The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 191

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Who’s updating more than once? I’m updating more than once!

This journal last updated… Today! So don’t forget to read Chapter 190 first!


Oh yeah. All the trailer park roads are named after trades.

Sometimes I forget how awesome I am.

And how elitist I am.

Gerald: .oO(Pretend you’re eating the baby. Pretend you’re eating the baby.)

Gerald: Pretend you’re eating someone you hate, kid. It helps.

WELL THAT LOOKS LIKE A PERFECTLY REASONABLE ARGUMENT SO

I’M SORRY

Wait, I take that back. You don’t make your own patties? You’re a monster.

A monster who inhales smell lies.

Take him away, officer.

Take that chick away, too.

She looks like trouble.

Ally: Hey baby!
Katy: Hey honey! How was work?

Katy: I just wanted to see how that felt.
Ally: HI GERALD I AM ADDRESSING YOU

WHUMP

Ally: Whump?!

“Pop” seems too tame to me.

Ally: There’s a line on my forehead!

Awesome!

Gerald: Oh baby, you’re so sexy when your hair sucks.

Ally: I see you did no cleaning today.
Gerald: I see you’re not taking my hair comment seriously yet.

Gerald: Do you believe in ghosts?
Giant White Thing: I believe in giant white things…

Gerald: Did you hear that just now? I think it was a ghost!

Gerald: Well this looks boring, I’m out.

Gerald: FINE IF YOU THINK IT’S IMPORTANT

Ally: I should have just cloned myself.

Ally: Blow on your cake with your non-luscious lips, non-clone!

Gerald: She’s right, her lips are luscious.

I know!

More synchronized Simming.

Jerry: ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪

Jerry: ♪ Or the beach ♪

Jerry: HELP THERE’S A GOPHER IN MY DRAWER AND I CAN’T KEEP IT SHUT!

Jerry: Wow, all of me is dumb! This mirror is great!

Gerald: Rackinfrackin kids can’t take a rackinfrackin’ hole…

And then a tiny Jerry Fairy flew over to meet him.

Now you see it too.

Heheheh. Jerry Fairy.

Gerald: I’m gonna undermine his room.

Ghetto patio!

Gerald: Wanna come chill on my ghetto patio? We can bring the ghetto blaster out there if it’s not ghetto enough for you.

Brooke: I am so happy to not be on the other line.

Brooke: And also to see that there are playables way less interesting than me.

Brooke: We call that insurance, baby.

Yeah, Brooke, you’re definitely not at the top of my kill list right now.

It looks like he’s wearing a collapsing suit of water.

Does that break a bylaw? Are you here to sue? Please take Jerry and Gerald as payment.

Kelly: I only want to take one of them, thanks.

Gerald: I am a weak little girl.

Kelly: AND FOR THAT YOU DIE

I like how the sheets bend off at an absurd angle like that, as if shying away from someone’s non-presence or pulling towards wherever they are on the lot.

Of course really it’s just lazy programming.

Gerald: Wow, lawyering must be a really tense job!
Kelly: It really gets to you, how many innocent people aren’t being punished!

Gerald: I love me some sociopathy.
Kelly: It’s the natural consequence of too much associating with society.

Kelly: Let’s you and me form a solid legal basis for your wife to divorce you.

Gerald: I’ll show you solid.

Kelly: Oh GOD that feels so GOOD my anti-duckface measures are FAILING

I wonder whose front lawn this faces.

Kelly: They won’t recognize me because I’ve never looked this HAPPY

Kelly: I think my head is sinking into the siding!
Gerald: That’s what it’s there for! Protects the insides.

Kelly: Wow. You done fucked my clothes clean off.

Kelly: You done fucked me out of lawyerin’ and into sun dressin’!

Gerald: You done talkin’ redneck?
Kelly: I done, yeah.

Gerald: Hey kiddo, whatcha got there?
Jerry: A whore.
Gerald: A what?
Jerry: I said, a horse. Guilty conscience getting to you?

Jerry: You taste like cherry lipstick.

Jerry: YOU MONSTER

Jerry: NOW I’VE KISSED A WOMAN
Kelly: I think I have to arrest myself.

Jerry: How could you, dad?
Gerald: Why do people always ask that? The mechanics are really quite simple.

Gerald: You guys need to expand your horizons, jeez.

Jerry: STILL UPSET OVER HERE

Kelly: You gonna drive me home?
Gerald: I’m gonna drive you, at the very least.

Jerry: Goodnight, guy we found in a hole.

Ally: Goodnight, creepy photo of Stephen.

Gerald: OH MAN GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT BABY

Kelly: Good GRACIOUS GODDAMN GOBBLEDYGOOK!

Kelly: You fucked fifteen pounds off me.

Gerald: Yeah, you taste leaner.

Man, I thought the whole point of marrying an ugly dude was that they’d be faithful.

Kelly: Shit, he’s ugly? Bye Gerald.

Gerald: You didn’t make my side of the bed? What kind of maid are you.

Ally: NOT YOURS.

A maid match in heaven.

Ally: Then why does it feel like the other place?

Gerald: That can’t be a good review of my penis.

Ally: Gerald, are you expecting to have papers served or something?

Ally: ‘cuz there’s a lawyer outside and she looks too happy for it to be good.

Ally: Wow, it kinda looks like she put her back out too.

Gerald: She’s been… up against a lot lately.

Gerald: How ’bout you let me take care of that, honey? Since you’re pregnant and volatile and a renowned zombie fighter and all?

Gerald: Honey?

Gerald: Hahaha, did that mean ol’ lawyer play a nasty trick to drum up some divorce work? What a card she is!

Gerald: Look, she even spelled my name wrong! She wrote “Gerald.”

That is your name.

Gerald: What?! My fucking name is Jerome!

That was already taken by a better character.

An architect with a tiny dick.

YEAH.

Gerald: Well anyway my beautiful wife is too smart to fall for this.
Ally: I am to smart to fall for obvious bullshit, yeah.

Gerald: Hahaha it’s raining! That’s funny because pathetic fallacy suggests that the weather seems bad when we’re sad, but NOBODY’S SAD HERE RIGHT

Ally: Oh, ENOUGH already. If you were any worse at lying you’d be Walter fucking WHITE.

Ally: I am THROUGH with you, ugly! You’re so far out of my league we’re not even playing the same SPORT!

Ally: GO GET YOUR OWN TRAILER.

Gerald: With what money?!
Ally: Go trade for blowjobs downtown, someone might think you’ve got a purdy mouth.

Ally: I’m going for a drive. If you’re still here when I get back I’m gonna park on you.

Ally: You’re a waste of Maxis skin, Gerald, and that’s not even worth much.

Gerald: IT HURTS ‘CUZ IT’S TRUE

Gerald: Make sure you see how upset I am!

Gerald: The fuck are YOU staring at.

Gerald: Um, okay…?
Ally: I CAN’T EMOTE IN THE CAR

Ally: And I have got SO MUCH EMOTING TO DO

Jerry: I SECOND THAT EMOTING

Jerry: Hey bad.
Gerald: Dad.
Jerry: Wow, got that conscience thing going again?

Jerry: Where’s mom going?
Gerald: Off the lot. I think this was all just a plot to get the pregnant character out of the way so he doesn’t have to play her.

That’s not fair!

It was also a plot to get rid of you.

Jerry: Wait… you can leave this lot?!

Gerald: Welp, there goes the only good thing I’ve ever had.

In your defense, you should never have had one anyway.

Gerald: I kinda fancy this green one over here.
Jerry: Hey, look! Someone must be sad somewhere!

Jerry: THOUGH I CAN’T SEE WHY

Gerald: Sure am glad I can’t read omens!

Gerald: This could be a whole new start for me!

I ain’t playin’ you on your own.

Gerald: This could be a whole new end for me!

Gerald: Aw man, snot on my gloves now.

Gerald: Alright kiddo, looks like your momma split. It’s just you and me.
Jerry: Aw, what did I do?!

Gerald: Your splashing represents the tears you cannot weep!
Jerry: No, it represents splashing.

Gerald: It’s okay, little one. I won’t let that mean tramp ruin your life just because she couldn’t hold on to her man.

Jerry: Ow ow ow it’s raining in my EYES I can’t SEE

Ally: ME EITHER WHO SAID THAT

Jerry: ACK CRUNCH GRUNCH HRRRRGL

Ally: So yeah, my windshield wipers weren’t working. Did I just run over the trash or something?

I’m gonna say yes?

The Grim Reaper: AW, C’MON. EVEN I DON’T WANT THESE ONES.

Ally: OH HOLY SHIT I’M SORRY
The Grim Reaper: DON’T YELL, IT MAKES IT TOO HARD TO DISTINGUISH MY GRAVELY TONES.

Ally: -sniff- Don’t you mean gravelly?

Ally: Oh, wait! It was a pun! Hahaha, I get it.

I even corrected it myself before I remembered it was a joke.

It’s just that good.

You take stuff out of the ground, you gotta put stuff back in.

It’s called balance.

Ally: Now I can sleep in on a school day!

Ally: GODDAMN CHILDREN

Ally: STOP BEATING ME UP IN THERE IT WASN’T MY FAULT

Ally: Aw MAN he didn’t even make the patties from scratch?!

He just plain wasn’t up to scratch, Ally.

There’s a lot of that going around.

But I’m working on it.

Next time: pretty much just prostitution.

So. Yeah?

Deborah: Wait. What do you mean, you’re working on it?!

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