Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Yup. Generalissimo Grugly Sims is still not dead.
This journal last updated… forever ago.
Huh. Wow. Looks kinda different these days.
Maybe I’ll show you sometime.
‘cuz I’ll be dead before we reach the present day, story-wise.
That’s no Murphy.
That’s a stinkin’ no-good lousy Price-Murphy.
Oh yeah. You moved out.
Cameron: Whee. I’m free.
And you seem so jazzed about it.
Cameron: Yeah, well, this place is definitely a huge step up from our sprawling luxurious century house.
Fuck, it almost is a century house, too…
Then again, so’s this trailer.
Life is strange.
This trailer, on the other hand, is far too bland to be strange.
Therefore this trailer is not life?
I’m just spewing out whatever sewage comes to mind ‘cuz I’ve got nothing to say about these pics.
Check out that bedspread! Aha ha ha ha hurrrrrrgh.
Cameron: I hope I never have to sell the Private School Headmaster on this place.
Calling up your own housewarming party?
Cameron: We’re gonna do more than make it warm, I tell you what.
Cameron: Wanna come find out if I’m still attractive when I’m single?
Jack: I was literally waiting outside your door for that call.
Jack: And the answer is, thank goodness, yes.
Cameron: Alright, show him a little knee, get him hooked, and…
Cameron: Hold the chest, drawing attention to the breasts, and…
Cameron: Gaze into his eyes, making him feel self-conscious about staring at the breasts, and amenable to making amends, and…
Cameron: Ask him to marry me.
Jack: Accept her marriage proposal!
Jack: That was one hell of a thing we just did there.
Jack: I can’t wait to be your kept woman.
Cameron: I hope this marriage doesn’t blow up in my face.
Jack: Not your face, anyway.
Cameron: I meant literally, though. Andrew nuked our bed when I left.
Jack: I meant literally as well.
Cameron: Ooh look at me, I’m a spooky mysterious mister man!
Jack: My voice isn’t that deep!
Cameron: BANANA PHONE
Jack: I need air.
No, you need fare!
From Fresh Fare.
That’s what it’s called.
I’ll show myself out.
Caryl: I’ll show you in!
Yeah, that’s right. You know you’re not a character. Go back to nowhere, placeholder.
Shit, she did!
Caryl: Sit… somewhere!
Caryl: We have complimentary whores if you’re interested.
Rosemarie: I’m more of an insulting whore.
Cameron: I wanna eat baby omelettes.
Jack: Are you pregnant?
Rosemarie: I’m really glad we’re doing this business partnership.
Caryl: We can’t be a family restaurant without something for dad!
Jack: How much for the prostitutes?
Jack: What? I’m just comparing price points.
Jack: I have to weigh the cost of food against the cost of prostitutes minus whatever I can get from that dude over there to swap me out.
Esther: HOW DOES PENS
Conrad GilsCarbo, Vampire Hunter: Someone’s sexy today! MUST BE A VAMPIRE.
Conrad GilsCarbo, Vampire Hunter: Got you pegged, Vampy.
Cameron: A toast!
Jack: I’ll use these succulents.
Jack: Hey! Magic glass!
Cameron: I’ll drink to that!
Cameron: I don’t remember ordering. Please tell me if it’s a baby omelette, I can’t look.
Noelle: Ooh, an omelette! Too bad they don’t make them out of babies in this country.
Cameron: I wish you’d go away.
Jack: I wish you’d be nicer.
Jack: In bed!
Cameron: I’m starting to think I’ll take my chances with the vampire hunter.
Cameron: At least that way, even if the sex is bad, he’ll probably stake me to death right after.
Conrad GilsCarbo, Vampire Hunter: Guaranteed!
Jack: So seriously, are you pregnant? ‘cuz I signed on for sexy times, not nappy times.
Jack: By which I mean diapers, not naps. Naps are fine.
Jack: Is it the governor’s? Are you gubermaternal? GUBERNATAL?!
Rosemarie: I’m touching this chair because everyone else is.
Cameron: Look buddy, I had sex with William Sharpe. I can do things in bed you can only imagine.
Rosemarie: If you’re willing to shell out, some of us can go well beyond imagination.
Cameron: What say we go back to my place and I show you why I’m worth it?
Jack: Sure, but let me borrow Conrad’s stake just in case it doesn’t work out.
Jack: I’m only mostly kidding.
Stephen: Hey Cameron! How’s it going?
Cameron: I cheated on your son. I thought we’d be awkward now.
Stephen: Hardly! Cheating’s practically normative around here.
Stephen: If anything it’s awkward how much I fuck your mom.
Cameron: Everyone fucks my mom.
Cameron: Where the fuck is Jack.
Cameron: Apparently I wasn’t engaging enough.
Rodney: I’m still alive!
Cameron: I GAVE YOU A RING YOU’RE MINE NOW
Cameron: Go long, wide receiver!
Cameron: JACK FOR FUCK’S SAKE
Jack: THREE MORE LIKE PEE
Cameron: Let me show you how a woman who works twenty leagues below the sea can dance.
Jack: No pressure!
Cameron: Ha ha.
Jack: I love being a mammal.
Cameron: GREAT TIMING GUYS
Cameron: …plural? Plural!
Jack: And we are done.
Cameron: At least you dumped me stylishly!
Cameron: Now let me make you some comfort soup.
Jack: We are tentatively back together.
Jack: As long as there’s potatoes in it.
Jack: Pea soup is also acceptable.
Jack: Ooh, and lemon meringue pie!
Cameron: I’m making omelettes now, shut up.
Jack: Omelettes are good too.
Cameron: Spatula. Say that out loud. Spatula.
Jack: Oh good, you’re having that word alienation thing. That’s so much fun.
Jack: It’s no weirder a word than CAMERON.
Brittany: I SMELL SOUP OMELETTES
Cameron: The fuck?
Cameron: Must kill.
Jack: Now now, you’re pregnant! With those hormones on your side, it’s hardly a fair fight for her!
…the Welcome Wagon is a gang.
Cameron: Take that figure the fuck out of here.
If you turn your lights on and off they’ll come inside and murder you.
Whose paranoid crack dream is this?
Cameron: The baby’s.
Jack: HA HA HA SOMEONE DATED YOU
Cameron: I expect five minutes of oral sex for each “ha.”
Jack: Welp, there goes mirth forever.
Jack: You’re still kinda cute, you know.
Cameron: Hey, save some compliments for the wedding pal.
Cameron: Just so we’re clear, the last man I fucked had a nine-inch penis.
Cameron: Keep that in mind as you take your pants off.
Jack: Mean chicks are hot.
Jack: Was it good for you?
Cameron: It was half good.
Jack: THAT’S AVERAGE SIZE
Cameron: I could really go for average after all these years.
Jack: There’s a dead butler in your butt.
Cameron: Ah, so it was your crack dream.
DAMMIT. They got up before midnight.
Now I have to play these boring fucks some more!
Cameron: Wow, apparently you’re more than one person!
Jack: Real nice.
Cameron: The fuck?
Holy shit, an outfit with a pregnancy morph.
I knew they theoretically existed, but still!
Cameron: You’re up to an hour already, Jack.
Cameron: THIS IS NOT AN ART INSTALLATION
Cameron: How’s about you just spend the entire day with your head in my crotch?
Jack: Can’t you find a better way to torture me?
Cameron: I think I just did.
Jack: My flesh is on fire.
Jack: AND SO IS MY DICKHEART
Jack: So hey, where do you stand on irredeemable evil? I hear it’s a big thing these days.
Cameron: Let me tell you a story about how I got half the neighbourhood killed.
Cameron: Ungh! UNGH! AND THEN I KILLED HER WITH AN AXE!
Jack: She’s a rare flower.
Those, on the other hand, are the least rare flowers.
Ooh, maybe we just imagined that I moved in another stupid townie!
Cameron: Now here’s a flattering view.
Cameron: For the first time in ages, I feel like my life is on track!
You can’t have a train crash without a track!
Cameron: I might be doomed, but at least I got laid a bunch first.
Jane: Live Subject #1: contained.
Jane: I’ll let the adoption service know she’s got a bun in the oven.
Next time: I vent my frustrations a bit.
You’ll enjoy it.