Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Yeah, I guess I tacitly promised an update today, didn’t I.
Have Poppy’s ENTROPY file again. You probably need it.
They didn’t bother to update it to say “a chick who was living with Poppy whacked her head into a brick wall with a pillow and she died but then her neighbour brought her back to life so she’s not dead anymore.” Probably they didn’t think it was important. Or maybe they just found it inexplicable.
They were wrong about the first part.
Yeah, all my households have household descriptions. And I change them from time to time, too.
And yeah, most of them have that bad, dramatic, Maxis style of writing.
Really fits well with how completely goofed-up my actual storyline is, eh.
Not going to work?
Michael: Think I’m gonna take a mental health day.
Gonna change back out of your suit?
Michael: That would adversely affect my mental health.
Michael: Cameron’s not answering.
Why are you calling Cameron?
Michael: ‘cuz she’s hot, she’s single, and the tell-all book we could write together would be worth millions.
Michael: That’s fine! You can have William’s baby! I don’t see why that means we shouldn’t date! I was married to your sister so I know we’re compatible!
You’re trying DAISY now?!
Michael: The residuals from her show are worth millions.
Michael: Hey, you’re not mad that I broke up with Poppy, are you?
Daisy: You’d know if I was.
Michael: How would I know?
Daisy: You’d be on fire.
Michael: You’re scary. Goodbye.
Michael: Hey, Kent? Thanks for not showing up to work today. You’re fired! Unless I fired you already and forgot, in which case, you’re still fired.
Veronica: PLACATE ME
Michael: Anything for my loquacious little girl!
Michael: Oochie coochie coo!
Veronica: Hahaha you’re so dumb!
Michael: ♪ You’re a strange animal ♪
Michael: And you’re mine.
Veronica: As long as you pay the bills, big guy.
That doesn’t improve it much.
Yay! We’re back to Day 1 levels of interest here.
I’m beginning to think that everyone in town has to steal someone else’s paper because someone’s already stolen theirs.
Craig: Do I have enough time to drop this before she kills me?
We’ll leave it ambiguous.
Just kiss and make up.
Poppy: I’m a lesbian!
So? He’s a woman.
…a lesbian woman, I guess.
Michael: You’re a townie. There’s literally no percentage in talking to you.
Michael: Go get an education and come back when you’re marketable, bitch.
Go on. Drink it! And end it all.
Sandy: I still have hope for the future.
That’s only because you haven’t seen it.
Veronica: I think once I can talk your presence for this becomes inappropriate.
Veronica: …I’m not tired.
Michael: Who said this was about you?
Lookin’ Sharpe, kid.
MICHAEL REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT TOWNIES
MICHAEL MAKE AN EXCEPTION
Michael: There’s always a percentage in hot.
Jill Custer: I’m glad you like me for me.
Jill: Just so you know, I have boundary issues.
Michael: Issue forth, my dear.
Michael: MAN. How did you get randomly generated?
It’s the monkeys-on-typewriters theory, proven!
Michael: I want to consume you.
Jill: I don’t think I want that at all.
Michael: I wouldn’t even heat you first. I’d slurp you up like gazpacho.
Jill: The best part is, this all sounds good in his head.
Jill: GAZPACHO DUDE REALLY
Jill: I think it’s time I gave you an intimate kiss goodnight.
Jill: I don’t like you.
Michael: Such messages, so mixed.
I bet you wrote that to yourself.
Michael: All 148 stanzas!
Michael: Doesn’t make it any less true.
Michael: Don’t play with boats, kid. They’re money pits.
Michael: We’re talking Marianas Trench. Seriously.
Veronica: I’m taking a dump.
Michael: Bach’n it!
As in, Johann Sebastian?
Michael: No, like… bach’n! It rhymes with matchin’, hatchin’, snatchin’… short for bachelor…in’…
Yeah, pretty stupid shit.
Michael: It really is.
Veronica: You need a hobby.
Michael: I need a nanny.
Michael: I HAVE ONLY ONE QUESTION DO YOU HAVE ANY HOT ONES
Michael: Yeah. Didn’t think so.
Michael: THERE SHOULD BE HOT ONES
Anthony: Somebody call for a hot tranny?
Anthony: YOU HEARD NOTHING
Michael: There used to be less yelling in this story.
I USED TO BE CALMER
Michael: If you get this riled up over a life simulation, you really need to take a pill.
Anthony: Got any extra?
Poppy: Who put all this snow here? Sure wasn’t me.
Prof. Lilly: You know what this day needs?
Prof. Lilly: More fuckin’.
Poppy: Normally I’d be all for it.
Poppy: IF YOU HADN’T BASHED MY HEAD IN
Prof. Lilly: And took your clothes!
Poppy: NO THAT PART MAKES SENSE
Prof. Lilly: We were engaging in consensual pillow fighting. You knew the risks.
Poppy: Hahaha. Consensual pillow fighting.
Poppy: You’re a funny girl! You know what happens to funny girls here? THEY FUCKING DIE
Poppy: Especially if I don’t like them. For some reason.
Poppy: Still waiting on Michael’s suspicious demise.
Prof. Lilly: I HAVE A DANGER FETISH
Poppy: You should be constantly orgasming around me, then.
Poppy: People who interact with me generally have short life-spans.
Poppy: Or maybe I’m just seeing patterns that aren’t there.
Daisy: I’m thinking of buying a wrist brace.
Poppy: Poppy going poopy.
Lilly: Poppy? That was a fast poopy!
Daisy: Those were priceless last words.
Prof. Lilly: I don’t know what you’re doing with those prop axes from your show-
Daisy: Real axes.
Prof. Lilly: -but Poppy’s just in the next room and she’s fine so please don’t kill me.
Daisy: Sorry, dear. I’m just too excited already, and I couldn’t do that to myself.
Prof. Lilly: IT WAS JUST A FATAL PILLOW FIGHT ACCIDENT
Daisy: Very fatal.
Daisy: FOR ALL INVOLVED!
Poppy: OH COME ON
Poppy: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN
Daisy: She hurt my twin sister!
Poppy: YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT
Daisy: We haven’t all had time for a good long poopy.
Poppy: You’re a psychopath! That was my GIRLFRIEND you just axed! Sometimes I think you might actually be a real serial killer instead of a suspiciously good actress!
Daisy: I hope you don’t mean that, and your skull does too.
Daisy: I saw you threatened, and I stepped in to protect you.
Poppy: PROTECT ME FROM WHAT. I’m an adult, Daisy!
Daisy: With those glasses?
Daisy: And that dress?!
Daisy: And BRB I have to puke.
Poppy: HOW CONVENIENT
Daisy: NOT REALLY
Poppy: Get a stomach bug from eating babies?
Daisy: Pfft, no. You boil those fuckers first.
Daisy: Look, woman. Like it or not, I’m looking out for you. I brought you into this world, and I’ll be damned if anyone but me is gonna take you back out of it again.
Poppy: Why don’t you tell me what really happened, then. Who was I before I died? Because I sure as fuck wasn’t your sister.
Daisy: THAT PART IS THE ONLY TRUE PART DAMMIT
Daisy: Forget I said that.
Daisy: You need to wake up and smell the daisies and the irises, Poppy. This place is changing fast, and you want to make sure you’re on the side with the living plants and not the side with the compost.
Poppy: That wasn’t a terrible metaphor, I guess.
Daisy: Everything’s falling into place now. If you try to fuck up my plans, EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT THOSE PLANS ARE, you will come to regret it. BRIEFLY.
Daisy: AND MY METAPHORS ARE FANTASTIC
Poppy: THEY’RE SECOND-GRADE AT BEST
Daisy: Just shut your stupid face and let me do what I do!
Poppy: Fuck shit up?
Daisy: FUCK SHIT UP ROYAL.
Poppy: I’m starting to think maybe everything you say is bullshit.
Daisy: That’s technically impossible.
Poppy: Kitty Woodrow and Lucas Perez didn’t really go off together, did they.
Daisy: Well… it’s a half-truth at worst.
Daisy: AND NOBODY LIKED THEM ANYWAY
Daisy: And what are you gonna do about it, huh? Tell the cops? ‘cuz I’m sure they’ll believe you when you say “You know that serial killer on TV? SHE’S A SERIAL KILLER!”
Daisy: And when you’ve got a precious little daughter with a very soft forehead I think the last thing you want to be doing is threatening a woman with a crate full of motherfucking axes.
Daisy: Just sayin’.
Poppy: You’re a monster.
Daisy: Self-made, baby.
Daisy: Seek not to fight with me, lest I kick your ass.
Poppy: WHERE’S YOUR AXES NOW, BITCH?!
Daisy: I honestly did not expect this.
Daisy: Do you know how easy it is for me to pound your face in? I DESIGNED THAT FACE!
Daisy: Let’s see how you handle real diving, muffdiver!
Daisy: I made you a muffdiver too.
Poppy: WHY DO YOU HATE ME
Daisy: BECAUSE YOU’RE MY SISTER
Daisy: God help you.
Poppy: Someone’s gonna stop you some day.
Daisy: Of course they are. I’ve got it all planned out and everything.
Poppy: Get out of my life, whoever you are.
Poppy: And fuck you for giving me this nose.
Daisy: I’ll be in touch, Pop.
Daisy: You might want to brush up on your not being useless.
Poppy: You have a clever response for everything, don’t you.
Daisy: I’m not clever, I’m just written that way.
Poppy: I HAVE CONTROL OVER THINGS
Poppy: Specifically, the things between my legs.
Poppy: Come be a thing between my legs, Brit.
Poppy: Hopefully this one doesn’t kill me and then die.
That’s all any of us can ask, really.
Poppy: Oh, fuckshitpiss.
Brittany: I hope that’s not today’s itinerary.
Poppy: Why does all this shit have to happen to ME?!
It’s mostly your fault, actually.
Poppy: THANKS FOR YOUR HELP
Poppy: This shit keeps up I’m gonna become a real goth soon.
We already have our quota of those.
It’s sitting pretty at zero.
Poppy: Speakin’ of sitting pretty…
Brittany: You have such a silver tongue. And I would know.
Poppy: It’s ready to know you back.
Brittany: …that was fast.
Sorry, I fell asleep there.
Theresa: Anyone seen a university professor around here? Stupid hair, Maxis skintone, not very attractive?
Poppy: DEFINITELY NOT I ONLY LOVE YOU BRITTANY
Poppy: Stop jinxing my lovelife, bitch!
Poppy: How’d you like to move in with me, Brit?
Brittany: It might help with this chronic case of frostbite I have. Living in the subway in a cheerleader outfit sure wasn’t.
Brittany: That’s offensive. We don’t call them hobos anymore.
Brittany: Wow! Winter-appropriate gear!
Poppy: Not nearly dykey enough, though. Go check my dresser.
Brittany: In other news I just graduated now.
Any good jobs available?
Brittany: I found one as a blog writer.
…by which you mean you found a blog site and signed up?
Brittany: They accepted me immediately!
Brittany: I’m gonna write about cheese.
You’ll make a million.
Poppy: She can’t be any worse than my previous roommates.
Normally I like to argue with statements like that, but… wow, yeah, probably not.
I liked the cheerleader uniform better.
Brittany: It might surprise you to learn that I don’t give a shit what outfit some dude likes.
Poppy: I liked the cheerleader outfit better too.
Brittany: Can it, dude.
Kent: I’m not really here.
Ichelle: I don’t really care.
Jane: Did you just see a butler appear and disappear?
Jane: Good. Me either.
I’ll allow it, but only for the lolz.
Jane: She wants to change her outfit.
Opal: It would be a crime for us to allow that.
Rosemarie: WAHAHA TIME
Rosemarie: WAHAHA where’d that chick go.
She was never there.
Brooke: People will miss me if I disappear.
Nicholas: In this neighbourhood Brookes are a dime a dozen.
Jane: Hello there, Ms. Landchild. The SCIA would like to offer you an undercover mission.
Rosemarie: I can already see the joke and it’s not funny enough to finish.
And I also retroactively made it first in the Uptowners update.
Jane: Such a nice young girl, it’s a shame she had to turn to prostitution.
Opal: It would be a crime if she hadn’t.
Nicholas: It’s true! We were all prepared to charge her and everything.
She must be a lesbian.
Pierce: This must be corrected.
Pierce: On behalf of metrosexuals everywhere, I don’t know what metrosexual means but you should probably not be gay.
Brittany: I’m glad you picked me to unload all that offensive onto.
Brittany: On behalf of all gays, of all genders, I want you to know that none of us would want you.
Pierce: It’s nice of them all to weigh in!
Pierce: I hear straight men can kiss gay out of girls.
Brittany: There are many reasons why I’m unwilling to try that.
Brittany: Do I need to call the cops?
Pierce: You want the cops to defend a gay person from a non-gay person?
Pierce: Good luck with that.
Brittany: I like you.
Poppy: Hi Daisy. I invited a girl to move in with me. DO NOT KILL HER.
Pierce: What did you take at university? Astrophysics? Business management? Turfgrass management?
Brittany: Women’s Studies.
DO NOT TAKE THIS AS “GRUGLYSIMS IS A MEN’S RIGHTS ACTIVIST.”
If you are a men’s rights activist, please leave my journal right now.
And kill yourself.
Poppy: YES. EVEN IF SHE CHEATS ON ME. DO NOT KILL HER.
Poppy: Okay, if she leaves me, go for it.
Poppy: But let me watch.
Poppy: Seriously though stop killing people, you’re gonna be a dead someday too and you don’t want all the deads mad at you.
Poppy: No, I really don’t think they’ll let you take your axes to hell with you. ESPECIALLY IF YOU KEEP FORGETTING THEM PLACES.
Brittany: Cover hogging simulation!
Poppy: Why are we speaking again? BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS REALLY HAPPENING.
Poppy: Yes, I KNOW I was dead at university. THAT DOESN’T NARROW THINGS DOWN.
Poppy: You spent ten thousand bucks to bring me back to life correctly! I want to know why!
Daisy: Actually I spent five thousand specifically so you’d come back wrong.
Poppy: …NEW QUESTIONS
Poppy: What the fuck am I?
Check your pockets.
Poppy: …SHE NEVER EMPTIED MY INVENTORY.
I like to think even she can’t do that.
Poppy: The hell is this?
Fire it up.
Poppy: Holy literal, Batman.
Poppy: That’s weird, I remember seeing this once before. Holy shit, wait, didn’t I-
Vanessa: NOPE NOPE NOPE
Poppy: Not doing this today.
Poppy: Already in the process of forgetting.
Poppy: GASP! Two Brittanys! Or I cooked my eyeballs.
Brittany: Who’s there?
Poppy: Whoever I am.
Brittany: Whoever you are, you’re enough.
Poppy: That’s worth Brittany-thousand points to me.
Brittany: I bet that’s a lot.
Poppy: RACKINFRACKIN’ DAISY
Poppy: PUNCHERINNA CUNT
New favourite word!
Poppy: Hey car lady, wanna make out?
Jennifer: If if gets us moving on time, I’ll go down on you.
Poppy: Nah, thanks. Got that covered.
Brittany: Hi mom. It’s Brittany. Yes, I know you can tell by the monotone.
Brittany: Yes, I graduated. I’m now qualified to study women.
Brittany: I’ve gotten really good at it.
Brittany: I’m gay.
Goodbye! Next time: a beloved character passes away.
It’s not who you think.
No matter who you think.