The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 189

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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Good golly, plot is actually happening.

CAN IT LAST


Daisy: So hey, we got engaged. In your house.
William: Yep.
Daisy: Whilst simultaneously being in this car.
William: Yep.

Daisy: So that’s pretty hot.

Daisy: Okay hon, go away.
William: You’re not gonna hang out with me?
Daisy: I’m preparing you for married life.

Sheba: -is a car wash-

Daisy: Hey. HEY.
Anthony: We’re not doing that Ocarina of Time joke again.

Daisy: Oh man, I so want to axe him right now.

Daisy: I am trying to send you home!
Anthony: And I am trying to get the next hour to roll over first!

Daisy: I can respect that.

Anthony: You would appear to have trapped me.
Daisy: Normally that would end a lot worse for you.

Daisy: Go home. I’ll kill you later probably.
Anthony: I’ll get to work on my bucket list!

Anthony: Should it be a short one or a long one?
Daisy: You’re pretty far back in line, go nuts.

Well this is cozy.

Daisy: There’s a very good reason for that.

I hope that’s not the reason.

Daisy: No, it’s just an unintended but awesome side effect.

Daisy: So hey, Gina.
Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: That’s Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch to you, missie. And it’s pronounced “Geena.”

Daisy: Fabulous. Hey, you’re an evil witch. How much do you know about that zombie attack where you died? Which was pretty awesome.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: I was just punching the everloving shit out of those zombies in hell, and you pulled me out of that for Q and A?!

Daisy: How would you like to burn the everloving shit out of them? Not in a lame Hell basting sort of sense, but in a real ashes-to-ashes one?

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: That sounds right up my atrociously evil alley!

Andrea: Why is Aunt Poppy’s room a concrete maze now?
Daisy: I’ll give you vocational training another day, sweetie.

Daisy: For now I need you to go play outside for a bit.
Andrea: I know you adults think that’s still a thing, but it isn’t.

Daisy: Look, I’m going to be… cooking something in here, and I don’t want you to smell it until it’s done.

Daisy: I give you permission to stomp anything to death you find out there that’s subhuman or worse.

Andrea: Do men count?

Andrea: What am I saying, of course they do.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Get things all settled with the sprog?
Daisy: All systems are go. Now here’s what I want you to tell them. Whisper, whisper, whisper.

Daisy: Got it?
Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: All you said was “Whisper, whisper, whisper.”
Daisy: IT’S A LITERARY DEVICE

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: You’re supposed to cut away immediately, or it doesn’t work.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Tell your idiot cameraman to get out of here so the offscreen exposition can have happened!

You’re not the boss of me.

You, though, basically are. Because you’re terrifying.

Cecilia: Love you too.

Whoops, typed your real name.

Daisy: I guess I just love you that much.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Now to put the plan I suddenly heard into motion!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Send me the dumb one first.

Lora: I got picked first!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: I have escaped from hell to unleash you and your companions on a rampage of terror and confusion! Mwahahahaha!
Lora: After you just spent all day beating the shit out of us?

Lora: Makes sense to me!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Hey! Where’d the door go?!

Andrea: Come on already! Break my mother’s back!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: Hahaha, very funny blondie! Now open the door and let me wroth my unholy wrath upon ye!

Lora: I could swear I just came through a door.

Daisy: It’s been too long since I used one of these.

Poppy: Mwahaha! With Build Mode on I can steal anything!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: I feel like maybe I’ve been set up or something.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: BUT I’M WILLING TO CONSIDER ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS

Andrea: Hello Aunt Poppy! How are you this afternoon?
Poppy: Increasingly convinced that you’re not related to us.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: This is atrociously evil even by MY standards!

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: I’M BURNING! BURRRRNIIIIIIIING!

What a world, what a world.

What the fuck.

The Grim Reaper: JUST… DON’T ASK, ALRIGHT.

Daisy: Alright, that’s the middlewoman dealt with. Now let’s cook some zombie.

Daisy: Hey Lora! Remember me!
Lora: I don’t remember shit.

Daisy: Oh no! That evil witch must have resurrected you cheaply, and only half your brain came back! WHAT A TRAGEDY.

Lora: I’m touched that you care!

Daisy: Hahaha, you know what?! If you bring back all the other zombies with half-brains, they legally can’t stand trial for what they did I bet.

Lora: THAT sounds like how law works!

Lora: How did you defeat that evil witch?
Daisy: She accidentally poured a bucket of water on herself. I would have done it, but I’m too meek and mild to ever hurt someone.

Daisy: Make sure all your friends know that. Death phone’s around the corner.

Lora: Gee strange lady, you’re the best.

Daisy: Yes. Yes I am.

Daisy: Remember, half price only! You guys don’t want to be burdened with the awful memory of what happened to you, that’s for sure.
Lora: What did happen to us?!
Daisy: No idea, wasn’t involved.

Lora: I don’t even know you!
Daisy: Oh! I’m Daisy White, famous actress and shit. I’m trying to free you from servitude to the evil Cecilia Phelps, who masterminded a terrible zombie attack and locked me in my own house.

Lora: That sounds super legit.

Kaylynn: HAHAHA DURRRR

Kaylynn: I’mma dust this bitch up.

Lora: Some White chick is saving us from zombie slavemasters.
Kaylynn: I don’t know who that is but it sure sounds noble!

Sunny: Wow, thanks! How is this happening?!
Kaylynn: We are the white man’s burden.
Sunny: Aww! Poor white men!

Daisy: CLOSE ENOUGH

Lora: Make this one classy, okay? She’s royalty.

Kaylynn: I don’t remember anything.
Sunny: That’s probably for the best.

Melanie: You can’t keep a good corpse buried!

Lora: Hey there! We’re on the run from Cecilia Phelps who tried to ruin our lives or something.
Melanie: That sounds suspiciously familiar.

Lora: But now that you’re here we can escape with her and confront the true villain!
Melanie: I am pretty amazing!

Melanie: I think.

Lora: Oh, sorry about that! I had to bring you back stupid so you wouldn’t know the horrible things you did.
Melanie: But what if you erased our memories of whoever did this to us?!
Lora: But see that’s impossible because this nice blonde lady is our friend.

Melanie: I think I’m having a Blue Screen of Death moment.

Lora: Okay lady! Let us out!
Daisy: THIS IS CECILIA PHELPS! I AM HERE TO DESTROY YOU, ZOMBIES!
Lora: Oh no! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THAT OTHER LADY?!

Melanie: Is Cecilia Phelps supposed to sound like a woman doing a mannish voice?

Daisy: Feuer macht frei.

Lora: OH NO DAISY TRIED TO SAVE US

Kaylynn: We shouldn’t have stuck around in the fire room, I guess.

Melanie: YES THIS WAS OUR MISTAKE

Melanie: AND ALSO THIS IS VERY FAMILIAR

Kaylynn: OH NO MY BOOK IS INVISIBLE
Sunny: NOOOOOOO

Melanie: I CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL MANIPULATED

Lora: DAMMIT I WAS ALMOST A CHARACTER

Kaylynn: Guys! Just stand where the fire isn’t.

Kaylynn: Look, even dummy knows that.

Sunny: Lora’s the dumb one, dammit.
Kaylynn: We’re all the dumb ones, really, for wearing these mohawks.
The Grim Reaper: HEY.

Sunny: YOU HAD TO OPEN YOUR STUPID MOUTH

The Grim Reaper: DON’T MOCK MY STYLE, MAN.

Kaylynn: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING

Kaylynn: MELANIE GET UP AND HELP ME

Kaylynn: COME ON CAN’T I EVEN DIE RIGHT?!

Daisy: She’s remarkably resilient, isn’t she.

She always was.

Kaylynn: I apologize in advance for this, Lora.

Daisy: Right, Lora. Let’s see if we can’t erase those new memories, too.

Daisy: Yeah, well look, if someone invents a mind-wiper then I’ll stop bothering you!

Lora: WHO’S THERE I CAN’T SEE

Daisy: There has got to be a neater way to do this.

Kaylynn: You could just let me out… that sounds like a pretty neat idea to me…

Kaylynn: Hey Lora!
Lora: Hey! You. What’s up? Who are you.

Daisy: Aaaaand cuh-click.

Kaylynn: Nope nope nope.
Lora: WHERE AM I ON FIRE?!

Lora: I LIKE YOU KAYLYNN

Kaylynn: I’m starting to think I’m immune to pain.

Lora: WELP BYE

Andrea: This hasn’t been a great day, I will say that.

Kaylynn: Imma shoo you like a fart, fire!

Lora: AVENGE US
Kaylynn: NOT HAPPENING

Kaylynn: I think I’ve built up a resistance to death.

Kaylynn: Or maybe I’m wearing my fire resist gear?

Andrea: Sure is anything to do out here!

I think if your intention was to render these people unable to testify against you, you’ve probably succeeded.

Daisy: Having fun out here?
Andrea: Not as much fun as you seem to be having in there.

Andrea: Is your evil plan going smoothly, mommy?
Daisy: It’s so sweet of you to ask!

Daisy: I made grilled cheese for you.
Andrea: Thanks!
Daisy: Like a week ago. It’s fresh out of the fridge.
Andrea: Thanks?

Daisy: I’m beginning to think you might be useful to me.
Kaylynn: Do you usually test that sort of thing with explosions?

Daisy: Those other three twats weren’t any good, but you! You’ve died so many times, I think death himself is bored with you!

Daisy: I might have a use for an unkillable thrall.
Kaylynn: Except now I know this was all some plot of yours.
Daisy: Well I mean I can totally still kill you. If I want.

Daisy: What do you say? ENTROPY can set you up with a whole new identity!
Kaylynn: What did you do to my old identity?!

Daisy: I staged a zombie coup and helped defeat it in order to marry the richest man in town for additional reasons I will not disclose!
Kaylynn: I can sort of respect that achievement!

Kaylynn: You might have fucked up my recent memories, but I seem to remember that my life has never been all that fantastic. I think I’ll pass. Put the fire back on and I’ll do my damnedest to burn to death.

Daisy: Aw, c’mon! You ate like half the neighbourhood, and now you’re going all pussy on me? Grow a pair! Genital metaphors!

Daisy: I happen to know you never got that child you wanted.

Kaylynn: You’re gonna steal a child for me?!

Daisy: Um, no. That’s more of a personal hobby.

Daisy: I’m giving you a chance to spread a little chaos, Kaylynn. Chaos has been spreading you for years, and putting its thing where things aren’t supposed to go. Why not return the favour?

Daisy: I have got to get more sleep.

Kaylynn: Alright, I’m sold. We just need to bring back Don and I can have my baby!
Daisy: Nothing doing. One witness protection plan is enough, thanks.

Kaylynn: Hahaha no seriously I need Don.

Daisy: There’s that phantom pain again! I really need to axe someone soon.

Kaylynn: By the way I’m a mess

Andrea: Night mom. Say hi to the zombie for me when she comes to.

Andrea: I’m glad my room doesn’t have a door.

This is the reason your room doesn’t have a door.

William: I’ll come back when she doesn’t have company.

Yeah, you’d better get out of here before you see something you can’t ignore.

William: Right?!

William: Okay FUCK IT that’s enough hints to tip even ME into the action zone.

Daisy: MMMM MMMM LET’S KISS OUT HERE OKAY

Daisy: Now go away I’m consoling an old friend who lost someone close to her recently. Very recently. Very close to her.

William: There, see? She’s got an alibi.

Daisy: GET THIS THING AWAY FROM ME

Daisy: Get this thing out of me.

Kaylynn: So hey, whose baby?
Daisy: William’s.
Kaylynn: Dayum girl! Score!

Daisy: It’s all part of a revenge plot, you see.
Kaylynn: Yeah, I can see how squeezing a person out of your vagina is really gonna hurt him.

Kaylynn: Time to lose this Maxis face.

But keep the tits, please.

Is it different? I can’t tell with all that sloughing going on.

Oh, good! You got the surgical equivalent of cotton in your cheeks.

Yikes. What look did you go for there? Bee sting or botox?

Please. If you linger on those thoughts you’ll need years.

Gyeaaah!

Kaylynn: Thanks for the “yeah” part, at least.

Kaylynn: Oh my sweet baby Don!

Don was your boyfriend.

Kaylynn: Our child was also going to be a Don.

What if it was a girl?

Kaylynn: NOTHING BUT DONS

Kaylynn: I’ll see you in my dreams, baby.

Yeah, who wouldn’t want to dream about hell?

Kaylynn: It’s really hard to keep your eyes closed when they don’t wet themselves. Fun fact.

Andrea: Even if they do, it’s hard to keep them closed when you-

Please tell me you didn’t wet yourself.

Andrea: -when you’re in a house with zombies in it, asshole.

Daisy: Whew! A well-earned rest, if ever there was one!

Andrea: Splitting the fabric of space-time really wakes you up!

Tell me her name and I’ll delete her.

Kaylynn: Still think I should have picked the fire.

Daisy: Watch! I think I can do this with one scoop.

Daisy: Actually no, nobody likes a power flaunter.

Andrea: Yeah mom, that’s why nobody likes you.

Anthony: Ah, I get it! You sent me home early so you could catch some flies for your fly dinner!

Kaylynn: Mmm, that smells delicious! Who is he?

Andrea: You shouldn’t eat our butler, he’s got all kinds of problems.
Anthony: Clomp clomp clomp
Andrea: Like how he’s always saying “clomp.”

Andrea: Anyway have a good walk! Mommy says she bought a shitty trailer for you, but not to tell you it’s shitty. That part was my idea.

Kaylynn: TO THE MOON ANDREA

Andrea: If your hands come off I’m telling mom. In between spurts of blood.

Kaylynn: I could really go for a wood-grained speech balloon.

That’s what my early Sims 2 pics look like.

Kaylynn: Come on, he must have them! Why can’t I smell anything?!

Kaylynn: I remember zombiism being a lot more fun when I was younger.

Andrea: Your follow-up plot seems to lack a certain something, mom.
Daisy: EVEN SUPERVILLAINS NEED A DAY OFF

Andrea: …where did the basement go?

Wherever the everything else went, I’m hoping.

I’m gonna miss this ol’ place.

It was a damn good murder site.

Anthony: If you take that, let the movers know so they take it off the inventory.

Sorry Poppy, I guess your diploma is doomed.

Daisy: You ready to go on an adventure, honey?
Andrea: As long as it involves fucking people up!
Daisy: Oh, and how.

Anthony: I want to leave this as clean a crater as possible.

Kaylynn: Should I be able to make out the words on this?

Kaylynn: Hey little lady, where are you going?
Andrea: To ruin my family.
Kaylynn: CAN I HAVE THEM WHEN YOU’RE DONE

Andrea: Do it mommy! SMASH THAT TREE!

Andrea: You missed.

Andrea: Or did I misinterpret this whole thing?

Andrea: Throwing a ball at a defenseless little girl, mommy? You should be awesomed at yourself.

Daisy: Ain’t nobody gonna awesome us unless we awesome ourselves, honey girl.

Daisy: Enjoy your new life, Renee!
Andrea: Yeah Renee! Have fun!
Kaylynn: IF THAT’S MY NAME NOW AT LEAST PUT THE ACCENT IN

And then they moved out and demolished the house. The end!

Next time: you probably weren’t wondering what happened to Cameron.

BUT YOU’LL FIND OUT ANYWAY.

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