Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Short but sweet this time.
Hope you’re feeling abstract today.
Hmm. Apparently I was proud of this?
What the fuck is up with Abigail’s plumbbob.
I think it’s floating away.
Trying to escape.
Who can blame it?
Good, you got the dead butler and the placeholder Sim in the shot. That’s important.
Lewis: And if you take off YOUR clothes, too, he’ll have even MORE work to do!
Lance: Oh my god! Yes!
And no, my Georges Seurat censoring isn’t covering up anything nasty, it’s covering up the fact that kids are Barbie dolls. As they should be.
You horrifying perverts.
Wow. Are you still alive somehow?
Kent: I’ve learned how to breathe only once every eight hours HURRRRRRGH ahh.
Lyndsey: -teaches herself how to speak-
Rabbit Head: -spews dogfood-
I don’t know either.
I’m a little worried about how she’s going to turn out.
STOP LOOKING AT ME DAMMIT
♪ Theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly ♪
Lyndsey: The cow says…
Lance: I’m not sure I wanna go downstairs if you’re both gonna be there.
Lewis: I think she needs to be milked or something.
Lance: You just lost sister privileges!
Lance: Oh god, what did you do to her?!
Lewis: I blame the dogfood, personally.
The dog says woof.
Lyndsey: The pigeon says coo!
Lewis: Personally I agree with the dog.
Lewis: OH GOD I JUST REALIZED WHAT’S HAPPENING
Lance: Was it the air kicking in just now?
Lewis: I was referring to Mowgli over there, but fine, if you insist.
Lewis: Like seeing me naked is going to be worse for her than learning to talk from a Speak-and-Spell.
Lance: Right, she’s a lost cause, but there’s still me to think of.
Lyndsey: The woodcock says ecch.
I’ll have to take your word on that.
Lyndsey: The pig says oink!
Lance: The fuck does that mean?
Lewis: Hey, is there a farting wet dog around here somewhere?
Lance: Ohhhhh. Never mind. I get it.
Lyndsey: The hamster says squeak!
Lewis: JESUS CHRIST SHE’S FUCKED
Lance: Let’s get her!
Lyndsey: The cat says purrrrrrrr.
Lyndsey: The lion says -yawn-
Lance: The brother says FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
The toilet says burp.
Lance: What are we gonna do? She can’t go through life sounding like Hinterland Who’s Who!
Lewis: Talk about Canada some more, I could use a good nap.
Lance: I find your lack of compassion disturbing.
Lewis: I find your occasional Darth Vadering very disturbing.
Lyndsey: The rhino… says… snorrrrrrrrrt. The rhino… says…
Right, anyway, here’s your new bedroom. There’s a car that goes vroom, a stapler that goes click and a cactus that merely judges you, silent and brooding.
And this is an amateurish shot through a lowered wall.
Way to raise the bar, Grugs.
Lance: Alright, let’s work this out. I’ll play me and her, and you play you.
Lewis: Why do I always gotta be the sucky one?
Lewis: And how come I’m a girl.
Lance: Okay, we need to stop, my fingers are doing some weird Lovecraftian shit.
Lyndsey: The hyena says HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lyndsey: The fairy says HEY. HEY. LOOK.
Lyndsey: The hippo says BLUUUUUUUUGH.
Lewis: Well you shouldn’t have eaten all that dogfood.
Lyndsey: The eagle says EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Lance: Don’t care, I’m sitting here.
Lewis: I thought it was CSI that went EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Lyndsey: The bittern says BOOM.
Lance: What the fuck is a bittern?!
Lewis: I think she got DLC for that rabbit head somehow.
Lance: If we send her to school like this they’re gonna come looking for our parents, and somehow I don’t think they’ll consider an urn to be an appropriate legal guardian.
Lance: And whatever you’re about to say, Lyndsey, please don’t.
Lewis: It’s not our fault they both died.
Lance: Kinda our fault for not mentioning it to anybody, though.
Lyndsey: The tokay gecko says croak.
Lance: Big deal. Around here everything croaks.
Lewis: Look, she just needs to learn how to read. Then she can teach herself how to speak!
Lance: Right! Okay! Or maybe NO THAT’S FUCKING BACKWARDS!
Lyndsey: The walrus says unnnngh.
Lance: WELL WE’RE TRYING ALRIGHT
The butler goes URMMMMF! URRRRRRRRRMMF!
Lance: Jesus, Lyndsey. I thought you got that pig thing taken care of.
The future dating prospects go up!
Lance: The future husband goes hello.
Lance: Do you know how to completely reorganize an insane person’s mind?
Brooke: That sounds too much like school.
Brooke: No, I will not teach your monkey sister how to speak!
Lance: Aw, come on! Just do what your parents did! You seem really dumb so I bet it’s comparable!
Lance: Otherwise when I grow up I’m gonna explode you.
Lance: In fact, let’s just do that. You look like you’d blow up real good.
Brooke: The Brooke goes AWAY AS FAST AS SHE CAN.
Lewis: So we’ll tell everyone on the bus that you’re dumb.
Lyndsey: The horse says NEIGH.
Lewis: No, I mean dumb as in speechless.
Lyndsey: The sheep says baa.
Lewis: I’m glad you agree.
Lewis: Oh god I understood that.
I’m sure there’s a reason for this picture.
I leave it to you to discover.
I’m really starting to think that dogfood thing was a bad idea.
Lance: You should see what her pillow drool looked like.
Lyndsey: THE WOLF SAYS RARRRR
The chicken, to no-one’s surprise, just goes clunk.
Lyndsey: The wolf says AWOOOOOOOOO
I’m glad there were multiple entries in that thing.
On the bad things side, that chicken was outside. She teleported it in here to kick it, and then it disappeared completely.
I still blame the dogfood.
OH NO WAS IT GODFOOD INSTEAD?!
The Lyndsey goes to sleep.
Lyndsey: Says… says…
I know, but most of my jokes only work with “goes.”
Lewis: Well, this was a disappointing day.
Lance: I’ll forge a letter in the morning asking to put her in the special ed class.
Lance: She’s like our own personal Polkaroo.
Lewis: We need to stop with the Canadian references, nobody will get them.
To my chagrin, I’ve managed to enjoy this household for the first time ever.
We’ll see how I feel when I run completely out of onomatopeia.
Lyndsey: The rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo.
Yeah, I don’t approve of it either.
Lyndsey: The vulture says NYYEAAAAAAH!
Ah, now that sounds more like CSI!
Lewis: She even grunts like the rabbit head.
Lance: Imagine what she’ll sound like when she poops.
Lance: Alright, posing time! Look how cute we are!
Bubble in the shot.
Lance: FINE FUCK EVERYTHING UP THEN
That’s my job!
Next time: Daisy ties up some loose ends.
Or rather, sets fire to them.
Either way works.