you.
This must be an X-Files episode.
Probably one of the bad ones.
Kelsey: FUCK YOU DEAD PEOPLE
Alvin: Are you teaching our kids lifestatism?!
Alvin: If you plasm any ecto, there’s paper towels under the sink.
Prof. Johnson: You’ll know where I plasmed when your baby looks inexplicably like me.
Ivy: Damn, she’s asleep.
Iris: .oO(OH MY GOD THIS WORKS?!)
Ah, the top of the fridge.
Where literally anything goes to be forgotten.
Alvin: Iris! My science stick is extending!
Iris: That’s why I stiffened your pajamas with starch.
Alvin: My squashed genitals are slow-clapping.
Ivy: At least that means you’ll get the clap from them slower!
Kelsey: Mom! Wake up and explain that one to me.
Iris: Nah, I’ll let you make your own mistakes.
Iris: Make sure you eat your sandpaper scrapings.
Ivy: See you at school, stupid!
Kelsey: We’re catching the same bus, nimrod.
Ivy: Yeah, but I’m not sitting with you. Loser.
Alvin: She’s learning.
Iris: God help us all.
Alvin: Don’t invoke him, no good can come of it!
Right you are!
Next time: assorted Murphyness.