The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 174

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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And now, finally, when you least expect it, the plot comes back.

Hold onto your brains.


Looks more like the Grey Family to me.

…I’m gonna go with that, actually, that’s pretty clever.

Sunny: It’s better than “Melanie and the Moaners” at least.

Melanie: Opinions differ.
Daisy: Can we get back to devious business, please?

Melanie: So your plan is to attack the Apocalypse Museum and hope everyone thinks we’re some kind of exhibit or something, yeah? It’s not terrible, I’ve seen how people react to flash mobs.

Kaylynn: I am not flashing anybody.

Lora: I keep forgetting you were a cheerleader.

TESTING

Kaylynn: KEEP YOUR ABSURDIST SHIT OUT OF OUR WAR PLANS

Lora: Because there’s nothing absurd about our war plans, that’s for sure.

Kaylynn: The only absurd part is you and Flowers being invited.

Daisy: Flowers has as much a right to be here as anyone! We’ve all been wronged by William in some way.
Sunny: At least he never called me flowers. What kind of free-association bullshit is that?

Charles: I am also here.

Daisy: When we get in, strike hard and fast. Grab the first people you see and give them the hug that nobody wants.

Daisy: There’s not likely to be anyone really capable there, since honestly there’s not many capable people anywhere these days.

Daisy: A new day is dawning, my friends. Let’s make it a shitty one.

Daisy: I hope that was inspirational.

Kaylynn: Well I for one feel like shit.

Melanie: You wear that particular emotion really well, Kay.

Kaylynn: At least I’m not the one who stood in a puddle of her own piss for ten years, Mel.
Lora: That’s true. You only lasted maybe two years in the piss before you died.

Daisy: Okay, that’s enough bonding, Play ball!

Daisy: Little sports reference. Too outdated?
Sunny: Go away.

Daisy: I’ve got a million of ’em! All solid gold!
Sunny: I’m already dead, you can’t make me want to be deader.

Sunny: Sunny made a funny.
Lora: Strike!

Daisy: You plebs can take the stairs.

Melanie: JESUS
Lora: CHRIST
Kaylynn: This is me being you guys, shocked by the same fucking thing twice.

Melanie: In my day we teleported by meditating.

Daisy: Today’s on-the-go teleporter ain’t got time for that zen shit.

Melanie: I just want to say that I’m happy to be working with you, Sunny.
Sunny: Aw, thanks!
Melanie: And I don’t have any hard feelings about how shitty you were at being a zombie the first time we gave you the gift of undeath.
Sunny: …aw? Thanks?

The Washing Dead.

Sunny: How do you get your zombie skin so soft?!
Melanie: Baby blood!

Sunny: Yeesh, really?
Melanie: Calm down, it was just the one baby! You dilute that shit.

Melanie: I’d better say goodbye to the ol’ rack and gibbet.
Kaylynn: Is that like a ball and chain?
Melanie: Yeah, but a lot more painful.

Charles: SNRRRRZ
Melanie: Dreaming of necrotic sheep, no doubt.

Charles: Actually I was dreaming of not being dead.

Charles: Have all my stuff.
Melanie: Why?
Charles: ‘cuz you already took my haircut, so I guess you’re the new me.

Melanie: Silly! I’m way better than that.

Melanie: I’m the Zombie Queen.
Charles: God save you.

Charles: SNZZZZZZZ

Getting a top-up?

Daisy: Unlocking my cellphone! It’s in my pocket.

Lora: Stop pretending! I know you just want to secretly smell me while I shit.

Lora: I’ll just do it at the museum.

That’ll really put the fear into them.

Melanie: I’m so excited!

Don’t you still have the nice personality William gave you?

Melanie: Yep!

Then why are you happy being a zombie? Why are you pleased to be trying to destroy him?

Melanie: Because he’s still a cunt.

Lora: You guys don’t have the brains for chess.

Melanie: Here for another rousing speech? Gonna tell us how terrible we should feel about how terrible we are, and how awesome it will be?

Melanie: OR ARE WE FINALLY FUCKING DOING THIS

Daisy: Your jubilee awaits, O Queen.

Melanie: I hope our plan works.
Daisy: My plan will work perfectly. Won’t it.

I’m sure it will.

Melanie: Is that the same plan you gave us? Are we all on the same plan, here?
Daisy: Some of us have premium coverage.

Melanie: She wouldn’t be stupid enough to double-cross me, would she?
Lora: I dunno… until just now I wouldn’t have thought you were stupid enough to believe you were more dangerous than Cecilia Goddamn Phelps.

Melanie: Have you no faith in your Queen, Lora?
Lora: I do, actually. I just know there’s also an Empress.

Blazej: Oh, so we’re walking to work today, are we? Well thanks for telling the carpool guy.

Sunny: What do brains taste like, anyway? I’ve never had any.
Kaylynn: They taste like ass. Luckily, all you want to eat is brains, so you’ll learn to like the taste of ass.
Sunny: Sounds like it’d be hard to adjust to the real world afterward.
Kaylynn: I’d probably just eat a lot of KFC.

Sunny: What’ll you do with your share of the world, once we take it over?
Kaylynn: Burn it.

Sunny: He would look really hot with big bags of somethin’ on his head.

Sunny: Or without.
Kaylynn: Are you having a stroke?

Blazej: Please don’t stroke me.

Lora: Zombie attacks seem like more of a nighttime thing to me.
Sunny: But Storage Wars is on tonight!

Don’t be silly.

Storage Wars is always on.

Melanie: I love the smell of rot in the morning.
Kaylynn: Smells like compost.

Daisy: Welp good luck.

Daisy: Have fun.

Sunny: Where’d she go?!
Lora: Where’s she going?!
Melanie: Why’d she go?!
Kaylynn: Who cares?

Melanie: That little bitch! She set us up!
Kaylynn: Classic Cecilia.

Daisy: Ixnay on the Eciliacay…

Jerome: I knew my life was going too well lately.

Kaylynn: The plan’s still sound. No matter what they throw against us, we’re veterans! We’re badasses! We owned this goddamn town once!
Melanie: THERE’S FOUR OF US

Kaylynn: I think you’re accidentally counting you and me as only one each.

Hayley: Ew, what stinks?
Jerome: Your body is trying to warn you. LISTEN TO IT.

Sunny: C’mon, Lora! We can do this!
Penny: Yeah! Wait, wait, wait.

Kaylynn: Wanna be our plus-one, old partner?
Cameron: Pass.

Cameron: Aaaaand just now processing what I’m seeing.

Cameron: IF I’M HAVING A NIGHTMARE I THOUGHT I WAS PAST THIS

Cameron: Move it or lose it, baby bundle!

Nicholas: You know what would be hot? Siamese zombie.

Kaylynn: Hello there! How are you enjoying the Apocalypse?
Lydia: You mean the Apocalypse Museum.
Kaylynn: Do I? Really, though?

Kaylynn: Man, it’s like a fucking buffet in here.

Kaylynn: THANKS FOR COMING TO MY PLACE FOR DINNER
Nicholas: Ooh, a demonstration!

Penny: I think I’m having a pregnancy hallucination.

Is that a thing?

Penny: It makes more sense than the alternative.

Jerome lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

Jerome: Maybe they’ll think I’m already dead.

Geoffrey: Groupies!

Melanie: Aw, Kaylynn! You couldn’t wait until we all got served?!

Geoffrey: I’m peeing uncontrollably.

Geoffrey: She looks like she peed more, though.

She peed enough to fill a swimming pool.

Melanie: I literally filled a swimming pool with pee once, over a three-year period.

Melanie: Don’t let that get in the way of seeing how badass I am, though.
Nicholas: That’s actually the label we have on your file. “Badass.” Nicholas King, Centreborough Police Chief.

Nicholas: I like the black one best.
Lora: Brains and taste!

Lora: You look like you’ll be dead soon anyway, so we’ll call this a favour.

Kendal: Boo! BOO! Terrible Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard impression!
Hayley: Yeah! You’re not half the Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard that Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard was!

Kaylynn: So… you gonna… eat someone already?
Sunny: It’s easier in theory than in practice.

Daisy: For me, the waiting is the hardest part. Since I’m not doing anything else.

Daisy: Okay, wait’s over.

Daisy: …oops?

Lora: If you want to look at my boobs, just look at my boobs.

Penny: I hate to ask, but… you wanna help me deal with this somehow?
Jerome: I’m already running, bitch, you’re on your own.

Penny: Babies taste terrible.
Sunny: But they make amazing cosmetics, I hear!

Kaylynn: YES! It’s bad for our cause, but oh-so-satisfying.

Melanie: I’VE LOST MY TOUCH
Geoffrey: YOU CAN HAVE MINE

Jerome: Nope nope not happening not happening.

Melanie: How romantic, someone’s waiting for me in the bedroom.

Jerome: THIS IS HER SHE IS DEAD SHE IS DEAD I AM SAFE

Melanie: As long as I’m alive, honey, ain’t nobody safe.

Melanie: Hail to the Queen, baby.

Jerome: I don’t get the reference.

Geoffrey: Your zombie costumes are very convincing, but they need better performers under them.

Hayley: THAT GUY WHO BEAT ME UP BECAME A ZOMBIE
Sunny: Hey! I was alive for that event!

Sunny: LET’S ACT IT OUT

Penny: You got this? You got this.

Melanie: He got something.

Jerome: Penny Penny help
Penny: I’ll give you two some privacy, then, shall I?

Jerome: At least all the black jokes are moot now.

We’ve still got the penis jokes.

Jerome: Until it falls off.

We might not even notice!

AHAHAHAHAHA.

Ha.

Sunny: You can be our green mohawk, if you want!
Hayley: OH JOY

Sunny: How hard is it to kill this one old guy?!
Kaylynn: Time’s been trying for almost a century with no results, so…

Melanie: You’re trying the old “ignore it” method of threat avoidance?
Penny: Nah, I’m just building up my strength for the inevitable fisticuffs.

Jerome: Lora looks way better dead.

Jerome: I don’t think it suits me, though.

George: DON’ WANNA PLAY NO MO’

Daisy: I really should have checked William’s work schedule at some point during my ten years of planning.

Daisy: I’d leave a message, but I want to hear his reaction.

Jerome: You know what they say: if you’re gonna get zombified…

Jerome: DO IT AT A ZOMBIE MUSEUM

Hayley: Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard is a bit of a dud, eh?
Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sweet cosplay, guys! I didn’t know Zombicon was today!

Jerome: It’s over, as far as me and my brains are concerned.

Jerome: You and I are about to become really well acquainted, shower stall.

Hayley: Come on, Lydia! I’m on Team Zombie now, don’t let us down!
Lora: Also Geoffrey is a zombie now!
Geoffrey: Also HEY YOU STOLE MY LINE
Melanie: Also PLEASE MAKE THIS WORK, LYDIA, I’M PRETTY EMBARASSED SO FAR

Charles: You going in? Save the day? Magic style?
Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: Too much real dust.
Charles: What?
Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: Dilutes my magic dust, ruins my magic. Better stay outside. Safer. For them, I mean.

Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: THEN AGAIN
Sunny: How’d you like to live forever?
Charles: How’d I like to be sixty forever?!

Charles: About that dust explanation…
Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: YES IT WAS BULLSHIT HANG ON

Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock BEGONE, FOUL SPIRITS OF DARKNESS! Cuz it’s bright now.

Kendal: I dated William Sharpe, bitch! You take a pounding like that, you learn some moves!

Kaylynn: As a former cheerleader, I’d like you to know that your so-called “moves” ain’t shit.

Kaylynn: Fada soola gore!

Sunny: Fada soola brains!

Penny: I didn’t go to university.

Sunny: Sure is sunny out here.
Scot Macarevich the Infallibly Good Warlock: I did that! As a tribute to you!
Sunny: What an infallibly good trick!

Sunny: YOU’VE EARNED A HUG

Daisy: HI BILL ZOMBIES AT MUSEUM EVERYONE DYING HELP

Daisy: He sounded pretty pumped.

Daisy: Put on a show for me, Billy dear.

Daisy: I put on a grand one for you.

Alright folks, you hang that cliff. See you Monday.

Next time: the Zombie Insurrection continues.

FOUR YEARS IN THE MAKING.

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