The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 172

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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IT’S STILL TODAY TO ME.


Clay: Oh boy! Whatever this is!

Clay: Have a cheeseburger.

That looks like it’s spelled wrong.

Thanks, internet.

Oliver: Burger was a good choice.

Oliver: Mostly.

Oliver: Hey, you powerless little buggers! Trapped in your habitat! Boy that must suck.

Meanwhile, Clay jerks off on the couch.

Clay: She won’t let me do it on the bed.

Oliver: So it turns out you have to lock locks.

Oliver: Like, every time!

Oliver: It also turns out I’m still not dangerous at all.

If you attack that woman it will be the only time you’ve ever behaved like a zombie.

I’m willing to sacrifice her to see that.

Phoebe: …I’ve forgotten what I’m supposed to do in this situation, so I’m gonna tentatively go with a wave.

Oliver: Feel my frustration, trash can!

Phoebe: Man, zombies are lame!

Phoebe: Aren’t you supposed to be all “rar brains” and shit?
Oliver: If there was a memo, nobody CC’d me.

Oh god, don’t let this be “monster discovers art.”

It’s too early for that Star Trek crap.

Oliver: What time is it where you are?

Seven in the morning.

Oliver: THERE’S A SEVEN IN THE MORNING?!

Oliver: With pain like that, you’d make an awesome artist.

I dunno about that.

Since this is my art.

And also I made you.

Oliver: Turns out zombies can’t paint.

And vampires can’t see their reflections!

Oliver: And werewolves never shed, which is bullshit.

Brains?

Oliver: Not that I’ve noticed, no.

WORST ZOMBIE EVER

Oliver: There’s scary, and then there’s just rude.

Kaylynn: Nobody will believe me.

Aw, c’mon man!

I would love to see most of these people die.

Whoa.

A competent image.

I’ll put it in the portfolio, with the other three.

…you’re a what.

Abigail: It’s an what, actually.

Abigail: Hello there, Brooke! It’s time to earn your pay! Oh, hello there, Brooke’s father. It’s not what it sounds like.

Abigail: I want her to make my son a man, is all.

Brooke: Pretty sure I just got disowned.

Brooke: Next step: get disemboweled.

With this zombie, the best you’re gonna get is disappointed.

Brooke: Hey Miss Y! Lookin’ good!
Abigail: Stop that.

Oliver: I heard a girl. Where can I hide?
Abigail: Back where I found you.

Brooke: IS THIS THAT HUMAN THING YOU CALL SITTING

Abigail: Brooke! Come here! I want to make you look less stupid!

Brooke: I dunno, you’re looking pretty stupid yourself right now.
Abigail: Looks can be deceiving.

Abigail: For example, you now look like a person.

She almost does!

Abigail: Okay, now come get eaten probably.
Brooke: I’ve sat in a chair, I’ve gotten a makeover, my life is complete.

Brooke: Wow! You didn’t tell me he’d be hot!
Abigail: Lose the enthusiasm, I’m not paying you.

Abigail: People shouldn’t go to their deaths so cheerfully.

Brooke: MORBID LADY NEEDS TO LEAVE

Oliver: Wow, really, mom? That’s the best you could do?

Brooke: GET OUT I WANNA SHIT

Abigail: Sounds like it’s going well in there.

Oliver: I dunno, I think the film version is far superior. I can’t see Atticus Finch without seeing Gregory Peck!

Zombies. Sadistic masters of the blah blah blah running joke.

Brooke: Oh, let him blabber. He’s getting me my university education!

Oliver: You do realize mom trapped you in this room, right?
Brooke: Knowing you exist, pal, I feel trapped on this planet.

Thanks for showing up, Clay.

Clay: I’m like that third Osbourne kid.

Oliver: I haven’t even touched you yet.
Brooke: I know, but I accidentally pictured it.

Oliver: Look, we got off on the right foot.
Brooke: …the wrong foot.
Oliver: Right! That’s my right foot, it’s so rotten I have to drag it. Anyway yeah! You’re really cute! In all the ways that don’t appeal to me.

Brooke: Aw, that’s so sweet! Someone told you girls like honesty!

Brooke: AND YOU BELIEVED THEM

Brooke: What say we fake attraction, eh? For good ol’ mum.

Oliver: Or I could EAT YOUR BRAINS
Brooke: Ahaha but could you.

Oliver: My brother is dating this chick! She seems really nice.

Do you want to tell him, or should I?

Oliver: I have an alternate idea.

I approve.

Brooke: This is like the kiddie version of the Zombie Apocalypse!

With the worst gender-swapped Melanie and William ever.

I do like the gender role-appropriate pillows, though.

Abigail: They sound like they’re really going at it in there. I’m a terrible person.

Listen to them, Artoo! They’re dying!

Oliver: Can you make me a real boy, Brooke?
Brooke: Only if you can call me pretty without making you nose grow.

Brooke: Penis growing is fine.

Brooke: Hi!

Hi!

Oliver: What’s up?

Not much! My ear’s itchy.

Oliver: I’m a zombie.

Nice talking to you.

Brooke: What’s this?!
Oliver: It’s a magic potion that lets you change your attraction modifiers.
Brooke: Why would I want to do that?
Oliver: It’ll make me look less gross.

Brooke: That’s so impossible it just might wo-or-ORK!

Oliver: Well? Did it? Am I the studliest stud off the stud farm?!

Brooke: I APPROVE OF YOUR HAIR COLOUR.

That’s about all you can ask for, really.

Oliver: I still remember my last day of life. I was dating Cecilia, and she was mad at her step-mom.
Brooke: I’ve seen the TV series, I don’t need to hear this.

Oliver: Who played Mrs. Sharpe? She was hot.

Brooke: A guy in drag, I think.

Oliver: I think I’m ready. I just needed someone to talk to.
Brooke: The world’s changed a lot since you died.
Oliver: And it’s so flattering that my death had nothing to do with any of it.

Oliver: Hey, maybe if this doesn’t work, my second death will be meaningful!

If this doesn’t work, I’m deleting your character file.

Oliver: BAD NEWS EVERYBODY

Oliver: I’M SEEING RED

Brooke: Same!

Brooke: Hahaha what happened.
Oliver: Search me! I guess I’m zombier than your average zombie!

That would explain a lot. He’s so zombie, it comes back around to being non-zombie.

Brooke: I can’t manage attraction, but sympathy is an easy sell.

Oliver: Hey, whatever happened to the Sharpe sisters? I was dating one of them, and the other one was so mopey.
Brooke: Oh, funny story! They burned to death.

Oliver: That’s private school for you.

Brooke: Aren’t you private schooled?

Only private schooled kids make fun of other kids for being private schooled.

It’s the only joke they teach them in private school.

Oliver: It’s pretty charming how you’re trying to help me here, Brooke.
Brooke: Yeah, who’d have thought you could offer a homeless orphan a future and get some sort of results from them?!

Brooke: Of course, being a playable means I’m almost guaranteed to die.
Oliver: Maybe you’ll get resurrected, and a hot dude will nurse you back to health!

Brooke: And your nose didn’t grow at all. Well done.

Oliver: Mmm… oh, Virginia, you’re NOT VIRGINIA I’M SO SORRY.

Brooke: Sorry for what? She was smokin’ hot.

Brooke: Heehee! It’s almost like you’ve done this before!
Oliver: I just told you I had a girlfriend!
Brooke: And out of respect for you, I pretended not to hear.

Oliver: She was a lot like you, actually. Only less Maxis.
Brooke: Hey, this is a custom skintone! The only thing Maxis is my bone structure.
Oliver: You should be flattered that I’m looking that closely.

Brooke: Girls like attention. Not perception.

Brooke: But we also like it when guys screw up.

That certainly explains the otherwise inexplicable appeal of the Murphys.

Brooke: Fix your damn disease already.

Oliver: IT’S EITHER REALLY WORKING OR REALLY NOT

Brooke: Let me know when it’s safe to look.

Oliver: LOOK HOW STRONG MY ONE FINGER IS
Brooke: Can’t look because ants.

Brooke: RAR RAR RAR I’M A MONSTER
Oliver: Too soon, Brooke! Too soon.

Oliver: Seriously though, turn around already.

Oliver: BAM! My turn.

Brooke: He’s not as hot when he’s not dangerous.

He was never dangerous. Except mentally.

Brooke: I was kinda hoping he’d attack me.

That’s understandable.

Most people who meet him want to beat him up.

Brooke: WAIT WHAT

Brooke: WHAAAAAT the fuck.

Your Aspiration was all fucked up, so I aged you to childhood and back.

Brooke: I CAN SEE WHY YOU WOULDN’T THINK TO TELL ME FIRST

Brooke: Is he always this capricious?
Oliver: He let me die on my first date.

AT LEAST YOU GOT ONE

Matching winter clothes!

Brooke: Just don’t give me a matching paunch.

Brooke: Okay, what was all that about.
Oliver: He was messing with stuff, and then decided not to save it and reloaded.
Brooke: Is he always this capricious?
Oliver: YOU SHOULD STILL REMEMBER MY ANSWER.

Oliver: People remembering what I say is a serious Turn-On.

I’m with you on that.

Brooke: Are you still coming on to me? I thought we were just getting you some Aspiration Points so the zombie juice didn’t kill you.
Oliver: Hey, free redhead! I’m not stupid.

Brooke: You do at least have that going for you.

Brooke: I’ve never been on a date before.
Oliver: They’re usually even worse than this.

Sound the alarm!

Clay: It’s just me!

The Clay alarm!

Oliver: Hey, you have breasts.
Brooke: ♥ NOBODY’S EVER NOTICED BEFORE ♥

Uh-oh! Grugly discovered Unicode!

And Oliver discovered sexuality.

Oliver: SHE CAN SHARE MY ROOM.

Abigail: Chaperone time.

Abigail: Holy shit, kid! You did it!
Brooke: He just tickled me until all the grey fell off.

Abigail: Welcome to the family, Brooke.
Brooke: You wish.

Irfan: …OH MY GOSH BROOKE WHAT’S IT LIKE IN THERE
Brooke: They have chairs.
Irfan: WHAT’S A CHAIR

Oliver: Can you introduce me to all your friends at school?
Brooke: If you help me make some.

Oliver: With this personality?

Oliver: This place hasn’t changed much.

Hasn’t it? I think it has!

I don’t remember.

Fuck you.

AND FUCK YOU TOO

Oliver: Nobody told me there were options.

Jill: For you, there aren’t.

Brooke: Hey Brooke!
Brooke: How’s it going, Brooke?
Asia: ONLY I KNOW WHICH IS WHICH

Oliver: You’re still the hottest redhead yet!
Brooke: Feel free not to let me know when I’m surpassed.

Oliver: Done.

Brooke Alioto: I want to meet someone new.
Oliver: Perfect!
Brooke Alioto: I’ve already met you, though.

Brooke Alioto: I’m more looking for someone with a chance to make it to adulthood. I’ve been a teenager for FIFTY FUCKING YEARS.

Brooke: My mom got a genie to make her a teenager again.

Tucker Bachman: Did the genie also create this ruby-maned sex goddess for you?
Brooke: Call me.

Oliver: What do you think of my new girlfriend, guys?
Asia: We’re all girls.
Oliver: Hahaha silly! NPCs don’t have gender.

Brooke: It was nice knowing you, Oliver.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: She lies with such graceful ease! I must have her.

Oliver: They smashed my arm through the counter.
Asia: WITH OUR MINDS

Oliver: Did you see my girlfriend go by?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I would be truly shocked if I had.

Oliver: You left without me!
Brooke: I wanted to see if you’d find your way back.

Oliver: I got you some flowers!
Brooke: You still can’t have mine.

Abigail: I just want you to know that things don’t have to change between us, now that I’m an exorcist.
Clay: Okay.
Abigail: Unless I need to trap a slavering demon’s soul inside your mortal husk and, in destroying you, defeat it. That might get weird.

Ooh, I like it! Now. So I hated it back then.

Oliver: Needs more sexy.

You should talk.

Brooke: I’m so sexy, music happens.

Clay: SO MANY HEARTS

So many!

Abigail: I told her we’d send her to university.
Clay: How can we afford that?!
Abigail: Um, easy? It doesn’t cost anything?!
Clay: What is this, Norway?!

Clay: Seriously though, you left a living person in a room with that freak on the off chance he’d date her and not chow down on her brains?
Abigail: Oh, I’m sorry, is my science no good around here anymore?!

Brooke: I don’t think science can completely explain what happened today.

I’m inclined to agree.

Oliver: Welcome to the gun show!

Let me take a few shots.

Brooke: Nice muscles, girly man.
Oliver: All the better to squeeze you with, my dear!

Brooke: I heard the best gossip about Cecilia Phelps yesterday.
Oliver: Um.

Brooke: She got mad at her step-mom!

Oliver: You remembered what I said!
Brooke: I heard it was a Turn-On.

Oliver: LOBSTER FOR YOU.

♪ There lived a certain man, in Russia long ago ♪

♪ Calling occupants of interplanetary craft ♪

♪ Makin’ your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got ♪

Brooke: DO YOUR WORST I CAN DANCE TO ANYTHING

♪ Through early morning fog I see, visions of the things to be ♪

Brooke: Touché.

Abigail: Well I think it turned out pretty well! She even kissed the little bugger!
Clay: I’m almost certain that was just an optical effect.

Lots of that going around lately.

Oliver: You and me, honey?
Brooke: In the absence of any compelling alternatives.

Oliver: Oh man, this is totally gonna be our song!

♪ Die motherfucker die ♪

Oliver: It’s ironic.

Brooke: We hope.

Clay: I liked our life without kids.
Abigail: Thanks for the tip. How did it feel?

Next time: the pre-storm.

It’ll be pretty calm.

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