Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
First update of the year, successful!
Roughly a hundred and fifty more opportunities to fail.
Ah, the irreducible Murphy Family.
Where fecundity and fatality are locked in a constant struggle.
Chelsea: Hey Kent. What’s new?
Kent: I’m trapped in a foundation down the street.
Chelsea: I’m your new mom, ‘cuz your old mom had a midlife crisis and fucked your dad’s worst enemy.
Chelsea: I’ve fucked him too, but that’s okay, ‘cuz people expect it of me.
Chelsea: I’m sorry everyone you’ll ever meet is terrible.
Angelica: ADMITTING YOU’RE TERRIBLE DOESN’T JUSTIFY IT
Chelsea: HELP ME! I’M A TINY PERSON DROWNING IN THE SHOWER
Angelica: At least she’s interacting with me. Mom never did that.
Friday: I do not recognize this one. It must leave.
Andrew: I think it’s one of ours, FRIDAY.
FRIDAY: I will put it in storage, then.
Amin: The fridge in the back is free.
FRIDAY: What are you doing back here?
Nathaniel: Being lost. This house!
Amin: Well if it isn’t Henry Homewrecker.
Andrew: I was hoping to pick my own superhero name, actually.
Amin: What the fuck are you eating?
Andrew: CAMERON WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD COOK
Angelica: I’m covered, but the rest of you might starve.
Angelica: Why did you cheat on mom?
Angelica: Yeah, I didn’t think you had a good reason.
Angelica: This is a horse falling out of an airplane. NEEEEEOOOOWWWWW! It’s a metaphor for our family.
Muse: .oO(You monster.)
He must be, since he apparently just put all that garbage into you.
Andrew: ♪ There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes ♪
Emmy: Help, help, I’m trapped in Chapter One!
And without your hair, too!
Angelica: It’s Emerson’s birthday?
Andrew: Nah, this was just a convenient way to collect you all.
Muse: .oO(Hope this one turns out better than the last two.)
Andrew: Ready to not be immortal anymore, kiddo?
Muse: .oO(Better learn to feed yourself, kid, your dad’s too busy bangin’ hos.)
Nathaniel: Yes. Yes. Thanks, Angelica.
Emmy: Seriously though, it’s been more than sixty years and I’m RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED.
I did say you wouldn’t be on the test.
Andrew: Alright kid, blow ’em out.
Amin: Show him how, Andy, you’re the master at blowing stuff here.
Emmy: Oh, thank god. The end.
Or maybe I was hitting the camera button too much.
You all look pretty pumped to still exist, so it wasn’t all bad.
You sure as hell can’t be this excited about Emerson.
Andrew: SOMEONE in this family needs to turn out well!
Angelica: Yeah! Hey! Screw you!
Muse: .oO(He’s right, though.)
Amin: WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG
Nathaniel: I DON’T KNOW
Chapter 312 is just two hundred and fifty pics of one character brushing their teeth.
Chelsea: I hope it’s me.
Emerson: Wow, what are THESE things?! I just noticed them!
Chelsea: Come on, Abigail’s genetics! Beat those fuckers BACK!
Amin: Get out of there, Bradley’s genetics! Nobody wants you here!
Nathaniel: Grampa Stephen’s and Grandma Ember’s don’t need encouragement, they go for what they want.
Andrew: YES! I’m still the hottest dude!
Emerson: I’m still getting over the concept of hands!
Good lord, you look like Kelsey.
Chelsea: I think he looks more like my kidnapped daughter, Dylan.
Yeah… because… those are two different people.
Chelsea: I hear you met someone new! Congratulations!
Amin: I’M A SPACE PIRATE. EVERYONE I MEET IS “NEW.”
Emerson: I can fly now!
Chelsea: BABY STRETCHING
Andrew: Hey baby. You want to come out of there, or you having fun being pregnant in hell?
?: I don’t even know what I was doing in hell.
Andrew: I think we both know that’s not true.
Even knowing it’s a trick of perspective, I would still need to wash that plate forever.
What a graceful return.
Penny: I don’t wanna have to be nice to your stupid kids.
Andrew: Me either!
Penny: EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME I’M PREGNANT
Penny: OH MY GOD GUYS IT’S SUCH A MIRACLE OF LIFE
Man, pregnant women are smug.
Penny: I see nothing to not be smug about in this situation.
And then Chelsea died.
Chelsea: FUCK THIS MIRACLE
Andrew: ♪ Baby got back ♪
Andrew: ♪ I like big butts and I cannot lie! ♪
Andrew: ♪ You expectant mothers can’t deny! ♪
Angelica: We’re gonna have a new sibling!
Nathaniel: What’s this now, number twenty?
Nathaniel: Guess what, Nick? My brother grew up!
Nick: I think I’ll stick with Angelica, but thanks anyway.
Penny: Woo! Yeah! I hope you’re still there, I can’t see shit from this seat.
That’s the baby bottle fridge.
Angelica: Well maybe I’m DESPERATE.
Muse has the cat death dust paws!
Nobody tell him.
Angelica: So are you supposed to be replacing mom?
FRIDAY: Her nose isn’t big enough.
FRIDAY: I could probably rig something up for her in the autosurgery machine, though.
Ember: Either nobody’s home or they’re all in the deep dark depths where the doorbell doesn’t reach.
Ember: Too bad, I was gonna make out with the first dude I saw.
Andrew: I’ll be back.
Andrew: SEE ME FIRST SEE ME FIRST
Ember: That was just a trick. I tricked you.
Andrew: I knew the risks. You are a lawyer.
Ember: But a good lawyer never lies, they only stretch the truth.
Andrew: How long can we stretch this particular truth out for?
Ember: If you’re as average down below as your father, I think we’re just about done here already.
Ember: How well is this fellow equipped, Andrew?
FRIDAY: If you are referring to sexuality, I am fully dysfunctional.
Emerson has a room!
Emerson: With a poster that scares him SHITLESS.
No wonder your sheets are so dark.
FRIDAY: That is one fine woman.
Andrew: Half of my family’s problems came from her.
FRIDAY: You two should be a great match, then, if the other half came from where I’m thinking it did.
And then Chelsea died again.
Ember: x does not equal half of y squared.
Angelica: WHY DO I NEED A NEW MOM
Angelica: I had a grudging respect for the old one!
Penny: Just put your hand out like this and stroke its face, kid.
Penny: But skip this part, it’s gross.
Angelica: Do you want to move in, grandma?
Emerson: I miss mom too.
Angelica: Did you ever spend any time with her?
Emerson: She was the one with the red eyes and black hair, right?
Ember: I wanted to see how they were adjusting. I didn’t expect that to be impossible.
Ember: How’s my favourite daughter?
Chelsea: Go ask her.
Penny: That’s right! Toy with them! TEASE THEM UNTIL THEY’RE YOURS
FRIDAY: I can’t believe WEDNESDAY left me for that asshole.
Emerson: I can’t believe our mom was a wicked witch, and dad had to chase her away with white magic!
Angelica: You really need to stop getting your information from dad.
Angelica: If he’s got any magic, it ain’t white.
Penny: Your kids seem pretty mad at you.
Andrew: That’s how you can tell they’re kids.
Angelica: So, congratulations on reaching childhood! And, by implication, evading all my traps.
Emerson: I didn’t think anyone was paying enough attention to hate me! You’re my new best friend.
Penny: Maybe I should go, I don’t want them to resent you.
Andrew: You’re the only one besides Amin who can cook. They’ll resent me even more if you leave.
Emerson: You can cook too, can’t you?
FRIDAY: Yes, but they won’t let me that close to the kitchen sink after I went haywire THREE TIMES.
Penny: Okay, you need to hear this sooner or later. I am in love with your daddy.
Emerson: Wow! I didn’t think anybody liked him!
FRIDAY: I respect your egoistic aloofness, cat.
Muse: .oO(I’d let you know if I reciprocate, but I don’t feel like it.)
Ember: So, FRIDAY. Fancy coming by my law firm sometime so I can look at your briefs?
FRIDAY: You did the briefs joke?
Emerson: I’M EATING A BURNT MUFFIN
Penny: Call me “mom” and I’ll make you a cake.
Penny: Wow. They really seemed into their kids at first. What happened?
They grew up.
Penny: Them, or the kids?
Anyway, enjoy your broom closet.
Andrew: The master bedroom was taken.
The master bedroom was bombed.
Andrew: I’m the master, I do what I want.
Nathaniel: NO! NO! OH GOD NO
Okay, yeah, that is kinda terrifying.
Amin: Mmm. Tripod-mounted RPGs.
You really need to lose that hair.
Penny: Think I’ll lose the weight first.
Penny: And by first I mean NOW
Penny: ANDREW DAMMIT OUR LOVECHILD IS HATEFUL
Penny: I’m just about ready to hit the stucco here!
Meet Randolph Spring! No. I don’t like that. Meet Randall Spring! That’s no good either.
Maybe it’s the Spring part that sucks.
Wendell it is, I guess!
Penny: And his first word was “What.”
That’s not so bad.
Some poor little shit’s first word was “Alvin.”
Alvin: Tripod-mounted LASER TURRETS
Penny: You wish.
In the interests of fuck you, you may both share this tiny room.
Penny: Put a toilet in here and we’ll never have to leave.
Andrew: Does your damn kid have to sleep with us every night?
Chelsea: You’re a real laugh riot.
Andrew: Spent all night thinking that one up.
Chelsea: Dear diary: dorks.
Chelsea: A list, by Chelsea Price.
Chelsea: HAHAHA FOUR-EYES
Andrew: My character file updated last night.
Andrew: WHERE IS MY BABY
Andrew: Another boy! Gotta love those Murphy genes.
Muse: .oO(Do we gotta, though?)
Your contribution to the household is, as always, appreciated.
Andrew: There’s still room for the cat in here.
Penny: Great, I’m raising a baby orc.
Penny: Hey there, Heff!
Andrew: Hey there, not pregnant anymore!
Penny: Kick Chelsea out.
Andrew: She got here first, though.
Anthony: Your milk is ready, Mistress Muse.
Penny: Your cat is a GIRL?
Emerson: Can you get girl cooties from girl cats?!
Emerson: Pretty sure that’s not mom.
Andrew: Pretty sure you couldn’t pick your mom out of a lineup.
Penny: I could arrange to put her in a lineup, if it’d help.
Amin: GET AWAY FROM MY DICK KID
Emerson: Good wholesome fun.
Those Murphys are gonna be alright.
These Murphys, though…
And then Chelsea died.
Chelsea: THAT WOULD BE PREFERABLE
Chelsea: OHHHHHHHHH NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN
Certainly not nine times.
Andrew: Oh no, there’s a hand coming out of my chest!
Andrew: THAT MEANS PREGNANCY
Chelsea: Good, you’re at ideal kicking height.
Andrew: Alright, I’m here, let’s do this.
Chelsea: I WASN’T WAITING
Chelsea: HELP HOW HOLDS BABBY
Bethany Price: .oO(That was a promising start.)
Please don’t be a blonde Angelica.
I’ll have to bend all my custom content to making one of those look okay.
Andrew: Yes! Awesome! A never-ending chain of busy work!
Chelsea: Maybe watch where your dick goes, then?
Chelsea: Anyway, this one’s all yours. I’m gonna go sleep forever.
Amin: You call those pork chops? I know for a fact we’re out of sage.
Andrew: Close enough.
Angelica: I want my own room.
Anthony: Breakfast is served.
Anthony: Would madame like extra flies, or will the present quantity suffice?
Emerson: Am I gonna die?
Amin: Oh, like, a bunch.
Andrew: You wanted to see me?
FRIDAY: No, I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see WEDNESDAY.
Andrew: She’s on our side of the street.
FRIDAY: I just need to point this at the lot edge.
FRIDAY: I was gonna ask – you gonna do anything with that genie lamp? I want to use it to FORCE MY ROBOT LOVER TO ROBOT LOVE ME.
Andrew: I’m genie racist, so I like it where it is.
Anthony: I will pay you to slap him.
Angelica: Don’t wanna touch him any more than you do.
Anthony: Peanut butter and arsenic it is.
Nathaniel: I think I ate too much.
Angelica: Nah, chicks dig the Ricky Gervais look.
Angelica: As long as you want to date Ricky Gervais’ girlfriend.
Andrew: Oh, by the way, we took a vote. You’re not even allowed outside anymore.
Next time: uh… stuff?
Whatever it is, it’ll damn well be on time.